Finding a "Soul Mate," Part 2
[The man's questions continue]
"...how is the dating in vietnam?
If it is a traditional girl, dating cam be very frustrating for a Westerner. A younger brother or sister will usually go along with the two of you. You will almost never be alone, at least in the early stages. If you understand Vietnamese culture, you will know that you don't just marry a Vietnamese girl--you marry her family, and they will be a part of your life forever. If you shut them off, you will have a very unhappy wife, and that means a miserable life for yourself.
After marriage, you will be asked to help support your wife's family in Vietnam. This shouldn't require a huge amount of money, but you need to be mentally prepared to take on that responsibility. Also, it would be an unusual wife who didn't expect to go back to Vietnam every couple of years to visit her family. These trips can be VERY expensive involving several thousand dollars in cash gifts. If this isn't in your comfort zone, then be sure your wife knows your intentions before you ever get married.
"...and other thing what is the minimum and medium wages in vietnam ? because i did not understand when they talked about that
Things are changing rapidly in Vietnam, especially in the cities. Nevertheless, a city girl with a normal job still makes less than $100/month. In the countryside, the average earnings are less than $400 per year (for the entire family).
Once again, I must say that if you are sincerely interested in finding a "soul mate" rather than simple chattel, then you need to make a big investment. She will not just fall into your lap in Vietnam any more than in your own country. Learn the language. Go there. Develop a love for the food and the culture.
Please understand that these are my own views, the views of a Western guy who has spent a lot of time in Asia, particularly in Vietnam, and who spends more time in the Vietnamese (Viet kieu) society in the United States than in American society. But this is still a Western point of view, and the Vietnamese might have a very different oinion about these things.
Look closely at the things various Vietnamese have written on this forum. They offer a some revealing glimpses into the Vietnamese frame of mind. This is the culture that you aspire to be a part of.
Thanks for your additional comments.
James Tran's insights are a welcome addition to what I suggested, especially his view on Viet kieu relationships with Vietnamese girls. I think it is especially hard for them to accept the changes that the Vietnamese girl will undergo when she has spent a year or two in a Western country. She probably will not remain the same as the girl he married.
It seems to me that in the Vietnamese culture, many men have difficulty in accepting the Western role models for women who assert more indepence. Once in the West, the Vietnamese bride often has a chance to get a better education, learn better English, and get a better job than her husband, who did not have the time or money to really advance himself when he first arrived--too busy working 18 hours a day at low pay just to stay alive. It's very hard for some of them to accept a wife who seems to pass them by both socially and economically.
I would have little hesitation to marry a girl who has been in my country for a few years, but I have often wondered what I would do if I fell in love with a Vietnamese girl during my visits to Vietnam. If this was really "true love," I would probably move myself to Vietnam rather than to move her to the U.S.
I know that I would be leaving my own way of life and adopting another, a tough challenge at any age, but probably easier for an old guy like me. And isn't that what the foreigner would be asking the girl to do by leaving her family in Vietnam and coming to the West?
It's extremely difficult. So I try not to fall in love :-)
expat in vietnam how many?
Hi friends,
Just a curiosity.
How many expat people live in Vietnam?
Foreigner asian people and western people.
Paulo
Vietnamese Girl Stories in Korea (but no happy ends)
Reading all these posts brings back some memories and thoughts. First, just a random breeze through most of the posts here - pros and cons of dating the women there - says to me: "Having a successful long term relationship with a Vietnamese woman is damn near impossible." I had actually considered moving there after a couple of enjoyable trips through the country and falling in love with the people and the beautiful women. I'm glad a checked this out first because I see that it would be very stupid to assume that I could hop over there and fall in love with the girl of my dreams. Deep inside I guess I already knew that.
A couple of years ago I was flying Korean Air into HCMC and asked for emergency exit seating for the sole purpose of sitting across from the stewardesses. (as I always do). The extremely petite, cute, nee hot, girl sitting across from me was Vietnamese. She was very forward, and before I got off the plane I had her number (without even asking for it) in HCMC and in Seoul where she lived in a hotel while working for KAL.
She was back in Seoul so fast we didn't have time to meet in HCMC but not long after I got back to Korea we had a date.
I fell in love right away and stupidly. Assuming she couldn't resist an American professor I gushed way too much about looking for a girlfriend and wondering if it could be her. I thought she felt the same way.
Then got her back to my extremely tiny apt. where I think she might have made her decision that I wasn't rich enough for her.
Here's where is gets weird and confusing. She hopped straight on the bed, we started making out and she asked me if I wanted her. I said yes, of course. But I stupidly said, but I can wait because I don't want to ruin my chances with you.
I tried to grope a little, testing her but kept stopping my hands. I had no idea what to do. Be forceful and scare off this little gal that I really wanted to keep seeing. Or go for it and probably be rewarded with no small amount of pleasure.
In the end I was too much the gentleman and she went home without any action. Looking back I reckon she wanted one of two things. First she was checking to see how well off I was. Failing that, I reckon she was looking for a good romp in the hay but she was playing the Miss Good Girl Game. I should have tried harder. Still regret that to this day. {Ripley's Believe it or Not: On the way back to Korea- same trip- on VIETNAM Air, same seating arrangement, I met a Korean stewardess - an 8 on my scale. The exact same thing happened. The girl asked for MY phone number. We met in Seoul a week or so later. Got her over to my apt. a couple of times but she was a little psycho and nothing panned out. I think we actually had a small tiff about something. But what are the odds? A Vietnamese on KAL and a Korean on VAL on the same trip. I wonder where the hell that mojo I was carrying then has gone}
Another tip for you hunters is this. Use immigration offices (perhaps not in Nam). In Korea it's like shooting lame ducks. Last year, I was getting my visa renewed in Korea and saw the cutest little girl. She looked rich too and well dressed. Very styling. I looked over her shoulder as we waited our turns and saw be her passport that she was Vietnamese. I finished right away and had to wait an hour for her to walk out. Yes, creepy, I know. Then I lost her. I spent 20 minutes looking for her around the building then gave up and walked the ten minutes back to the subway.
When I went onto the platform, strangly she was sitting on a bench. I know at least 1 train had left the station while she was sitting there. I asked her to join me for a coffee and she agreed. She said she worked in a factory here, made great money to send back home. She was very smart but her English was almost unintelligable because of her poor pronunciation. Said she had a Korean boyfriend. Months went by when she suddenly showed up on my yahoo msngr. We started video chatting quite often (her English typing and reading skills were fine) and she said she didn't have a boyfriend anymore. But she was scared to meet me because of her English. We chatted for a month or so then one day she calls me and wants to meet because her sister, a stewardess was visiting and she could speak English. This gave her the courage I guess, and a translator. Of all the nights, I had something going that couldn't be canceled so I didn't make it and her sister was gone the next day.
Not long after she moved back to HCMC. I still see her on yahoo occassionally but I'm looking forward to my next renewal. In fact I may just go hang out there. There are always at least a few hot Japanese, Russian, Thai, Filppina girls.