Out of the frying pan and on to the fire.
[QUOTE=Westy; 1066004]I'd like to put forth an idea of the morality, the value, of prostitution. ISG just might be an empathetic forum for this idea.
Prostitutes fulfill a desire to "feel loved," in the intimate ways, a desire felt by people who believe their needs are a great imposition on others. Prostitutes offer a simulacrum of "loving" for people who've given up on "finding love" in purely "social" terms. By renting access to their bodies, they get something they value (money) in exchange for something their [i]clients[/i] Value (sex). And they offer it with no strings attached. Play for pay. On a cash basis. They give their clients something the clients can no longer find [i]without[/i] Paying for their play.
How many of us punters feel that way about sex and "love"? How many of us are mongering because we've given up "looking for love"? How many of us have come to the end of that road, and reached the conclusion that pay-for-play is the only way left for us to find the sweetness we've been dying for?
I woke up this morning with an insight that seems very fundamental, but it IS very uncomfortable: [i]There's love that is giving, and love that is grasping. [/i] There's love that's expressed by fulfilling the other's needs, and there's love that's needy and grasping for one's needs to be fulfilled.
Wouldn't the ideal of love be one of trading? One of balance? One of filling the other's needs while the other fills your needs?
Seems to me that, in Western civilization, love has fallen into an imbalance. Too many women have reached the level of grasping all the guy has got, but scorning his needs. And tossing him aside when he has no more to give. To be fair, I have to acknowledge there are guys who grab all the "loving" (I. E. Sexual favors) [i]they[/i] Can get, and discard their "used lovers" when they get attracted to a fresh target; and I also see the "rescuers" of both sexes, attracted by "fixing another's fatal flaws," the co-dependents of the world. Who get "taken," and then discarded, again and again and again.
Is it surprising when a man who has "given all he has to give," who has been bled dry and discarded, again and again, comes to a point where he won't do that any more? [b]But who can he turn to when "Love" turns away? [/b]
AND YET: Prostitution is looked on with contempt. It's looked upon as "degrading." Paying for sex is looked on with [i]special contempt, [/i] At the level of "How dare a man?" And the "paid player" is looked on, at best, as "the victim." (Cf: [i]sexköpslagen, [/i] The Swedish "sex-buying" law.) What about the poor bastard who has been victimized, again and again, by the women to whom he's offered his love; who has reached the point where he'd rather pay cash for an hour's sweaty bed-bouncing companionship, than look for someone who's offering it "free" (but as [i]bait[/i])?
I ran into a very interesting phrase, about the sociology of sex work, on the "Border Thinking" web page of sociological maverick Laura Agustin:
Notice the implication of that last phrase. "{[i]prostitution[/i]} must be considered violence against women."
It leaves us with "woman the eternal victim," and man "the eternal villain." And it leaves as helpless, not worthy of help, those poor souls who are left emotionally with "nothing left to give."
Basically, the prostitute gives us at least a taste of "the sweetness." And I hold that to be moral.
Any comments? [/QUOTE]Very true, well thought, well put down and touching as well.
It is disturbingly sad to think that mostly, the chances one has when it comes to relationships are either to be a "grasper" or a "rescuer".
It's like having to chose between the frying pan or the fire itself.
As a "rescuer", you end up giving and giving and giving all you can, in the hope that you may, as you should, get some of all that love back for your own delight, but in reality you happen to give it to the "wrong" people, and somewhere down the line you just give up even entertaining the thought of managing to build such a rewarding relationship.
As a "grasper". Well, I can't really express first hand what it has to be like to be like that. What I have seen tho, is that usually the "grasper seems to be somewhat of a less "emotionally developed" human being, either due to some personal issues or simply because they never happened to fully develope into what they could have been.
The graspers take whatever they can but during the whole process they turn out to be shallow.
They are, in my humble experience, very fascinated by the emotional depths offered by an "emotionally developed" partner, but sadly they know not what to do with it.
You can guide them, taking them by the hand and show them the way, but they just can't make their way on their own and this in turn ends up being a very unrewarding relationship for you.
They just fail, fail to meet your needs and fail to be good enough to keep you.
You get hurt. Eventually you give up and walk away.
They realize what they have lost when it's too late already.
There is no point in having a bunch of women all around the world saying that you have been and will forever be the love of their life, when you have given all that to them and they gave you nowhere near as much.
As a final thought tho, by no means I'd like to be I their shoes.