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Funny Stuff
This was sent to me in an e-mail & I got a kick out of it (I know, I'm easily entertained). Enjoy
The Guys' Rules - Finally, the guys' side of the story.
We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the
rules from the male side. These are our rules!
Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Men ARE NOT mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
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Okay, well back to the topic at hand. American women, to put it mildy, suck. I don't care if they're white, black, yellow, brown, orange(believe it or not I met a person with orange skin), blue, etc., whatever God they pray to, they are all the same($$$$) regardless of their ethnicity. Some posters I have noted had used the term "Western" women as a collective term to place women from all Western countries in the same boat. This is highly inaccurate, because I have met some rather open and friendly women from many highly affluent and technologically advanced Western countries. The facts are the facts, American women suck.
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A very close call!!!
Here is a true story of mine.
Two years ago I dated a 35 year old American woman who seemed like she had it all: attractive, smart, friendly, talented, single, & no baggage. I could not believe that she was still single at her age & had never been married. She admitted to me that she dated a lot, but no guy had ever asked for her hand in marriage.
So, I asked her some questions.
She told me that wanted to marry a guy soon, then quit work & do hobbies. She didn't want children, at all. She didn't do any housework, at all. She said that she wanted her future husband to work & pay all her bills.
She said that if he wanted to quit work, stay home, & do hobbies, then "That would be a problem...I would have a problem with that." She said that she wanted a traditional household. Yet the only traditions she really wanted were male responsibilities (work, support her, & pay all the bills).
She would do nothing. No traditional female responsibilities (no cooking, no cleaning, no childbirth, no child raising, no second job, Nothing except sexual favors rationed out 1 to 4 times a month & oral sex once a year, on the guy's birthday). Wow! What a catch she was! After hearing all this I understood how she was still single at 35 years old.
I thought about her character, or lack of character. And, I dumped her the next day.
End of story.
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She's Gone
Well that Chinese Aussie chick is out of my life what a nightmare.
Last night, i forced myself to watch a little Sex & the City, which to me typifies a lot of the problems in America. I wanted to barf at this show.
This show is written by gay men about hetero women. The difffernce is that men in general are more influenced by looks/esthetics than women...historically. It is stressed in this show, often subtely, that a man has to have a certain look. In one scene there was this 40 something dog of a blonde in a shower with what mustve been a gay teenage guy with big pecs, collegiate chin and a full head of hair. At one point he asks if he can shave this broad's p*sssy. he he. Only on tv....
Forget it if you have thinning hair (which most men over 35 yrs have) are a little overweight or arent a pretty boy.
I think this show manipulates the power of a relationship and instills a lot of stereotypes in younger women that they may not be aware of.
The male, "Big", as they call him was such a wimpy, tall and handsome, kiss-ass and i think that is what women expect now. They want a guy who will bend over backwards in all situations to appease the woman. Have a full head of hair and act like a wimp. This show is the beginning of the end.
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My advice, New York and San Francisco are homo towns, and they are pretty much run by effiminate homos. Unless you are an anal raider, you are wasting your time living in either place. New York what a shithole.
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What’s up Travis?
I thought your latest post, #2599, appeared to express an extraordinary amount of resentment. In fact, I was so intrigued that I searched some of your previous postings. There seems to be a striking resemblance between your past arguments & your recent condemnations. This is what I found:
***Then (post #2203/American Women: 03-31-05)***
[QUOTE=Travis Bickle 2] ...they are simply mirror images of American men.
This isn't meant to insult anyone here, but when I was twenty-years-old I did not pick up hookers. Why? Because I didn't need to. I could get all the young fresh meat I wanted. So, now that I'm approaching fifty, and still like to bang twenty-year-old girls, it does get frustrating that I can't just take them home like I used to. I could start bashing American women because one half my age won't go out with me, and say how wonderful some Chilean woman is because she will, but it doesn't change the fact.
I think if us guys were to chase the chubby fifty year old who goes to work everyday and is lonely like us, we wouldn't be bashing American women. We would find them great companions who weren't looking to break the bank. The problem with me is I just don't find them attractive (even though I'm a chubby, greying, fifty-something). I still chase the young girls and in the one in fifty times she actually wants to go out with me, quess what? She's after my money...Civ2000[/QUOTE]
***Now (post #2599/American Women: 07-13-05)***
…These guys sound like a bunch of nerds who still haven't gotten over that Jr. High cheerleader that wouldn't go to the dance with them. They are middle-aged men with balding heads and beer bellies who are whining because some twenty-year-old won't date them here in the states. On the other hand, they refuse to date forty-year-old women that would probably treat them great. Hmmm...how strange a man complaining about American women, when they are the exact mirror image.
Of course the only reason a hot young American woman would date a guy like you is for your money. If they want to get laid they would pick a young hot guy. Its even that way in every country. Maybe in Australia there is less competetion for good-looking women. Anyway, none of the semi-good looking, and semi-successful guys I know in this country have any problem finding good women, and they certainly don't have to travel 8000 miles to get laid.
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First let me say this - I AM NOT A PSYCHOLOGIST. However, it does seem to me that you may be harboring some latent psychological pain that has manifested in your writing. Mirror image is a recurring theme with you, which causes me to wonder when you created your last post, if you were writing to the members of this board or if you had a mirror image of yourself. The similarities are too coincidental to ignore.
Understand that I am not attacking you, Travis. I just know that our experiences, even the subconscious ones, have a way of showing up in the things we do today. When I read your last post, I detected a lot of personal hurt as opposed to outward hostility & I’m merely trying to understand the source of your resentment.
I do enjoy the open exchange of ideas & I thank you for sharing your thoughts. I hope it will continue.
ILAS
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CBGB,
Thanks for all this important info. The Board appreciates it.
Now isn't it time for your medication? Please???
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Sex in City
Smooth,
Thank you for commenting about that damned show. I have been meaning to do so for some time, but couldn't bring myself to watch it enough to analyze and comment on it. I personally view "Sex in the City" as a harbringer of the apocolypse, having witnessed groups of young girls stand around and discussing how "Sex's" protagonists "really know how to handle men". Yeah, there you go, demand physical and financial perfection from men while your ass continues to age and widen.
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New Show "hooking up"
I purposely missed it, I'm pretty sure the show premiered last night on one of the networks (ABC?) - According to the commercials, it's about a handful of women in New York (?) trying to "find the right man" via online dating services.
The reason I mention it here is due to one of the clips they showed during a commercial for the show:
There's a woman on her cell phone, presumably telling her friend about a date she just went on. Her side of the conversation went something like "GOD! What an experience! I actually had to PAY! At one point during dinner he was licking his fingers - PULEEZE! - We're in a Restaurant!" [Pause while she's listening to her friend] "Did I sleep with him? - PULEEZE! - I had to PAY!"
I had to wonder, if he paid, then would she have slept with him? I'm pretty sure she was pissed off about having to pay, the "finger licking" was probably just thrown in as added justification for being disgusted.
CW
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ILAS, Hey if you guys can post the same crap day in and day out, I certainly can rehash my opinion when I want to. There is really no resentment here. I think resentment usually manifests itself in the need to put others down, ie.American women. I love women; especially American women and have had great experiences with them. I have also had a long-term relationship with a Filipino lady and a woman from Singapore. I've definately had better luck with the American women. I have found Asian women (when they get over here) to be the biggest gold diggers and materialistic women in the world.
Right now I've slowed down with the hookers and am dating women my age and have found them to be delightful. Most offer to pay when we go out to dinner (well, at least every other time) and I really don't see anything remotely resembling the things you guys say here on the board. Of course, when I pick up hookers, I generally go for the twenty-year-olds because they are the ones I generally can't pick up in bars anymore. I'm sure if I were to focus merely on youth and beauty I would probably not have as good of luck and maybe start putting down American women like you guys do.
I bet if you look at the guys posting here frequently: CBGB and others, you would find some duplicity in their posts. Even if not, posting a hundred reports bashing any nations women is tiresome and boring. Get a life!
Travis
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Deleted Reports
CBGB, Why all the deleted reports? Obviously you had something to say or you wouldn't have typed them in the first place. I notice there is a deleted report right after someone had something negative to say about you. You angrily type a rebuttal and then hit the delete button. Suggestion: Have some balls and say what you really think. Travis
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What’s up Travis?
Thanks for answering my post.
I think you misunderstood my last comment. I wasn’t referring to repetition at all. The Bible says “there is nothing new under the sun.” So anything that is said, thought of, or done has already been said, thought of, or done before. Men & women have been bitching about the opposite sex since Adam & Eve, so no one here is breaking any new ground.
Instead, I was trying to bring your attention to a psychological theory called transference, which is when emotions, thoughts and desires originally associated with one person (usually the advisor) are unconsciously shifted to another person (usually the person being counseled).
The latest posts had been talking about Asian-Americans, Western women & non-American Caucasian women. Yet, your post addressed these topics with this recurring theme from American Beauty (American Beauty is the 1999 Kevin Spacey film about a middle aged man wanting to bang his high school daughter’s classmate). You referred to only desiring twenty-year-olds; being fat, bald & undesirable; & not getting over high school cheerleaders. As I thought about the latest topics, your response just seemed to come out of left field. Then after reading your earlier posts, transference came to mind.
I was just wondering if you were harboring some deep seated unresolved issues. It’s no big deal. Most people in this forum have been scarred at some point in their life. And this is probably the best way to get it out. As men, we do not have many other avenues; mainstream society doesn’t care to deal with male issues.
Anyway, I’m glad to read everyone’s comments, so post away fellas.
ILAS
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[QUOTE=Travis Bickle 2]CBGB, Why all the deleted reports? Obviously you had something to say or you wouldn't have typed them in the first place. I notice there is a deleted report right after someone had something negative to say about you. You angrily type a rebuttal and then hit the delete button. Suggestion: Have some balls and say what you really think. Travis[/QUOTE]
Well up yours faggot boy. You're same idiot who said he found Jesus in the middle of the cleavage of some streetwalker. Go fuck yourself.
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Hey, that's better. It seems that even banging beautiful Aussie chicks has you in a fowl mood per usual. I believe you probably still live at home with your mother and are resentful of American women because mama doesn't approve of the ho'ers you try to bring home. Anyway, I'm going to stop viewing this thread. Despite some thoughtful and interesting posts by Joe Zop and others, this continuation of the same BS month after month is dull. You guys who are getting laid by gorgeous young chicks can continue to bash women for another 100 years for all I care. Later. Travis
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CBGB and aussies
In case some of you are thinking that Australia is heaven on earth for women, let me point out that a lot of CBGB's comments sound a bit over the top. As an Australian, I don't find the utter friendliness that he does. Granted, Aussies are more friendly than most Western women. But the ***** factor is still there. I've seen far too many horror stories of girls taking off, cleaning out guys totally, expecting everything to be paid for and giving nothing in return (ever), total psycho chick behaviour etc, to think that the western woman disease hasn't made its way to Australia yet.
Sure, CBGB may be black, and american, which for sure should improve his chances down here - but saying that women are stopping his friend on the street and handing over names and phone numbers, well that's pushing the believability levels.
Some of the information he has provided is factually wrong as well. The one that stands out for me especially, is a quote that Australians have five weeks holidays. Well, if you have read the news down here lately, it is quite apparent that by law it is four weeks. I don't know anyone (outside of harsh conditions like mining and exploration) that have more than four weeks granted, without losing pay. The facts are often distorted enough about things very commonly known to Australians, that I wonder just how much he does know about the country.
I hear many times from other women (mainly asians) how sexy and attractive Aussie women are. Well yes about 5% can be pretty awesome in that way. The same with the USA too. But a recent survey reported in a major newspaper bore the truth: around 60% of women under 35 are overweight, and 50% of the under 35's have NO INTEREST in sex.
Run away while you can!
By the way, I have found aussie born asian girls to be some of the nicest girls around. They get the Asian niceness from the parents upbringing, and the aussie easy going nature from the environment. Despite the initial protestations about being a good girl, I've also found it not so hard to get it out of an asian student, and get it better, than the locals.
But your mileage may vary.