Jokes & Humorous Stories

[AjayLost]

I watched this movie long back. It's really happening to me.

[AjayLost]

A boy says to a girl, "So, sex at my place?" "Yeah!" "Okay, but I sleep in a bunk bed with my younger brother, and he thinks we're making sandwiches, so we have to have a code. Cheese means faster and tomato means harder, okay?" Later on the girl is yelling, "Cheese cheese, tomato tomato!" The younger brother says, "Stop making sandwiches! You're getting mayo all over my bed!

[Wolf Cola]

It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope. At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures. At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced. When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry pancakes, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming Colombian coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under her bra cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?" "Well, last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you. And the jerk said, 'Fuck him, just give him a dollar. ' The breakfast was my idea. ".

[Wolf Cola]

Three friends decided to bet each other 100 dollars on who could make their wives scream more during sex. They all went home to have sex with their wives and make them scream. The next day the met up again. The first friend said, "I made love to my wife for two hours and she was screaming for at least one-and-a-half hours. " The second friend countered, "That's nothing. I started licking my wife for two hours and she was screaming the whole time and a half-hour after that. " Then the third friend said, "That's pathetic. I made love to my wife for ten minutes, I came a couple times, I wiped my dick in the curtain, and she's still screaming.

[Wolf Cola]

A small boy asks his Dad, "Daddy, what is politics?" Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Your mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the People. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense. " So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. The little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father having sex with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now. " The father says, "Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about. " The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in Deep Shit. ".

[Wolf Cola]

A little boy and his friends are being called bastards and bitches by bullies at school. The boy goes home and asks, "Dad, what are bastards and bitches?" And his dad replies, "Bitches are ladies and bastards are gentlemen. " Then the boy goes upstairs to see his mom. As he enters the room, he accidentally drops a perfume bottle, and his mom says, "Shit!" "Mom, what is shit?" and she says, "Perfume. " So he goes to see his dad (who is carving a chicken), and his dad cuts himself and yells, "Fuck!" The boy asks, "Dad, what does fuck mean?" and dad says "preparing. " Then he follows his dad upstairs. A few minutes later his mom and dad are about to have sex when his dad says, "Where are the condoms?" The little boy asks, "What are condoms?" and his father says, "Condoms are coats and jackets. " The following night his father invites over some important business clients. The boy opens the door for them and says, "Hello! Please come in, Bastards and bitches. Hang your condoms up here, my mom is upstairs rubbing shit on her face and my dad is downstairs fucking the chicken.

[Wolf Cola]

Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?

Man: "Yes!

Reporter: "Name?

Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim. ".

Reporter: "Sex?

Man: "Three to five times a week. ".

Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?

Man: "Yes, male, female. Sometimes camel. ".

Reporter: "Holy cow!

Man: "Yes, cow, sheep. Animals in general. ".

Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?

Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style. ".

Reporter: "Oh dear!

Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch. ".

[PedroMorales]

Here you are.

[Marpa]

The Nurse.

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over.

His mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four-hour.

Surgical procedure.

A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.

Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask. "Are my testicles black?

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies "I don't know, sir. I'm only here to.

Wash your upper body and feet. ".

He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles black?

Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles, she.

Overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers. She raises.

His gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other.

Lifting and moving them around.

Then, she takes a close look and says, "There's nothing wrong with them.

Sir!

The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly.

"Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but listen very, very closely.

A are e. M why. T e s t. Are e s you l t s. Be a see k? ".

[Alengeo90]

How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex? Call and tell her about it.

[Alengeo90]

What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say? Beat it. We're closed.

[Alengeo90]

An old woman walked into a dentist's office, took off all her clothes, and spread her legs. The dentist said, "I think you have the wrong room. " "You put in my husband's teeth last week," she replied. "Now you have to remove them."

[Alengeo90]

Why did the sperm cross the road? Because I put on the wrong sock this morning.

A young man goes to see his doctor and the doctor tells him, "You need to stop masturbating?" "Why?" the man asks. "Because I'm trying to examine you. "

Two men visit a prostitute. The first man goes into the bedroom. He comes out ten minutes later and says, "Heck. My wife is better than that. " The second man goes in. He comes out ten minutes later and says, "You know what? Your wife IS better. ".

[Alengeo90]

An old couple is ready to go to sleep. The old man lies on the bed but the old woman lies down on the floor. The old man asks, 'Why are you going to sleep on the floor?' The old woman says, "Because I want to feel something hard for a change.

[Alengeo90]

A man gets on a bus, and ends up sitting next to a very attractive nun. Enamored with her, he asks if he can have sex with her. Naturally, she says no, and gets off the bus. The man goes to the bus driver and asks him if he knows of a way for him to have sex with the nun. "Well," says the bus driver, "every night at 8 o'clock, she goes to the cemetery to pray. If you dress up as God, I'm sure you could convince her to have sex with you. " The man decides to try it, and dresses up in his best God costume. At eight, he sees the nun and appears before her. "Oh, God!" she exclaims. "Take me with you!" The man tells the nun that she must first have sex with him to prove her loyalty. The nun says yes, but tells him she prefers anal sex. Before you know it, they're getting down to it, having nasty, grunty, loud sex. After it's over, the man pulls off his God disguise. "Ha, ha!" he says, "I'm the man from the bus!" "Ha, ha!" says the nun, removing her costume, "I'm the bus driver!