So Long LOS Long-Stay Visa Odyssey
I suppose there are more ways than one to acquire a Thai long-stay non-immigrant type “O-A” retirement visa, but after much thought and consideration, I decided to apply for one in my home country at the Royal Thai Consulate General’s office in Chicago. It’s a good thing I started my planning early because I encountered frustrating bureaucratic problems at every turn. Let me explain:
The Pattaya Expats Club has excellent information and advice about Thai visas on their web site: [url]http://www.pattayaexpatsclub.com/[/url]. They invite inquiries by e-mail, but don’t bother trying because if you have any questions they will not be answered. I discovered that after contacting them several times but receiving no replies. The site suggests that the Thai Consulate in Denver is the most helpful for obtaining visas, but they wouldn’t help me because I don’t reside in Colorado. So I finally ended up on the Chicago web site: [url]http://www.thaichicago.net/[/url] where I found rather cryptic and contradictory information along with downloadable visa forms and applications. They invite questions by e-mail as well but never reply.
So I copied all the instructions, information, and downloaded the forms. First, I needed to fill them out properly with my personal information, including the name of a “sponsor” in Thailand. WTF, I don’t know anyone in Thailand except bar girls and I don’t even know their real names. What to do? Luckily, I remembered the American guy who owned the hotel where I stayed at last time. I e-mailed him and he gave me permission to use his name. I also had to list an address where I would be living in Thailand. Geez, I didn’t know where in the hell that would be and I still don’t know yet. So I just listed that same hotel’s address.
Now I had to go to Wal-Mart and get 3 passport sized photos taken. No problems with that --piece of cake. Next, I had to come up with a notarized certificate from my local police authority to the effect that I have no criminal record. After calls to the county prosecutor’s office, the district court, and finally the state police department, I was told that I would have to come down to the station in person to be fingerprinted and fill out an application to be sent to the state capitol central office for a records search. What a fucking indignity! I’ve never been fingerprinted before. Now I have. I asked the cop how much this would all cost, and he said, “There is no fee.” Gee, that’s nice, I thought.
So I sent the stuff to the state capital, and eight days later it all came back to me, with no certificate, but only a notice that: “There is a $30 fee for this service.” Shit. (They couldn’t have just held it and called me about sending them the money … oh no, they had to send it all back and make me send it to them again just to satisfy their irrational bureaucratic bullshit). So I wrote out the check, stuffed it all back in a new envelope, paid the postage again and sent it off. Eight days later I had my notarized certificate from the director of state police that says I’m not a crook.
Meanwhile, I was also required to come up with another notarized sealed certificate from a medical doctor proclaiming that I’m not afflicted with “elephantitus, third stage syphilis, tuberculosis, or any other disgusting disease.” So I called my family Dr.’s office and the nurse told me to send in the form and he would sign it, have it notarized, sealed, and send it back to me without having to come in for a visit. Gee, that’s nice and convenient, I thought, as I sent him the form. A week later the nurse is on the phone telling me the “Dr. will sign this form but he wants to see me first.” “Oh, come on,” I protested. “He’s been treating me for years, and now he has to see me again just to certify that I don’t have any disgusting diseases?” “I’m afraid so,” she replied, “Sorry I told you different before,” and then she scheduled the appointment two weeks hence. “Dr. will sign it then and you’ll have it before you leave,” she insisted. Shit, I thought. I know why he needs to see me. How else is he going to collect his $70 for an office visit? So two weeks later, I go see my Dr, who pats me on the back, laughs and jokes about my wanting to go to Thailand, takes my blood pressure, and signs the form, which essentially says that I am not a public health hazard to the kingdom of Thailand.. Then he goes to get it notarized and comes back and says: “Guess what? The person who notarizes stuff for me is not here today. It’s her day off. I’ll give it to her to notarized next Monday, and then she’ll send it to you in the mail, OK?” “Yeah, OK,” I said. (Shit!) A week later I had the certificate.
Next, I had to come up with certified copies of my latest brokerage statements together with a notarized and sealed letter of guarantee from the financial institution that I have the required amounts of money in my accounts to qualify for a retirement visa. So I e-mailed my brokerage firm with the request. No reply. I e-mailed them again. No reply. Again, and finally a response advising that “We’ve never done that before and can’t do it.” (Shit!) So, after several desperate calls, they tell me that they can send me copies of my statements but they have no form for a guarantee letter so their attorney advises them not to do it. The Thai Consulate provided no such form either. What to do?
Well, I just drafted my own form. I just made it up to look like an official form from the Thai Consulate complete with blanks to be filled in with all the necessary information, etc., then scanned it and sent it as an e-mail attachment to the brokerage with another request. A week later… Viola!!! They call and tell me they will fill it out, notarize it, seal it and send it to me. Ten days later, I have the documents.
OK. Now I’m finally ready to send my application with all the necessary documentation as well as my passport to the Thai Consulate with the appropriate $50 fee in the form of a money order or certified cashiers bank check. (They don’t take personal checks or credit card orders like most civilized businesses … Oh, no … they are a bureaucracy. And, twice on the web site they said the fee is $50 for this visa). Oh yes, and it must be sent by certified mail, return receipt requested along with a self addressed envelope for the return of the documents to me with all the required pre-paid postage for certified mail. So, I get it all together and take it to the post office. Off it goes. After all that has gone wrong so far I’m mighty queasy about sending my passport away in the mail. I might not ever see it again, and there goes my trip to LOS. This should only take about 10 days, I figured – no more than 5 business days at the Thai Consulate according to the information on the web site plus mailing time.
Two weeks elapse -- nothing in the mail. So I go to usps.com in the Internet to track the letter, and find that it took 6 days for a certified letter just to go the 250 miles to Chicago. Six fucking days!! Oh, well, I thought – It’ll be here any day now. Another week goes by – nothing in the mail. Just as I’m about to call the Consulate, my phone rings, and it’s a secretary at the Thai Consulate. “We have your visa application,” she politely intoned, “however; the fee for this visa is $60.” “But your web site says $50 twice,” I replied. “It’s $60” she said. “OK,” I answered, “If you just hold it there for me, I’ll send you a certified check for $10 immediately tomorrow morning by priority mail. “We can do that,” she said. “Thank you,” says I. (Shit! But at least I know my application has been approved, all is in order, and I’m sure to get the visa now, I thought) So the next day I’m at the post office again, spending another $6.42 to send a $10 check after a visit to my bank make sure it is certified. Five days later – 28 day after sending for it -- I finally have my visa.
Now, I suppose I could have just shown up in Thailand with no visa at all on a 30 day entry permit, and applied for a long stay visa in Pattaya. That was one option. But then I would have been required to show the immigration officer a return airline ticket within 30 days and I would not have had that. I might have been denied entry into Thailand right then and there at the airport, and I was not about to take that risk. I would also have to show immigration that I had sufficient money in the bank in Thailand for at least three months, and I could not do that either. So my application in Thailand might have been denied. What then? Perhaps I could have applied for a simple 60 day tourist visa in the US, and then changed it to a long stay visa in Pattaya. So many choices. So much red tape. So much to think worry about. So many potential problems and pitfalls. That’s government for you. There here to help us they always say.
But now at least I have the peace of mind to know that I can go to Thailand in just 3 more weeks and stay as long as I like. It’s been a long and painful odyssey. Sure hope my experience will save some of you guys some of the same trouble. Now I simply need to relax. I need some pussy. I’m sure it will all be worth it.
Regards,
Daddy