Quote of the Nght from Last Night
Nadya: Russia teaches you to do bad things more often.
New Tricks for an Old Dog? Or Defense Against The Dark Arts?
Monger fends off attempted murder / robbery perpetrated by vicious bloodthirsty bandit tramps and their gang of hooligans!
Yes, I'm pleased to report that although I received a hell of a scare, I was fortunately in good enough physical condition to fight back against a face full of pepper spray and a deep laceration inflicted by an undetermined weapon, to lift up and throw two really fucked up podsirushkas by their hair against the wall and out on their asses in the hallway.
If there is one thing that's obvious, its that bandits are not necessarily known for their forethought in planning robberies. If your plan is to blast your victim in the face with a cloud of pepper spray, in the very small area just inside an apartment doorway, where you hang up your coats, you really should keep in mind that half of the cloud of pepper spray will blow right back into your own face.
Now I, being respectful of police doing their jobs, and not being a radical protester type, had never experienced being pepper-sprayed before. When I get pulled over for a traffic violation, I am polite to the officer. And I don't March in protests where police need to use crowd control to disperse angry mobs.
I met Tanya a few years ago, through an agency. I was certainly aware that she was not from a good family, but she never tried to pull any scams on me. She had some interesting girlfriends that she introduced me to, typically they were brunetkas in their early 20's and while far from being hot models, they were hungry for a chance to release a lot of pent-up sexual frustration upon lucky me. Through all those encounters, Tanya always told me that she was satisfied with the level of my generosity, for the gifts she received for those introductions.
So, Tanya had been in my apartment at least six times, maybe more. Sitting on the sofa, having some brief but pleasant conversations, she never gave me any extra reason to suspect that the day would come when she would greet me with an attempt to incapacitate me with a toxic agent, so she could let her boys in to rob me and throw me out my 7th story window!
But that was her plan this year. I suspect that either her new husband or his gang proposed the robbery. In the months leading to this Pearl Harbor, I had coincidentally been doing five or six hundred stomach crunch exercises every morning. That preparation, combined with a heavy dose of adrenaline, was likely what saved my life. I certainly could not see or breath, once I was blasted at point blank, with a face full of pepper spray. Instinctively, I immediately realized that my only hope was to grab the key in the lock that I had just turned before turning around to say "Come in", unlock the door, and open it, to push them out of my apartment and into the hallway, and then lock my door. They had the same idea, and so we struggled for the key. I managed to elbow and punch and kick Tanya and her girlfriend in the face, head, and chest to get their hands off the key, though while I was doing that, Tanya stabbed me with something, fortunately only in my knee, and probably while I was executing a roundhouse kick to her head.
In a brawl that only took 15 or 20 seconds, I beat them off just long enough to turn the key twice to unlock the door. Fortunately for me, their gang was still waiting downstairs, thinking that the pepper spray would be enough to subdue me. If they had been waiting in the hallway, I would have had no chance once I opened my door. More evidence that their bandit planning is not very good.
Once I had my door open, my panic immediately change to rage and fury, and I grabbed them one at a time by their hair and slammed their heads as hard as I could into the wall, and then lifted them up and threw them on their asses into the hallway. I locked my door, and headed straight for the bathtub to run the hand held sprayer over my head and face with cold water. It was only at that point that I realized that my entire head and face felt like I was on fire, and that I could not see or breathe. After a few minutes when I could open my eyes to see just a little, I noticed the deep gash in my knee bleeding profusely, and so I started applying direct pressure to stop the bleeding.
The lessons to be learned here. Don't ever trust anyone, especially someone that you think that you can. Never turn your back on anyone, without being mentally and physically prepared to fight off an attack. Always try to plan meetings at a cafe.
A few months after this happened, I was heading out of the center one evening to meet a new lady, as she insisted that I go to her neighborhood for our first date. I found a good taxi who I hired to be a temporary bodyguard, (not the best idea though) , and then I explained to Zhenya that we will have a pleasant meeting, but I also warned this new acquaintance that if she was planning to pull any bandit shit on me, I promised her that she would be sliced up into little pieces after my army buddies had a long initiation party with her.