Spamhog confrotns Murphy's law
Ah, me public! thanks to ur encouragement I shall yield the following tale of woe and debauchery, It is Stauday morning in Cebu and I have just sent last nights "Wife for a night" on her way, field rations including doses of coffee are on my mind and I head for the hotel eatery and lo an behold the Hotels sexiest senior citizen, charley, is having breakfast with a conserative looking brown skinned honey, Charley invites me over and introrduces his regular GF, I guess he didn't have to go bar hopping last night, she gives me a frosty smile and I peg her for early 30's church going type who only bonks old guys for love, I wonder if she saw me sneak the hooker into a cab? ANyhow, I decline Charley's offer to have his GF fix me up with a friend for an afternoon at the mall. I figure Carol's bladder infection will allow our planned afternoon delight after lunch.
Carol is still texting me with all kinds of sexy material and im suprised when she bows out of lunch and sets a dinner date "Maybe". Oh well. Now here gentlemen is wher ethe spamhog commits a logistic error.
I have now plowed three different ladies in the same Hotel, I should have changed Bivoacs but didn't....getting sloppy I guess. It woudl be disasterous for one or more of them to show up when with a current "guest" but....I took the chance or ignored it whatever, it would set the stage for a possible cat fight later.
I decided to go to the gym, go ahead an laugh, I've heard all of your suggestins about picking up girls on a boat, in the Mall, outside a college and of course in chrurch, but how many of you score in a gym? Well try it, once upon a time the spamhog cut a swath through student nurses attending aieorobics classes at Bee fit gym across from Davao Dr's college but thats another story. point is, you can do well if you time it right....like ladies aeorobics on Saturday.
Not much doing at the Mango square gym, I limp back to the hotel and read more of Carols texts, figure dinner and a hump is a given. To my suprise, the dinner hour rols around and Carols gives me more excuses, no show.
Okay now here is where tactical planning takes effect, have apback up plan. choice A is skinny little elsie from the day before...not exactly high on my list
or hunting up something in the bar, once again barfines are not my thing unless a last ditch effort.
However it is Saturday night in Cebu and no monger worth his codpiece should ever dispare, there is a whole city of beautiful willing women. and I decide it worth the hunt. So I suit up, shave my head, my face and put on some nice duds
First stop is Ayala near the outdoor bars and resturants near ratsky's, problem is the gals are in three's and fours, hard to find one along, but I see a few pairs, however, they dont seem too interested. Okay, its the sunflower
for sure The sunflower is almost a sure bet, and one is not limited to Filipina, I know a former coleague who swears he tags Jap and Korean girls al the time, however, he is a good dancer and I am not. I also know the Filipino lad have afield day with these tourists, who every once in a while like a big nasty looking gaijin.
It is Ladies night, no fee for ladies and the place is loaded by 9 PM when I walk in. In twenty minutes I have made contact with two, yes two Lovely local lasses who try to drag me out on the dance floor, looking like a performing circus bear I try my best, I'm getting real chummy with one of them, very forward and flirty, but her friend is puting a damper on things, my new GF, call her Jody, wants to know if I have a freind for her friend, I think about Charley and shake my head slowly, "sorry hun, just me tonight". A lot of talk is going on between these two, I catch a few words and Jody's friend is somewhat intimidated at one point Jody says "It wil be fun", I wonder if she is trying to talk her friend into a double team? HMMMMMMMM I should be so lucky.
Now a Tactical mistake on my part, if I would have been cool, laid back and let it happen, it might have happened, however, I came across too strong, too agresive and I think this scared the friend enough that it was a no go. An hour later, not able to convience either one or both of them to "go somewhere else" I pay the bar bill and leave, I get phone numbers but wont have a chance to follow up.
What I did next turned into a nightmare of the worst porortion, stay tuned and find out. Murphy, that Irish bastard, and damn his law, reaches out and kicks me in the teeth. How can he do that to a true celtic son? Oh well!
IF ANYTHING CAN GO WRONG IT WILL AND AT THE WORST POSSIBLE MOMENT
Spamhog
Last stand at heartbreak hotel Spamhogs finale
Every General in History must have looked back on his victory or defeat and determined the exact turning point, like a coach in a football game or Donald Trump closing a Billion $$$$$ deal. So it was with my so far unsuccessful saturday evening in Cebu. I pegged the problem to a series of mistakes that hopefully other mongers will not repeat in the quest for the GTF (Grand Tsunami fuck)
Combat gear: My cellphone was running out of charge all the time, possible faulty batery this caused me to turn it off from time to time, thus I missed messages in a timely manner. HInt, every monger should have a cell phone, buy a cheap one if you don't, also you can get an extra sim pac...one for business, one for pleasure.
Failure to network and keep in contact with other mongers: I had largely operated alone, however, Filipina are rarely alone in many situations such as Disco's et al, it is a good idea to have another monger's phone number or general whereabouts in case of a situation in which one wants to go but doesn;t want to abandon her friend (s)
Over eagerness: This is a killer, you have to be laid back and easy going with Filipina, they dont respond well to pressure and haste, being an easy going gentlemen will get you more than being too forward too fast, some of them downright fear this.
P.S. an overly stiff woody can influence you and cause you to be inpatient, a disaster, these girls can sense too much testosterone. CHILL OUT!
I was doing everything wrong at the Sunflower, I had met two lovelies, one of which seemed the more eager of the pair but wanted me to find a "friend for her friend" I tried geting one or both of them to leave an hour after I met them, too soon.
I had to make a tactical decision, stay there and try to convience the eager one a romp in my room was better than dancing with her friend, which might have entailed hanging around in this place until 1 or 2 am, (Still no guarantee that I was gonna get laid) or chalk it up. I decided to move on, I briefly considered making a play for one of the Jap girls who were dancing up a storm, mostly among themselves, one wild thing was doing the Osaka version of dirty dancing with a pair of Filipina girls amid much screaming and carrying on, they were gonna be a while. If I was a good dancer or could speak better Japanaese (I'm limited to martial arts terms in that area, of course Keiko san could have a whole other meaning for "floating hip throw" he he he ) So I pass and decide on a sure thing....back to the Lone Star.
Now as I've said, I'm not a big one for bar fining, but time was growing short and I needed "what position you like" not "maybe, if "or "can you get a friend for my firend." I'd been there previously and saw the selection and knew what to expect, besides, I thought the P675 bar fine and tip her accordingly accordingly more acceptable than the P2000 to P2500 I was hearing for places like the black hole or dimples, neither of which I had ever set foot in.
Besides, I heard the guy who managed the bar was a fellow American, buy American what the hell.
So in I go to the lone star. It is black bikini night, the ladies recognize me from the previous night and hoot and hollar,a few rush up for a ladies drink but I politely shoe them away. I see Gemma, my previous nights roll and she gives me a big, albeit sad, smile. I sit next to her mainly to keep the other "eager beavers" (Literally) at bay. I also immediately order her a ladies drink, several tactical reasons for this, it gives her a chance to earn, she gets a commission on each one, also to talk to her without pressure form the others. It was the right move, by and by I tell Gemma she was nice but...
You want other girl? No problem she says, want me to help you?" Errr, yeah
like I say, she was mature and sensible, no acting stupid like some of them do.
She calls over one of her friends, repeats her history, 19, been at he bar three months, cute but......"You want wild girl?" she asks she points out tuff stuff....no way, she'd kick my ass. I say. I notice an unusual dancer who takes center stage, this girl is in direct contrast to the "talent" around her. She is definitely not in the mold, she is tall, maybe 5'6, dark, very dark, so dark, no BLACK I would have thought cuban or even somalian, her hair is bobbed short and she grinds seductively a willowy torso and great long legs.
"You like her? New girl" Gemma tells me "Just Hired today" HMMMMMM????
I know, everybody thinks he's goinna walk into a bar and find a fresh provincial princess that has never known a white man, well Malou was not that, but close to it.
She recited her history for me, age 20, previously worked two months at Exotica last year, left in January and had been living in some godforsaken village down south until this week when she decided she needed money again, had her check up yesterday (Showed me her GRO even!) and got hired this afternoon, it was her first night in the lone Star. I also found her pleasant, not hardened like some of the vixens around me, she said she read books everyday to study english and she seemed to enjoy the attention.
Now heres an aside gentlemen, in her society she is considered ugly by virture of her unusually dark skin and native facial features. Never mind the athletic build and long limbs, they probably call her 'blackie' or something back home, now a foreigner is paying attention to her and treating her nice and she's eating it up.
One barfine coming up. I get slim in a taxi and head back to the hotel an here is where Murphies law kicks in, just as I open the door for my fair lady, up rolls another taxi and Carol unloads, sees me with miss Africa look a like and
throws a hissy fit. Later I find out from the text messages on her phone she is coming over, had a change of heart, maybe all that hot talk on the computer today watching guys jerk off made her horny for the real thing, whatever, who knows what goes on in a filipinas mind, she decides to show up unannounced and now we got a problem.
She is raising such a fuss I figure the security and night man at the hotel might beef with me. However, I've been treating these guys good, slipping them tips when I sneak women past them into my room etc. So I hustle dark lady inside and they tell Carol "Gawass" (Get out). It could have turned ugly but I disappeared inside before she began throwing things which would have probably been added on my bill for anything she broke. Malou was a bit upset but I managed to convince her that was not my wife (Shes in Hong kong now thank god) or real GF.
Anyhow, Malou was terrific, I made the right choice, thanks to Gemma being cool about it (I sipped her a generous tip under the table before I left) This dusky maid gave one of he best BBBJ I ever had. Round two found her tight and versitile, she truly enjoyed her work, I suppose despite my head on encounter with wacko Carol she wasn't that upset after all.
I gave her P2000 as good luck for her first night at the new job. Wish I could have gone back for more but alas the next day, back to reality and looking in all four directions for crazy Carol before I left the hotel, I guess im crossed off her chat list permanently!
Spam hog
Now that's what I call a FR!
Spam Hog,
Thanks for the great FR! I enjoyed reading that imensely! I wish I had a reason to go to the Phils for business. Did you get any pics?
Wulfe
Pix, Film Noir & Hotel California
Wulfe:
I had considered taking a photo of yon dusky maid with my cell phone camera and submititng it, (Purely for artistic purposes you understand) as her "Jade Gate" pink and pleasant, while her things splayed was a sharp contrast to her ebon skin tone, however, photos do constitute evidence and Mrs Spamhog might not have a deep appreciation for the aestehic beauty of such an image as we all do.
Also gentlemen I did not specifically name the venues I stayed in to preserve the confidetiality of fellow mongers and their ladies but there are a number of hotels in cebu which I have patronized over the years:
Northwinds...the cheapest and walking distance to Sunflower
Richmond Hotel.... A favorite with Westerners
Eddies, you can walk your find of the night from Lone star
Mango Hotel, close to the action of the black hole et al
Castle peak, close to Ayala
Regal Business park...walk to Ayala
Abuhan...kind of a dive but close to Robinson Plaza, and several bars close by, you can walk your "date" out of thunder dome and up the stairs with out the clerk seeing, although they dont care.
Price ramge is P900 to P1400 dependingon the room (I prefer a king size bed for my feats of carnailty)
SPamhog
Advice for Combo Trip to Angeles City and Cebu, Perhaps Manila
I am planning my first trip to the Philippines this coming January or February. Although I have not visited either Angeles City or Cebu, I have read both forums and done quite a bit of research already. I am planning on visiting both Angeles and Cebu during this short 2-week trip. I am very interested in some travel planning advice, perhaps from guys that have been to both places before.
I have gathered that Angeles is a great place for mongering only, has lots of pretty girls, and is very inexpensive. Boracay is nearby, if one wishes to get away from Angeles with a Pinay for a couple of days. Cebu has beaches nearby, has a night life that is a little more expensive in terms of barfines, and has much more to do during the day. Flights between Angeles and Cebu appear to be really cheap, around 1200 pesos.
I am also trying to decide if I should land in the Philippines at Cebu or Manila. Since I am coming from Hong Kong, I can choose either. Landing in Manila would allow me to also check out the scene there, but would cut into my short 2-week trip.
I am looking for a suggested itinerary (how many days to spend where and do what), with the following objectives:
- 2 week total duration
- Reasonable cost
- Mainly focused on finding beautiful women for company, but
- Also some other interesting activities to do during the day, after the mongering starts to wear a little thin.
- In short, the greatest overall value experience for the trip budget.
Any help is appreciated. I am happy to reciprocate with information on southern China, with which I am familiar and have posted over 100 times about it. And if I meet up with a contributor to my cause, I’ll gladly buy him a drink or two.
Raz