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I could not help but comment on this thread. I have always been attracted to asian women and put an ad on one of the asian penpal sites. I am 46 years old and average looking.
Every day i get intrest from 10 to 20 girls. This would be great but the majority of these girls are from 18 to 20 years old.
I wonder what an 18 year old girl wants with a 46 year old man.
I do not want to think bad of any of these girls but it does make me worry about marrying any of these girls.
Are they that desperate to get out of the Phillipines or are they truely interested in a 46 year old guy.
Thanks,
Slickery
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It's not about being harsh, it's about reality. I was with my filipnia girl for over five years. I've seen the culture, the good side and the bad side. Could you bring over a 35 year old nurse and be ok, mabey. However, that's not what most guys bring home (ala the lbfm trophy wife). My ex was a trophy wife, as well as severa l of her girlfriends. All had awesome bodies and good manners about themselves. Almost all broke up with their older husbands after two (2) years! The only one who didn't is screwing around on the side and has multiple boyfriends she's told me about. Many will say and do anything to get to the US and get a husband. It's just reality that you need to be careful about. Even the girl I know who is staying with her older husband told me she's doing it for her stepkids, not him.
In any event, believe what you wish. Just go in with two eyes open. If I live in Phillippines I could definately get into another long term relationship with one. In the US, I'll stick with other girls. Mabey I'm generalizing, but five years of experience seeing my ex and her friends has left me smarter when it comes to filipinas.
A smarter question, is how many guys on this board actually had long term serious relationships with these girls (over 4 years). These are the guys you should listen to.
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I feel the posts of the last few days are really useful for those about to make commitments to women from third world countries.
In the case of the Philippines, remember that you could end up with a truly sincere, wonderful girl, but the family may not be so sweet and look at you as the money pot. Even Filipina domestic helpers in Hong Kong are put under unbearable money request pressure from family back home, to the extent that such Filipinas take on large debts. It is common to read in Hong Kong newspapers about such girls driven to suicide. Be careful, some families are BIG ie 10 sisters & brothers, cousins etc etc. Before you know it there is a whole village out there!
Again, there are exceptions. My advice is be very, very careful and be street wise. You can end up with a real diamond, but you have to filter carefully through a lot of dirt to get to it! Meet the family and see if the handout requests start. They will usually show up after a time. Thus my earlier post advice to take a year with a girl to check things out.
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Hank Stram,
I appreciate your kind words. Your comments show a lot of experience and wisdom. Other posters will find it very useful.
Others,
I urge the other posters here not to pass isolated negative experiences as the "truth" especially if the facts are only supported by your own experience. Such action is prejudicial at best and serves no purpose. It is better to just lay down the facts and let the others decide how to interpret it. Making generalizations based on one, two or three experiences is just plain fallacy. I don't think this section is intended to show how you could be infallible either. Show some wisdom like Hank did.
MasterBlaster
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Comment from Slikery
<<I could not help but comment on this thread. I have always been attracted to asian women and put an ad on one of the asian penpal sites. I am 46 years old and average looking.
Every day I get intrest from 10 to 20 girls. This would be great but the majority of these girls are from 18 to 20 years old.
I wonder what an 18 year old girl wants with a 46 year old man.
I do not want to think bad of any of these girls but it does make me worry about marrying any of these girls.
Are they that desperate to get out of the Phillipines or are they truely interested in a 46 year old guy.>>
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Dear Friend(s),
I might seem to championing the case of philipina women too much, but believe me I have received wonderful treatment from all my rented asian girlfriends. I confess I have not been in relations that are 4 year old, but I have rented the same girl for 6 months in some cases. In all the cases I have expereinced good companionship and a very sensible head on lovely shoulders.
I may have been lucky.
But I am not talking about an isolated case, I've had similar experience with multiple girls.
To answer Slikery's specific question: Yes of course they are after the money. But your age is of much lesser consequence to them. They do not mind having a relation with a much older man. What they prefer is an understanding person. Well If he is rich then it is even better.
I am 40+ myself and my girlfriends are sometimes 20+. I am an Asian so the girls do not associate dollar with me. Also if I like a girl the first thing that I tell her is "I am not a rich guy", which I am not. So there iare no false expectations.
Even with this background, I have had very enjoyable expereinces with my girlfriends (and continuing to have the same even now).
Well I owe it to these girls to speak up for them. They are really wonderful girls.
I am sure there are whakeys and thieves among them, but which population is free from bad elements.
My two pence.
Happy mongering to all.
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Dear SLickery,
You write:
I wonder what an 18 year old girl wants with a 46 year old man.
I do not want to think bad of any of these girls but it does make me worry about marrying any of these girls.
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To offer a possible reasonable anwer to those questions, a young filipina's perspective on why she would have interest in an older Western man lies rooted partly in her culture and maybe partly in her experience.
1. Her culture will implicity respect older men as wise and sophisticated. With that comes a level of stability and nurturing that is attractive to women who are looking for a man who will be a good man to them and a stable family man for their future children.
2. Experience may be that the young filipino boys she goes out with are immature and possibly very promiscuous if not unfaithful. An older man may in fact be less unscrupulous and have a greater sense of loyalty to her...particularly as his own libiido is beginning to be less "charged". Unless he is a serial monger with a serious additiction problem - she may find such a guy attractive, cause for these women it isn't all about the "looks".
Incidentally the money does factor into the equation - but in the sense that the money gifts are seen as an expression of love.
(This is not to say that there aren't ruthless girls who are just out to milk you as I have had my experience with them before)
Hope this is helpful to you.
Hank
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Uniform,
I looked at your message below and you wrote:
It's not about being harsh, it's about reality. I was with my filipnia girl for over five years. I've seen the culture, the good side and the bad side. Could you bring over a 35 year old nurse and be ok, mabey. However, that's not what most guys bring home (ala the lbfm trophy wife). My ex was a trophy wife, as well as severa l of her girlfriends. All had awesome bodies and good manners about themselves. Almost all broke up with their older husbands after two (2) years! The only one who didn't is screwing around on the side and has multiple boyfriends she's told me about. Many will say and do anything to get to the US and get a husband. It's just reality that you need to be careful about. Even the girl I know who is staying with her older husband told me she's doing it for her stepkids, not him.
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Let me take a moment to underscore certain assumptions in your report:
1. reality - as defined by you is your limited experience with your gf (admitedly a bar girl) and her girl friends (presumably also from that bar culture) the so called trophy wives.
2. These girls are all young and broke up with their "older" husbands.
3. Many will do and say anything to get to the US and get a husband.
4. Even the one girl you knkow who is sticking with her husband is doing so only for the stepkids.
The assumptions above are again based on limited experience. Now that is reasonable to consider your experience along with others but if we are going to use the language of talking about "reality". Reality is that when a forty or fity something year old male finds a rather uneducated but pretty bar girl of twenty to be his wife, there are going to be some challenges.
Putting aside the age difference, these girls have often had to go this route because they did not have any other options. So they may be lacking in both education, sophistication, culture and maturity all those things play a role in socializing that person into becoming a suitable mate (though not necessarily all those traits are required). So while other girls may have been developing character such as self control, discipline, hard work, frugalness etc. these bar girls developed habits and character built around fast and easy money, the adrenaline rush, multiple partners etc. and in the process may have even developed certain behavioral addictions as a result of their lifestyle that compels them toward continued promiscuity - even if they really dont want to in their hearts. They may in fact need therapy to overcome these personal challenges. So any man that does marry one - better be prepared to take on this baggage and help her through her past - if she even wants it (she may not).
When looking at formulating healthy relationships, it has to go much deeper than an older guy being proud of the trophy wife. Please - I am not trying to pick a fight here or accuse you or anyone else for that matter, of being superficial or shallow or one dimensional in your approach. So much has to go into finding the righ mate and once it is reduced to the frame of "she is good looking", the girl really knows how to play that one easily. Sadly that basis of relationship is off to a bad start without having the really needed stuff to make a good friendship, rapport and mate for the long term. I have to wonder also if the girl deep down inside maybe resents that her perceived value lies in her "good looks" and not for who she is. While there may be some superficiality on her part in entering into a relationship such as she has, yet the esteem issue runs deep and may drive her away if she does not feel truly valued for who she is (or at least things she is) having been raised in a highly Catholic/relgious country.
The third assumption of saying or doing anything to get a husband is certainly valid as you worded it "many" qualifying it accordingly.
The fourth point - about the girl sticking around for the step kids is somewhat sad but certainly i have known many American women who stick around for the sake of the children and when college comes - off she goes to.
Thanks for your report. It was stimulating. Sorry for such a long response but am simply trying to continue to inject reason into the discussion on the board. Hopefully the guys will do better then your friends by not going after a bar girl 20 years their junior, but finding a woman who is in a healthy state of mind and not carrying alot of personal baggage and dsyfuntion. Perhaps a partner closer in age range would also add some more element of frienship and equality to the relationship, though Asian women ofter like older men because of the "respect factor" and "wisdom" often ascribed to them. This is attractive to them from a stabilty standpoint.
Best wishes
Hank
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Hank, MB & Man in Search,
Thanks for trying to mellow things out here.
To the rest,
What a bunch of pedantic posturing ! True, this is the "opinion and advice" section. But stop trying to impress us with your wisdom and experience. Does posting make you feel self important ? Get over it.
Anyone who falls in love with a bar girl is an idiot (IMHO) and deserves what he gets. But, people who paint all Filipinas with the same broad brush are no better.
FD
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FD and others,
Your right, it probably doesnt do much good for any of us to lecture on the risks of third world marriage. My report was more or less just anecdotal based on a horrible experience that I had. I have more of them, but i didnt want to go into the whole thing. Its not all about me, most of my horror stories are about other men who have used the shittiest judgement possible when out on the search for a wife. I have seen incredible stupidity displayed by otherwise extremely intelligent men. Last year, a friend of mine married an indian girl from Lima, Peru against EVERYONES advice, including a couple of her own friends. I saw him last week and he is severely depressed. She has turned into a ***** who complains about everything, has gotten fat, and wants a divorce. I cant tell you how this frightens me when I develop feelings for foreign women. I am so jaded and cynical that no woman really has a chance with me. Its too bad because I know I have let a couple slip through my hands that I shouldnt have, but I just couldnt pull the trigger and follow through. I could use a can of some Ronald Reagan optimism when I meet someone that I have a good feeling about. Then, the other part of me says why even bother thinking about marriage at all? There's really nothing in it for a man that is worth the risk with any women, and financial devastation is right around the corner if she decides to leave you. Remember, if you marry a foreign woman you are on the hook for a long period of support should things go south. I dont think a man can afford to be to careful in this process.
Anyway, just my opinion. Not intended to be a lecture or put down of anyone who disagrees with me.
Mikster
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Slickery,
"I wonder what an 18 year old girl wants with a 46 year old man."
I will be blunt and honest but please don't get offended. I will just be laying down the facts for you. These are the reasons a "presumably" 18 year old girl expresses interests with a 46 year old man over the Internet:
1. She sees you as her knight in shining armor since she sees you as a way out of her misery (including her family's misery);
2. She had been in a bad relationship (possibly got pregnant) and unequivocably decided that all local guys are bad;
3. She sees you as attractive because you have the Western looks. This comes from the "colonial mentality" that persists in Philippine society. You could also bring prestige to the family.
4. She sees you as a stable figure who likely would not womanize because of your age;
5. Her family would like to get out of the country and decided that she is their only ticket. All the relatives pitch in responding to your e-mails and listen to all your phone conversations;
6. She wants you to sponsor you in her studies and make you a good Samaritan. She can be brazen as to say that "Western people are so nice they pay for everything for nothing."
7. You are just a potential con victim who they can get cash or profit from. Beware of attractive pictures especially if you haven't seen her on a webcam or does not let you talk over the phone. Most pictures are actually cut-outs from teen magazines. SOB stories are to be told with expectation to loosen your pocket. She may show her own picture but she might want you to buy her some cell phone loads which she is crazy about.
8. You are just part of "her" girlish fantasy. Some are gay playing irresistable girl. It's their pictures that were posted but their voice and mannerism is the tie-breaker;
9. They like to have friends from foreign lands and maybe play house later. She really doesn't have a clue why she is doing it. She's probably still a kid.
10. You are just so irresistable even James Bond couldn't compare to you.
You take your pick. I hope you keep this in mind. Good luck!
MasterBlaster
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Uninfun and others,
If you think reality is that Western guys always bring Third World "trophy" wives then so be it, however, don't expect that special rules or privileges apply to these people. I understand that you've been seeing this as a trend for which you have suffered yourself, but, couldn't you just rationalize that a successful marriage is not based on looks alone? Maybe you already thought about this.
In my opinion, marrying a bar girl is the biggest mistake that a Westerner could ever make. Bar girls are light years away compared to normal working girls. Bar girls work on the idea on how to make a quick buck no matter what while a normal working girl believes in the decency and dignity of labor. Bar girls have started from being desperate, abused, demeaned and later being the poser, user and abuser. They are psychologically damaged in the head because they can never really escape from being desperate, abused and demeaned even if they get married to a Westerner. In the Philippines, a bar girl is looked upon as one of the lowest in society. They are always suspect to being a prostitute. They are always the gossip of the neighborhood. They are teased while they walk the streets. Their families usually shun them or look at them as the gravy train.
Once I met this good looking ex-Olongapo bar girl from a trendy nightclub in Texas. We traded stories finally I asked her how she got to America. It was a friendly conversation. Along the way, she explicitly told me she married this old guy but she left him at home to party. Guys were practically buying her drinks left and right then this young guy came and she introduced him to me as his new man. Then suddenly in the middle of the conversation, she ordered me to buy drinks otherwise she wouldn't talk to me no more. What a pompous ass! I said whispering: In the Philippines, you are practically a 1,000 peso w****! The good thing I didn't call her PUTA or she'd probably let loose her w**** fury. I felt sorry for the old guy who brought her.
Bottomline, looks could only go so far.
MasterBlaster
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Just my two cents worth, from a native of the Philippines.
I realize that a lot of those who post on this thread (or this forum) are really foreign to the Philippines. I bet even a lot of you will be caucasian, which really make you stand out in the crowd over here. I understand how easy it is to generalize and put down Filipinas because of the bad experiences you guys may have had. However, like what a lot of others have said, you just made a bad pick.
Face it, if you pick up a "working girl," don't expect her to be all nice to you and not to exploit you. That's their ultimate intention really. Foreigner or not, you really can't trust these women especially with regard to money matters. Just like picking up a cheap hooker in any country.
Now, some of you may ask "why can't I get a decent girl in the Philippines?" Here's what I think happens:
The bad eggs (working girls looking to exploit foreigners) are all over the place, especialy in public malls and bars. The more foreign you look, the more they'll approach you. So, you may think you met a decent girl, but you just met a very good con artist in disguise. Also, looking at the pics you guys post here, I see that your tastes lean more towards the exotic (a.k.a. half-monkey) women. Honestly, there are a lot more pretty women here than you may realize. I know because I've availed of the local services as well. It will probably cost you guys just as much to get a decent escort service as it is to pick-up an ugly woman who's all ready to put out just because she sees you've got a fat wallet.
Now, decent girls are a difficult catch if your a strange looking foreigner. There is the local mentality that foreigners here are always looking for a quick wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am thing. So, you probably will have a very difficult time getting to know any decent local girl. Besides, the upper scale women here have the idea that AIDS and other STD are more prolific in the western countries, so one-nighters with a foreigner are dangerous. Further, please don't dress up like garbae when you're walking around. If you look like trash, you'd probably attract trash too.
Just some word of advice, don't get too involved with paid women. The reason you're paying for their services is so that you can part ways and forget each other after. Sex is cheap in the Philippines, so stop trying to get any freebees and you'll probably remain safe from those girls that are after your money thinking you're gonna give them a better life in some other part of the world.
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This is my first report on the forum. I have read the opinion of all members. I would just like to say if you want a Filipina, just enjoy with her but dont get seriously involved else you would be heart broken. That's the best way to sum it up.
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Hank,
Thank you for your reply. I guess we can agree to disagree, but I feel that I need to clarify two important points.
First, my ex was not a bar girl. Out of all of her freinds, only one was a bar girl. My ex came over on a pen pal service and I met her in the US years later. She was from a real conservative family.
Second, she was older than me by a couple of years. Again, it wasn't the age difference at all. In five years I met her family (which was great though it is true about the extended family asking for money), and her friends, almost all of whom were filipina. There certainly was some good side, but the bad side unfortunately prevented my relationship from working. Similar problems arose in her friend's relationships.
As I said before, if and when I retire and move to Phillippines, I would definately get into a relationship there (no marriage though), but here, I'll stick to others. Just my two cents.
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I guess I'll dive in on this one. I don't believe for a minute that a bar girl can't leave the bars and have a great relationship with some guy. I think the reason Americans who marry bar girls have such low success rates is that the girls never loved them in the first place. The girls married them for practical finacial reasons - to escape their current circumstances. If those same girls married for love rather than money the odds of a happy permanent relationship would go up dramatically.
I do agree that the bar life has negative effects on girls that they will need to work out but they can be worked out. I think it would be harmful to self esteem, make them distrust men, addict them to the excitement, etc.
So what is my conclusion? I won't marry a bar girl. I'm over 50, over weight, bald - I doubt the girl's attraction would be real. But if I were a good looking younger guy - I don't know. If I did fall for a bar girl I would live with her IN THE Philippines - unmarried. And I would try to get her into counseling.