China Women - Opinions and Advice

[Sammy_T]

I'd like some advice please.

I am married to a Chinese woman and we have children together. My company is wanting me to return to China and I have several problems with my wife that are regularly discussed within this forum. If I move back to China and my wife does a runner with our British children, can I get them back? China is not a signatory of the Hague Convention on child abduction and of course I am not subject to British laws on child abduction outside of Britain. Turning down my company's request can be an option but I'd like to try to find out what my options are before I decide to do that.

The quote below from a forum member sums Chinese women up very well!

"If you let them" is incomplete, I believe it is "If you let them tell you what to do and how to live."

Anyone considering taking a Chinese wife should think again. They are hard work and throw in the demands of Dad and the rest of the family who believe that western man is the answer to their retirement and housing plans don't even think about it. It is a constant battle fending of regular scams to rip-off the husband.

First, for the record, I have many western friends who have married Chinese women, and they have not had any problem at all. The main commonality is that they have all lived in China for 5+ years, and been involved in several relationships with Chinese women. I guess you could say they knew what they were getting into before they got married. In addition, they did not meet their wives on the internet or in a bar - they met them via normal interaction, and the wives tend to be much younger (less than 30 years old). I think the older a Chinese woman gets, regardless of occupation, the more jaded they become.

As all things in China there are the laws, and reality. Under the law if you are married then she cannot simply take the children. See the following article describing the legal situation: http://www.international-divorce.com/d-china.htm

That being said, if she wants to run off to her home town with the kids you are going to be at a detriment. Do you speak Chinese? Know where her home town is located? Have you met her family? Were you married in China, or the UK? I saw one post that said that if you were married in the UK, than a divorce in China would not be recognized. I assume the reverse it also true - if you were married in China then a divorce in the UK would not be recognized.

Even though you would have the law on your side, the individuals who enforce the law will be on the side of your Chinese wife. I would accept the position, but also begin discussions with a Chinese law firm to ensure that if she pulls any shanagans you will be ready to handle it.

If you guys are truly unhappy the maybe you just need to address the issue, without involving the kids. Tell her you understand she is not happy, and if she wants to leave that is OK, but that you would like to share in custody of the children. As I am sure you can imagine, the less drama injected into the situation the better, and it will of course be better for the children as well. If you are on an expat package where your company will pay for your kids to attend an international school then you certainly have the upper hand. I cannot imagine you wife would argue that your kids would be better off in a local Chinese school in some small village rather than attending an international school. You could probably work it out where they spend the school year with you, and holidays / summer vacation with her. This way everyone is a winner. Of course, I have not met the Chinese yet who understands the concept of a win-win relationship, so don't expect too much!

Good Luck!

Sammy

[Clean Gene]

My Chinese wife is great she even went to the doctor and got some tablets for me after she got an infection.

My Chinese wife complained of her pain and of the 'cost' of the pills. I got her to get some more for me and for my Bay Area GF. (I had brought the bug back to my USA home. Careless.) My Chinese wife did not complain of my behavior. She only said she would not have married me if she knew my 'thing' was not for her alone. No response was expected or given.

[White Dragon]

"If you let them" is incomplete, I believe it is "If you let them tell you what to do and how to live."

Anyone considering taking a Chinese wife should think again. They are hard work and throw in the demands of Dad and the rest of the family who believe that western man is the answer to their retirement and housing plans don't even think about it. It is a constant battle fending of regular scams to rip-off the husband.

That's your experience. Maybe you just choose the wrong girl.

[Dyson]

I'd like some advice please.

I am married to a Chinese woman and we have children together. My company is wanting me to return to China and I have several problems with my wife that are regularly discussed within this forum. If I move back to China and my wife does a runner with our British children, can I get them back? China is not a signatory of the Hague Convention on child abduction and of course I am not subject to British laws on child abduction outside of Britain. Turning down my company's request can be an option but I'd like to try to find out what my options are before I decide to do that.

The quote below from a forum member sums Chinese women up very well!

"If you let them" is incomplete, I believe it is "If you let them tell you what to do and how to live."

Anyone considering taking a Chinese wife should think again. They are hard work and throw in the demands of Dad and the rest of the family who believe that western man is the answer to their retirement and housing plans don't even think about it. It is a constant battle fending of regular scams to rip-off the husband.

[Andreas Wang]

Information like these is great! I will be moving to Shanghai for 2 years soon and I was thinking of finding a girlfriend or wife there but what you are saying here seem to suggest that Chinese women are a No No?

Not exactly.

Being a pussy-dependent chump is a no-no. Anywhere.

You'll only get as much bullshit as you put up with and encourage.

... my surprise that such a nice, kind, sweet Chinese woman was so capable of the same subterfuge that a bitchy nasty American woman is.

And the only constant there being ... you. Ever considered that American women walk all over you because you let them? Chinese ones play you because you are easy to play?

American values ... pft. Your 'values' at best and since when has gullibility been a value please?

[Dash]

My Chinese wife is great she even went to the doctor and got some tablets for me after she got an infection which I (or one you gave her) must have got somewhere else opps! A polite "You need to take these the doctor said" is all I got from her try that in the states.
I also had a shanghai girl once but it was not too hard to work out she was a ***** I've had 2 unbelievable looking girls under 21 this month chat me up. Took out a 29,35 and 39 year old this week as well. The 29 year old is a 10 with a doctors degree, She did dump me thank god because I'm married today, and she was getting too attached. What is the point of complaining when you would never get anywhere near such good looking chicks in the states. Its luxury here lad, you may get hit by a bus tomorrow(driven by the wife maybe)Enjoy it while you can.

I totally believe you.
The difference is I am living in the states, not China.
The fact there are chicks in abundance keeps your wife more attentive to you possibly. It's impossible that she does not know you have others talking to you, and this may keep her honest.
Thanks for your comment. Have a good time in the middle kingdom. I'm hitting the beach now.

[Mind Maggot]

So, we are confirming here that there are not many good Chinese wives or girlfirends?

Negative. Has anyone seen a country full of good wives or girlfriends?

[Jamie5063]

"If you let them" is incomplete, I believe it is "If you let them tell you what to do and how to live."
How is it going with your Chinese wife these days?

My Chinese wife is great she even went to the doctor and got some tablets for me after she got an infection which I (or one you gave her) must have got somewhere else opps! A polite "You need to take these the doctor said" is all I got from her try that in the states.
I also had a shanghai girl once but it was not too hard to work out she was a ***** I've had 2 unbelievable looking girls under 21 this month chat me up. Took out a 29,35 and 39 year old this week as well. The 29 year old is a 10 with a doctors degree, She did dump me thank god because I'm married today, and she was getting too attached. What is the point of complaining when you would never get anywhere near such good looking chicks in the states. Its luxury here lad, you may get hit by a bus tomorrow(driven by the wife maybe)Enjoy it while you can.

[Dash]

We've heard the same thing years ago, and then at regular intervals. Can you give it a rest, Dash? Or do we have to ask Jackson for at copypaste section?

You've had (maybe) one Chinese GF.

Most of us had several American GFs and wives.

If we would apply your logic, then ALL American women are money-grabbing b1tches that come with a legal team. (That's why some of us moved to Asia for good.)

This slant-eyed - bad, American values - good record is worn out. Entertain us with stories from S.O.B. , but spare us more of Lily, willya?

Get over it.

I am over it and "epilogue" means it's the last installment.
Within my post somewhere was my surprise that such a nice, kind, sweet Chinese woman was so capable of the same subterfuge that a bitchy nasty American woman is. This is actually the only thing I want to impart to the reader. Only those considering marrying a Chinese girl and bringing her to the states or Europe etc. need to even care about it. They may have great luck as long as they do as they are told by their woman from Shanghai. Does every reader realize that Shanghai women are famous for this trait? My results may have been unusual, and others results may be excellent, but there are guys out there who may travel to China looking for a bride and he may be in for a big surprise.
Personally I think Chinese girls are very nice, younger is better because the ones who are a little older had a harder childhood.

[Zhuren]

This is the epilogue of a long boring and to some annoying story of my girlfriend who moved to the USA from Shanghai. This is only intended for someone who is thinking of biting the biscuit or buying the cow=marrying a Chinese woman.

We've heard the same thing years ago, and then at regular intervals. Can you give it a rest, Dash? Or do we have to ask Jackson for at copypaste section?

You've had (maybe) one Chinese GF.

Most of us had several American GFs and wives.

If we would apply your logic, then ALL American women are money-grabbing b1tches that come with a legal team. (That's why some of us moved to Asia for good.)

This slant-eyed - bad, American values - good record is worn out. Entertain us with stories from S.O.B. , but spare us more of Lily, willya?

Get over it.

[BruceTea]

Of course they don't expect you to remember!

U may be right on this. I don't care much for Chinese-versions of Western holidays, but it's pretty clear that the main one is on Feb 14.

I was also told by a friend that it was last month...this is how confusing some holidays are. After texts to all my gals and even sending flowers to one, I now feel like a tool.

RainOut.

[Fuzimiao]

Of course they don't expect you to remember!

fz

[Usbomber123]

Not really, good and bad women are everywhere. Chinese can be great wives or girlfriends, but Maggot hasnt seen many.

So, we are confirming here that there are not many good Chinese wives or girlfirends?

They make good wives and girlfriends, but be aware the nicest sweetest girl there is capable of lies as much as the bitchy American girls. One you expect, the other is a surprise.

Actually, I am sick of American girls and especially American Chinese girls who would not even set eyes on me as an American Chinese man!

Thought I would score better with the China Chinese.

[Meiguoguizi]

I have American values and I cherish them.

duh. 'nuf said.

[Dash]

Sorry to continue,
I neglected to mention. Lil would never tell her age to the guy she went out with while ostensibly she was my "girlfriend".
He had indicated he had a strong desire to have a family, which was a strong selling point for Lil. But, he had made an assumption about her age. He thought she was in her late 20's=easy to be a mother. Later, she lied about her age to him. As in, she was a fucking LIAR to her possible mate for lifetime and father of her possible children. Oh, this must be a cultural quirk I should be sensitive to according to some here.
When her new guy called me in desperation over suspecting her seeing me or someone else, he was shocked to hear her true age. "Pal, if you are so intent on having a family, you better date someone of childbearing age."
Lying about yourself and lying to others is simply a "cultural trait" that I do not share and never will. I guess I also have a superior attitude because of it.