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Thanks for the welcome RN... *kisses* right back... long, hot, sloppy ones that slip ever lower... mmmmmm... that's the spot...
I can make some generalizations about you but please note that I don't have the best info about you (only what you write... not how you act) or the men of WA. My view is somewhat skewed for those reasons. However, men are men, and you don't seem to hold back your opinions, so here goes.
Guys want to hang out and drink beer with the gal who can slug back a six pack and still quote football stats. When it comes to dates, guys want a girl who is not a strong challenge to their masculinity. They want to be the ones who open doors, help you out when you need it, and provide a shoulder to cry on when you're down. Guys want to be the protector and the provider. Some sort of latent caveman yearnings I suppose. From what I gather, Aussie men are particularly masculine, making those yearnings even more pronounced. Enter you... beaten and battered (mentally and physically) by your ex you got up, brushed off the shite, and proved that you didn't need a man. Yes, yes, you say... "but a guy I'm hitting on can't tell that in 5 minutes"... No, but it's all in the attitude. Guys can see the tomboys just as fast as girls can see the desperate.
You're a counsellor, do you ask too many pointed or loaded questions? Guys hate being analysed. We all know women analyse everything, but we ignore that as part of dating. If it's obvious that you're making an analysis then we get squeamish.
Don't underestimate height. Short men are as obsessed with their height as they are with the size of their cocks. And let's face it... Tom Cruise looked ridiculous next to Nicole Kidman.
So why do the girls hit on you? They probably pick up on your strength and your free attitude toward sex. They probably also see that you're not likely to go all goo goo over them after the two of you spend some time between the sheets. I think lesbianism is a forbidden treat that many straight women are exploring (with strong pushing from modern media... to what end I still don't understand... men are so stupid sometimes) and they don't want to get caught up with a girl who's going to hang around when a boyfriend shows up.
Those are just my opinions... I had trepidations in writing this as I could be way off base... but I think I'm right.
One last thing:
The women I go for are brunette, slim (with not so curvy bodies), intelligent, small breasted (B cups are my favourite... a C is pushing it), confident, and who don't slap on gobs of face paint to go out. This sounds a lot like you. However, I can say without a doubt that I am in the minority. ALL my friends want a blond with big tits, not so keen mind, and a slightly vulnerable attitude.
Maybe you don't fit the mold.
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A lot of men have the fear of rejection these days. American women are much more shallow these days than back in the fifties. American women are more independent and are more likely to reject men today than their past counterparts. Since more men are being rejected today than in the past, they fear the humiliation of being rejected by another girl. Some of these men never ask another girl again and end up withdrawing (Or even turning to homosexuality). This would have happened to me in college if I didn't take my first trip to Brazil. Back in college, I was fat and didn't exercise. EVERY American woman I asked out rejected me for those 4 years. It was outright miserable and I feel I wasted 4 years of my life being overweight. I stopped exercising for 4 years in college and concentrated too much on my school work and American women being as shallow as they are (with the exception of RN and a few others that love fat men), saw only the short fat Asian guy I was in college. When I went to Brazil in the summer of my junior year, I got my first "yes" since my breakup with my high school sweetheart (who joined a cult in college). It was in Rio when I spent that summer in Brazil. Not only was she more friendly than AW, but she was also better in bed. She also didn't mind that I was a bit obese. The point is that obese men and average men are a majority of men and they too are scared of approaching women. Also some physically fit guys who used to be fat are scared of approaching women. Then you have guys with one major flaw like being short like myself (I corrected the overweight problem but still suffer being only 5'5". A lot of guys in my situation are scared to death about approaching women because they still get their share of rejections from AW. A lot of these men never travelled out of the United States so there is no outlet to build their confidence. I was fortunate to have a friend take me to my first trip to Brazil (and out of the United States for that matter) to meet a NON-shallow woman so my confidence in asking even American women out is not shot like the men who had never had an acceptance in the US. (Yes, there are more men like this than you think! And they ask women that are not supermodels or even flabby women and get turned down.) I am not saying that ALL American women are mechanical machines that always turn down a guy or date them with alterior motives. Also you may have men of different races afraid to approach women because of society's pressure against dating outside the race. Now you only have a small handful of men remaining that are willing to approach you after sorting out men of the types I just described.
Women on the other hand are more comfortable than men in asking another woman out because they have the option of being a normal friend first then breaking through that "NO" barrier that they put up with men. Even if they get rejected at first, they are still "cool" with the woman they ask out and they can ask again later. Men on the other hand are labelled as "creeps" by the failed attempt or labelled as just a "friend" for life which leads to NO possibility of being accepted as a date. Only rarely can a guy labelled as a friend can be a date. A woman who is a "friend" can still have a chance at being a potential lesbain partner. This is unfortunate in American society. Maybe this is sparked by America's acceptance of lesbianism. In fact America places more shame in man-woman sex than on lesbianism on a woman. This alone repulses women from accepting too many men in their lives and that makes them much more choosy. Foreign women have less "shame" and would accept anyone they like because there is no societal pressure of being called a "****".
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good stuff, fedup, and no, i've not looked at cosmo for at least a decade, so all that stuff comes either from listening to women in my family or who i know, or, in the case of the romance novels, from the fact that i'm someone who's taught writing at various points, so i can do textual analysis. as far as consistency -- i think the trick is to be consistently inconsistent, as long as some part of the aspects i mentioned are going on, since a healthy portion of mystery always seems good in the equation. you want her to figure out, figure out that she's not figured you out, and figure you out over and over again. hell, that approach works for her :d
only problem with the prescription on how to get rid of a girl is you're presuming the behavior you describe isn't there already lol -- women sometimes do have an amazing ability to put up with the most obnoxious behavior imaginable and be completely revulsed by it as well, depending on their emotional orientation toward a guy.
i think your comments toward rn about men and dominance/protection are right on. women "need to be needed" and so do men, just in somewhat different ways. and rn, i'm sorry, but as adept as you may be with a mug and a pool cue, i seriously doubt you're able to completely camouflage your brain, especially as i believe you've said in the past (and one would have to suspect lol) that you also at times "have a mouth on you." let's see: tall confident chick with a lip and the ability to more than hold her own with her brain = high potential to be handed one's danglies either figuratively or literally. tack on a couple of kids for good measure, and a job that says you probably know more about sex that he does, too. you're just gonna have to keep a sharp eye out for someone who dearly wants both an equal and a challenge, and who's confident enough in his ability to handle those things that he doesn't feel he needs control. that's as tough to find as the natural blonde with big tor****es who fits the rest of fedup's description...
as far as women being attacted to you, hmm, do you think the tomboy thing is also translating as butch? :) :o :d
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I thought Rubbie said she was 5 foot 7 and blond. 5 foot 7 is not that tall. I am 5 foot 7 or maybe just a bit more and I like tall women (and short women and medium sized women). I have no problem approaching them. I just say I want to go up on them.
And I don't want a woman with big tits, and I know a lot of people who feel the same way. But FU is in his twenties and so are probably most of his friends/mates. His friends may not have learned the lesson that those of us in our 40s like me and JZ know: Gravity takes its toll! But even when I was younger I wasn't that into big tits (not that they are necessarily a minus if young and firm).
Now it is true that a lot of men prefer blonds, but I don't. I prefer brunettes. I had my Spanish class again last night and I think the Brazilian gal likes me because she has moved from the other side of the room to sit next to me. On the other hand it could be because I am the best student in the class and she is eager to learn. She has long jet black hair, blue eyes, fairly dark skin but a few freckles, perfect teeth (a big turn on for me) and is very slender. Height wise maybe 5 foot 4, a dazzling smile, and sticks her tongue out when she makes jokes.
But the point is that she is rapidly making herself unpopular with the other women (I am the only single guy in the class and it's about 5 to 1 women) because she is forthright, obviously sexual, and not at all shy. It sounds like that would make DS (Darkseid) run for the hills. Why is that? Is this the Rubber Nursey syndrome too? Could FU be correct in his Can-Am perspective?
So while not liking the JZ theory of being predictably unpredictable (I am a pragmatist and not much of fan of mystery, plus this smacks to me of old-fashioned coquettery), my inescapable conclusion is ...
RN needs to get the fuck out of the bumfuck section of Australia and go someplace more liberal, enlightened, tolerant, etc. Light a candle, don't curse the darkness. Your kids will adjust. Why does someone with a socially liberal perspective want to live and raise kids around a bunch of tight asses?
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Did I say predictably unpredictable? I meant unpredictably predictable :) And it's not about coquetry, it's about springing irregular pleasant surprises -- which, in a relationship, is a [i]completely[/i] pragmatic approach. But I agree completely with your perspectives on gravity and blondes, and most especially the last statement -- why stay somewhere that's not working for you when you know of others that might be a better fit?
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It's just been my experience that my irregular pleasant surprises are met with regular unpleasant surprises. Maybe that's because I am a
Dickhead
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Wow...I hope you boys realise that all this "hot chick with a brain" stuff is swelling my head to grand proportions! ;) You know, I said this before a long time ago, and I'll say it again...never in my life have I had so many men give me compliments on my (real or imagined!) intelligence, as I have on this board. And to think that this is a forum for men looking to f*ck easy women!! LOL
Ok, Dickhead...I'm 5'9" tall (6' in heels) and depending on the amount of sun I get, I have either red or dark auburn hair. You probably heard me say at one time that I WISHED I was 5'7" and blonde! LOL
Fedup...did we know each other in a past life or something?? Your physical description of me was dead on. Don't ever worry about holding back with me...I'm not easily offended :) Maybe I AM a threat to their masculinity...I'm not too sure. I freely admit that I am a tomboy, but I have to say in my defence that I'm certainly not butch. And I can NOT do the airheaded bimbo act with any real success, but I CAN flirt like a girl *grin* And believe it or not, I am actually quite shy when I'm around strangers or large groups of people. Which is probably part of the problem really...the people I feel comfortable with are the people I can relax and be myself with (read: the yobbos at the pool table laughing and singing along with the jukebox), so they are the people I gravitate towards when I'm out. But these are the guys that are not attracted to me! The guys who WOULD be attracted to me are up the other end of the bar discussing poetry and politics, and I'm too unsure of myself to go near them! LOL As for over-analysing men, I am too scared to even ask them what sort of work they do, let alone ask any loaded questions! Put me in a group of men that I feel comfortable with and I can be sassy and smart and give as good as I get. But put me in front of someone I am attracted to (or feel inferior to) and I become a bumbling idiot!
And why are more girls are approaching me now than before?
Stuff analysing it...I'm just gonna start taking advantage of it!! LOL
Joe,
I hadn't really thought about the impact of my job...hmmm. Truth be known, I usually say I am in "community services" when asked about my occupation, and I don't elaborate too much on it if I can avoid it. Too many questions to be answered otherwise. [i] "You're just gonna have to keep a sharp eye out for someone who dearly wants both an equal and a challenge.."[/i] Ohhh I live in hope. :)
And Joe and Dickhead,
I am an activist at heart. In the last few years, I have decided that my entire purpose in life is to give a voice to the marginalised and defend the weak. I love to fight and I relish a challenge. What would I do with myself if I moved to a place where everyone agreed with me??
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Oh, and re: Dickhead's Brazilian girl who all the woman hate. I've said it before here, but I think it deserves repeating...women are a woman's worst enemy. Men should remember (not you in particular Dickhead) that most women will try to impress other women BEFORE they try to impress a man.
I'll give you a tip...never approach a woman in a club if she is with other women. She won't want to look "easy" or she may be concerned that her girlfriends won't like the look of you, so she'll probably turn you down. Same goes for if you want her to behave like a bimbo or a sex goddess...other women hate that and we know it, so we won't do it in front of other girls. Always try to get us alone. :)
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>What would I do with myself if I moved to a place where everyone agreed with me??
Umm, be happy and get laid a lot? :D
I'm also an activist, and the truth is that there are a wide variety of levels on which one can be effective, not always tied directly to geography. (And I'd personally like to know about that place where everyone agrees with me and there are no weak and marginalized, as I'll pack my bags tomorrow!) Having highly motivated and effective activists running around being personally miserable and occasionally despairing because of a lack of personal support and fraternity is not a prescription for effective social change; it's one for burn-out and cynicism.
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But this is where I belong. I "fit" here... Regardless of whether or not I'm getting laid, I wouldn't be happy anywhere else. Millions of people flock here every year from all around the world...surely they must be onto something. :)
And it's not my hobbies that made me cynical...it's not being blonde and busty that did it!! LOL
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5 foot 9? OK, I'll get a ladder. Leave the heels at home. But I would rather have a redhead than a blond any day, especially a green eyed red head. Got green eyes? That shit drives me WILD.
But I don't think my Brazilian gal is trying to impress anybody. I think she is just being herself. The American women in there are OK and not too stuck up, but they have no flair, no style, no panache, no joie de vivre. And of course, most of them are dare I say it? FAT. Come to think of it, out of about 12 AWs in there, only one is not overweight. But I think we've covered that subject before if I remember correctly :)
I agree with what JZ said about burnout. I'm sure Perth is a lovely city but the world is very large. I really feel that you would be a more effective activist if you broadened your horizons a bit. I frequently accuse you of having a first world point of view, and plus I think that you would find that some of the stuff guys say in here, with which you don't agree, is in fact true but just doesn't apply to RN in her current stultifying, albeit bucolic, environs.
PS: I have red hair too if you would like to start a large red ghetto.
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you know rn, there's an old saying that goes like this: "it's a nice place to visit... but i wouldn't want to live there". millions of lemmings jump off cliffs each year as well.
i can see your reluctance to leave though. if you grew up there, and have friends there, it's hard to leave one place for another. i'm still struggling with this issue myself. i don't see location as being the big problem anyway. you may leave the town behind but you can't leave yourself.
as for your dating dilemma, mine is pretty much the same. i have always had my own circle of friends who i feel comfortable with and have no real desire to leave. however it does me no good as there isn't a girl in the group who i'd care to date (and vis versa). large groups also make me uncomfortable... i was never a party animal and i don't enjoy fighting to be heard (inner pacifist i guess). we both seem to have the problem of being unable to break out of this comfort zone and head for the unknown. i too, turn into a babbling nincompoop when faced with a girl i find attractive. everyone has their own insecurities i suppose, but it's interesting to hear that someone like yourself has the same problems. the answer is simple really, either go approach the guys talking politics (and perhaps get laid), or stay with the yobbos (and don't get laid) you feel comfortable with. being shy is a curse.
dickhead... any plans for the brazilian girl? to bad there aren't more like her around. it's likely that the constant derision that she faces from other women in this country will eventually turn her into a cynical prude. better jump her while you can (or perhaps send her my way :)
darkseid... you face the same self confidence issues that many am have. i relate it to what george carlin called the "pussification" of the american male. in our society it's not very hard to understand where this lack of self confidence came from.
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For the record, I DO agree with most of what is said in this section. All the stories of money-hungry, materialistic, vain (or overweight) women ring very true to me, and it's stuff that I have witnessed many times before. The only thing I don't agree with is that ALL women are that way...and surely even the grumpiest of you guys would agree with that! *grin*
And wanting to see the world is all fine and dandy, but I don't have the time or the money (and I never will at the rate I'm going!), and there are other things keeping me here at the moment that are kinda out of my control. I would love to travel, and have every intention of doing so one day soon, but right now it's impossible. And leaving the state or the country on a permanent basis is not legally possible for me, due to Family Court restrictions. (Fancy that...a WOMAN who got screwed by the Family Court! Well, I never...)
PS...my eyes are hazel, but there's a little more green in them than brown, and they turn green when I wear certain colours. You're not the only one with Celtic ancestory. :)
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"...and they turn green when I wear certain colours. You're not the only one with Celtic ancestory"
Or maybe it's the chameleon ancestry ;)
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As our friend CBGB would put it: RN go to Europe...
Seriously, talking as somebody that left his country many times to live in others I can see RN point.
Wherever you go there is always a barrier (which in my case is also a language barrier but that is mainly cultural) that will prevent you to be 100% effective as you would be in the place where you were born and raised.
Also I add that it would matter more to me to make a difference in my home town and country rather than improving the living conditions of pandas in China. With this I don't want to say that I don't care about others, I am sure you guys are getting my point.
Also I was thinking the other day that I really value the opinion of a lot of the guys writing here and I find it kind of limiting the fact that whatever we write has to be somehow related to sex, prostitution, etc.
I know this are the subjects of these forums but anyway if one day I want to discuss other issues such as Iraq, politics, etc., please be aware that in my questions I am gonna drop here and there some references to american women, prostitution being not moral, etc. just to be in line with the forum purposes.