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Infidelity
Since Infidelity seems to be the Topic du Jour , here's a link to an Article on the Subject =
[URL]http://*******.com/5uf9r[/URL]
Not that I totally agree with it ; fer ex , a psychologist is quoted as saying =
" There are some cases when someone is just having sex with different people out of a need for variety, but most people really think before they go off in that direction. If you have a good relationship, you're less likely to jeopardize it "
"SOME Cases" ??
I would guess that for the over·whelming majority of my fellow Mongers , the desire for a little Variety is the Primary Motive for why they're in the Hobby
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Hitch
Seen this movie "Hitch" last week. Funny flick. Alot of interesting things going on in the movie. First off it pisses me off because it kind of gives away some of the methods and tricks to get a womans attention. With that being said we need all the help we can get. In America anyway. anyways, Hitch is a date doctor who helps men get with chicks through various means. The guys contrive the meeting and do what they do, cause otherwise they dont have a chance. The womans ideal encounter is spontaneous and makes them feel special. We all know for normal guys this don't happen often. Unless you got money or are famous this don't apply. Thats another topic though. One good part is when eva mendes accuses will smith of " tricking, lying, and deceiving woman into getting, getting,"....and will smith says "getting out of their own Goddamn way". Now that there should be an eye opener for woman. Hopefully.
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I am starting to realize, just about wherever you go in the world, you are bound to meet some crappy women. In many parts of the world, globalization has a lot to do with this pattern. I have seen a lot of lazy fat stupid women who watch TV all day in Europe and in Australia. In the past, things were different. Still compared to the States, beautiful women in both places are more approachable for the average male. I think it has to do with economics, there aren't a lot of guys with money in these places, so an average guy has a chance of picking someone up through his own charm and appeal rather than playing the meal ticket. Regardless, women around the world look at a man as meal ticket. Its just that some have lower expectations and some have higher expectations. I think in some parts of the world, if a guy has a job and a haircut, that is good enough for most women. However, in America, women have some ridiculous expectations. Those women that come from foreign countries to America can turn out to be the worst American females, greedy and expecting everything from their prospective mate.
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Hitch and american women
mike12,
when i saw the trailer for hitch, i also became a little concerned that will smith might be giving away too much information. as you may be aware, some of that shit actually works! i mean really amazing jedi-mind-trick type shit.
perhaps the most extreme (and thus potentianly untenable) version of this type of thinking is ross jefferies speed seduction program. i'm not promoting it, hell i never even bought it. too bad for ross, much of this info is available for free on the internet.
basically what it comes down to is getting totally inside her mind, finding out her likes and dislikes, and artificially creating that reality for her without her having any idea what you are up too. in effect, you are programming her to like you and want to fuck you. sub-themes also involve ignoring her from time to time, just to remind her she's only a ho to you (recommended by 50 cent in one of his new songs, incidentally) and learning how to be that jerk all girls love so much.
it can be tricky to get the hang of, and certainly doesn't always work. but if you can find a simple-minded enough chick, the odds can be good. i've had some amazing results with chicks i thought were out of my league.
unfortunatly, as you may suspect, this type of technique is only sustainable over the short-term. in other words, obviously, the basis for the whole relationship is a lie (i.e. the fabricated world that you have created for her) and will last only as long as you choose to carry the facade.
also, it gets tiring being an asshole all the time. (at least it does for me.) i happen to love women. they are nature's most perfect creation in my eyes - physically, at least, mentally is another story. inevitably, you reach the point in the relationship where you want to reveal your true feelings for the girl, but this you can never do. for to admit this is to admit defeat and to hand her the victory. from this point, only two outcomes can occur: either she'll want to get married or she'll dump you. considering that neither one of those is a desired outcome, there exists no reason for continuing past a short-term relationship.
therefore, in these situations, its still 3f baby, all the way.
and the sad thing is, they'll love you all the more for it.
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Hitch trailer
Guys,
If this trailer cums anywhere near the way American guys act around women, we really need an 'American Men' section...:D
[url]http://www.apple.com/trailers/sony_pictures/hitch/high.html[/url]
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Well, you know, Long Stroker, there's always the other side of the coin that doesn't involve living a lie -- such as actually caring about her likes and dislikes and trying to genuinely bring them into the equation as opposed to creating a fake world.
But you're right -- that could mean really getting emotionally involved and possibly into a sustainable relationship, which would be "defeat."
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"But you're right -- that could mean really getting emotionally involved and possibly into a sustainable relationship, which would be defeat."
Ain't that the truth - speaking as a woman who recently got dumped because she was (apparently) everything this guy ever wanted, which scared the hell outta him and made him run for the hills.
My now ex-boyfriend spent most of our last official day of coupledom talking about marriage and babies and how I was so different to any other woman he'd met and how much he adored me, blah, blah, blah. Two days later, he emailed me (yes...email, not phone) to say that he was scared by the intensity of what he was feeling and that maybe we should just cool it for a while. Two days after that, I was offically dumped (on the phone) and he started shagging a girl practically half my age. When I asked him what she had that I didn't have, he said it wasn't like that at all - being with her was just "easier". Easier than what? "Easier than being in love" he says.
Two weeks later and he's already dumped his little diversion. We still talk pretty often and he's made it quite clear he doesn't want to get back together. Even so, he gets nervous and tongue-tied every time he sees me and prefers to contact me via email because apparently "hearing your voice makes it harder". He said he would offer me a place to stay when I'm in town, but he "doesn't trust himself". He caught me in flagrante delicto with a 25 year old Justin Timberlake lookalike 'diversion' of my own last Saturday night and almost cried before storming out of the club - but noooo...he doesn't give a shit about me at all.
Do I love him more for treating me like dirt? HELL NO! I loved him (still do...very much) because he treated me with respect and we laughed and we had so much in common and he was the kind of BEST FRIEND I could picture having by my side for the rest of my days. I HATE players. I HATE not knowing where I stand with a man. I HATE being treated like a princess one minute and a wh*re the next. DON'T DO IT, GUYS!!!
Honesty is what most women want. And respect. And security. No, not financial security...EMOTIONAL security. We want to know how you REALLY feel about us, not sit at home by the phone wondering whether you're thinking about us or whether you're out doing a 20 year old barmaid. If you're picturing marrying us and having babies - tell us. If you're just attracted to us and wanna have drunken monkey sex here and there without commitment - tell us THAT! But for God's sake...just tell the TRUTH!
As for me, I'm going back to being the feminazi 'all men are bastards' man-hater that I was a few months ago. Hopefully, one day I'll find a guy who can prove me wrong.
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By the way...
Just so you know that the truth really CAN work (no matter how politically incorrect that truth may be!) here's how I ended up going at it like a teenager in the corner of the club with a cute stranger on Saturday night.
To cut a long story short, I was depressed as hell being in the same club as my ex and not being able to go near him, I met a fabulous chick who forced me out onto the dance floor, bitched with me about how much men suck (we don't actually believe all that stuff, but it always makes us feel better - call it a female bonding ritual ;) ) and introduced me to her Justin Timberlake lookalike friend. After an hour or so of me subconsciously looking over at my ex every three seconds, 'Justin' put his fingers into the belt loops of my jeans and pulled me towards him until my pelvis was against his, looked me straight in the eye and said "I could give you something to take your mind off him..." I laughed and told him that it wouldn't be very fair to use him as a diversion. He just put his arms around me and said with a grin "I'm a guy...I don't care WHY you're doing it, so long as you're doing it with me". Add a couple of cheesy "The man is a fool - you're the hottest woman in the room" type comments and how could I not take him back to my hotel room? :)
Thing is, he told me exactly what he wanted - no bullshit and no false promises. I like knowing where I stand. Don't tell a girl you want something that you don't, or make it out that you're something that you're not. If you think she's a hottie and you just wanna take her home for the night and bang her senseless, then tell her. You never know - that might be exactly what she's looking for!
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Re: Hitch
The fact that many guys feel they have to use all kinds of tactics and strategies just goes to show how bad things really are.
Honesty? Just be yourself? Let her know how much you really want her? Naively, one would expect that openness and honestly would be the best way to go. Sadly, it isn't...... not where our women are concerned.
They really do seem to be more attracted to a guy who is interesting, but not interested.
Strange.
Rock
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Exactly right, Rock Dog. "Just be yourself" is for SUCKERS. You MUST run game if you want to get anywhere with chicks in America these days. I know because I used to be the nice guy.......who always finished last when it came to women. Not anymore, baby. It's funny, acting like a jerk reduces the need to jerk-off! (I just came up with that.)
Rock, you nailed it too when you said: "They really do seem to be more attracted to a guy who is interesting, but not interested."
"Interesting", because you have to create that sense of adventure, that devil-may-care, "who knows what could happen next?" type attitude which sets their little hearts all atwitter and......
not "Interested", because the second they get the sense that you are too much into them, they'll drop you like last month's Cosmo magazine.
RN: I forgot that there are female regulars that post here or perhaps I would not have been so brusque with my earlier comments. I didn't mean ALL women are like this. I am primarily referring to 20-30 year old range American women. (My target audience.) In my experience, all they seem to want is fun, fun, fun.
P.S. Truly sorry to hear about your breakup RN. It certainly does sound like the guy was scared of commitment.
To paraphrase Dave Barry: "One of the married guy's biggest fears, constantly gnawing at the corners of his mind, is that at any given moment in time, some single guy, somewhere in the world is having more fun than he is right now." This constant distress is more than some can bear.
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Recommended Reading
.... for [b]RN[/b] =
[URL]http://*******.com/6rqox[/URL]
... for the guys =
[URL]http://*******.com/66k4f[/URL]
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Adding to the pile
Long Stroker, you read my mind to the "T"! Be yourself? Get REAL! American Women are like moths. DRAWN to the bad-boy fire. They know instinctively it's bad for them, but they STILL flock to it. When I was nice, I was stupid, and I'll agree on that with ANYONE who says so. A few years ago, I fell for a former coworker. Her bf had just left town and dumped her and left her in financial dire straits. Dumbass fool that I was, I moved in to fill the vacuum, offered her my shoulder to cry on and my ear to bend and I made her aware of my feelings for her. As RN would have advised, I was up front, so there was no ambiguity. I instinctively felt that she was eventually moving away from me. Because I was doing what women said I should do, I was crushed when I eventually learned that she found someone else. I vowed then from that moment forward NEVER to be fool enough to lower my shields, and I also tossed the heart out the window, because it would get in the way.
I'm not bashing RN, but women, in their need to feel politically correct, will put forth the appearance that they are fair in their dealings with men and that they will give any suitor "a chance". Anyway, I then began reading the material of Doc Love and the stuff he says makes so much sense. In a nutshell, you have to keep the woman off-balance by NOT being predicatble (translation: doing what 999 other guys do to try to win her over) and being a Challenge. I haven't seen HITCH yet, but I think I have the idea: "If you gotta fake the funk to make a slam dunk" by all means DO SO. I'm not advocating falsifying the very essence of who you are, but add "LIFE" and mystery to your public persona, and a chick will have to work to solve the puzzle. After all, don't we all feel better after we've EARNED something instead of having it given to us?
RN, I await your hatchet....
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Oh yeah, I forgot
the kick in the gut (the most tangible beginning of the end) came when I told her of my feelings for her and she uttered the death sentence: "I'll ALWAYS be your friend".
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With all due respect, Sinanju Master, it sounds as though the real mistake you made was being the rebound guy. I don't disagree in the least that tons of women have a bad boy thing (perhaps in the same way than many men have a sl*t thing that disappears when the start thinking about the Madonna who's chosen to pop out their babies, when it's suddenly time for the pure and virginal) but being the one who picks someone up off the floor after they've been put there does indeed very often set you up for gratitude and friendship but not more.
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JZ and SM,
Rebound guy = Emotional tampon
To be used in pretty much the same way. You're there to absorb their crap and then, when no longer needed, get tossed without any second thoughts.
Possible countermeasures = a 5 minute time limit on listening to any pissing, moaning or whining. When the time is up, just tell her things will get better, the right guy is out there etc. and then tell her you've got to go because you have "things to do".
Rock