Filipinas - Opinions and Advice

[Khun Larry]

As of last Sept i spend half the year in Cebu for work. I've been here 3.5 months since Sept. I've messaged with I think almost 100 girls through filipinoheart.com and met scores. Trouble is I'm married, so this method does not work very well for getting laid. My wife is never able to come to the Phils 'cause of her work back home so I'm alone for 2 months here-- my SOB story if I were not to get laid for 2 months.

It is VERY easy for me to have girls here attracted to me, but of course it's too much work to go behond friends cause they know I'm married and I won't lie.

I've spent too much money in bars so that's not my thing anymore.

Question: it would seem to me that "adultfriendfinder" would be a great place to meet freelancers in Cebu. Any have ideas about that. If it's true for Manila than probably also for Cebu. Angeles is another story. There are "freelancers" posting alll over the dating sites from Angeles.

Did you join these sits as a paying member or did they contact you?

I can't see any Filipinas paying $30 a month.

[GoodEnough]

As Harvey WB says, quite accurately, it's difficult to generalize, and the extent of familial responsiblity depends on the Filipina with whom you're living. In my case, I've known my girlfriend for about 14 months, and we've been living together for 6 or 7 months. Never once, in all that time, has she asked me for a centavo for her family. Harvey's advice is right on the money. Choose carefully, and be careful.

GE

[Harvey WB]

However, in the Philippino culture, unlike ours, it is always expected that you would always provide what ever you have to a family member who for whatever reason needs the money more than you do at this moment. They view their assets as being community property across the entire family.

I have heard numerous stories where a Filipina goes abroad to work for several years as a domestic helper or “entertainer” and then returns home with a nice nest egg only to face the expectation that the first “crisis” faced by any family member will be solved by her turning over her savings. These things are not an option in their culture unless she is willing to be disowned by her family.

So in the end it comes down not to only whether you can trust that she is being honest about her feelings, but also would you want to put her in the position of not behaving in the manner that would be expected of someone in her financial position.

Regarding para1, you may not be expected to cover all of the expenses; when there was a death (actually happened twice in last 18 months), we had my wife's kuya contribute P1,000 on our behalf each time and reimbursed him, everybody was ok with this.

Regarding para 2, the OFWs or OCWs get screwed by everybody, in many cases including the family. It's very hard to work in Singapore (usually less $$ thna HK and 1 day off a month), HK or elsewhere for 2,4,10 or 20 years and then return home, soon to be broke, but it happens all the time.

Elsewhere on WSG/Philippines there was a post, mostly of generalizations about marrying a Filipina and the importance of "family" support. I think the poster was confusing Thailand with RP (I've been to Thailand but really only know about the culture from that week (nada, LOL), what I read on "Stickman" and elsewhere. Choose xarefully and you will be rewarded; choose foolishly and you will be punished cruely....but then divorced and free to choose again, LOL. And the choosing (interviewing!!) may be the best part of all!

[GoodEnough]

I just got a PM asking me how I managed to delete the post from Wil Kil. I do not have the power, the authority or even the interest to delete anyone's post. It must have been the administrator who decided that it was inappropriate.

GE

[Sho Nuff]

Deleted, bad taste.

[GoodEnough]

Not necessarily.

[Sho Nuff]

If a filipina wants to have your kid and fucks on your first time meeting her, only after extensive chatting and phone calls for 3 months, she definitely bad business right?

[Wander Luster]

As of last Sept i spend half the year in Cebu for work. I've been here 3.5 months since Sept. I've messaged with I think almost 100 girls through filipinoheart.com and met scores. Trouble is I'm married, so this method does not work very well for getting laid. My wife is never able to come to the Phils 'cause of her work back home so I'm alone for 2 months here-- my SOB story if I were not to get laid for 2 months.

It is VERY easy for me to have girls here attracted to me, but of course it's too much work to go behond friends cause they know I'm married and I won't lie.

I've spent too much money in bars so that's not my thing anymore.

Question: it would seem to me that "adultfriendfinder" would be a great place to meet freelancers in Cebu. Any have ideas about that. If it's true for Manila than probably also for Cebu. Angeles is another story. There are "freelancers" posting alll over the dating sites from Angeles.

[PsyberZombie]

Any·one who has any substantial Net Worth knows how to get out of giving away that net worth to all the moochers who in·variably ask

You should sit your little Filipina wife / GF down and explain how this works =

Any·one who asks for moola gets a 'sob story' about how in spite of all the trappings of wealth you possess , you are , in fact , deeply in debt and have NO Liquid Assets to spare . Consider it a 'White Lie' ; and don't forget to tell wifie No More Vacations or Jewelry will be possible if you relent [ hopefully this too will be a White Lie ]

This should be easy to pull off , especially if you are in the U.S. and the mooching family is across the Pacific Ocean

If you really *do* have substantial net worth , to the point that friends , family , and even people you barely know are constantly hitting you up for 'Loans' or 'Investment Opportunities' , you may have to resort to the next level of Deception , and do what Yours Truly does =

Enlist your Accountant to be the Bad Guy for you

When·ever some·one hits you up , just give them your Accountant's name and phone number and tell them she'll fix them up

When the Mooch calls , the Accountant gives them the Sad News that in spite of all appearances , you are actually just one step ahead of getting every·thing you own re·possessed and how all your credit cards are maxed out [ All LIES ]

Because the Bad News comes from a third party , it seems that much more believeable

And the dozen or so hours I get billed each year for this 'service' are more than worth it in the long run

Try it !!

[Travel to Monger]

Planning on marrying my filipina but having thoughts of possible problems. Family is poor.....

Never asked me for jewelry or watches or clothes...

...she has 9 brothers and 2 sisters and the thought of me supporting or bringing in the whole family makes me il. She of course says that no way but

What do you experienced Filipino watchers say are the chances of her being honest to me.(she has been truthful to me and we talk constantly)

Marc,

I think that “the chances of her being honest to you” are respectable based on what you included in your post.

That said, I don’t think that the real issue here is her honesty but rather the inevitable financial emergencies that will confront her immediate family over the years.

First let’s estimate how large her family will be once her siblings are all grown. If each of her siblings has 2 children (22 kids), her parents and her existing child you are looking at approximately 25 individuals.

When these individuals are faced with a financial crisis (hospitalization, medicine, school tuition, etc) they will look to the family member who is married to the foreigner since he is rich. She will either have to pony up the money as required or appear to be completely un-caring of the very serious problems facing her parents, siblings or child. Even in the West, this would often be a difficult request to refuse if you were several orders of magnitude richer than the rest of your family. Imagine if your sister were married to Bill Gates and your parents needed an expensive surgical procedure that wasn’t covered by their insurance and she said “fuck-off and die.”

However, in the Philippino culture, unlike ours, it is always expected that you would always provide what ever you have to a family member who for whatever reason needs the money more than you do at this moment. They view their assets as being community property across the entire family.

I have heard numerous stories where a Filipina goes abroad to work for several years as a domestic helper or “entertainer” and then returns home with a nice nest egg only to face the expectation that the first “crisis” faced by any family member will be solved by her turning over her savings. These things are not an option in their culture unless she is willing to be disowned by her family.

So in the end it comes down not to only whether you can trust that she is being honest about her feelings, but also would you want to put her in the position of not behaving in the manner that would be expected of someone in her financial position.

[Marc25]

Thanks for your reply, I know she owns the land Spanish land grant, 1/16 spanish. She is going to the top school in the Phillipines I told her if she can pass I would send, loves school, studying wants to be doctor, I said nurse so you can support me and I get check, no check I divorce you next day, up to you, I said. She said okay.

I am sure she will pass nurse program in the states and plan to do a prenuptial . I am also resigned to the fact that we may break up but feel what time we have together is so wonderful it seems a shame to let it go. I do not need her to work at all, my lifestyle will not improve with her income but it makes her more educated , sucessful and would make me proud of her. She worked two jobs, she went to school full time and bought 3 farms so I feel she has some class irregardless of her poorness(first in her family to go to college or leave the farm) I am expecting the worst and I let her know that and yet I miss her company, I am in thailand ,by myself and have almost no interest in another woman, it is getting me worried that I actually care for her deeply. She has told her family that once she leaves the pi she will not be able to send money as we will need it for our family. I guess nothing it 100%, but I remember a friend of mine worth 1 billion US and married to 5 billion " buddy no one gets everything they want , no one , there are always tradeoffs" wrong quote , what he also said"before you marry be 100% sure , do not doubt". My two frieds decided to marry in one and three day respectively. ONe of them married a 40 year old professional bar girl. He of course had never been to the PI and went down to get a Fiancee visa to the first woman he went to bed with because the sex was so good.

Now he is supoorting seven people and of course before he went he said he would not even think of any girl who has children as he has raised his children. I tried to talk to him but he will not listen to anything negative about the most wonderful woman in the world. He has given her a credit card (two) and her limit is the same as his. OH well. I see real disaster but know he will not listen, my girl says he is in a dream and does not want it wakened.

[GoodEnough]

Let's see, when I last lived in the US, which was a long time ago, the divorce rate was about 50% and edging higher. When I lived in France, which was more recent, the divorce rate was about the same and fewer and fewer couples were choosing to get married. I sense a trend here. Why pick out the poor Filipinas for scorn and abuse? The fact is, if a Westerner marries a Filipina the risk of divorce is high, but probably no higher than if he had married another Westerner.

Yes, cross-cultural marriages are hard. The frames of reference, the socializations, the values and expectations are different; often radically different. I've made this point before and I will try to make it one more time: the odds on establishing a lasting relationship increase dramatically if you can find a "non poor" middle class, reasonably well-educated lady. This should hardly be a surprising revelation. Most people in the West marry within their own socio-economic class. In fact, if most of you heard of a well-educated, financially secure guy marrying the daughter of a subsistence farmer from some small, rural town, you would probably be fairly disdainful of the relationship. It should then not be shocking that many, if not most such relationships to not work here either.

One other point about "land owning" families. Most families do not actually own the land, or anything else. Rather, it's historically deeded to the family, or rented to the family by the local Datu or landlord. Land titling here is completely screwed up, and few clear titles to rural land exist. The odds are good that, though a girl's family may have been farming the land for generations, it does not own it. The chances are even better that the family borrows heavily, from the landlord, prior to each planting season for seeds and fertilizers and then repays the loans with most of the crops grown, only to borrow again prior to the next planting cycle. That's pretty much the way that the rural system of perpetual serfdom works here.

GE

[Frequent Flier]

Sound as if you have one great girl there. That of course should be your first and greatest concern and it seems that you understand that very well as you have maintained your relationship with her.

If she has a child that will stay back at home, something girls are all to willing to do in the PI that I do not understand. As you have stated and seem to already know you will most likely be expected to support the child and at least one if not more of the people taking care of this child. I'm sure the Mother would at least feel this much responsibility.

I am currently helping a girl and her child so that they can make a go of it for the future. I will not support her forever and she knows this. I insist that she take English classes now, so that she can go on to school when the child is three years old and can stay with a sitter or nanny. I do this because I knew her in the past and some guy knocked her up and doesn't care to be involved or be responsible. So I am helping out. I can tell you that her family owns land and in the past she had sent money home to help. She was not a gogo bar girl, but worked in Hong Kong for many years.

However, this girl hasn't sent any money home in over two years and told her family she would send no more money before she quit. They haven't asked that I know of. She has purchased them presents at times on the standard holidays, but never anything to expensive.

The point is that some girls will not support their family. Not sure how they escape this social weight and why they do not feel obligated like others do, but they do.

I have read other stories and know guys married to Filipina's who have the same stories.

It does happen, but you still have to take a little leap of faith in these situations. As I'm sure you know, nothing is for sure.

Good Luck,

FF

[Genuis8]

Marc25,

If the thought of you supporting the whole family makes you ill, then do not marry her. Because the likelihood of you supporting them is high. They are poor but have land. Are they farmers who can till the land but need some money to start off for farming equipment? If your girl is quitting her job (cuz you want it that way), what is going to do for monthly expenses? Unless they have a way to become financially independent, you will be the primary source of help. Of course your girl says : No Way. She feels that way. But what happens when they are in need of money, say, for food. Can your girl be the only that eats while the rest of her family starves in front of her? How would you behave in her place?

[Harvey WB]

Sounds OK to me. I would take her at her word and you also have some actions to already judge her on.

My wife used to get upset if I "splurged" on her family (bought a cheap fridge for their farm P9,000) and discouraged me from sending her gifts. I did insist on giving her money after her return home from HK to pursue the K-1 paperwork, but she only accepted enough for her trip to Manila and St Luke's expenses.

We did send her family $100 for Christmas in the past, but this last year money was tght and we sent P3,000 from our last trip.

I made a $1,000 "loan" to help her brother set up a roofing business 2 years ago (but her kuya also forked over P50K, we split the cost); I will probably never see payback on this and did not expect it. Made another loan in April 2004 and this I expect to see soon, if not all in 1 payment, then perhaps spread over 4 payments.

Discuss with your fiance your expectations on family support if she works. This is an issue with some couples I know here. Be as clear as you can, but sometimes when we think things are clear, they aren't.

In any event, if there is a serious emergency (and I'm sure there will be), be ready to assist. Sometimes it's not the whole enchilada, just P1,000 to show that you care or are willing to help. Your future wife can help you figure this out.