Filipinas - Opinions and Advice

[MasterBlaster]

Uninfun and others,

If you think reality is that Western guys always bring Third World "trophy" wives then so be it, however, don't expect that special rules or privileges apply to these people. I understand that you've been seeing this as a trend for which you have suffered yourself, but, couldn't you just rationalize that a successful marriage is not based on looks alone? Maybe you already thought about this.

In my opinion, marrying a bar girl is the biggest mistake that a Westerner could ever make. Bar girls are light years away compared to normal working girls. Bar girls work on the idea on how to make a quick buck no matter what while a normal working girl believes in the decency and dignity of labor. Bar girls have started from being desperate, abused, demeaned and later being the poser, user and abuser. They are psychologically damaged in the head because they can never really escape from being desperate, abused and demeaned even if they get married to a Westerner. In the Philippines, a bar girl is looked upon as one of the lowest in society. They are always suspect to being a prostitute. They are always the gossip of the neighborhood. They are teased while they walk the streets. Their families usually shun them or look at them as the gravy train.

Once I met this good looking ex-Olongapo bar girl from a trendy nightclub in Texas. We traded stories finally I asked her how she got to America. It was a friendly conversation. Along the way, she explicitly told me she married this old guy but she left him at home to party. Guys were practically buying her drinks left and right then this young guy came and she introduced him to me as his new man. Then suddenly in the middle of the conversation, she ordered me to buy drinks otherwise she wouldn't talk to me no more. What a pompous ass! I said whispering: In the Philippines, you are practically a 1,000 peso w****! The good thing I didn't call her PUTA or she'd probably let loose her w**** fury. I felt sorry for the old guy who brought her.

Bottomline, looks could only go so far.

MasterBlaster

[MasterBlaster]

Slickery,

"I wonder what an 18 year old girl wants with a 46 year old man."

I will be blunt and honest but please don't get offended. I will just be laying down the facts for you. These are the reasons a "presumably" 18 year old girl expresses interests with a 46 year old man over the Internet:

1. She sees you as her knight in shining armor since she sees you as a way out of her misery (including her family's misery);

2. She had been in a bad relationship (possibly got pregnant) and unequivocably decided that all local guys are bad;

3. She sees you as attractive because you have the Western looks. This comes from the "colonial mentality" that persists in Philippine society. You could also bring prestige to the family.

4. She sees you as a stable figure who likely would not womanize because of your age;

5. Her family would like to get out of the country and decided that she is their only ticket. All the relatives pitch in responding to your e-mails and listen to all your phone conversations;

6. She wants you to sponsor you in her studies and make you a good Samaritan. She can be brazen as to say that "Western people are so nice they pay for everything for nothing."

7. You are just a potential con victim who they can get cash or profit from. Beware of attractive pictures especially if you haven't seen her on a webcam or does not let you talk over the phone. Most pictures are actually cut-outs from teen magazines. SOB stories are to be told with expectation to loosen your pocket. She may show her own picture but she might want you to buy her some cell phone loads which she is crazy about.

8. You are just part of "her" girlish fantasy. Some are gay playing irresistable girl. It's their pictures that were posted but their voice and mannerism is the tie-breaker;

9. They like to have friends from foreign lands and maybe play house later. She really doesn't have a clue why she is doing it. She's probably still a kid.

10. You are just so irresistable even James Bond couldn't compare to you.

You take your pick. I hope you keep this in mind. Good luck!

MasterBlaster

[Mikster]

FD and others,

Your right, it probably doesnt do much good for any of us to lecture on the risks of third world marriage. My report was more or less just anecdotal based on a horrible experience that I had. I have more of them, but i didnt want to go into the whole thing. Its not all about me, most of my horror stories are about other men who have used the shittiest judgement possible when out on the search for a wife. I have seen incredible stupidity displayed by otherwise extremely intelligent men. Last year, a friend of mine married an indian girl from Lima, Peru against EVERYONES advice, including a couple of her own friends. I saw him last week and he is severely depressed. She has turned into a ***** who complains about everything, has gotten fat, and wants a divorce. I cant tell you how this frightens me when I develop feelings for foreign women. I am so jaded and cynical that no woman really has a chance with me. Its too bad because I know I have let a couple slip through my hands that I shouldnt have, but I just couldnt pull the trigger and follow through. I could use a can of some Ronald Reagan optimism when I meet someone that I have a good feeling about. Then, the other part of me says why even bother thinking about marriage at all? There's really nothing in it for a man that is worth the risk with any women, and financial devastation is right around the corner if she decides to leave you. Remember, if you marry a foreign woman you are on the hook for a long period of support should things go south. I dont think a man can afford to be to careful in this process.

Anyway, just my opinion. Not intended to be a lecture or put down of anyone who disagrees with me.

Mikster

[Firedick]

Hank, MB & Man in Search,

Thanks for trying to mellow things out here.


To the rest,

What a bunch of pedantic posturing ! True, this is the "opinion and advice" section. But stop trying to impress us with your wisdom and experience. Does posting make you feel self important ? Get over it.

Anyone who falls in love with a bar girl is an idiot (IMHO) and deserves what he gets. But, people who paint all Filipinas with the same broad brush are no better.


FD

[English Dan]

Uniform,

I looked at your message below and you wrote:

It's not about being harsh, it's about reality. I was with my filipnia girl for over five years. I've seen the culture, the good side and the bad side. Could you bring over a 35 year old nurse and be ok, mabey. However, that's not what most guys bring home (ala the lbfm trophy wife). My ex was a trophy wife, as well as severa l of her girlfriends. All had awesome bodies and good manners about themselves. Almost all broke up with their older husbands after two (2) years! The only one who didn't is screwing around on the side and has multiple boyfriends she's told me about. Many will say and do anything to get to the US and get a husband. It's just reality that you need to be careful about. Even the girl I know who is staying with her older husband told me she's doing it for her stepkids, not him.

********************************

Let me take a moment to underscore certain assumptions in your report:

1. reality - as defined by you is your limited experience with your gf (admitedly a bar girl) and her girl friends (presumably also from that bar culture) the so called trophy wives.
2. These girls are all young and broke up with their "older" husbands.
3. Many will do and say anything to get to the US and get a husband.
4. Even the one girl you knkow who is sticking with her husband is doing so only for the stepkids.

The assumptions above are again based on limited experience. Now that is reasonable to consider your experience along with others but if we are going to use the language of talking about "reality". Reality is that when a forty or fity something year old male finds a rather uneducated but pretty bar girl of twenty to be his wife, there are going to be some challenges.

Putting aside the age difference, these girls have often had to go this route because they did not have any other options. So they may be lacking in both education, sophistication, culture and maturity all those things play a role in socializing that person into becoming a suitable mate (though not necessarily all those traits are required). So while other girls may have been developing character such as self control, discipline, hard work, frugalness etc. these bar girls developed habits and character built around fast and easy money, the adrenaline rush, multiple partners etc. and in the process may have even developed certain behavioral addictions as a result of their lifestyle that compels them toward continued promiscuity - even if they really dont want to in their hearts. They may in fact need therapy to overcome these personal challenges. So any man that does marry one - better be prepared to take on this baggage and help her through her past - if she even wants it (she may not).

When looking at formulating healthy relationships, it has to go much deeper than an older guy being proud of the trophy wife. Please - I am not trying to pick a fight here or accuse you or anyone else for that matter, of being superficial or shallow or one dimensional in your approach. So much has to go into finding the righ mate and once it is reduced to the frame of "she is good looking", the girl really knows how to play that one easily. Sadly that basis of relationship is off to a bad start without having the really needed stuff to make a good friendship, rapport and mate for the long term. I have to wonder also if the girl deep down inside maybe resents that her perceived value lies in her "good looks" and not for who she is. While there may be some superficiality on her part in entering into a relationship such as she has, yet the esteem issue runs deep and may drive her away if she does not feel truly valued for who she is (or at least things she is) having been raised in a highly Catholic/relgious country.

The third assumption of saying or doing anything to get a husband is certainly valid as you worded it "many" qualifying it accordingly.

The fourth point - about the girl sticking around for the step kids is somewhat sad but certainly i have known many American women who stick around for the sake of the children and when college comes - off she goes to.

Thanks for your report. It was stimulating. Sorry for such a long response but am simply trying to continue to inject reason into the discussion on the board. Hopefully the guys will do better then your friends by not going after a bar girl 20 years their junior, but finding a woman who is in a healthy state of mind and not carrying alot of personal baggage and dsyfuntion. Perhaps a partner closer in age range would also add some more element of frienship and equality to the relationship, though Asian women ofter like older men because of the "respect factor" and "wisdom" often ascribed to them. This is attractive to them from a stabilty standpoint.

Best wishes

Hank

[English Dan]

Dear SLickery,

You write:

I wonder what an 18 year old girl wants with a 46 year old man.

I do not want to think bad of any of these girls but it does make me worry about marrying any of these girls.

**************************

To offer a possible reasonable anwer to those questions, a young filipina's perspective on why she would have interest in an older Western man lies rooted partly in her culture and maybe partly in her experience.

1. Her culture will implicity respect older men as wise and sophisticated. With that comes a level of stability and nurturing that is attractive to women who are looking for a man who will be a good man to them and a stable family man for their future children.

2. Experience may be that the young filipino boys she goes out with are immature and possibly very promiscuous if not unfaithful. An older man may in fact be less unscrupulous and have a greater sense of loyalty to her...particularly as his own libiido is beginning to be less "charged". Unless he is a serial monger with a serious additiction problem - she may find such a guy attractive, cause for these women it isn't all about the "looks".

Incidentally the money does factor into the equation - but in the sense that the money gifts are seen as an expression of love.
(This is not to say that there aren't ruthless girls who are just out to milk you as I have had my experience with them before)

Hope this is helpful to you.

Hank

[Man In Search]

Comment from Slikery
<<I could not help but comment on this thread. I have always been attracted to asian women and put an ad on one of the asian penpal sites. I am 46 years old and average looking.

Every day I get intrest from 10 to 20 girls. This would be great but the majority of these girls are from 18 to 20 years old.

I wonder what an 18 year old girl wants with a 46 year old man.

I do not want to think bad of any of these girls but it does make me worry about marrying any of these girls.

Are they that desperate to get out of the Phillipines or are they truely interested in a 46 year old guy.>>
===========================================
Dear Friend(s),
I might seem to championing the case of philipina women too much, but believe me I have received wonderful treatment from all my rented asian girlfriends. I confess I have not been in relations that are 4 year old, but I have rented the same girl for 6 months in some cases. In all the cases I have expereinced good companionship and a very sensible head on lovely shoulders.

I may have been lucky.

But I am not talking about an isolated case, I've had similar experience with multiple girls.

To answer Slikery's specific question: Yes of course they are after the money. But your age is of much lesser consequence to them. They do not mind having a relation with a much older man. What they prefer is an understanding person. Well If he is rich then it is even better.

I am 40+ myself and my girlfriends are sometimes 20+. I am an Asian so the girls do not associate dollar with me. Also if I like a girl the first thing that I tell her is "I am not a rich guy", which I am not. So there iare no false expectations.

Even with this background, I have had very enjoyable expereinces with my girlfriends (and continuing to have the same even now).
Well I owe it to these girls to speak up for them. They are really wonderful girls.

I am sure there are whakeys and thieves among them, but which population is free from bad elements.

My two pence.

Happy mongering to all.

[MasterBlaster]

Hank Stram,

I appreciate your kind words. Your comments show a lot of experience and wisdom. Other posters will find it very useful.

Others,

I urge the other posters here not to pass isolated negative experiences as the "truth" especially if the facts are only supported by your own experience. Such action is prejudicial at best and serves no purpose. It is better to just lay down the facts and let the others decide how to interpret it. Making generalizations based on one, two or three experiences is just plain fallacy. I don't think this section is intended to show how you could be infallible either. Show some wisdom like Hank did.

MasterBlaster

[Fastpiston]

I feel the posts of the last few days are really useful for those about to make commitments to women from third world countries.

In the case of the Philippines, remember that you could end up with a truly sincere, wonderful girl, but the family may not be so sweet and look at you as the money pot. Even Filipina domestic helpers in Hong Kong are put under unbearable money request pressure from family back home, to the extent that such Filipinas take on large debts. It is common to read in Hong Kong newspapers about such girls driven to suicide. Be careful, some families are BIG ie 10 sisters & brothers, cousins etc etc. Before you know it there is a whole village out there!

Again, there are exceptions. My advice is be very, very careful and be street wise. You can end up with a real diamond, but you have to filter carefully through a lot of dirt to get to it! Meet the family and see if the handout requests start. They will usually show up after a time. Thus my earlier post advice to take a year with a girl to check things out.

[Uninfun]

It's not about being harsh, it's about reality. I was with my filipnia girl for over five years. I've seen the culture, the good side and the bad side. Could you bring over a 35 year old nurse and be ok, mabey. However, that's not what most guys bring home (ala the lbfm trophy wife). My ex was a trophy wife, as well as severa l of her girlfriends. All had awesome bodies and good manners about themselves. Almost all broke up with their older husbands after two (2) years! The only one who didn't is screwing around on the side and has multiple boyfriends she's told me about. Many will say and do anything to get to the US and get a husband. It's just reality that you need to be careful about. Even the girl I know who is staying with her older husband told me she's doing it for her stepkids, not him.

In any event, believe what you wish. Just go in with two eyes open. If I live in Phillippines I could definately get into another long term relationship with one. In the US, I'll stick with other girls. Mabey I'm generalizing, but five years of experience seeing my ex and her friends has left me smarter when it comes to filipinas.

A smarter question, is how many guys on this board actually had long term serious relationships with these girls (over 4 years). These are the guys you should listen to.

[Slickery]

I could not help but comment on this thread. I have always been attracted to asian women and put an ad on one of the asian penpal sites. I am 46 years old and average looking.

Every day i get intrest from 10 to 20 girls. This would be great but the majority of these girls are from 18 to 20 years old.

I wonder what an 18 year old girl wants with a 46 year old man.

I do not want to think bad of any of these girls but it does make me worry about marrying any of these girls.

Are they that desperate to get out of the Phillipines or are they truely interested in a 46 year old guy.

Thanks,

Slickery

[English Dan]

Dear Gang,

First I want to thank Masterblast

Your comments to “Mikster and others” are indeed helpful, particularly in taking your time to find the right girl and searching in the right places and putting in the time.

Now I want to write some general comments about what I have been reading lately in general. I am in somewhat of dilemma in how I word this as I am very much aware that many here are writing from their experiences and their perspectives may be shaped only their experience whereas others that have written comments have done so from a more broader and reflective perspective. I do not know who each group is – however as I have been looking over some of the general responses made to some of us with questions about our Phil girlfriends, it feels as if what we/I hear is a negative streak in many of them. Many comments are highly cynical of these girls and paints them out to be ruthless. I have traveled Asia extensively and lived in South Asia for 3 years and continue to make numerous trips annually. I am aware of how some of these girls are drown to the money aspect of a relationship with a foreigner. I don’t think though that every girl is that way. It is almost as if there is an underlying assumption that each of us that has a gf has a bar girl and that all bar girls are the same. Therefore the logic being that if she dumped you or used you…she will do the same to me. While all the dark and sinister scenarios many of you point out may happen – I am not hearing enough credit being given to the girls themselves or a more reasoned approach that considers other perspectives. I am not trying to be harsh in my comments here…I am just asking for something that considers more than one angle.

If any of you have some other suggestions to us or to me specifically – I appreciate it very much. The girl I am with is not a bar girl and is seemingly a decent girl who has worked in the business field with her marketing degree for several years.

Thanks again guys – I really value your comments, particularly those of you that have actually live in PI or been married to a Filipina who is not from the “bar culture”.

Hank

[Man In Search]

Dear All,

The opinions expressed in this particular message board is extremely prejudiced and offensive.

Generalisation, typification and simplification is one of the worst things that you can do to a section of people looking from your own naroow perspective. If you have such low opinion about your rented girlfriends then either you are extremely bad in judging a person or you are as good ( or as bad ) as those girls who pick your purse while you go to the toilet.

I have known quite a few philipinas also for that matter Indons, Malays and Viets and have also come into contact with other Third world girls from the Caribbeans.

I am sorry to say that the chances of finding a phsycho girl in the first world is far greaterthan in the third world.

For heavens sake stop this idiotic generalisation and get back to mongering and if you do not like the third world girls then stay away from them. Please do not insult them by such generalisation.

[MasterBlaster]

Mikster and others,

Although you can't be sure what you are going to get since no one could really read somebody else's mind, you can increase the odds of finding a suitable woman by looking in the right places. That would depend totally on the guy's skills. Mind you, it is actually a tough job to do especially if you are foreigner since you view things from your "alien" perspective. If you interact with the locals and have a good understanding of where and how to find good women then your chances are better. So, I say you get what you work for. In the Philippines, women who have sex with a person she hardly knows is a terrible bad sign; women normally get married first before having sex or, at the very least, have known the person for weeks or months before sex. Picking women from the girlie bars is taking too much of a risk in any country and it doesn't matter if it's a Third World country or not. You really don't have to think a lot to really understand what "good girls" are since that is universal. As mongers, we let our Johnson do the talking and we overlook what really matters. Stripper with big boobs... good for the Johnson.... doctor with small boobs... bad for the Johnson... 18 year old bargirl... good for the Johnson.... 34 year old nurse... bad for the Johnson. Most of the time, that's the way I think; and, I have my own share of sorry tales because of that. Also, I crave for instant gratification much like what a drug addict would behave. I believe all mongers behave the same way. As mongers, we just have to admit that we usually are not thinking right and that we just have to try a little harder when we want to be serious. Oftentimes we mix ideas about women we want to marry and women we just want to f***. That will be the challenge for everybody here.

MasterBlaster

[Mikster]

Vaquero and the boys,

I know the feeling Vaquero, I have been through a similar experience. I know this is the filipina board, but it all ties together when it comes to third world chicks in general. During my early hunting days, I went to Cali, Colombia. The women there are hard to beat for pure hotness and good looks in vast numbers. You can hardly date a girl more than once if you have a functioning cock, and you dont need to pay if you have any semblance of a game. I met a psycho named Claudia who had a USA tourist visa. In Cali, she was the epitome of a doting girlfriend, treating me like a king and acting very normal. Once she got here, the game was over. She knew the law upside down and told me if I fucked with her she would call the cops and say I hit her and have me arrested. She was right. Here in Washington State its man bad, woman good. I called the cops and they told me that I had given her residency in my apartment and could not make her leave, even if she was on a tourist visa. Unbelievable. She proceeded to trash my apartment and yell, scream, threaten if I did not help her or marry her. I was to the point where I actually considered doing her in. The problem was that I had fell under her spell momentarily. Despite all her psycho behavior, she was fucking me into oblivion and telling me she loved me and just wanted a commitment. I came to my senses when she went into a trance of rage and just looked at me for hours as if she wanted to kill me. I took her to the mall one day, ran out and stranded her with no money. I raced back to the apartment, packed her shit and took it to a hotel. I had her passport and visa locked away. I told her go to the hotel or I will burn them. I had two of my friends who volunteered to say they witnessed her attack me and she finally gave up and agreed to go to the hotel. I had called her a taxi to take here there.

To make a long story short, it never pays to trust any foreign chick in my opinion. I dont think you can ever know their true intentions. Some would say that goes for American chicks as well, but at least you can date them for a long period and get to know them and make a smart, informed decision. I get a kick out of the "one week wonders," as I call them. Dudes who go to a foreign country for a week and end up married or engaged, all the while emptying their bank account immediately to meet the demands of their new found lover. Complete fools. I never thought much of the guys I have met in foreign lands whose sole intention was to find a wife in one week, no banging or fucking around at all. Just go to marriage agencies and interview chicks all day to find a suitable wife, propose on the spot without even banging them first. I will never understand that mindset. Part of the sheep society. I will always be a wolf and let other guys do the fucking up in life.

I never went back to Colombia after that. Cali smells with murder, kidnappings, crime galor. The most menacing city I have ever been in. Gringos go there anyway and fuck the hot calenas, but for my money, I prefer someplace I can walk around at night and not wonder if my head will be attached the next morning.

Beware marrying third world country women. I have seen more horror from these things than I care to remember. Just a pleasant warning. The usual disclaimer applies. Of course there are good girls to be found, but what are the odds you will get her? Be careful boys.

Mikster