Living in Mexico

[Country John]

I'm impressed to see the feedback on good manners. Americans are brainwashed into thinking that they are superior to Mexicans but the reverse is actually the case. With over 3000 years of history in Mexico, America could not come close to the roots that are established in Mexico.

I'm glad I moved here. I feel like I belong. I don't need the manicured lawns and the other bullshit that has become the United States of America.

I'm not out of gas, I just decided that it was time to change my life. I'm tired of the relentless push of expectations that have nothing to do with the quality of life. I was too nice to too many people, it was all for nothing. I decided to live my life. I've been successful, made a lot of money, spent a lot of money but now it's time to stop the insanity and settle down.

I was always struck by the lack of politeness towards the Mexican people my Americans. I just could not understand what the problem was. The more I looked, the more I discovered the problem wass not with the Mexicans but with the Americans. It's rediculous to think that the guy trying to see silver chains on Revolution Blvd. is trying to rip you off. He's trying to make a living.

Just like the guy who wants to shine your shoes, or wants you to visit their shop.

So as America "evolves" into what it thinks is the perfect society, the rest of us will silently observe from across the border and wish everyone health, happiness and prosperity in the game. To some, status and acceptance are more important than thier immediate life but at the end of the day, you'll realize that living your life trumps all that shit.

Just be smart and save your extra money. Plan your escape. Don't listen to the bullshit and be nice to people, you'll be surprised at the reaction.

Country John

[Jimmy Tj]

Alright, recently ending sixteen month nightmare with bar girl see previous posts this section.

I am seeking good looking single Mexican women age 18 -26 with normal job, education, manners, respect, enjoys dates, sex etc. without head games or mucho problemas.

I am 35 year old gringo (Mexican mujer think I look low twenties in age - gracias), good job downtown San Diego, I live 5 minutes from La Linea in Nestor, I have been told I speak good Spanish from Mexicans in TJ.

The past fifteen months I have been spent majority of my time in Zona Norte. So my question over the past month to men I meet in TJ i.e. Taxi Libre drivers and Mexican guys I meet in Zona Norte is “Where does a guy go to find Mexican women that I describe above”. The resounding answer is do not look in Zona Norte, look in Zona Rio. I ask donde in Zona Rio and the resounding answer is Plaza del Zapato.

I know CJ has said positive words on Las Plugas on weekend nights. I was there Thursday night of this week. I did not see any women of interest to me that night (10-11pm). They had two of the dance rooms open. I am always alone when I am TJ. I will definitely go on a Friday or Saturday night. One Mexican guy I met in HK, who works on Revolution told me to go to Plaza del Zapato. I asked him about Las Plugas and he said many of the girls there are working you not sure if that is the truth or not. I do know many of the bar girls in Zona Norte go to Las Plugas to dance but I guess they would not be there on a weekend night because they would be working. I guess one would need to be more cautious on nights during the week especially Monday or Tuesday nights when most of them do not work. I am not much into dancing but for a pretty girl I will have no problem proving white guys can’t dance – maybe with enough practice I can get better. I will report on future experiences in Las Plugas.

Plaza del Zapato is located directly across the street from Plaza Rio. If you are standing on the corner where Comercial Mexicana look north and you will see brown globe on the corner which is the Tijuana Cultural Center (check it out if you have never been there exhibits are pretty good), on the corner directly across the round about from Comercial Mexicana is a Mc Donalds I believe and on the corner facing West of Comercial Mexicana is Plaza del Zapato. Plaza del Zapato has around fifteen bars that mostly seem to play live music of differing types. Some of the bars are very nice looking and some are not so nice looking. The middle to upper class of TJ come here to party. I have been told the women are all bankers, real estate agents, secretaries etc. and educated.

I have gone solo to Plaza del Zapato twice this week on Thursday and Friday. It does not seem to get crowed until around 11pm. Friday night I walked there from the border it took me about twenty minutes other wise you pay a $5 to Taxi Libre. I have had drinks in three of the bars and each have their own vibe. I do not remember the names but I will post in future when I have more experience here. One of the bars you could order food and the music was not too loud so you could actually hold a conversation if you saw some women that looked interesting. I sat at the bar and had a beer and there were two pretty blondes that sat behind me but they seemed engrossed in their conversation so I did not make an attempt. I want to come back here and try the food. I did notice that people come in groups and seem to stick in their little clicks but this is only my initial reaction to this place. I went to a second bar that had a live 15 member band but the music was so loud you could not talk to anyone with out your voice going horse and I was getting a headache. I did not see anyone attractive to me at this bar. I went to a third bar that was more to my liking. There was a 5 piece rock band playing Mexican and American songs in Spanish and English. I spent most of my time both nights here. I saw a few pretty girls but the music is so loud that you can not talk.

My impression is these bars maybe a very good place to meet women but I think I need a wingman. If anyone living in San Diego or TJ wants to go there with me I would be more than happy to have the company. Unlike Zona Norte where I never had a problem going alone these bars seem to require two or more to have a good time. I notice that most of women are there in groups so it would help having another guy so we could separate a few of the ladies from the herd and go in for the kill. I am going to keep going back and hopefully I will get more comfortable with these bars and figure what nights are best etc. I will report more information in the future.

If anyone is interested in going with me pm me.

Jimmy TJ

[Jimmy Tj]

I promised an update on my relationship (soap opera) with the bar girl I have been wasting my time with the last sixteen months. See my previous posts in this section for background.

Since this girl stated at the end of November she wanted time alone to figure out how I fit in her life, I basically took this as a green light to do whatever I wanted – guilt free - since she was no longer my girlfriend by her choice, not mine. Over the past month, when I am in Hong Kong, I no longer go looking for her, no longer tell her anything romantic and I have now been showing interest in other women in HK which I had never done before in her presence. She actually improved her attitude and manners toward me (so I thought). I forced her to come to me if she wanted to talk. I was sitting with other bar girls, talking and making out just having a good time with my new found freedom. I know this drove her crazy so I made sure she always had a good view of me doing this. When she did come talk to me she would ask why was I looking for other women and my response was you wanted to be alone so I can do what I want. She was a lot more touchy feely with me when she would talk to me – kissing, hugs and touching. This was very out of the ordinary because she is always saying not do this stuff because clients are always watching her and they will expect the same. When I would leave the bar she would chase after me and make out with me at the entrance on a few occasions. I was actually having a good time because I finally was able to see her uncomfortable with her decision she made and was now constantly worrying what I was doing.

She had given me my Verizon cell phone back to me. I had called Verizon and blocked all outgoing calls from her phone at the end of November because she was being an idiot. When I unblocked the outgoing calls she still could not call me in San Diego. I needed to bring the phone back to San Diego and refresh the roaming etc. I got really sick after I got the phone back and I did not return to Hong Kong for eight days. We are no longer boyfriend or girlfriend due to her decision to need time alone. She has my cell phone and work phone numbers and could call me if needed but she does not have the Verizon cell phone to call for free. I finally felt better and returned to HK after my eight day absence. I had the phone with me and will only give it to her if she asks and I feel like she is being a good girl. I sit along the rail and order my cerveza enjoying the chica on stage. After about twenty minutes, I feel two arms wrap around me from behind and whispers in my ear. It is my girlfriend, oh wait she is not my girlfriend any more - she is my friend that I have taken care of for sixteen months She has me in a bear hug from behind and begins to drill me with questions. Where have you been the last eight days? I was so worried about you – what happened? Why have you not been to HK? Are you looking for other women? I tried to call you on your cell phone but the call did not go through – I really needed to talk with you! I am very surprised at her questions and her reaction to not seeing me for eight days – it does not make sense to me for someone who requested time alone to figure out what I am to her – brother, father, friend, boyfriend or husband.

We go over to a booth and I buy her and her sister a drink. Her sister gets up to go to the bathroom. My girl repeats the same questions she whispered in my ear. I said I was sick and why are you so concerned with me and what I am doing because you choose to want time alone. She tells me I am her boyfriend and I about fall off the chair because I am shocked. This girl changes her mind more times than they change the sheets in the hotel connected to Adelitas I have her Verizon cell phone in my pocket and at one point she asks for it but I do not tell her I have it with me because I need to ask some more probing questions and I have a feeling our conversation will end ugly like usual. She starts hugging me and touching my d*&k. I start to try and kiss her, touch her breasts and p*##y. She says no to me because she does not want any other clients to see this because they will expect the same. In the past I would agree with her on this but I have witnessed her kissing and touching clients when I have been in HK so I do not buy this any more. She tells me that some of her clients recently have told her that they are jealous when they see both of us together because they see that we have a deeper connection – love. This comes to me as a shock because over the past month we have spent very little time together in HK and she is usually always cold with me because clients are always looking.

After she drops the boyfriend line on me I begin probing with further questions. I said if I am your boyfriend I need sex con amor, dates (not in HK) and you need to change your work to a normal job ( I offered to pay for school etc many times before). I ask her if I am her husband she says no. She says she will not know if I am husband material until after the first time we have sex (this is such a line of bullshit and a very insulting comment that I am starting to get really fucking angry). Does this girl think she is the fucking Queen of England? This girl did not go past primary school and thinks she is a smart women. She started selling her pussy at the age of sixteen and has been doing it for the last four years (three of the years giving her money to her pimp). I am the only male in her twenty one years of life that has showed her respect and has not tried to use her and all I get is fucking disrespect and problems. I remind she was with her pimp for three years and she loved him the first year and had a lot of sex with him for the three years. She tells me she was young and never had sex before so she did not know any better. I remind her she has never had sex con amor before because her pimp did not love her but loved the money she provided for him to buy his drugs. I have told her nothing is better than sex con amor and that is when women have orgasms when they have passionate sex which this girl has never had in her life. I guess know she thinks has gold between her legs and I will not be able to find another women in Mexico (not). At this point she can not fight back with me because I always speak the truth with her and she knows I am correct. I am thinking to myself this girl is really fucked up inside and I do not want to deal with this any more no matter how pretty she looks on the outside. I can see the smoke coming out of her ears because she knows I am right. She proceeds to do what she always does when she knows she is wrong – gets up from the table and storms off angry like a little kid. I tell her sister who speaks English I do not need these fucking problems in my life any more. I tell her sister she will never ever find anyone like me again who can be a positive influence in her life and I truly did love her but not any more. Her sister babbles something to me in English that makes no sense. I am so pissed off and swear to god this was the last straw with this girl.

I go back to the rail. I observe her dancing on one of the booths for a little while. I want to so badly walk up to her stick my middle finger in her face and tell her FUCK OFF! I never get the chance to do this. A gringo client buys her a few drinks and I then see them leave the front door and she returns 30-40 minutes later. Now she has told me that she is not having sex but here and her sister do a lesbian show and do not touch the guys. She went up alone with out her sister so I guess she must have played scrabble with the guy. When she returns she goes to change her outfit and hangs out with her sister with another gringo client. I end up leaving a few hours later and never get to tell her off like I wanted. I did not sleep well that night. When I got to work the next day I was really cranky due to lack of sleep and the problems with this girl. I decided last night was the last straw and I need to end this so called relationship. I type a letter and use an internet translator to get it into Spanish. I choose to write a letter rather than do it verbally because my Spanish is not good enough to remember all the words and I do not want to loose any of the impact of my message. I give my letter in English and Spanish to my Mexican amiga at work who knows what I have been going through to read the Spanish version and punch it up so it reads with the most impact.

I head back to HK that night to deliver my letter. I wait for her outside the girls dressing room on the second floor. Her and her sister exit the dressing room and come down the stairs. I hand the letter to her and a bracelet she wrapped around my finger a month previous when she asked me to marry her. I tell her to read the letter when she is not drunk or high. I walk away and find a seat at the rail. I begin to drink and buy drinks for about three other girls. I end up making out with the prettiest of the three girls and we go up and have a two song private dance. My girl watched me the whole time with these other girls which made me happy. I was back in HK a few nights in row later in the week and my girl never spoke to me. I assume she read the letter but I do not know. Her mother came for the holidays so she will not work for the next month or so.

Sorry to ramble on about this but it feels good to get it off my chest.

Jimmy TJ

Below is the English version of the letter I gave her.

Yesterday, you disrespected me for the last time.

I do not need you, your problems, your bad attitude, or your bad manners ruining my life any more.

You create nothing but stress and unhappiness by our actions with me.

You are not my friend, my girlfriend or my wife, I deserve much better than you and I am moving on with my life.

I have given you numerous opportunities to change your attitude and your life but you always return back to your old habits.

After sixteen months of waiting and trying to have patience with you I have realized that you do not want to change your ways.

I truly wish you the best of luck in your life because I can not do anything more for you.

The only thing I feel sorry about is that your two daughters will follow your path in life, just like you followed your sisters.

Your daughters deserve much better and maybe some day in the future you will change your life for your daughters because you never did change for me.

[Big John 1]

Good to see other with like thinking. Been living on border Las Palomas, Chihuahua three years. Originally, no Spanish, but with daily study have an excellent vocabularly now, though my accent still sucks. Since I have been here, became much neater about personal appearance and dress. At $3 a pop, can afford frequent, and fun haircuts. Interestingly, even before I could speak Spanish, got better haircuts than from barbers with whom I could communicate with perfectly in English and paid high prices. Last summer got into a bad auto accident in a small town in Sonora. Was injured and people very nice to me. The policia beat the Hell out of the other driver, who was muy barrocho. I had liability only Seguro Qualitas, so no dinero por me. But the townspeople put me up for free, and fixed the wrecked car, so I could drive it 350 killometers at 30 kms. Per hora with bent axle to where I lived. It was a 1967 Ford Galaxie I had 35 years. I bought another 67 Ford at auction and stripping old one for parts, plan on driving to Oaxaca, about 2000 kilometres in January. Another point, Mexico is the place for old cars, many very creative mechanics, improvisers, not parts replacers like the USA.

[Apache]

Glad to see people are emphasizing the need for gringo men exhibiting manners and respect while in Mexico. I too have seen the "ugly American" stereotype being furthered by arrogant idiots & borachos who give the rest of us a bad name.

Question on Las Pulgas: if looking for a nice, 30-ish lady for a relationship, would going on a weeknight like a Thursday be better than fighting weekend crowds for this mid-50's gringo?

Thanks in advance.

[Jimmy Tj]

CJ and BJ1,

I agree with you both on the manners we Americans display in Mexico. I have been crossing the border one to four times a week over the past sixteen months plus I lived there for a short spell. I always try and fit in with the population and this includes trying to speak the language the best I can and having good manners. This includes talking to the Policia, bar girls, waiters, door men, bathroom attendants, taxi drivers etc. You would be surprised how far a “gracias” or “de nada” will take you. With men I always greet with a handshake and “como esta” or “como te llama”. With women it is a handshake and a kiss on the cheek and “como esta” or “como te llama”. By being polite and making an attempt at the language I believe sends a good message to the people that all Americans are not arrogant a##holes.

Even if you don’t speak the best Spanish if you make an attempt, the Mexican people are very gracious and will help you far more than if you solely use English.

The following are phrases that every American should know and use when in Mexico:

Como esta. How are you.

Como te llama. How do you say your name.

Me llama es ________. My name is __________.

Gracias. Thanks.

De nada. Your welcome. ( I seem to always get smiles when I use this)

Como se dice ___________. How do you say ___________.

Buenos dias. Good morning.

Buenos tardes. Good afternoon.

Buenos noches. Good night.

Try any of these and see what kind of response you get.

Jimmy TJ

[Joe Fab]

If a gringo is going to spend time in Mexico, he better make an effort to learn some Spanish. I have found that if you make the effort, almost every Mexican you meet down there will be pleasantly surprised and all the more ready to help you in whatever you are requesting.

I started going there about 3 years ago and spoke NO Spanish at all. I decided to do whatever I could to learn how to communicate. It is not as easy to learn a foreign language when you are an older dog (45) like myself, but I bought a few books, study a little bit every day, watch some Spanish language TV and go to Mexico and talk to people. Little by little it started to come to me and now I can communicate quite well. This, as I am sure you guys know very well, goes a long way in ensuring success and higher quality experiences with the chicas.

I don't know about you guys but when a person here in the states is in front of me in line at the bank or at a store and can't speak English, I get a little impatient and maybe even a little pissed. I am sure that most people in Mexico feel the same way when a gringo expects them to understand them when he speaks in English.

I always make sure to remember that I am a guest in their country and conduct myself accordingly. I have to comply with their standards of dress and behavior. That strategy has never failed me. I also believe that the gringos who do not follow these simple rules are not only less likely to have a good time with women but more likely to find themselves in bad situations. Especially those that put forth that arrogant and disrespectful attitude that you both described.

JoeFab

[Country John]

I like your words. I am a 62 year old gringo. You are correct, I cannot believe how Americans and other foreigners of all ages act in Mexico. No attempts at Spanish, sloppy dress, general disrepect. Is a man my age going to get a 25 year old hard-bodied beauty queen in Mexico? Absolutely not! But no problem with very acceptable ladies past 40. Try that in USA.

Big John 1

Well said. Mexicans might not have the lifestyle we are used to, there are no line-ups at starbucks here. They do notice the dis-respect and uncaring attitude put up by Americans. I see it more myuself now that I live here. It really sucks. Funny how some people just don't know how to behave or simply don;t care.

I'm impressed by the fact that they still manage a smile and some courtesy throguh all that. Maybe someday it will improve.

Gringos who show some respect and treat the girls with dignity stand a much better chance of scoring big-time (and I'm not talking about just getting laid) in Mexico. It really is a cool country, once you get the hang of it.

Self criticism is something that Americans can't seem to confront however. It's a pity.

Country John

[Big John 1]

I like your words. I am a 62 year old gringo. You are correct, I cannot believe how Americans and other foreigners of all ages act in Mexico. No attempts at Spanish, sloppy dress, general disrepect. Is a man my age going to get a 25 year old hard-bodied beauty queen in Mexico? Absolutely not! But no problem with very acceptable ladies past 40. Try that in USA.

Big John 1

[Country John]

Country John,

You are a man of experience & wisdom on this subject. You and I have talked before and I value your opinions. A question:

Do you think Las Pulgas is a little "young" for a 55 yr old gringo looking to connect with a mexicana for a relationship? I like cumbia, salsa & some reggaeton music but like Jimmy TJ, I haven't learned the dance moves.

What do you think?

No. Las Pulgas is NOT strictly for the young crowd. Lucky for us old horny bastards, many older folks go there and share the dance floor with the younger ones. But there are many girls in their late '20s, '30s and '40s there too.

Mexican women are smart. They like us older guys because we are mature and (should) have our act together more so than Mexican men. My girley refuses to go with Mexican guys and worked primarily with gringos, looking for Mr. Right. They like us when we bahave well, they respect us and they want to work with us. If you want to get involved with a Mexican woman, there are some things you need to know:

1. They are not only interested in sex, or money.

Too often guys go to Mexico thinking that the women are going to fall all over them because they are gringos, and all they want to do is screw. Wrongo bongo. You can buy that kind of action all day in the Zona if that's what you are looking for. Most Mexican women actually resent being thought of in that way especially by gringo Americanos. If you enter into a cool relationship the sex will most likely be more than you can handle (as is the case with Country John now).

Latinas a proud people and while this (an other boards) highlites the sexual experiences of pay for play, there is another side to the female population.

2. They know what you are thinking.

I watch Gringo Americanos strut on Revoultion thinking that every chica they see wants to screw them. They look silly and stoopid with their baseball caps on backwards, cut off jeans, tennis shoes and tee shirts with some obsene wording etc. WTF are you thinking? You embarrass yourself. You don't need Country John to tell you to be a real man. Take your circus act to the Zona where it belongs. Latinas who are serious about relationships are serious.

3. Night life action is not the same as relationship action.

OK, you go to Las Pulgas, or Club Anamale or where-ever, perhaps with the boys, you hook up and end up in the sack for a fling. Good for you. Keep up the good work. This post is not for you.

4. Age limits / restrictions?

If you are 55 and are trim and neat in your appearance, if you dress smart casual and look like you are at ease in a non gringo environment, if you conduct yourself with a bit of decorum, have manners and know how to talk to girls you'll have no trouble with the Latina as long as you don't go stoopid and listen to the small head.

I am 50 and my girl is 35 with a 25yo body and an appetite for sex that is hard to satisfy. Will she be around forever? Who knows. Am I happy with the current arrangement? Yes. Is she a beauty queen? No. Is she pretty? Yes.

It helps if you are decent looking (Although the girls don;t seem to mind terribly much) but the big thing is manners, decorum and respect. Once you establish that then all you have to do is watch your money and that is very easy to do in Mexico. If you want to hook up with a beautiful person then be a beautiful person yourself.

I'm off on a rant and going off topic so I'll end off here. Let me know if I can answer any more questions.

Country John

[Apache]

Country John,

You are a man of experience & wisdom on this subject. You and I have talked before and I value your opinions. A question:

Do you think Las Pulgas is a little "young" for a 55 yr old gringo looking to connect with a mexicana for a relationship? I like cumbia, salsa & some reggaeton music but like Jimmy TJ, I haven't learned the dance moves.

What do you think?

[Jimmy Tj]

Joe Fab and Country John,

Thanks for your sound advice and opinions.

You are right that I have lost a lot of self respect over the past 15 months with this women. I have let her steam roll me many a time because I did not want to disappoint her. This women had me under her thumb and knew how to manipulate me very easily. Many of the negative things that happened between us I rationalized away due to the language barrier, her being young and the cultural differences. I have given everything I had over the 15 months to make this relationship work and she has put very little effort into it. I saw this but kept on going thinking things would change or improve. She has never put me first once; it is always her family so I guess that proves there is no love on her part. If this had been an American women I would have bailed a long time ago.

I would tell my friends some of the stuff she would do to me and they said the same thing you both have told me but I never wanted to listen. I think I kept hanging in there because I knew she was young and has never really experienced being in love or having a relationship. She started working in the bar scene at 16 following her older sisters path. These girls are trained at an early age to manipulate men. After 15 months I gave this women every opportunity to change her lifestyle but she would never commit.

I do love Mexican women and I guess I will add this up to one of life’s experiences. The only thing I need to get from her is my Verizon cell phone which I will ask for in the next few days. I will then tell her whatever our relationship was over the past 15 months is no more. I do not wish any ill will on this women she has a hard road ahead of her raising two kids, no education and dealing with all of her family problems. I walk away with a bruised heart, a lot less money in my bank account and some new life experiences.

CJ I will definitely check out Las Plugas in the near future. I think I need some alone time in the month of December to lick my wounds. Maybe my New Years resolution will be to start hanging out at Las Plugas and find a women who wants a relationship. CJ do you need to be a good dancer to get the ladies attention because I am not one? Hopefully, just hanging out and talking with the ladies will be enough to impress. As far as my reputation in Zona Norte goes I have developed some good friendships with many of the waiters and bartenders. I am very respectful to everyone who is trying to make a buck for a living and I don’t think of myself any higher than anyone else.

I will post what happens to me in the coming weeks as I try to end one relationship and begin anew. You guys were both correct in stating that I am looking for a relationship not just a hookup. If I wanted to I could head to the Zona Norte everyday and pay for sex sin amor but that is not what I am looking for in life.

Thanks again and I will keep you posted as to my situation.

Jimmy TJ

[Country John]

The girl is clipping you. She is not interested in being a part of your life. She is interested in money, that's why she is working. It's not for her family. It's not for you.

You need to dump her but don't make a big deal about it since she is working and might bad mouth you to the other girls. Stay away from Hong Kong for a bit.

Working girls are not civilians. They know how to get to you. Do not make the mistake of chasing after her. Dump her- move on.

I susggest you hit Las Pulgas disco on Revolution. I keep writing about this place. It's very cool and there are HUNDREDS of chicas there looking for a guy just like you, not to clip you but to establish a relationship.

Another thing is that you CANNOT expect a 21 year old girl to be rational on the subject of love or relationships. They lack the maturity needed to think intelligently about it. You're older, you can work things out, she can't. It's just a fact.

Go to the Zona to have sex with these girls, not to rescue them. If it's a relationship with a beautiful Latina you are looking fo then hit the civilian clubs. It met my girley at Rio Verde club. She was a short timer Ficha girl (who sessioned at least one guy that I know, good review, he treated her well). I was lucky, it was a fluke encounter that I never expected.

This girl was looking for exactly what you want; a stable relationship and to get away from the Zona. She's 35, I'm 50. It's working out well. I have an apartment in Soler etc. We've been together since mid August.

Me and my girl go to Las Pulgas every Saturday night and have a great time. I am stunned at the number of BEAUTIFUL latinas there scoping the place. I've been hit on several times there.

FORGET THIS GIRL. MOVE ON. DO IT NOW. NO MORE THINKING ABOUT IT OK? YOU DO NOT NEED THIS PROBLEM IN YOUR LIFE. THERE ARE TOO MANY WOMEN OUT THERE WHO ARE LOOKING FOR THE SAME THING YOU ARE LOOKING FOR. THIS GIRL HAS NOTHING TO OFFER YOU, THE TELL-TALE SIGNS ARE ALL TOO OBVIOUS.

Country John

[Joe Fab]

We all know the alure of these beautiful chicas. That said, it's easy to understand how an otherwise intelligent and successful guy like yourself can get caught up in a stinking pile of sh%^*t like you have.

IMHO it is not possible to reform these girls. The old adage goes "you can take the girl out of the zone but you can't take the zone out of the girl" is true. I am sure there are a few exceptions to this rule but not many.

Some guys like to go to the zone, find something that trips the trigger and do the deal. Others like to form a superficial relationship with them which they feel adds to the total experience. The way I look at it, the girls in the zone are for partying and diversion, not for serious relationships. If you are one of the type of guys that just loves Mexicanas, there are zillions of them living in TJ or Mexicali (my neck of the woods) that are educated, professional type women that can give you all of the things that a ***** can give you plus they have their own money, career and respectability. My experience with "regular" women down there has been that they are eager to meet Norteamericanos and can be great girlfriends.

Dude, take a step back and examine this thing in total. What are the motivations at work here? What does she do to get what she wants?
1) Chica needs money
2) Chica finds "nice guy" who is enamored with her
3) Chica tells nice guy a bunch of BS about what a terrible life she has
4) "nice guy" gets nicer ($s) and to show her what a nice guy he is, does not even ask for sex
5) Chica exploits guy for all she can
6) Chica senses trouble in paradise, i.e. you ask her for a commitment
7) Chica pulls back her affection and says she is confused
8) "nice guy" spends lot of money and time and in return gets bad behavior that is blamed on raging hormones.
9) "nice guy" get hassled by police on a regular basis
10) "nice guy" has border crossing BS every day

You seem like an intelligent guy, I would bet that in business, nobody gets over on you. Don't take this wrong but get some self-respect here. I am not saying that you should be a macho but there has to be an acceptable level of give and take. The way you describe this, you give, she takes.

Lastly, my experience with chicks in general (and I might add, I have had a lot of experience) is that if they love you, you WILL be first. They will ignore their raging hormones and put their family a distant second to you. If the chica is "living the life", she will quit and work at the local OXXO instead of the Hong Kong.

Don't throw good money after bad and don't invest your emotions in a person like that. Good luck.

[Jimmy Tj]

Hi Country John and others,

I am looking to rent a furnished apartment with 2-3 bedrooms and secured parking in Zona Rio in March 2006 for around $500. I want to be very close to the border so I can either walk to border crossing or take a quick Taxi Libre ride. I have a Sentri Pass to walk across the border. I work downtown San Diego so I take the trolley to work and I would only need to cross using my car to shop or offsite business meeting. Anyone live in Zona Rio and what are your experiences? How are the problems with the Policia?

I had rented a house in Playas de Tijuana for six months for $850 a month. I lived there from April 2005 until July 2006. The reason I moved to Mexico was because I fell in love with a bar girl I met in Chicago Club. I wanted to spend more time with her and asked her to get married in the future. Things were rocky with her because she was pregent (not my baby) and her hormones made her act very weird. I finally kicked her out of my house because I thought she was cheating on me with a previous novio (actually her pimp). I later find out she was not cheating on me from a good source it was the hormones making her loco.

I have been with this girl for 15 months. I have given her my heart, money, time and support but she gives me very little in return (very cold). She has just turned 21 years old and has two girls 3 years old and 3 months old. It is very hard for me to get this girl to commit to anything because she always changes her mind the next week (is this common with Mexican novias). She will do anything to help her family but when it comes to me it seems like I am always the second banana. I have asked this girl to get married, I offered to pay for school for her to find a new career and she could give the money she made to her family. We talk about our plans and by the next time I see her a few days or week I hear a new excuse as to why she can’t commit to something we agreed to earlier. Many times I can not tell what is an excuse, lie or the truth because some of the problems she has or her family has are very unbelievable to me being a gringo growing up in the states.

I have tried to have a lot of patience with this girl over the past 15 months because I know she is a very young woman and has never had anybody like me in her life that has helped her so much. I only had sex with this girl one time when I met her in Chicago Club. After that point I wanted to show her respect and how gentlemen treat women. About a month ago she returned to work at Hong Kong. She said she wanted to work for a few months to help her mother. About a month ago I stopped giving her money. A few weeks ago she told me she loves me but does not know if the love is like a brother, friend, dad, boyfriend or husband. She said she wanted some time (2-3 months) alone so she could figure things out because she is very confused. This really hurt me because I know I love this women (I am 35 years old). She is 21 years old and has never had anyone love her or provide for her like I have so I guess she is confused. I have been way too nice to this girl because I would always give her what ever she asked for and I never put my foot down like a man should. I have met her entire family, her kids and been on dates with her mother.

When she told me two weeks ago she need a few months to think things through regarding our relationship I was very hurt but after thinking about it and talking to friends this really works in my advantage. I am now a free man and can do what I want. When I go to Hong Kong and she is working she keeps a very close eye on me and what I am doing. I have invited a few girls to sit on my lap for a few drinks which has driven her crazy. She asked me the other day why am I looking for other women and I tell her that she is the one who wanted to be alone so that makes me single also. I truly love this girl but I am now going to play her game and show her a few things. I now will act cold to her and not show much emotion for her. I will let you guys know what happens in the next few months. I think she has strong feelings for me but has problems showing and expressing love because of upbringing and her life and background in general. Has anyone else had experience like this with a Mexican novia and what was the outcome?

Jimmy TJ