Sex Workers in Border Towns
one of the realities of women working in the sex trade in border town in mexico is their traumatic backgrounds, often with histories of sexual abuse in childhood. getting close to these gals in a non-client context, will include this emotional baggage and layers of trauma added in adulthood with increased self blame and disgust, abusive boyfriends (padrotes) , added substance abuse to manage the pain and a deep alienation from themselves and others.
it's challenging for a counselor to treat these situations even under the best of circumstances and an even more daunting task for significant others who choose to take these ladies as intimate partners in life. there will be anger, betrayals, sadness and revulsion. patience will be essential. one therapist author who has worked with people abused as kids observed when confronted with hostility from her charge observed: "i finally realized he was telling me his story with the only vocabulary he had."
often, when you have no idea what's going on (as even she may not), your lady will be telling you her story with the only vocabulary she's got.
good luck, guys!
Yep! Right on all fronts Apache.
[quote=apache; 1304774]one of the realities of women working in the sex trade in border town in mexico is their traumatic backgrounds, often with histories of sexual abuse in childhood. getting close to these gals in a non-client context, will include this emotional baggage and layers of trauma added in adulthood with increased self blame and disgust, abusive boyfriends (padrotes) , added substance abuse to manage the pain and a deep alienation from themselves and others.
it's challenging for a counselor to treat these situations even under the best of circumstances and an even more daunting task for significant others who choose to take these ladies as intimate partners in life. there will be anger, betrayals, sadness and revulsion. patience will be essential. one therapist author who has worked with people abused as kids observed when confronted with hostility from her charge observed: "i finally realized he was telling me his story with the only vocabulary he had."
often, when you have no idea what's going on (as even she may not) , your lady will be telling you her story with the only vocabulary she's got.
good luck, guys![/quote]you are right on every front apache. not only regarding the damage the career has on these girls and their interpersonal relationship skills, but mexico is rife with child sex abuse as well so many of these girls have a long time history of distorted perceptions regarding male / female relations.
my wife was routinely molested, without penetration, from age 7 through 10 by her step dad. she said he would come in her room late at night, straddle her as she laid on her stomach, pull her panties down, and hump her butt cheeks, cum, and then wipe it up and walk out. she learned to disassociate herself by just laying there and pretending to sleep. she said on top of that almost every male she trusted as a child revealed themselves as trying to have sex with her, including uncles, men in the streets of mexico, etc. this results in the belief that men only want sex, so they don't develop deep relationships. they then fall into the sex trade where, you guessed it, men seek them out for sex and sex only. that disassociation from the act becomes 'stone cold. '
i read research once that said 80% of women who work as strippers or escorts have been molested. they have disassociated themselves from the act of love making for so long that it takes years to experience passion and deep connection. my wife once told me, early on in our relationship, that she would take herself miles away when providing a 'special' or dancing. she said she didn't even look at the clients when on stage or giving privados, and that ten minutes after some guy kissing her tits while she was on stage, she couldn't recognize him from any other person. she wasn't even there so to speak. that carries over into personal love making, unless she is really horny at which point she becomes very passionate.
when guys on here talk about girls being 'mechanical' that's what they are doing. they remove themselves from the act, and go through the motions: cbj, doggie, cowboy, missionary, clock ran out. i always know when my wife is performing as she falls into that even after 5-years of marriage. she will roll over and give me that nice little ass or cowboy me right away. if we missionary, she will generally avoid kissing and just relax. not always though. when she is into it, she can be very passionate, otherwise she 'does her job' and slips back to that state of disconnection. i used to really trouble over that, and at times was like 'fuck it. ' then one day she said 'antonio, i'm yours. you have me when you want to have me, and when i want you, you will know. don't over think this. ' so, now i do my thing with that in mind.
she is very beautiful, seriously, and a great little body. she had many men try to sweep her away from the profession. i think the reason i tied her down when many other men failed, despite having more money and such, is that during our second 'session' when we were actually dating, i looked in her eyes and told her she was beautiful during sex. i remember to this day her reaction: she looked like i slapped her, then she cried. why? because she didn't feel beautiful. she felt dirty, but learned to harden herself. zero self-esteem at that time. this led her to be very possessive of me, suspicious, and over protective.
you are right, it takes years of work, mostly with therapy, to undo the trauma and social disassociation these women have experienced. we avoided therapy by talking it out, although i don't want to hear about specific 'sessions' she has had as it is painful to see her struggle with those memories. about a year after we married she told me of a situation that occurred between a man and his wife who 'bought' her company. i told her 'you know what, i don't ever want to hear about that stuff again. ' so, it is equally hard on the male in these relationships as well. if you are not self-secure thoughts of their past will kill the relationship. i remember a time i was fucking her, and she was in one of those disconnected moods, and i stopped, rolled off her and said 'man, i don't think i can please you. you have seen to many big cocks, and too many cocks period. ' she grabbed me by the arm and said 'antonio, the last cock i saw before i met you was 3' and i laughed. you are perfect for me. ' so she has helped in allot of those thoughts too.
but yes; these are very complex relationships. but all are really, just the issues are different. every woman is complicated! we just deal with other issues. all in all though, an awesome wife! i gave her the chance to be a real woman and have a real husband, and it happened to be what her dreams were. other women down there lost that hope and dream years ago. they are lost causes, sad as that sounds.
Going To Mexicali on Friday July 27, Spending The Night There Then Going To Tijuana
2nd Chance, Granjefe and I are going to go to Mexicali. I will be leaving Phoenix, Az at approx 5 PM on Friday, July 27, 2012. We plan on spending the night in Mexicali and then the next day we will go to Tijuana and spend the night there, coming back on Sunday, July 29, 2012. I can fit a couple of more people into my car. Would not mind having one or two more people tagging along to split the cost of gasoline and possible Mexican auto insurance if we decide to drive in (We have not decided yet). If you live in the Phoenix, Az area or somewhere in between let me know if you are interested.
Eliminating Crack Working Girls
An approach I have used over the years successfully is ask the girl early in the conversation "tu quiero drogas"? (would you like drugs?) Most of the Latinas working in the industry are there to feed and support their kids and do not partake in any drugs. They will let you know up front that drugs are not their thing. If the answer is "yes" then the girl will either ask you if you have some or can get some like ASAP! Not only are the health risks immense but so is being lead into a bad scenario while purchasing drugs. I. E. Scum bags to rob you or corrupt cops to fuck you over in many different ways. As mentioned in a previous report a "druggie" will be so preoccupied in getting the next high (fix) that the sex will be lousy or none at all.
Happy Hunting Amigos!
I have room for one more!
If anyone else wants to go on the below quoted trip I have room for 1 more person in my car. Let me know if you are interested.
[QUOTE=Tempe Jon;1305980]2nd Chance, Granjefe and I are going to go to Mexicali. I will be leaving Phoenix, Az at approx 5 PM on Friday, July 27, 2012. We plan on spending the night in Mexicali and then the next day we will go to Tijuana and spend the night there, coming back on Sunday, July 29, 2012. I can fit a couple of more people into my car. Would not mind having one or two more people tagging along to split the cost of gasoline and possible Mexican auto insurance if we decide to drive in (We have not decided yet). If you live in the Phoenix, Az area or somewhere in between let me know if you are interested.[/QUOTE]