Filipinas - Opinions and Advice

[Sam 14]

It never fails, when a pinay has a gay brother or lesbian sister, they *must* point it out. <Snip> "This my brothers and sister. This brother is a GAY". <Snip> Do any of you gents who have lived in phils for some time have an explanation for that?

Yes. . My guess is it's in their DNA, just like don't skip your lunch, and the famous "where are you?"

[Soapy Smith]

I think it comes from a culture of being much more accepting of gay. In every workplace with which I am involved there are gays of both sides which fit into the dynamics of the organisation, the peers and the expectations. I'm seeing it as a positive. BD.

This is how I have always interpreted it. What comes across is the matter-of-fact nature in which it 's said. In cultures that are much less accepting of gays we would expect folks to definitively not draw attention to the gay family member.

[FreebieFan]

Then she asked me about a belated Christmas gift to which I replied did you forget that I am not Christian?

They don't care if you are christian or not. They care for their pasalubong. Could be easter / devil worshipping day / eat more chilli day / international toilet day. Its still a reason for you to give a gift. In fact every day is gift giving day, but never to receive.

Its a wonderful moment when you turn the tables and ask the girl " so where's my gift ". Usually a speechless totally silent moment will follow with an utterly confused look in her eyes.

[Mr Enternational]

I am also often told of the gay family cohort. I had not considered it as 'pointing it out'.

I have experienced the same thing. I just asked my girl and she said that she has never noticed any Filipinos to do that. She suggested asking the people who say that. I said maybe they only do it with foreigners then. She said maybe so.

Then she asked me about a belated Christmas gift to which I replied did you forget that I am not Christian?

[BrainDrain]

Have always been curious about this. It never fails, when a pinay has a gay brother or lesbian sister, they *must* point it out. Alternately, when she is mentioning about the brother of her friend (the friend is sitting in the room, both girls are naked), and the brother is gay, she *must* point that out. Looking at a picture of several Filipino, I curiously ask who this or that person is. "he is the brother of Analyn. He is a GAY". Or "This my brothers and sister. This brother is a GAY". If pointing out anyone else in the picture, she would never say: "he (or She) is straight". There seems to be some need to mention gay / bakla. Do any of you gents who have lived in phils for some time have an explanation for that?

I am also often told of the gay family cohort. I had not considered it as 'pointing it out'.

I think it comes from a culture of being much more accepting of gay. In every workplace with which I am involved there are gays of both sides which fit into the dynamics of the organisation, the peers and the expectations.

I'm seeing it as a positive.

BD.

[WestCoast1]

Greetings Mr 8787, I'm not sure it's so often hidden. Often when telling me about their family, Pinays have said things like "I have 4 brothers and 5 sisters, but one is tomboy (or one is gay / bakla). " I can't figure out why they chose to mention that of all the characteristics they think I'd want to know.

Have always been curious about this. It never fails, when a pinay has a gay brother or lesbian sister, they *must* point it out. Alternately, when she is mentioning about the brother of her friend (the friend is sitting in the room, both girls are naked), and the brother is gay, she *must* point that out. Looking at a picture of several Filipino, I curiously ask who this or that person is. "he is the brother of Analyn. He is a GAY". Or "This my brothers and sister. This brother is a GAY". If pointing out anyone else in the picture, she would never say: "he (or She) is straight". There seems to be some need to mention gay / bakla. Do any of you gents who have lived in phils for some time have an explanation for that?

[MrWoolyBooly]

Most families will have a hidden bakla in the closet to foreigners, but pretty open to themselves.

Greetings Mr 8787, I'm not sure it's so often hidden. Often when telling me about their family, Pinays have said things like "I have 4 brothers and 5 sisters, but one is tomboy (or one is gay / bakla). " I can't figure out why they chose to mention that of all the characteristics they think I'd want to know. My acquaintances may not be a large enough sample size, but they do range from dirt poor to solid Pinoy middle class.

[Dg8787]

There was a girl that I had been to bed with a few times, she was referred to me by another girl that I had been with. After a while she was texting me and there was a stern jealous question like how many girl friends do you have? After a pause and some thought I replied "15 girls and one bakla". She started laughing and that was the end of the questioning and she understood that I was a butterfly.

I have never heard bakla used as a degrading word by Filipinos. How ever some will use "gay" as the English word. Most families will have a hidden bakla in the closet to foreigners, but pretty open to themselves.

[Soapy Smith]

From my experience living in the Philippines, homosexual men were referred to as "gays". Butch-looking homesexual women were called "tomboys" or "toms". I had only heard transsexuals referred to as "ladyboys" or "bakla", the latter being less flattering. AsianRain.

Perhaps these terms are used differently in various settings or among various groups. My first exposure to the term "bakla" was from a woman who agreed to meet me at the airport. She had never met anybody at the airport and so told me she would be accompanied by two friends, Eunice and Jimmie, who were more familiar with meeting passengers at Terminal 1. I asked during a phone call how it was she was so close to Jimmie, alluding to the possibility he was her regular boyfriend. She laughed and said, "no, Jimmie is bakla. " I looked it up in my Filipino-English dictionary and found it defined as "homosexual. " In interactions after I arrived she referred to him directly as "bakla. " he seemed to take no offense, and this seems in keeping with RK's sugggestion, if I understand him correctly, that the expression is not regarded as insulting.

In a poor community in Malabon that I sometimes frequent there are a couple of gay men (not cross-dressers) who are referred to in person as "bakla," nearly as frequently as by their given names. Nobody pays any particular notice when this happens. In most social settings when an expression or communication is out of place or insulting, the natives sit up and take notice. I have been shopping, in Divisoria for example, with one of these men accompanying my squeeze, her teenage son, and me, largely because he knew the jeepney routes and she did not. As we strolled around the Divisoria Mall area she would refer to him openly as "bakla," and of the many people within earshot, nobody looked askance. These interactions suggested to me that the experession, at least in these contexts, was not seen as pejorative.

It's also possible that these situations have social class implications. The people I was hanging with were definitely not high society, although this particular bakla has worked regularly as an OFW in Singapore and Hong Kong. Perhaps in more high society contexts bakla has a more pejorative implication. Among the people I am describing having interacted with, "bakla" and "ladyboy" were not synonymous. It was understood that laydboys are baklas, but not all baklas are ladyboys. But, YMMV.

[Hutsori]

For some reason Firebird comes to mind when I read your report about tomboys.

It's thunderbird, also t-bird, that's used for toms. They dislike it.

The TV programme Showtime had a tomboy pageant called "That's My Tomboy" a few years back. Very charming.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=llWi3T_OfU8

Not only were many once beautiful girls, the toms have game.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NaSdYrviCLw

[X Man]

For some reason Firebird comes to mind when I read your report about tomboys.

I'm not homophopic, but I generally avoid eye contact and social contact with male streetwalkers. I was passing thru to the Angeles City Walking street, which is often a gauntlet, and got an unexpected and unwanted proposition. This was accompanied by a great flourish of hand wave. My reaction was to lean away, and I probably had a displeased look on my face. I said nothing.

The response was, "go back to your country".

From my experience living in the Philippines, homosexual men were referred to as "gays". Butch-looking homesexual women were called "tomboys" or "toms". I had only heard transsexuals referred to as "ladyboys" or "bakla", the latter being less flattering. From my observation, many Filipino male transsexuals look like cross-dressers as they struggle with many challenges that land them in the more pejorative "bakla" category. (1) Majority cannot afford surgery so they are flat-chested and cannot get extra touches on nose and adam's apple. (2) Filipino men have more hair and don't have the smooth-skinned passable looks of some other nationalities like Thais. (3) Very few can afford hormones or expensive make up to make them more passable. So I generally think that Filipinos will refer more kindly to a passable and lady-like transsexual as "ladyboy". Those that are more like flaming cross-dressers will more likely get called "bakla". So if you want to score advance brownie points with your transsexual Filipino friends before you score other kinds of "brownie points", go for the less pejorative nomenclature. Haha. Enjoy the Philippines, AsianRain.

[Asian Rain]

Thanks for the explanation RK. So Bakla is also used to refer to ladyboys? I guess they are not happy with that because they are not homosexual.

From my experience living in the Philippines, homosexual men were referred to as "gays". Butch-looking homesexual women were called "tomboys" or "toms". I had only heard transsexuals referred to as "ladyboys" or "bakla", the latter being less flattering. From my observation, many Filipino male transsexuals look like cross-dressers as they struggle with many challenges that land them in the more pejorative "bakla" category. (1) Majority cannot afford surgery so they are flat-chested and cannot get extra touches on nose and adam's apple. (2) Filipino men have more hair and don't have the smooth-skinned passable looks of some other nationalities like Thais. (3) Very few can afford hormones or expensive make up to make them more passable. So I generally think that Filipinos will refer more kindly to a passable and lady-like transsexual as "ladyboy". Those that are more like flaming cross-dressers will more likely get called "bakla". So if you want to score advance brownie points with your transsexual Filipino friends before you score other kinds of "brownie points", go for the less pejorative nomenclature. Haha. Enjoy the Philippines, AsianRain.

[Mogwai]

Thanks for the update Mogs.

Firstly, some translation advice (according to my experiences as a long-term resident here). Bakla is defined in my dictionaries by the pejorative term (nowadays anyway) as "homosexual". Google via Wikipedia says that "in modern Filipino, it can mean either "effeminate man" or "homosexual". Cebuanos use either bayot or bakla to describe gay men. "Tomboy" is the universal term for women who have a mannish appearance and are lesbian but this excludes the sexy feminine woman who is bisexual and also lesbian. BTW, it is not an insulting term, and filipinos use tomboy/bakla / bayot all the time to describe other people.

Thanks for the explanation RK. So Bakla is also used to refer to ladyboys? I guess they are not happy with that because they are not homosexual.

[Mogwai]

Re WeChat. I am merely reporting my experience with it and I have used it almost exclusively in Ortigas Center so I am sure your experience of using it in Makati and possibly AC yields different results. I would say 9 out of 10 hits on me are from baklas, and I have recently disabled it on my phone as I am too busy right now to be fussed with it as a tool.

That's very much been my experience too RK. I was in Poblacion enjoying a lazy afternoon on the terrace at Treehouse and was pretty exasperated by the lack of real girls. I find Skout and Badoo much more reliable in this regard.

As for Wechat, I have tried using it in Makati multiple times, almost only found clear Bakla or at least girls that caused suspicion. Ended up leaving it altogether.

I have used WeChat in AC and Thailand for the most part and only a couple of times in Manila (simply because I'm not staying there very often). Both in AC and Thailand I think about 40 or 50 percent of the hits on me are from ladyboys.

I've tried Badoo in Thailand but it didn't work for me there. Haven't tried it in the Phils yet so maybe I should. Thanks for the tip.

[BaboyDave]

Thanks for the update Mogs.

Firstly, some translation advice (according to my experiences as a long-term resident here). Bakla is defined in my dictionaries by the pejorative term (nowadays anyway) as "homosexual". Google via Wikipedia says that "in modern Filipino, it can mean either "effeminate man" or "homosexual". Cebuanos use either bayot or bakla to describe gay men. "Tomboy" is the universal term for women who have a mannish appearance and are lesbian but this excludes the sexy feminine woman who is bisexual and also lesbian. BTW, it is not an insulting term, and filipinos use tomboy/bakla / bayot all the time to describe other people.

Re WeChat. I am merely reporting my experience with it and I have used it almost exclusively in Ortigas Center so I am sure your experience of using it in Makati and possibly AC yields different results. I would say 9 out of 10 hits on me are from baklas, and I have recently disabled it on my phone as I am too busy right now to be fussed with it as a tool.

Readers should follow your advice and not be put off by my negative views, but I still advise caution and to do your due diligence before inviting anyone up for a massage.

Good points RK.

Where I come from a 'Tomboy' is a woman partaking in manly activities and dressing up in what is normally viewed as menswear.

It has never had anything to do with sexual preferences. I found myself debating this with multiple Pinay when either I or she used the term only to be lost in translation.

In any case, it is indeed a term for "Lesbian" in Filipino lingo, as is Bakla for Homosexual / Transgender.

As for Wechat, I have tried using it in Makati multiple times, almost only found clear Bakla or at least girls that caused suspicion. Ended up leaving it altogether.