It's long but to all of you gentlemen
gentlemen,
i promised to write an answer for dj but so many things appeared that i’ll try to answer to all of you, especially to jd.
i admit that i didn’t took into consideration one thing. in my naïveté i assumed that some things/ideas are universal and obvious but it isn’t truth to the end.
maybe because i’m a woman and because i’m not a prostitute ( + i’ve never paid someone for sex) i have so different view of reality then you have.
here i guess i have to say some things about myself. just some general information which would make my thoughts more clear then they are, i hope. it’s hard to understand my real thoughts without them. and i’m glad that you devote your precious time to my writing. i also decided to devote a part of my sunday afternoon to you. so it’s a proof that it’s worth to invest in “our relationship” ;-)
so, i have luck or bad luck to live in poland. a country where people went through so many changes in society during 25 last year that it completely changed all their lives. i was born when communism/socialism (you can call it how you want) was falling down. but i could still experience its aspects. as a child i wasn’t getting accustomed to the luxurious brands, cartoon network or mcdonalds. i remember how happy i was when i got grapefruits or a jar of chocolate as a present for the child’s day. now try to give a polish child chocolates for birthday and she/he will tell you “i’m not hungry” and after she/he will ask you where’s his/her new nokia. anyway a lot of things changed and now people, if they only have money, can buy everything. my acquaintances are rather from middle class. they aren’t millionaires but i keep hearing that someone will go on holidays to italy or egypt. they are people whose parents paid for private lessons of foreign languages, music or horse riding. i know only one girl who worked as “a prostitute” (she wasn’t selling herself physically but through an internet camera. i’m sure you know what i mean. i just don’t know how to name it in english). anyway i like her very much. for me she’s nice and she has a great sense of humor. she hadn’t to work this way (her parents are wealthy people. i guess they don’t know about anything) but the money was so good that she couldn’t resist. if a am send her 1000$ because she’s a poor girl from romania ;-) i don’t wonder anymore why she chose this work. 1000 $ is a good salary in poland and she wasn’t faithful to only one guy.
even if i like her i couldn’t do the same job. it’s not about “what will the people say” attitude. it’s about respect for myself. my family and friends taught me that if i don’t respect myself nobody else will do this too. i was taught respect for my body and my mind. i treat it as an unity. i couldn’t split it as my friend did it. in the morning she loves her boyfriend and at evenings she loves the guys on chat.
and i write about her because even if you’re relatively wealthy “keeping up with the joneses” is a global attitude now.
here i’ll admit to one more thing. some friends of mine thinks that i’m simply stupid. well maybe i am ;-). i guess they would say that the fact i decided to discuss with you is the best proof of it but i always answer: “ people learn all their life so there’s still hope for me.” ;-) of course i don’t add the second part of this saying “but they die as stupid as they were” ;-)
anyway they think i’m stupid because i didn’t find a nice am and i didn’t stay in “the hamburger land”. or maybe i found but i didn’t stay. and it was a height of stupidity. when i answer them that i don’t want his money or the green card they simply can’t believe. i can’t understand why the green card is such a wonderful good. i understand if people are poor and economy of their country is in tragic condition. but gentlemen, we talk about poland 2007 not about poland 1980. my friends aren’t poor mexican villagers, with all respect for these people. their situations are different but they live in conditions which people from poorer countries dream about. believe me, internet, dishwashers or cable tv aren’t luxuries goods anymore, at least not in big cities where people earn the better money. instead of being happy (complaining is unluckily our national sport) they all the time grumble that poland is horrible. i tell them that i don’t want to wake up, being 35, with a man who i don’t know at all or what worse i don’t love. i can’t imagine sleeping with a man who i don’t even understand and to work as eg waitress in fast food. and it’s all for the stay in the usa. is this the happiness they talk about? hmm, i don’t think they need their studies for it, just a moron who will be so naïve and who will take them to the land of their dreams. maybe i have no ambition but life is so short and i don’t dream about a big house with suv but about someone who would love me, even if i’m 80 and i don’t look like at the first date ;-)
my family taught me that the material goods are nice but they aren’t necessary to be happy. if there’s a war you can lose your beautiful house but my memories from the stay in us, where i’ve met a master of kissing ;-), nobody can take from me. i don’t know if the example is good but as i wrote in the others post things can’t make you happy, only the other people who love you.
jelly donut i didn’t want to write that a prostitute can’t love. and i didn’t want to write about prostitutes like about creatures without heart. i just don’t want to judge this profession. for sure the rule “live and let to live” is very good. everyone makes choices in his/her life. if being a prostitute is a bad choice he/she will pay somehow for it in the future. i think it’s sufficient “punishment” if i can name it in this way. and because i have impression that you are interested in bible i have another sentence for you: “he who is without sin among you, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.” if you know who told this and where, there’s a reward-surprise ;-)
and yes, you’re right. it can be your brother, mother, father or friends who can help you but it can also be your wife. it’s more about feelings, not the kind of relationship. i just wanted to write yogin that marriage isn’t a form of prostitution. if some people make it in this way it doesn’t mean that in theory it is prostitution. first of all it should be a sign of love between two people.
i don’t know what kind of wives aw are. i just want to believe that girls you describes aren’t the majority. i mean that they are still people(men and women) who also give something, not only they take. you can have attitude of b.jones. i mean “i want to meet the right guy who is gonna love me for who i am”. the film was funny but it’s only a film and in real life we have to reach a compromise and to work on ourselves. these things are obvious for me.
i also guess that i misunderstood your post about “the botany of desire” but it’s not important anymore. anyway it was more about feeling as a real men (here and now), not generally about the history of men’s domination and marxist historians, yes? ;-)
and if we talk about marriage. rock dog, for sure as a loving husband you will sponsor your wife a hotel room and a nice male stripper ;-) as you wrote “looks don't last forever. if you need that physical attraction, there's always ways to get a little on the side. know what i mean?”. i understand that if your wife need more physical attraction, then you give her, it’s nothing wrong that she “gets a little on the side”.
and if it’s something wrong how can you complain for aw( or rather canadian in your case)? you see, first we have to demand something of ourselves and after to demand of the others.
dj fourmoney, at last i can answer you :-)
i don’t think you lie. i believe that nobody wants to pay you for your writing too ;-)
i only have impression that you look for an ideal princess even if you really don’t know who she is. on the one hand submissive, on the other hand independent? it’s hard to join fire and water ;-) you wrote that “that's splitting hairs, but you know this is my life we're talking about and i want to be 100% happy with my choice, not 90%, that isn't good enough.” it remains me a little when women are waiting for an ideal man but you want a princess imprisoned in a tower who’s waiting for her prince to give him true love. but remember that even if she exists probably an ogre and donkey already released her ;-)
[quote=dj fourmoney]a woman that wants just as much sucess in her home life as she does in her job, if she chooses to have dual careers. being a homemaker is a full time job, responsiblies should be shared. i want it to run smoothly like a well-oiled machine. communication is key to making that happen.[/quote]i agree that communication is the key but, even with it, woman’s life isn’t simple. (on the other hand who has simple life :-)?) it’s hard to be the best mother, wife, employee 24/7. you always has to sacrifice something to get something else. i think your employer won’t care that nobody can stay with the children (grandma is far away) and you can’t come regularly to work. who will stay with your 6 months old child then?
a nanny? she can but soon your child will start to call her mommy because the real mom is at work. and maternity leave lasts only 3 m-ths. will you resign of your own job and you will replace your wife? but how will you feed the baby if it still needs the breasts? :-) you see, it’s not so simple and you’ll need a lot of oil.
but if something is hard it doesn’t mean that it’s impossible :-) here living with grandma who can help is a big plus ;-)