Overpaying/Overtipping in Boca Chica
[QUOTE=Griot]My perspective is different. Many of the pros have a non caring , show me the money attitude. That is fine, but I prefer human qualities. I prefer someone that at least pretends they care about me human to human. This is not easy for the girls to do, even to fake being with all the different guys and gals night to night. So I show my appreciation when they go above and beyond as the chisa I met this time did consistently. I don't feel it will inflate any cost, it is a supply and demand scenario, and if you are a good negotiator and the chica likes you then you are likly to meet at common ground. ![/QUOTE]
I am not a frequent poster on the BC board anymore considering that I haven´t been there in a couple of years, but I did spend a total of one month in BC on two different occasions in late 2003 and early 2004.
As you correctly predicted, some people felt compelled to comment on your "overpaying/overtipping", and I wanted to chime in on this, too. Some chide you for driving up the price for everyone, which is something that I don´t agree on (for me, every negotiation with a girl is a one-time event involving too many factors to mention, and regardless of what you pay, no one else is compelled to pay the same, so....). But there is one factor that I wanted to point out to you regarding "excessive tipping", and I think that paying between one-and-a-half and two times the agreed-upon rate clearly comes under that definition for me.
You see it as generosity, as a way to express your respect for services well rendered? Do the girls see it like that, or see you in that light? No, they don't. They will see you as a sucker who likes to give money away for nothing. And once you have that reputation, you might create YOURSELF more problems than you can imagine.
Don't worry about problems you create others. Worry about problems you create yourself. Let´s see:
Girls will stick to you like poison ivy, making it difficult to get rid of them. Overtipping might just be like tying the strings yourself you don't want to see attached. Everyone will expect generous tips, drinks, etc. from you, whether they provide a valuable service or not (since these girls maintain a tight-knit network, and as you mentioned, BC is a small place where everyone knows everyone). Even worse, your sexual experience may suffer... since you like to give 2000 pesos for a good experience, well, 1000 pesos for nothing sounds pretty good, too (in some girl´s thinking). Treat the girls nice and with respect? Yes, of course, great. But just don't treat them too well. Don´t spoil them.
Earlier, I was like you, too, and to tell you the truth, I had to learn the hard way, too. The girls you are dealing with in BC mostly come from a very poor barrio-type background where there is nothing worse than giving away money for free. I´ve seen girls fight tooth and nails for 300 pesos, imagine what they are willing to do for 1000 pesos. Giving them 1000 pesos as a tip will NEVER EVER be interpreted as a sign of generosity or respect, but always a sign of SUCKERDOM. You can bet on it. The ONLY way to get their respect (rather than maintaining your own respect towards yourself, the way you define it) is to insist on fair value for fair money.
In other words: paying or tipping excessively will NOT get you better service, but actually WORSE service in the long run in a third-world P4P setting.
[QUOTE=Griot]Many of the girls reward me and compliment me for the quality of my body, so I do likewise. Yes I am in very goo physical looking appearance. I can't run from one side of Duarte to the other , but how cares! I look good :-)[/QUOTE]
Once of the things I've learned throughout my "mongering career" is that, unless a girl has really nothing to gain from saying something, I should NOT take EVERYTHING coming out of her mouth at face value. By most accounts, I am a decent-looking and nice guy, but I am very reluctant to believe whatever a P4P provider tells me about my looks, charms, manners, intelligence, sexual performance or whatever simply because she has a very monetary interest in telling me these things, whether trying to pick me up in the first place or once we hit the sack. A wise guy once said "Believe nothing of what you hear, and only half of what you see", or something like that. Please take everything you hear in a P4P environment with a grain of salt or two... hell, skip the 1000 Peso tip and buy the whole bag of salt!
In other words, be careful as to what you regard as "genuine" in a P4P environment like BC. Even more so when you speak no Spanish. The only thing genuine about it might be "genuinely good acting".
[QUOTE=Griot]In the US it is totally differnt standard, with poverty and the ability to earn a a decent living for anyone who is hard working. The opportunities are there, they are not avail in a poor countries with a poor education system for the most part. I choose to try to elevate people rateher than pull them down, so I reward in the DR, and for the most part in th US I NEVER tip.[/QUOTE]
I used to connect the two issues (povery as a result lack of opportunities/prostitution) in the same romantic way you seem to do... until I learned otherwise, including in BC. In and by itself, elevating poor people who have never had an opportunity is a very noble goal, and there are many venues you can explore to attain this goal. I just don´t think it is particularly appropriate with hookers like in BC. One fact is that there is lots of poverty in many countries in the world, and the vast majority of poor women do not go on to seek a career in prostitution. So the assumption that lack of opportunities necessarily leads to prostitution is simply wrong. Fact No. 2, based on my own experience, a very small part of the funds (or tips) you pay to a hooker are dedicated to solving the problem that pushed them into hooking in the first place (poverty, single motherhood), while a much larger part goes to unnecessary things like cell phones, drugs, alcohol, fancy clothing, etc.
You wanna help poor people? There are lots of things you can do, through donations, sponsorships, for example. Unfortunately, I have come to the conclusion that if you really want to elevate poor people, being overly generous to hookers I meet in person is generally the worst way to do it. If buying leche for a poor child makes you feel good, sponsor a child abroad.
Based on your behavior you describe (paying way beyond not only common rates, but agreed-upon rates) and the terminology you use in explaining it (caring, human qualities, respect, elevating people, appreciation), it seems to me you somehow feel guilty about P4P, with 1000 Pesos being something like a self-imposed "guilt tax". I think this is a common problem for guys mongering abroad: it was for me, BTW. I don´t know, just a hunch of mine. Could this be your case?
You know, in many respects, I agree with your thinking and your philosophy, Griot, and I actually like it. If anything, it shows ethics and moral leadership, yes. There is only one problem: it is a first-world thinking that works well in the first world, but not in a third-world country like in the DR, and even less so with BC hookers. One thing is for sure, the BC chicas maintain a third-world thinking, regardless how long they have been hooking and how much contact they have had with Westerners like us. Generally, they are girls with a street-wise attitude that they picked up on some of worst streets around. Ever been to Los Guandules in Santo Domingo? I have, so I should know... from first-hand experience. Once again, I like your perspective, but I think that it just might be skewed insofar as it applies to BC and the girls there.
Just to avoid any possible misunderstanding from the get-go, I am not writing this to be antagonistic, not at all, but rather as some friendly advice or simply food for thought from a fellow monger: advice that may be pondered or disregarded as you please.
Safe, happy, and troublefree mongering!
EA