FKK Bernd's - Schieferhof

[Jackyo]

Inside I quickly learned that they don’t take US dollars – rookie mistake – and had to go find a bank (not easy in fact even with GPS, I could not tell you exactly how to find the bank again, even ATMs are in scarce supply).

.. respect for the US dollar these days and the tendency is for it to lose in value in the near term.

Gisele Buendchen has recently stoped taking them for her modeling fees and we, of course, know that she is an authority on matters relating to international finance and exchange rates.

I've been told by the RF guys that the clubs in Hessen (or at least the girls) do take US dollars (Du brauchst nichts mehr zur Bank gehen!). I've never tried it though.

[Hollandmale]

As described, the road to the club is surprisingly pastoral and there is nothing on the outside that distinguishes it from the surrounding houses. Inside I quickly learned that they don’t take US dollars – rookie mistake – and had to go find a bank (not easy in fact even with GPS, I could not tell you exactly how to find the bank again, even ATMs are in scarce supply).

The only thing that identifies Bernds is a visible circle shaped number "28" at the front.
ATM's are a few km uphill on the B8 main road at Uckerath; "Sparkasse" and "Volksbank".

[Round the World]

After too long an absence from the FKK scene, I recently returned starting with a visit to the famous Bernd’s for a first visit.

As described, the road to the club is surprisingly pastoral and there is nothing on the outside that distinguishes it from the surrounding houses. Inside I quickly learned that they don’t take US dollars – rookie mistake – and had to go find a bank (not easy in fact even with GPS, I could not tell you exactly how to find the bank again, even ATMs are in scarce supply).

Finally once inside, the place seems like someone’s converted house. Some couches and a small bar upstairs and the same downstairs. Neither room is bigger than an average living room. Interestingly some girls hang out upstairs and others hang out upstairs. But few upstairs girls go downstairs or vice versa. Anyhow, there were about 20 or so girls on a Monday afternoon. A diverse selection of girls: tall, skinny, old, pretty and not. The few I considered doable were Carmen (very thin young looking short brown hair), Jamila (the previously mentioned Lee lee sobieski look-alike, Russian from Kazakhstan), Sylvia (very pretty red-headed Pole) and Leonie (Brazilian, tall dark and pretty). Since all these girls were described in detail here I knew what to expect.

I started with Jamila, she was nice but seemed bored. Since she never left the downstairs I could imagine how it could get boring downstairs in the dark. We went to the public couch and started the standard initiation phase: a little chat, a little DFK, then a nice public BBBJ. In the room she gave a good performance. More DFK, BBBJ, couple of positions, then the signature Bernd’s CIM. She also seemed to really appreciate a back massage. Nice breakin experience for Bernd’s. Maybe repeat in the future, but she seemed even more bored as the day dragged on.

Next I just hung around in the Sauna and the upstairs. I noticed that the all German clientele were quite friendly and it seemed as if all the clients spoke at least some English. I struck up conversation with 3 or 4 and they were all quite friendly and jovial. Nice contrast to the Frankfurt clubs where most clients don’t speak to each other. +1 to Bernd’s for the camaraderie amongst clients.

After awhile I found myself sitting next to Sylvia. I was conflicted about going with her since the reviews on her were mixed, that while she was one of the most attractive, she was not up to Bernd’s performance standards. This was confirmed by the another client I met in the sauna, nice guy from Munich who recommended Mara, Katya, Tanya, Carmen, Leonie. Since I like them pretty and nubile, I was going to go with Carmen, but she was quickly snatched up by another guy. Then I was sitting next to Sylvia and she started joking around with me. So I decided, what the hell, there seemed to be atleast some minimum of chemistry between us. So again a little kissing, and onto the public blowjob. Sylvia’s public BBBJ is shorter than most girls at Bernd’s which I had noticed with her and previous client. In the room she loosened up a bit with some DATY, improved DFK, a few positions then more BBBJ. She doesn’t do CIM strangely and no anal on offer either. Though her little arse hole looked perfectly ready for the task. Overall a nice experience.

After that I decided to try another club since I had been staring at the same selection for 6 hours now. At Marlow’s suggestion I set off for FKK Finca with the plan to stay there till 4am then back to the airport to catch my morning flight. It took me a while to get there on the A3, and then my GPS map did not have the exact address Poststrasse 21 in its database, so I spent some time at the wrong end of Poststrasse looking in vain. Eventually was about to give up, but then found it on the way back to the A3. Upon entering it was 50eur at the door. Very nice facility. Somewhat like Palace. Large bar in the center, lots of nooks and crannies to hang out. Food available all night. Two upstairs areas, one with massage services, the other with a kino. The girls however were not so great. Very professional, quick hello and zimmer approaches. After Bernd’s it was disappointing to see this professional attitude. Girls were generally younger. But only a couple I found attractive. After waiting around a long while and not seeing much action going on from any other clients, I chose to go with a fake blond with a nice smile and an hourglass figure, Selma, I think she was Turkish. In the room she was very much in a hurry, fast BBBJ, overly aggressive HJ and then a few positions ending in a modified doggy (in between doggy and RCG). Then I asked for a massage, but then found out she was in such a hurry because she wanted to go home to sleep. Turns out many girls leave at 2am. After that there was just a handful of girls and an equal number of guys who were all not doing much of anything. So around 3am I left to hang out at the airport lounge. I don’t think I would return here, in fact I probably should have gone down to Oase instead.

[Breadman]

I'll admit it...as a rookie to the fkk scene Bernd's didn't really do it for me. But on my second visit I had a blast. Id do it again as long as I knew there would be some guys that I could chat with to pass the time between shags. The women are a mixed bunch, with enough cute girls thrown in to keep things interesting. Its a rookie mistake to visit Bernd's on your second day in fkk land, better to start at Samya...work your way to gt, phg and oase and then try out bernds.

[Jackyo]

You need to give Bernds a chance,its been said many times that the women are not stunners,but its the service levals that attracts people,and the value for money culture,I too wasnt sure if I would return after the first time.but , I now see the point of the club and think its great,so give it another try please.
and thanks for the report.

Most newbies don't understand all of the fuss about Bernds when they visit it for the first time but this club has a cult following and its not because of the visual appeal of the women but rather because of the iron-clad service guarantee.

It is also the most permissive of all of the clubs, there is lots of public action and eye candy in the form of exhibitionistic women to occupy your time. The girls don't tend to be clockwatchers and extras which incurr additional charges elsewhere are considered included in their normal rates. And if you aren't there for the sex, its for the conversation and the interactions between the women and the other guests.

When you've had your fair share of disappointing sessions at other clubs because you made your choice based on visual appeal only, then you will understand what this club is all about.

Its not for everyone though and I can also understand why someone would react the way you did.

Bravo, by the way, for your first set of reports! I liked the reference to Jacoby Ellsbury in your GT report. I wonder what those guys are doing in the off season. If I were them I know where I'd be and what I'd be doing.

[Viscount]

Day 2. The Magical Mystery Tour continued at Bernd's. Once again, as the day before, my little stack of Google maps at my side, Bernd's was quite easy to find. Once inside, however, unlike Oase, Bernd's did not match their website, being considerably seedier than than it appears in pictures. As accurately described by those who've gone before, Bernd's is almost surrealistically located right smack dab in the middle of a residential subdivison in the middle of nowhere, itself not sticking out as the structure is a suburban home.

All of the action here revolves around two smoky rooms, where men and women sit interspersed, mostly chain smoking, and rarely interacting. (I’d say that in the five clubs I visited, the 100+ working girls I observed, that better than 95% smoke. I don’t know whether it’s because the rooms at Bernd’s are smaller and the ceilings lower, or whether the other clubs have smoke removal systems, but the air at Bernd’s was considerably more offensive than anywhere else.) When a guy and girl make a connection, the action starts right there in front of the crowd. I like that, but little else at this establishment. I found few girls, among the 10-15 there, of interest.

I finally hit upon Ina, realizing up close that she wasn't quite as attractive as she was from the bar. A pretty face to be sure, but too skinny for my liking. Other than the absence of DFK, she was alright, though not exceptional. There were two other girls there I considered passable, though one, the girl who gave me the tour of the club, a pretty girl in a non-glamourous way, did have a bit of a complexion problem and bad teeth. I eyeballed the other for a while, pondering whether or not to make a move, when someone else took her first. With her occupied for the next half hour, I decided to blow the place and see if Samya was any better. On the whole, having only Montreal to compare, I'd rate Bernd's, in terms of quality, right at the lower end, the equivalent of a south shore incall. Bernd's was a decided come-down from Oase.

You need to give Bernds a chance,its been said many times that the women are not stunners,but its the service levals that attracts people,and the value for money culture,I too wasnt sure if I would return after the first time.but , I now see the point of the club and think its great,so give it another try please.
and thanks for the report.

[Regnad]

Day 2. The Magical Mystery Tour continued at Bernd's. Once again, as the day before, my little stack of Google maps at my side, Bernd's was quite easy to find. Once inside, however, unlike Oase, Bernd's did not match their website, being considerably seedier than than it appears in pictures. As accurately described by those who've gone before, Bernd's is almost surrealistically located right smack dab in the middle of a residential subdivison in the middle of nowhere, itself not sticking out as the structure is a suburban home.

All of the action here revolves around two smoky rooms, where men and women sit interspersed, mostly chain smoking, and rarely interacting. (I’d say that in the five clubs I visited, the 100+ working girls I observed, that better than 95% smoke. I don’t know whether it’s because the rooms at Bernd’s are smaller and the ceilings lower, or whether the other clubs have smoke removal systems, but the air at Bernd’s was considerably more offensive than anywhere else.) When a guy and girl make a connection, the action starts right there in front of the crowd. I like that, but little else at this establishment. I found few girls, among the 10-15 there, of interest.

I finally hit upon Ina, realizing up close that she wasn't quite as attractive as she was from the bar. A pretty face to be sure, but too skinny for my liking. Other than the absence of DFK, she was alright, though not exceptional. There were two other girls there I considered passable, though one, the girl who gave me the tour of the club, a pretty girl in a non-glamourous way, did have a bit of a complexion problem and bad teeth. I eyeballed the other for a while, pondering whether or not to make a move, when someone else took her first. With her occupied for the next half hour, I decided to blow the place and see if Samya was any better. On the whole, having only Montreal to compare, I'd rate Bernd's, in terms of quality, right at the lower end, the equivalent of a south shore incall. Bernd's was a decided come-down from Oase.

EDITOR'S NOTE: I certainly hope that the author or somebody else will post a link to this report in the Reports of Distinction thread. Please Click Here for more information.

[Marlow]

The short cut is only 10k long so it's not really losing you no time to use it. And do the maths yourself - 10k against how many driving back along the B8/A560/A3 to the same exit on the A3?? Twenty minutes, why not, cruising at 220km/H, it's a doddle.

[Iseeu]

I would add to Iseuu's sound advice. There is one club that stays open until 4 am and its only 20 mins drive from Bernd's and that is Finca Erotica on the A3 south, turn off Dierdorf. A couple of ex hof girls work there.
Directions:
A) get back on the motorway A3 heading for Frankfurt and take Dierdorf exit. 5k in Dierdorf itself after the Aral gas station on the left take a right into Poststrasse. Finca Erotica is 1k on the right next to a Norma supermarket - strange but true.
B) Be very clever and from Lichtenberg get the main road but head towards Uckerath. In Uckerath take a right at the traffic lights, follow your nose through Wellesberg to Sand where shortly afterwards you take a right. You come to another set of traffic lights go straight on and at a roundabout (brandnew) take a left to the A3 and the Siebengeberge interchange, follow signs to Frankfurt.
The second route cuts off the great loop of A3 and A560 and saves you a good ten minutes if any of you are driving north to Bernds from the Frankfurt area.
You might prefer route A being as it will be dark and late and driving through hills and dales ain't the best plan unless you know where you are.

Finca: You're right- I don't ususally think of Finca when considering NRW options. Is it really only a 20 minute drive from the Hof? Have you been to Finca recently? Is it worth the detour?
Re: The scenic route- That's actually the route that most of the navi devices send you on. I inadvertently discovered it on one of my first trips to Bernd's (without a GPS device), but don't use it as I find the A3-A560-8 route to consist of better roads that I can drive on much faster and is therefore quicker, even though it probably adds about 10 km to the trip.

[Sexfan]

Question for Iseeu (or other regulars of the Hof):

Does Debby work on Mondays?

Yes, Debby was present on the last Mondays.

I have to tell you that the recent news that Princess is leaving this week

Princess has already left last week Friday.

[Round the World]

Thanks Viscount, Iseeu and Marlow for the great advice. I'd forgotten that the FKK boards are so collegial and helpful. In fact I think I may have crossed paths at some point, but never properly met, Iseeu and Euro100 back in 2004 at Oase or World. I do recall meeting the gentlemanly Shiatsu (but unfortunately missed Cordelia).

To answer Euro100's question, circumstances kept me away from FKK land for too long, however I've been to other interesting areas in the meantime where the women were good but certainly the ISG board membership has not been as helpful.

Looking forward to returning to FKK land...

RtW

[Woof Woof]

Question for Iseeu (or other regulars of the Hof):

Does Debby work on Mondays?

[Jackyo]

What I want to know is this: How in the world did you manage to stay away from FKK country for three whole years?

... for three years and then decided it wasn't for him.

Its the only scenario I can think of. :-)

[Marlow]

I would add to Iseuu's sound advice. There is one club that stays open until 4 am and its only 20 mins drive from Bernd's and that is Finca Erotica on the A3 south, turn off Dierdorf. A couple of ex hof girls work there.
Directions:
A) get back on the motorway A3 heading for Frankfurt and take Dierdorf exit. 5k in Dierdorf itself after the Aral gas station on the left take a right into Poststrasse. Finca Erotica is 1k on the right next to a Norma supermarket - strange but true.
B) Be very clever and from Lichtenberg get the main road but head towards Uckerath. In Uckerath take a right at the traffic lights, follow your nose through Wellesberg to Sand where shortly afterwards you take a right. You come to another set of traffic lights go straight on and at a roundabout (brandnew) take a left to the A3 and the Siebengeberge interchange, follow signs to Frankfurt.
The second route cuts off the great loop of A3 and A560 and saves you a good ten minutes if any of you are driving north to Bernds from the Frankfurt area.
You might prefer route A being as it will be dark and late and driving through hills and dales ain't the best plan unless you know where you are.

[Euro100]

Haven't been to an FKK for three long years, but have some fond memories from World, Oase, Palace and even the long lost Atlantis...

What I want to know is this: How in the world did you manage to stay away from FKK country for three whole years?