2002 General Reports

**ChrisC30** · 10-15-02 00:03

jimhart69 -

Thanks for the advice. I do know alittle about asian culture, just trying to separate the fact from fiction, and get abit of info on the specifics.

I've been corresponding with the TG for afew weeks via email and live internet chat. So far it's nothing serious, just looking to the future if it should come up.

I like to know what I'm getting into before it happens. No stranger to asian culture, but didn't know the specifics of Thai culture, as every country has its own little nuances.

A "test drive" doesn't sound like a bad idea. I agree, getting to know someone via emails and letters can provide information to an extent, but it's best to spend real time with them to know their moods and little quirks to their personality firsthand.

**Baby Huey** · 10-14-02 22:21

ChrisC30 do not take this in the wrong way, but you need to understand Asian culture alot more before you get marry to a Thai Girl. If this is why you are asking these questions.

This fee has nothing to do with the ceremony. This is a common fee paid to a family in respect to them. A better term for this fee, is a present to the family by you, to be able to marry their daughter. The reason for the differences in the amount paid to a family, as to do with their status in Thai social class. Basically 1000 Baht to a farmer and 1000 Baht to Business exec. means different things.

On girls bailing, this would common at all levels. How to know this is not going to happen, the following is a few things you can do. I do not know much about you, and how you and the girl got together, but here some information;

--First insure that you know the girl. There is no way you know a girl after 2 weeks of being together, not even after 6 months. This is not done by sending e-mail, etc, it will help, but this is not a relationship. This done by see each other daily for months and months. Anybody can live the fantasy life over internet, letters and phone calls. Some of the TG will do anything for the money, include coming hours from a marriage or even getting marry for a few years to get more money to help her and her family.

--Next make sure she is willing to take you to her home, and has you meet the family and friends at home. Not just the friends from work, the people from the home town. Because in a Asian marrage, you are just marrying the girl, YOU ARE MARRYING HER FAMILY TOO! You will be helping the family one way another.

--See if she willing to go to your home country to live for any period of time before the marrage. Sometime this is hard because of Visa laws in your home country.

--The best is thing, is as rude as this sounds , go for a test drive on the marriage thing before you get married. Live together for a while.

--Make sure she loves you for you and does not love you for your money. This happens alot! Sometime this is hard to find out the truth.

--Read books and look for any information on marriages to asian. To know what you are getting into!

--Also look for local support groups in your local area, to support the girl in gaining the information that she would need to make the changes to your country.

Make sure you know what you are getting into. Marrages to Asians can be good and can be very bad, why go down the hard road.

If you have more question, e-mail them to me at jimhart69@hotmail.com.

**ChrisC30** · 10-14-02 20:19

Also wondering, is the "marriage fee" the actual marriage?

If not, what is a traditional Thai ceremony, assuming it is any different from a western-style wedding?

Someone mentioned that a poor girl was cheaper on the marriage
fee, while a wealthier girl isn't often seen by western tourists.

Why is this so? What do these more wealthy girls offer that a
poorer, less wealthy girl doesn't, besides perhaps education?

I've heard somewhere that sometimes a girl will bail on you, even after you've shelled out thousands for a marriage fee. Is this more common with a poorer girl, or for all?

**Baby Huey** · 10-14-02 14:38

No, these fee's are paid by a Thai male that is marrying someone daughter too! It is not a fee for just the foreigners.

**ChrisC30** · 10-14-02 14:24

So if I go with a Thai girl, marriage fee is mandatory?

I'm just wondering if this is a "tourist trap" so to speak. I've got no problem sending money to the family if need be, or paying a
fee. Just want to be certain as to the specifics.

She's still just a prospect, as I've also been getting favorably
in the know with a cute slim 19 year old beauty from Chengdu, China, acouple other Thais, etc..

I like to keep my options open.

I guess you could say I've become turned off by the stuck up local bitches. Foreigners seem to attract me alot more lately. Afterall when was the last time some "barely-legal" supermodel-type took an interest in a middle-aged average-looking hunk like me here in the states?...NEVER...well rarely.

Anyhow, thanks for any and all information and advice.
Research is always a good thing to do, and fore-warned is fore-armed.

**Baby Huey** · 10-14-02 14:01

Besides the sometime charge marriage fee to the family. The other thing you need to worry about or know about. No matter how the girls relationship is with her parents, good or bad, the girl will respect her family and know that she will help support her family unit.

So after you are marry, expect to be sent her family money for support. This is especially true for the girls coming from poor family, but all levels really. The extreme of this is to balance the family out, I have hear of people from the west supporting the whole family unit. If you do not do this, she will be dis-respecting her family unit and in turn you will be judged as a poor husand and son-in-law. Even if the girl said before you marry her, that she does not want to this, you will hear about it later.

This is true for most asian countries, supporting the family unit. It is just part of marrying a Thai or any other Asian girl. This is one of the items that lead to so many marriages to fail, between a Asian and a Western. Because in the west, each person is a indivual, and in Asia they a part of family unit. Living in Asia, and traveling heavy in Asia now for 20 plus years, there is something to this family unit, and I like this system better than the western system of being a indivual.

If you are plannig to marry a Thai Girl or any other Asian be prepare and understand all customs. Marrying a Asian girl can be one of the best marriages you can have, but if you do not open your mind, it will be very, very BAD!!! Do not race track a marriage to the girl, get to know them and there family first. Understand their culture, believes, wants and needs, than it will be good. If you do not do this, there is a 50/50 chase tha the marriage will last.

**Joe Zop** · 10-14-02 05:18

As far as what's different with a Thai girl -- tons, some good, some bad. I would suggest you do some heavy and wide reading on the subject if you're truly serious about pursuing this, as the cultural differences are very significant.

**JuiceSpike** · 10-14-02 05:10

Chris...

Proceed with caution. If you marry a Thai woman (bar girl or otherwise) her parents (the mother really) will ask for a dowry from the would be husband....

From reading about dowry and talking to various asian friends as well as Thai hookers the price for the bride varies and in some situations half of the dowry may be returned to the couple... The dowry system is based on the social status of the girl and her family.

Here is what I have found: ( these are Thai currency not dollars)

Poor girl with little or no education up to 50,000 baht
Bar girl 20,000 - 50,000 (of course they will ask for more)
Middle class girl 50,000 - 150,000
Upper class girl 200,000 - 250,000 (they say westerners rarely have access to these girls)
Rich girls........ according to my info westerners don't have access to these girls.

I would recommend you find out as much as possible about this girl and question everything. Good luck.

cheers.

**ChrisC30** · 10-14-02 04:27

I've been conversing lately (electronically) with a Thai Girl.
I read somewhere (forget where) that in Thailand there is a
"marriage fee" required, which is said to be up to several thousand US dollars, but not sure if this is for purchasing a prostitute only, or all women, or what.

Could someone tell me the deal?

I don't want to ask her (and risk embarassment if it's not the case), or worse make her think I am THAT serious so soon.

If there is such a fee, what is the real going rate? From what I
gather, she's not poor (has her own PC/TV), lives with her parents, is very sheltered (not allowed out at night).

Also, having never dated let alone slept with a Thai, anything I
might expect that might be different from other girls?

Thinking of planning an upcoming vacation, and Thailand is a
definite consideration as a place to visit.

-------

Chris

**Zinzan** · 10-07-02 23:02

Thats beauty!

Thanks very much.

I'll send her some money if she asks, sure, monopoly money!

It amazes me, I only knew this girl for three days. Since then she's professed undying love almost everyday for the last 5 months - I'd be surprised if she even remembered my face and what we did and where we went.

I'll carry on sending this girl email, and maybe play along until she asks for money. I haven't told her I love her or like her, damn, I've even told her that there's no way that I can go back to Thailand (little white lie so I can be butterfly.)

Anyway, thanks for the translation. When the email comes asking for money I'll post it here!

Zinzan

**Phuquer** · 10-07-02 15:01

Also, they can say:
"Kid Teung Jung Loei", which also means "I miss you a lot"
Just wanted to add to the little Thai Language Lesson.

Originally posted by wildman
Zinzan,

"Kid teung...kid teung Khun mak mak!!!" &
"Kid teung Khun mak na ka!!!"

both mean "I miss you a lot", but the second form is more formal and polite.

kid (actually 'keet') means 'think' and 'keet teung' means 'think of', i.e., miss. Khun means 'you', and 'mak' means 'much', 'mak-mak' means very much. 'na' is a softening word, makes the sentence more personal, and 'ka' is the polite particle used by female speakers.

'na ka' indicates polite familiarity, sort of hard to grasp.

In total, it all probably means you are about to be asked for some cash

wildman

**JuiceSpike** · 10-07-02 13:32

nice ending Wildman.... very funny conclusion but true...

**Zinzan** · 10-07-02 00:51

Hi,

I'm just after a couple of translations. I've scoured the net but can't find anything that'll work. the two translations I'm after are:

"Kid teung...kid teung Khun mak mak!!!" &
"Kid teung Khun mak na ka!!!"

Thanks a lot!

Zin

**Packripper** · 09-20-02 04:05

Yeah, you gotta be careful here with that. Some people naively believe the trafficking is an equal opportunity business. Often (this is scuttlebutt and perhaps part gossip) your supplier sets you up. They let the police know where you are, you get busted, and the police sell the supply back to the supplier. It's not like back home where you have to worry about the deal going bad between you and the supplier.

You'd probably have better luck trying to open a brand new 300 million Baht massage parlour. haha. If you have some spare time, take a day out of your trip and go visit the falangs (or Thais) hanging out in Bang Kwang Prison. They could probably give you some language tips on picking up the language and becoming 100% fluent.

-Pack

**Joe Zop** · 09-18-02 00:50

And btw, Skinless -- a truly great job on the FAQ.

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