2005 Rio de Janeiro Reports

[Junior]

Fellow mongers,

I just returned from a 10 day Terma trip in beautiful Rio. This was my 4th and final trip of the year, but clearly I will be back next year.

The bad news first. Prices are going up - Luomos new prices have already been discussed on the board and I think the other Termas will follow suit. Selection at the Termas was average compared to past trips.

The good news. Termas are still the closest place to heaven on earth. There are plenty of naughty girls available.

My two regular Termas are Luomo and Centaurus. I have been going to both of them for 6 years so I know most of the regular employees and quite a few of the girls by now.

Luomo has the best atmosphere and is definetely more relaxed than centaurus. I spend time with Ingrid who is more stunning than ever. She has been on a diet and has given up alcohol. She is absolutely great in bed. Duda is beautiful morena who is also good fun in the quarto. During one of our sessions my fingers were a bit too active and her ensuing orgasms were loud and unmistakeable. I also had one session with Fernanda - a new beautiful black girl. Unfortunately she needs more experience as her skills leaves something to be desired - any volunteer teachers?

centaurus was as always my regular haunt. The biggest problem was the number of girls I had to turn away. There were many doable girls and overall the quality is still the best in Rio.

I discovered a few new facts about the places. You can take a girl out for the entire night. But it will set you back R$2200. You do not have to pay everything upfront, but can get in by paying the entrance fee only. Having said that I never left without having to pay for a couple of programmes anyway.

If you are known to the girls and they trust you - both for their own security and not to tell their boss - you can easily arrange for a girl or two to show up at your hotel after work and spend the night. I did this on most nights and paid R$3-400. This is of course easier to do if you speak portuguese. Hint: bring some hotel stationary with the name and address on as well as a pen.

I did not have any bad sessions at centaurus - but neither did I have any mindblowiing sessions like some of the truely memorable sessions I have had in the past at centaurus.

I spend time with the following girls: (looks, sex)
Elena (8,8) - blond, very good oral
Patricia (7,8) - black, very good oral - ate o final
Lara (9,9) - morena, just very good.
Barbara (10,9) - morena, best looking girl in the house
Mara (7,7) - morena, new at centaurus, but still experienced
Bia (8,8) - morena, good allround performance
I forget the rest.

A hint on personal healthcare. I always bring my own condoms. Also use Listerine or something similar to rinse your mouth after each session. Before you leave Rio go to a pharmacy and pick up some strong antibiotics and take a treatment to kill any leftover bacteria or infection. I recommend Zithromax or Cipro - this is based on personal experience, I am not a doctor.

For details regarding dining, transport etc - I cannot add much value to the fantastic report by Bubba. I do take my favorite Terma girls out to the good restaurants - mainly marius and porcao. Trust me it pays of big time in bed afterwards.

Enjoy Rio.

[Lorenzo]

Bubba Boy,

Thanks for quoting my comments on Rio restaurants. However, I think the prices I mentioned there are a little out of date. That was written when the real was valued at about US$.35. I think that today that price estimate would have to be increased by 20-30%, which is still less expensive than comparable restaurants in the US, western Europe, or (especially) Japan. The rest of your report was excellent, by the way; keep it up.

Lorenzo

[James Howard]

Now it turns out that someone said something about exec to her and it caused a problem.

Exec,

Try asking her who said what and what was said. Then go stomp whichever fool's ass snitched away. Hey, it's Brazil, and I know a guy who'll do it for you for a couple reais.

Good luck.

[Comgo]

The story was this, exec asked me to tell Laura at L'uomo, because I know her, that he loves her and misses her etc. I told exec my policy is not to speak to girls about other guys, because it always causes problems. He posted on a couple of boards that anyone that should see her, should tell her that he loves her. He has posted about her on this board numerous times, I would estimate 1000+ people have seen his posts about her. He kept asking me to speak to her, I kept refusing. Now it turns out that someone said something about exec to her and it caused a problem. I have told exec over and over that I never spoke to Laura about him. In fact I have only spoken to her in passing, maybe 3 or 4 times in the last few months, and and basically I only say "hi hows it going" type of stuff. I have never even "done her" so to speak, hence we aren't even that close. I have no idea why he thinks it was me and basically he is annoying the shit out of me by sending numerous PM's in the last week. I keep politely telling him it wasn't me, I am doing my best to be polite about the situation.

BB, from all your past posts, I believe you and I think that it's a case of mistaken identity. You definitely don't seem like the type to do such a thing. Hopefully, ET will find out who really did it.

[Bubba Boy]

The story was this, exec asked me to tell Laura at L'uomo, because I know her, that he loves her and misses her etc. I told exec my policy is not to speak to girls about other guys, because it always causes problems. He posted on a couple of boards that anyone that should see her, should tell her that he loves her. He has posted about her on this board numerous times, I would estimate 1000+ people have seen his posts about her. He kept asking me to speak to her, I kept refusing. Now it turns out that someone said something about exec to her and it caused a problem. I have told exec over and over that I never spoke to Laura about him. In fact I have only spoken to her in passing, maybe 3 or 4 times in the last few months, and and basically I only say "hi hows it going" type of stuff. I have never even "done her" so to speak, hence we aren't even that close. I have no idea why he thinks it was me and basically he is annoying the shit out of me by sending numerous PM's in the last week. I keep politely telling him it wasn't me, I am doing my best to be polite about the situation.

[Comgo]

a section on telling lies about fellow posters to termas girls and the repercussions.

Bubba Boy is the person that did that to you? Or am I inferring incorrectly?

[Exec Talent]

a section on telling lies about fellow posters to termas girls and the repercussions.

[James Howard]

Great job Bubba.

[Rio Bob]

I have posted this in the report section, when there has been a chance to comment, hopefully I will pick out any mistakes and then shoot it over to Jackson.

I will post the other 6 sections amanha (Ie brasilian time, meaning could be in a few days), the other sections are not as long.

Rio Bob, be nice!

Good to see that your spending your time wisely, great report, Im going to print it out and read it on my next 10 hour flight to Rio.

[Bubba Boy]

I have posted this in the report section, when there has been a chance to comment, hopefully I will pick out any mistakes and then shoot it over to Jackson.

I will post the other 6 sections amanha (Ie brasilian time, meaning could be in a few days), the other sections are not as long.

Rio Bob, be nice!

[Bubba Boy]

the bubba report, updated december, 2005. part 6b/12 -general stuff.
***favelas***

around 25% of rios 12m souls will live in a slum or "favela". they are generally built on the slopes, sometimes on the best land and are everywhere in rio. even the best areas will neighbour a favela. the favelas have always fascinated me, being from a relatively affluent western country i find it hard to imagine how anybody can survive on $25 per week, the answer to this question is "with great difficulty". the associated poverty causes crime, much of it intertwined with the drug industry. this is not to say everybody that lives in a favela is a criminal, far from it, the maid that cleans your hotel room will most likely go home to a favela at night. most inhabitants are honest people although you cannot say all are "working" as unemployment can be as high as 35%.

the social structure in most favelas are intertwined by the local drug dealers, with the head honcho acting as the mayor. in the small favelas there is usually only one way in and one way out, hence the dealers and there hired hands generally sit atop the hill to watch when the police enter the slum. the dealers and their arms generally keep the peace although when rivalry breaks out for control bloodshed is often the result. it is very common to see and hear bullets flying around at night from your hotel room. i once was awoken at about 4am in my hotel room in copacabana to some serious gun fire coming from the favela, which i guess is about 800meters from the beach. the gun fire continued for about 45 minutes with varying intensity until 3 police choppers went screaming over my room. a few seconds later canon fire was pounding the top of the hill and eventually all went quiet. apparently the police choppers follow the beach up to the point where they are about to attack, while remaining lower than the buildings and hence cannot be seen by the favela dwellers, once they reach their desired point they hit the gas and scream towards the trouble and open fire. do innocent people die? i would assume so. this is why you do not really want to come in contact with the police, they are poorly trained, corrupt and trigger happy. not a good mix. apparently half of all violent deaths in rio are at the hands of the police.

never ever ever wander into a favela by yourself. the entrances are heavily patrolled by the gangs that control the favela, you will be noticed and will be approached by someone to ask what you are doing in there. i cannot say what the outcome will be when you are confronted, it is not a situation i would want to be in. you will be relatively safe when invited and accompanied by a resident of the favela but it is probably not the thing to do on your first trip, you are basically at the mercy of your invitee and would want to trust that person 100%. its also not a good idea to hang around at the entrance. if a girl invites you to her house ask her where it is, if it is along way away from zona sul then it might be a good idea to give it a miss, unless of course you know rio very well.

you can take organised favela tours, usually to rocinha, rios largest slum with around 150,000 inhabitants. the tour did seem a little sanitised for me on my visit as the guide directs you to the more positive aspects of the community, while neglecting the less savoury aspects, which of course interested me. however we were accompanied by a few trainee guides and managed to get the inside gossip out of these surprising shy individuals, we even slipped away from the main guide with them primarily to annoy the lead guide, yes i know, i am a child! now many locals would argue that rocinha is becoming more or less a "middle class" area with running water, electricity and even internet connections in some homes, and hence does not depict a true "favela". well not long after my tour in 04, the favela was basically at war as 2 drug lords vied for power. bodies were piling up for a few weeks, the tours were cancelled due to no guarantee of safety, peace was eventually restored. hence, it is real enough for me. you can do a google search for favela tour and you will get the contact details for the tours.

before making a trip to rio do yourself a favour and get the movie "city of god" or in portuguese "cidade de deus" (comes with english subtitles). it is an excellent movie in its own right, but also shows the interactions within a favela. it is probably one of the best known brasilian movies to make it into the western world. the story is set in an area which is actually called cidade de deus, it is inland from barra da tijuca, bordering on jacarepagua. apparently it is based on a real story, however it could be about any of the 600 odd favelas in rio. there is also a tv series now, cidade dos homens, i have the 2003 & 2004 series, there may be more. not sure if there is english sub titles or not.

***food***

you can get good quality food in rio for a fraction of what you would pay in the west. brazil is now the largest exporter of beef in the world, hence every meal generally comes with meat and rice. although the quality is good, they are a little bit behind in the health stakes, everything tends to have a little bit more fat and salt content than i am used to, hence watch the pounds or better still grab an extra garotta to work off those calories.

*suco bars* (juice bars) - these little eateries are great. they are recognisably by the fruit decoratively stacked on the walls and hanging from every available space. many open early and end late, some are open 24/7. very little english is spoken but you can get by just by looking at the menu hanging on the wall or picking up a few words, most people will be eager to help you order, brazilians are friendly by nature. most meals are a combination sandwhich/hamburger deal with a freshly squeezed juice. most meals will set you back between r5 and r8. that is right between usd$2 -$3.

kice suco is a favourite of mine, open 24 hours (maybe closes for a few hours in winter), they even have a few guys working there that can speak english. more or less a 100m from help on avinida nossa senhora de copacabana cnr rua miguel lemos.

a tip: the locals wrap a napkin around the sandwich/burger so their hands never touch the food. this is to prevent any contamination as they generally do not have anywhere to wash your hands prior to eating and rio has plenty of less than clean surfaces for the said contamination to occur.

must try asaci, it is black, thick, a meal in itself, you may like it, you may hate it, but you must try it - go on be a man, you are in rio for new experiences, that’s what travelling is all about!

for a list of juices in english see the language section.

*churrascarias and kilo places* you can find them by the signs outside giving the price per kilo ie r15. again these places are great and are everywhere in rio. there are many of them in avinida nossa s copacabana. the deal is you go into the restaurant and a lady (usually) waiting at the door will hand you a piece of paper. you then grab a plate and select what you want at a buffet, no language problems here as you don't have to say much. when you have piled you plate up, you hand it to the lady at the end of the line who weighs it and records the number on your paper. usually drinks are brought to your table. the waitress will usually say "tomar" which literally means "to take" as in "what would you like to take a drink (beber)". some even have guys come around to your table with skewers of meat from which they slice pieces and place on your plate, these places are fixed price deals usually. the places that do this have little green and red disks on the table, when you have had enough flip the disk to red, it means "stop bringing me meat i am fat enough". the average kilo/ churrascarias will usually cost around r12, which includes great meat, a drink and salad. fantastic! you pay on the way out, the lady will usually give you back a slip of paper with "pago" (paid) stamped on it to give to the door lady. these places get really busy around 12pm - 2pm, i usually go just before or after as the local pensioners have sharp elbows and are not afraid to use them. there are of course more upmarket churrascarias that will cost more like porcao. i will usually eat at a kilo place at least once a day.

my favourites are:
*kilograma -av nossa sra de copacabana # 1144. (about 3 blocks from help, ipanema side)
http://www.kilograma.com.br/

*solario: av nossa sra de copacabana #1175. (towards the start of a n s copacabana, the street being 1 way, towards ipanema)
great kilo place, in my opinion the quality of the salad and meat is better hear than most other kilo places. a good meal will run about r12.

*grill inn, av nossa sra de copacabana #1182, directly opposite solario.

nb: churrasco- literally translates to bbq. more specifically large skewers of meat are cooked and the waiters bring it to you and slice a bit off.....fantastic. the king of all meat cuts in brasil is "picanha" ([CodeWord134] - kan - yah), second best cut "copine"

*the office*

av aires saldanha #92 a, copacabana.
http://www.theoffice-sportsbar-restaurant-brasil.com/

run by a very friendly hat wearing rogue australian who i like very much. great place to watch american sport on the weekends. always american football on sat and sun and sometimes other days. during the week many semi well off locals go to enjoy the live bands and to have a good time, great atmosphere and mix of gringos-locals. need to book a table on friday nights. meals range from r15 for breakfast to r20-r40 for dinner. beer is about r4, juice r4. in the small street behind directly behind help. if you do take a girl there make sure she is not dressed like a "help" girl, respectful casual dress is the code. you can check email for free after a meal. minimum consumption r10. this is my "office" when in rio.

*upmarket restaurants *

the following is not written by me, but by lorenzo, a fellow deviate and contributor.

lorenzo says:-if you like fine dining and are not a penny pincher, and if you find a termas girl that you like and make arrangements for her to take a night off and party with you, why not begin the evening by taking her out to dinner at a fine restaurant? i love to eat and hate to do it alone, but since i always travel alone, this is an ideal way to find myself a dinner companion. however, it's best to do this with someone with whom you have a bit of chemistry. my favorite is antiquarius in leblon, but other excellent dining establishments are satyricon (http://www.satyricon.com.br/ ), yemanja, and even upscale churrascarias like mariu's and porcao. odds are likely that she will never have experienced anything like this, since these places are beyond the reach of all but well to do brazilians. on the other hand, if you are american, western european, or japanese, you will find that even the most expensive restaurants are modestly priced by the standards of your own country. for example, dinner for two at antiquarius, rio's best restaurant, will probably come to less than us$100, including drinks, wine, appetizer, dessert, and tip. we are always talking about a gfe, and to me this is an essential part of a gfe. - lorenzo

nb, marius is actually 2 restaurants next to each other, at the end of leme right on the beach. both the seafood and beef restaurants are excellent. a must do, all you can eat of the finest food for r120 ish for meat or a little more for seafood.

milano: my favourite restaurant in ipanema is milano: the sea bass is excellent as is the risotto seafood (risotto frutas da mar). runs about r100 for 2 people, the same restaurant in europe would be e250+. it is an upmarket restaurant so dress appropriately. smart casual will do.

rua gomes carneiro, 132 ipanema. (21) 2522-0303.
http://www.milanodoc.com.br/

carretao: an excellent churrascaria in 2 locations is carretao. the bill will run about r75 for 2 people. a slightly upmarket restaurant.

rua siqueira campos, 23, copacabana.
rua visconde de piraja, 112, ipanema.
http://www.carretaochurrascaria.com.br/

tia palmira restaurant:

again i cannot remember who posted this, but i saved it on the premise of trying this restaurant, like so many well laid plans in rio i just didn't get the time but will next trip.

"best foodie experience: if you like seafood and bahian style sauces, tia palmira restaurante is without an equal anywhere. top chefs from the us sit
there in awe (or hustle back to the kitchen, if they know portuguese). no
menu: you sit down and they serve you based on the best seafood available
that day. and serve you and serve you. seven appetizer courses, eight
entrees, seven desserts, for a fixed price of 49 reais. come with a driver,
who can roll you back to the car afterwards. great for a special garota.
about an hour southwest of copacabana in a little fishing village (barra de
guaratiba) at caminho do souza, 18. phone: (21) 2410-8169."

*toilets*

generally because the plumbing system in brasil is quite poor, no toilet paper gets put into the bowl. some western standard hotels and apartments have a sufficiently strong system to cope for this, but this is the exception to the rule. hence, whenever you see a paper bin next to the toilet, it will generally be for depositing "used" toilet paper into. if you put toilet paper in the bowl, it will usually clock it, not pleasant for all concerned.

***shopping***

personally i think the shopping in brazil leaves a bit to be desired, generally you can get a far better selection back home, hell america is probably the best place in the world to shop with the best prices for major goods. having said that everyone wants to pickup something to remember brazil by. i usually get a few local t shirts from ipanema or the 2 major malls.

*barra shopping & rio sul*

barra shopping is apparently the largest mall in latin america. by western standards it is medium sized, at best. they do have a good selection of clothes to buy, prices are cheaper for some things but electrical goods are much more expensive than back home. rio sul is probably half the size and worth a look if just to see the eye candy.

barra shopping is located in barra da tijuca, about 30 minutes south of rio proper. runs about r35 in a cab. rio sul is in the next suburb to copacabana. most buses go there.

i personally do not like shopping at the best of times, and hence have resisted all offers to be dragged around a mall by a local garotta and of course be expected to outlay cash. i personally believe to pay a girl a certain rate and under exceptional circumstances a present when i go home but definitely no shopping tours for p4p. many have asked though and i believe the odd gringo does do this. i have heard that many girls will exchange the goods once you have gone, hence it is a judgement call as to if it is really worth it.

*modern sound*

probably the best music store in rio, they have shows at lunchtimes (sometimes), it is nice to browse for music and grab a coffee and watch the show. you must remember shops in brasil are very small compared to the west, hence don't expect to see huge virgin mega store, it is a medium sized store by western standards, but way cool.
rua barata ribeiro, 502 & rua santa clara.

*cigars*

so you are from the us and cubans are banned. no problem in rio, although due to them being expensive not many shops carry them. many 5 star hotels have a good selection and you can smoke them in the bar, albeit it at a price. the second level bar in the marriot is great.

try http://www.eschcasadelhabano.com.br , one of the more famous cigar cafes around. the restaurants are great to eat in, nice and upmarket, and of course you can puff away before/during/after your meal. they have 2 shops/café/restaurants, one of them is only a block away from terma quatro por quatro (4x4) and is on the same street as terma 65.
their locations are:
ria do rosario, 107, centro.
rua dias ferreira, 78-a, leblon.

***movies***

most western movies that are played in brasil are left in tact with portuguese sub titles, hence it is a viable night out for you and a garrota. brasilian girls are actually great to go to the movies with, they are always up for a bit of affection and will probably start stroking you dick with in the cinema.

for movie playing times you can visit this site.
http://www.severianoribeiro.com.br/

cinemas:-

roxy: in copacabana cnr rua bolivar & av n s copacabana
rio sul: has a good size cinema complex.
barra da tijuca: has the cinema that all the girls want to go to. be careful when travelling down there at night. the roads back are dangerous and often road blocked by police so make sure you have id (passport) so they can't extort a bribe from you. the cinema is new york and it is the biggest in rio..

http://www.cinemark.com.br/

***driving***

you can rent a car relatively cheaply in brasil. however they do drive very poorly, no real thinking ahead or thinking of the consequences of what might happen after the fact. very frustrating. the death rate is about 10 times higher than in your average western country on a per capita basis hence drive very carefully!

when out on the country be careful to see speed cameras. they have a low tolerance level and just a few kilometres per hour over the posted limit will see you pinged. the fines are quite high, r300-r900. on rental cars they will add it to your bill after you are probably back home because it takes a few days/weeks to process, and you cannot dispute the charge. hence if you are in the country and see a lot of people break suddenly, take a good look around and there will probably be a camera. they are marked by signs.

[Bubba Boy]

The Bubba report, updated December, 2005. Part 6a/12 -General Stuff.

***Metro***

The metro system in Rio is very easy to use, this is due to basically only 1 line operating (more or less), hence you won't get easily lost like you could in a web like system that prevails Sampa (although I find that metro easy to use there as well). Basically the metro starts at Rua Siqueira Campos station (Copacabana) and you will head towards centro, the sign will say Zona Norte (north zone). On your return trip head for Zona Sul (south zone). To get to the downtown termas, Urugaiana station is your stop and will take about 17minutes from Rua S Campos. 4x4 and Terma 65 are only 2 blocks to the right of the station as you exit. To hit Terma Aeroporto get off at Cinelandia, for Terma Rio Antigo get off at Gloria, you will need a map to find both of these places but they are only a 10 minute walk from the station.

To use the system you buy you ticket at the booths inside the station. They issue a unitario (R2.25) which is good for 1 trip or a Duplo (R4.50) which can be used twice or if you are really keen a Muliplo (10 trips=R22.50). Once you have purchased your ticket, you insert it into the turnstile which will allow entry. The machine keeps your ticket if it is a unitario and spits it back out the top if it is a duplo. You do not need anything to exit the station. The system is very safe and very clean, although I would not necessarily like to take it past centro up into Zona Norte. I always catch the metro to go to centro, much quicker and safe than a taxi. I also find it ok to ride back even late at night. The whole system is monitored by cameras which encourages the would be thieves to pick other less monitored targets.

For those staying in Ipanema, you can catch the metro buses which drop you to the station at S Campos for free. You buy your ticket on the bus and it is also good for the train portion. When buying a ticket in centro to return, you have to ask for the Ipanema ticket, this will be returned to you by the machine as you enter the station. You then get off at S Campos and give it to the bus ticket collector for you journey back to Ipanema. There are a few limited stops to catch the metro bus to the station. There is a stop near Centaurus, outside the zona sul supermarket, look for the "M" symbol. People line up on the footpath for the bus, join the que.

They are in the process of extending the metro line and eventually it will go to Ipanema and perhaps beyond. There is currently a metro station being built at Rua Miguel Lemos & Rua Pompeu Loureiro, Copacabana. As to when it will open, only the gods know.

To visit 4x4 and the downtown termas see more detail under the Centro terma section.

***Buses***

The bus system has a reputation for being dangerous. While they do drive like fucking lunatics, I find them quite good for getting between Ipanema and Copacabana, not so much to save the cash, but more for the experience. Probably not good to catch them to a far away destination as the danger factor may bite your ass. The cost is fixed and is posted on the front windscreen. The price is usually around R1.80 to R2, you pay the attendant behind the driver sitting in front of a turnstile - you will see them clearly enough. Small bills are best to pay for the fare, a R50 will probably do you no favours.

***Taxis from the Airport***

Taxis should be about R40, maybe a little more in heavy traffic from the main international airport (GIG). The trick is, and most locals do this, ignore the rabid touts and go to the second floor where people are being dropped off (the arrivals) and grab a Yellow taxi there. I always have a quick look to see what the meter has run before I get in and have a quick look around. When I get in the cab another check to make sure the meter is on and cleared and we are on our way. Never had a problem with this. The driver loves it as well because he has got a nice trip back to zona sul (the most likely place he picked up the original passenger). If there is no meter it is most likely a radio cab which are usually white or a dodgy driver trying to grab a few extra bucks, best to grab the Yellow Taxis.

The taxis touts on the first floor will take you to the prepaid booth and charge R65+, do not let them take you directly to a taxi or you will be fucked. I guess is ok for first time visitors to go to the prepaid booth but anyone that has been to Rio more than once should consider going to level 2.

From the domestic airport (SDU), I usually also grab an incoming cab, total tab will run a bout R22 or so. The touts will want R40+. The money saved from this is not the point, I do it because I do not like to be overcharged for services just because I am a tourist.

Taxi drivers will most likely not speak any English, hence it is a good idea to write down the address or show them your reservation slip before entering. Even if you know where you are going they probably won't understand you because the pronunciation of words in Portuguese is significantly different than English.

Generally the taxis around town are quite good, with a trip between Ipanema and Copacabana being R8, nice and cheap, the meter is always used, if it isn't probably best to get out. The taxis outside of the clubs late at night can be problematic. Away from the clubs the service is quite good, cheap and safe, the meter is always used. I spend a lot of time in South America, the first thing I do when getting in a cab is to check if the meter is on, you should get into this habit as well.

Flag fall is R3.50, rate 1 ends at 8pm ish, and rate 2 is slightly more expensive starting at R3.70. All taxis in Rio run "rate 2" 24/7 in December.

***Airports, Rio to Sao Paulo***

LOCAL AIRPORTS: If staying in Sampa you would want to go to Congas (CGU) which is the domestic aeroporto and will run about R30 in a taxi from the center of town. The international (GRU) will run about R80 in a cab because it is quite a distant from town. Likewise best to hit Santos dumont (SDU) the domestic aeroporto when entering Rio. It will run about R20 in a taxi to get you to Copacabana/ipanema. The international (GIG) will be about R40 now. When leaving any airport just ignore the touts and hail a cab from the front. They will usually be dropping passengers and will save you maybe 1/3 off the fare. Be prepared for the plane to hit the breaks pretty rapidly when you touch down, not a very long runway........

***Where to Stay***

99% of all visitors to Rio will stay in Zona Sul. This is the South Zone and includes the so called wealthier suburbs of Rio. So called because even the best suburbs in Rio will be cheap as chips compared to large western cities, think about USD$150,000 for a standard 2 bedroom unit. Yes there are million dollar apartments with ocean views but these make up a tiny fraction of the overall property stock. The overwhelming number of visitors will stay in Copacabana/Leme (the border is the middle of the beach) or Ipanema/leblom (again, the border is the middle of the beach). Copacabana is definitely the centre of the sleaze scene, being dominated by Help, smack bang in the middle of it. It is also close to the metro and the big termas (L'uomo, Monte Carlo and Centaurus). Many first time visitors stay here. Ipanema is only a mile or so away, still very close and very walkable during the day to Copa. Ipanema is the so called Ritzy part of town. Many return visitors stay here preferring the more upmarket surrounds. Both locations are perfectly fine for mongering activities. Ipanema, definitely has the better beach with more upmarket eye candy and less problems although petty crime can be high on both beaches.

Bairros & Postos.
Leme, Copacabana, Ipanema & Leblom are divided into 12 posto zones. They start at Leme, Posto1, and run sequentially along the beach. Help is on Posto 5. The start of Ipanema is Posto 7, Posto 8 contains the gay section of Ipanema Beach. The Caesar Park Hotel, is in a very hip area, which is Posto 9. Posto 12 is in Leblom.

Ok, now that you have decided to stay in Copacabana or Ipanema the next choice you have to make is an Apartment or a Hotel.

*Apartments*

The 2 main advantages apartments have over hotels is 1) They tend to be cheaper, maybe 30% or up to 50% less for longer term stays & 2) There are generally no restrictions on the number of girls you can take back, and of course there are no extra guest fees. You will of course have to keep the noise level down and you and your guests will have to act in a more or less respectable manner when in the general living areas. A naked Help girl in the hallway is not "respectable" and will get your ass kicked out with no refund. After all, these apartments are occupied by 90% local residents that live there every day. Some even come with broadband Internet access these days.

What are the disadvantages then? Well generally apartments in a less developed country like Brazil are....well....less developed. The electrical and water systems are generally straight from the dark ages and can have problems in providing reliable service. The bathrooms and kitchens can be old and tired, even renovated apartments tend to have very shoddy work. The walls are not very thick in some apartments and there is plenty of noise transference from apartment to apartment, adding to the problem, Brasilians are generally very noisy neighbours, they will think nothing of having the music cranked 24/7. The same levels of cleanliness are also not adhered to. In general the place may look ok in pictures when booking it over the net, but when you arrive it may well be older, dirtier and noisier than expected. It can be a downer to turn up to a shitty looking apartment when on your first trip to Rio. If it is your first time in Rio and it is not peak times (Dec to March) you may wish to book a hotel on your first night and go and see a few apartments the next day, contact a few agencies before you arrive, that way you know what you will be in for. If you do book an apartment over the net, only give 1 days rent as a deposit, avoid agencies that ask for more, then if you do turn up to a cockroach fest you can walk away from the deal and find something better. The one exception here is during carnival and new years eve, when all agencies will ask for more or less the duration of rental in advance. Thoroughly inspect the apartment before handing over the remaining cash. There are no refunds!

Agencies: There are a shit load of agencies you can rent apartments from in Rio. Most are one or two men cottage operations, a lot are expats who have become very familar with Latin American ways. I now live half of the year in Latin America and half the year in Western Europe and the most frustrating thing for me is most things move slowly and inefficiently in Latin America compared to the west. Hence, the service levels of these agencies can be frustrating. I have heard good things and bad things from most of them, with maybe the exception of Kenn (http://www.ez-riorentals.com/ ), whom I have only heard good things. I also used Sladtko (and his assistant Rosa Maria) on my last trip and he was very good, bordering one excellent, I was impressed with his honesty and integrity ( http://www.rioholidays.com/ ). The one agency that continues to come up in regards to complaints is http://www.gringomanagement.com/. Have also heard a lot of issues about "Marina", I won't go into details because I cannot verify the details that are quite serious, but I will say I would never deal with her. A positive point about agencies is that they can help you out with language difficulties if required and can generally assist you if needed, although always remember they make their living from charging you for their service, festas they can organise will contain a decent profit margin for them, better to organise one yourself at half the cost. Maid service can also be provided for between R30-R50 (expensive in my opinion considering the maid actually gets paid R20 -R30 per day) a pop as required, but no, you cannot fuck her! Most apartments will come with a safe, but not all, enquire when booking, you really do need one. Make sure you do a search on all the agencies before you use them, search google, the message boards and see what comes up.

Although I have listed a lot of negatives here, I have done so to highlight what to look out for. Many experienced mongers swear by apartment rentals, if you are careful and pick yours wisely the only thing you will have to be concerned with is how many garottas you can nail each day.

NB. If you rent a very upmarket and expensive apartment, chances are you may not be able to take back guests. You may well get away with a very well dressed lady but you certainly won't be able to take help girls up there by the by the truckload. Enquire when booking about guest policy, they will know the situation and don't be embarrassed as a good proportion of their clients will be fellow deviates.


*Hotels*

The advantages. Firstly there are more of them and providing you are not on a package tour you have the flexibility of leaving the next day and finding something more appropriate to your needs if required. Room service everyday is also a major advantage, all that sexo sure does go through a lot of towels and sheets. The majority will come with Internet access and have a good safe to lock you shit up in. The staff will also make sure your guest shows ID before entering and they will record it, this is a good security measure for you.

Disadvantages. Apart from the normal problems with booking a hotel sight unseen, the biggest problem is the "guest policy". Some hotels will not allow guests at all, while some will charge a "guest fee", and some will allow guests sometime and not at other times. The fee maybe R30 - R60 in a moderately priced hotel. Most hotels that do allow guests will only allow one at a time and may charge for each one. All hotels in Rio have a 5% tax added to the bill for lodging, generally not quoted in the rate.

Some hotels I can recommend at the moment that I have stayed at, but please be aware policies can change over night and hence it is best to do research before leaving.

Princess Copacabana, has a sister hotel in Ipanema which I believe is also good. Runs about R200- R300 per night in peak times, very friendly guest policy and when I was there they did not charge a guest fee. Avoid the road side rooms, they are noisy as hell. I believe they have Internet connection now within the rooms for R15 extra, might want to check that. http://www.promenade.com.br/

Partheon Hotels, my last few trips I have started to stay in Ipanema, primarily at the Parthenon Queen Elizabeth . Around R220 per night and again did not charge me a guest fee, but then again I will only have a girl come to my room once or twice per week. If you are trucking them in it may be different. I find the Accor group to be great for hotels all over Brasil and I stay in one of their hotels when in Sampa. They all seem to be guest friendly. All generally have Internet connection within the rooms free of charge.
http://www.accorhotels.com.br/home/home_pt.asp

Sofitel, Although a member of the accor group, probably don't won't to stay there, apparently they do allow guests but insist on a non negotiable R250 guest fee (in other words: they don't want guests) Source: Jaimito Cartero

Marriot, stayed here on my second trip, around USD200 per night, no guests as I was only there a few nights but I believe they do allow them. At the better hotels you will have to make sure your girl is dressed well, a tattoo'd gangster chick you grabbed from the beach probably ain't going to make it in. Great location, a couple of blocks from Help and right on the beach, well as close as you can get anyway.

Copacabana Palace. The most famous hotel in Latin America (maybe), costs about USD250 if booked over the net, a bargain compared with what you would have to pay for a similar hotel in Europe, think USD$750+. Great location maybe 6 blocks up from the Marriot on the beach away from Help. I stayed here on my first trip, at the time they allowed guests, well they did for me anyway, but then the girl I was with was stunning and super classy. In fact she just got married to a rich expat and now lives a life of luxury, good on her I say! Judging by the young girls lying by the pool in the morning I think they let more than just my girl in. On my last trip, a friend stayed there and they definitely did not allow guests.

Both the RioRoiss and the Arpoador Inn are girl friendly apparently.

What to do if your guest is denied entry -

*Motels*

These wonderful Latin American institutions allow you to rent a room for the hour and of course do not mind multiple guests, hence they are ideal for 2 girls or festas (parties), or of course if you have problems getting one girl into your hotel. They run from average to quite luxurious, with the most famous being Vips, ( http://www.vipsmotel.com.br/ ) where the millennium suite has been used to shoot many famous pornos from Private. There are numerous motels in Copacabana and all over the city. They are used a lot by locals who often live in small apartments with multiple members of their family IE no privacy. The Kman once called his "amiga" who happened to be in a motel at the time, "what are you doing there?" he says "I am with my girlfriend" is her reply, Brasilians really love their sex, in Rio anything is possible! They are also surprisingly cheap with good accommodations being had for as little as R40 for a few hours. Even quite luxurious motels will only run R100 for 8 hours. Super luxury like VIP can cost a little bit more, but they do have swimming pools in some suites, the Millennium suite has 2 private pools!! I think it is about R400 for 8 hours. Hotel Sinless not far from VIP is also very good ( http://www.sinless.com.br/ ).

The following post I saved but do not know the posters name. Basically it is planning for a VIP festa. It sounds like a well travelled game plan.

VIPS: Millenium is R$500 for 8 hours; You will also pay an extra R$40 per person over 2 for the Millenium Suite (makes sense to get extra individual rooms at R$75 in case anyone wants privacy or a place to keep their stuff); with the Millenium Suite, you get any two items off the menu. Escorts from Karlas will cost you R$200 for 2 hours; R$300 for 3 hours plus taxi to and from Vips;

Add in drinks, food (and take it with you, don't buy from Vips).

You probably want a minimum of 6 guys to do the Millenium and a good plan is one group of girls for 3 hours-break for 2 hours (eat, recover etc) then another round for 3 hours. Any fewer guys (unless cost is no object) and you might want to consider a smaller suite. Real, Brisa and New Brisa are all good ones.

***Mobile Phones***

You really need a mobile phone when staying in Rio. It is handy to keep in touch with girls, but I find, more importantly, to keep in touch with fellow mongers. If you use the local carriers expect a few more issues than you would in the western world, text messages can go astray, are not always compatible with every network and not all carriers will allow you to send or receive international text message, but for the most part they are OK.

You have 3 options:

Option 1) Bring you own phone on global roaming, but be prepared to be hit with an expensive bill when you get home. You may also find other mongers cannot text you because local carriers are not always compatible with international carriers. Local mongers probably won't want to call you because it will eat up credits very quickly. Not the preferred option but in bind it will work. Make sure you set up global roaming before you go. Don't bet on all carriers to have reciprocal coverage in Rio.

Option 2) Bring you own phone, make sure it is "unlocked" so that it can accept a new sim card before leaving, and add a prepaid sim card from one of the local carriers. You can also buy a local phone for about R200 and add a local ship, but note the local phone will also be "locked" so you won't be able to change carriers should the need arise. Local sim cards require a Passport for ID enabling the purchase. The sim cards cost about R25. You then add credit as you go, which can be purchased from numerous places including the newsstands that dot Copacabana and Ipanema.

To ask for a telephone recharge card In Portuguese.(write it down if necessary).

"Tem cartão para cellular de tim" (have card for cellular of tim or claro)

The cards have varying differing amounts, when they realise you don't speak porto they will show you the various cards, the amount of the card is written in large numbers IE for Tim, R15, R25, R50.

You will need to purchase the card from the actual Telco store to get started.

*Tim* (local carrier)
Tim has a few stores in Copacabana, 1 location is:
Av N S Copacabana 1103B, close to Rua Djaima Ulrich.

They also have a store in Rio Sul where you have a greater chance of finding someone who speaks English(the large shopping centre in Botafago)

To recharge minutes on Tim: (may require some Porto, or get your Hotel staff or friendly GDP to do it for you).
1) Dial *222
2) Listen to port then press 1 (option um)
3) Enter 16 digit code found by scratching off the cover on the recharge card.
4) Press 4 to confirm after the numbers are read back to you. The last word you should here is "com successo"

Sometimes the card does not work straight up. Do not through the card out, keep it and try in a few days, it will work! I do not know why this occurs, it is very Brasilian.

*Claro* (local carrier)
Claro is also another local carrier with coverage over Rio. I find Tim a little better in that their Text messages are compatible with more carriers. However it is an option. There are quite a few stores in Copa and Ipanema ( 1 on Av N S Copacabana ). They also have a large store in Rio Sul shopping center.

Option 3) Rent a mobile phone of one of the apartment rental guys. This is the least hassle way of doing things because it already comes with a prepaid sim card. You can also organise enough credit to get you through the week. The price varies from USD$5-USD$7 per day and most require a deposit of USD$100. A good option for a short term stay only, for longer term stays go for another option.

GDP Calls: Despite earning significantly higher wages than their local compatriots, GDP's never have any money, hence they never seem to have their prepaid mobile filled with any credits. If a GDP calls you she may let it ring 2 or 3 times and then hang up. This is a signal to call her back and of course use your credits as opposed to hers. Another trick they use is by dialling 9090 (doesn't work on all phones) before the number, this is essentially a collect call. You will know this is happening by hearing a Portuguese message being played before your caller comes online. The message is basically saying "do you accept the charges for this call". You can of course hang up at this point or better still use this trick on your unaware gringo friends as revenge for charging red bulls and whisky to your Terma key (Kman you fucker!).

***Internet Cafes***

There are numerous Internet cafes all over Copacabana and Ipanema. They have 1 or more likely, several on each block. For the most part they will speak at least a little English. The Internet Cafes around the generally area of Help will speak more English, a lot of GDP's use these cafés as well as a lot live close to Help.

***Supermarkets***

There are a lot of small supermarkets dotted all over Copa and Ipanema. Generally 2 big brands dominate the area. ZONA SUL & PÃO DE AÇÚCAR. They are quite small, poorly stocked and not very price competitive by western standards. Still, they are good to stock up on 6packs of 1.5l bottles of water, necessities etc.

The cashier will most likely speak zero English, but none the less will ask you a few questions, latinos always ask questions in shops!. One will be "tem cartão de Zona Sul" (do you have a rewards cards for zona sul) or "tem trocar" (do you have change). No place in Brasil ever carries more than the absolute minimum amount of change, hence they are always running out - asking customers for it etc, be prepared for these 2 questions all the time.

***Washing cloths***

Like a lot of things in Brasil you pay for your laundry by the kilo, makes senses I guess. It is also very cheap. Look for the Lavar kilo places (Lava, they are everywhere, you will see the prices quoted in the window. The prices are as follows, you drop your clothes off, they wash it for you and you pick it up the next day or you can have it delivered for the same price (labour is cheap in Brasil)

Lavar e Secar R6 por kilo
Lavar e Secar e passar R10 por kilo

Lavar=wash
Secar=dry
Passar=iron
e=and

An average wash is about 2 kilos.

***Common Ailments***

Every time I go to Brazil I get a sick, one time I was totally laid up in bed for 2 days, seems just about every other Gringo that goes there also gets it and it really can knock the shit out of you and adding to the pain you are constantly thinking about fucking but can't! It is a good idea to OD on Vitamin C or whatever voodoo you normally practice to keep the bugs away before hitting Rio, your immune system may be weakened from the flight, general partying and lack of sleep. I have finally found a solution that works for me. As soon as I feel the affects of a bad headache and muscle aches come on I get stuck into the Antibiotics, the longer the symptoms go without treatment means longer recovery time and less sexo. The one that works for a bad case of the flu is Azitromicina Dildratada (generic name). It costs about R26 for 3 tablets (take 1 per day with food), is available without prescription from the local Drogaria/Farmacia of which there is one on every corner in Copa or Ipanema. They worked so well for me I stocked up on them and keep them in my travel bag. If you don't speak Porto, just write it down and take it to the farmacia, the *back section*, not the cashiers, and they will get it for you. Conjunctivitis (red eye) is also common, if you wake up with a partially closed eye hit the farmacia quickly and it is a good idea to get it checked out by a doctor when you get home, some forms can be more serious than others. Even if only 1 eye is affected you need to put the drops in both eyes because it will most likely transfer.

Tip number 2, for when you get a mild case of Diarrhoea, very common, Diasec works great. About R12 for 12 tablets. You take only one and it should cure the problem, if it doesn't within 24 hours take another one. If you are still having problems, its time to see the doc.

According to the CIA’s official website .7% of the population has HIV in Brazil. The United States has a rate of .6%, hence, relatively speaking, HIV is not a huge problem in Brazil, not compared to some African countries which have rates of 20%+. Having said that though it would not be wise to travel bareback through Brazil. Where a little shirt "camisinha" (Portuguese for condom)

Disclaimer: I am not a Doctor, take the above advice as a guide only.

***Vitamin V & C***

Many mongers come to Rio to fuck like an Olympic athlete, no worries here, the contestants IE "us mongers" are not drug tested after the event, hence artificial assistance is allowed. Virtually every experienced monger is on Viagra or Cialis. If you have never tried them, they work quite differently.

*Viagra* will give you strong wood within 15-30 minutes or so of taking the little blue diamonds and last a few hours, maybe up to 6, depending upon the dosage, amount of sex you have, age and of course alcohol consumed. Despite what you may have heard, you do not constantly walk around "pitching a tent", you only get a chubby when stimulated. Vitamin V is my preferred weapon of choice when going into battle. I usually buy 4x100mg tablet packs, about R125-145 OTC in a Rio farmacia. I then break the tablets into 1/8 pieces, my first session with a GDP will be unassisted then I will take a 1/8 tablet for the second round in a day. Towards the end of my holiday I may have a 1/8 tablet before the first session, and then another before the next session, particular if I have had a few drinkies. I tend to get desensitised after a few days. You can also buy 4x50mg tablets for about R90, however the 100mg are more cost effective. If you intend going down this root while in Rio, do you research on side affects before you go as any V purchased in Rio will have instructions for use only in Portuguese. Some farmacias will try and charge R180 for 100mg V, act surprised and they will come down to the standard R145ish or go to another 1. A small percentage of V takers can experience a head ache after V, hence first time up be sure to be careful and take a small dose.

Ordering from the Farmacia in Rio: If you cannot speak Porto and the pharmacist does not speak English (better than average chance), just right down what you want on a piece of paper and get them to write down the cost, you will work it out. They get a small commission for everything they sell and hence are eager as hell to help you, they even suggestively sell other crap that you probably don't need. Sir, would you like Cialis with your Viagra?- suggestive selling is quite ridiculous in Rio. Remember all the prescription medicine gets ordered to the rear of the store, you will see the counter, usually with a couple of guys/girls in white coats waiting to assist you.

*Cialis* has probably overtaken V in popularity amongst hobbyist. These little tan colored numbers last 36 hours or longer, some have reported effects up to 4 days, hence if you take one on the way out on the town it should be good for at least the following night and early morning as well. I tend to find it does not give as strong an erection as V and requires more stimulation to get a rise. With V, I could be with the ugliest of beasts and still get a strong enough erection to punch a hole through a wall. It comes in 10mg and 20mg tablets. Apparently V & C should not be mixed within a 24 hour period of each other. 4x20mg costs around R95-R100.

Generic V & C is available in Rio farmacias at about 50% of the cost. I personally don't go down this route.

Cheap R3 pill cutters are available at most farmacias.

Disclaimer: I am not a Doctor, take the above advice as a guide only.

***Xylocaina***

While on the subject of pharmacy products, you may notice a lot of girls in Rio will prepare themselves before anal sex with a different tube of lube. This is a local anesthetic called Xylocaina (active ingredient is lidocaine, 2% & 5%, with 5% being the most popular ) and is available in the local farmacias for R12 a tube. If gotten on your skin it can cause slight numbness, goes away in a less than an hour. I mention this more as general knowledge, if your girlfriend back home won't do anal because she thinks it will hurt too much, might want to buy her gift......... Likewise, I have found a lot GDP's are willing to try anal with me, often for the first time, definitely use Xylocaina and go real slow (Porto: devagar) on them otherwise she may not let you have another go at her ass. Have I told you how much I love this place?

***Condoms (Camisinha)***

If you are an average sized western gentleman, you will find the Brazilian sized condom to be a little small. The K Man, on his first trip, came with 5 friends, all of them had a little red ring around their dicks towards the end of their trip. The reason, Brasilian condoms are just to small, and hence pinch the "tip", try explaining that mark to the wife on your return!. Most of the big termas actually stock larger condoms, however the cheaper ones do not, hence it may be a good idea to bring a few regular sized "little shirts" from home. If you have to buy them in Rio, try to look for "Preserv Extra" they are "largura" than your average condom.

NB: The Brasilian word for Condom is Camisinha. A camisa is a shirt, any word with "inha" on the end reflects a diminutive of the subject. Ie a camisinha is a small shirt, I think this is kind of a cute name.

***Changing Money***

On my first visits to Rio the ATM's were the way to go, however they have started to give a slightly less favourable rate and charge a few bucks per transaction. Another problem is foreign cards don't always work and the ones that do work will only give about R1000 a pop during daylight hours, they reduce this amount late at night. Having said that they are nice and convenient. The best banks for my card seem to be Citibank and HSBC. The local banks do not like my card. Use the ATM's during the day, at night they tend to not allow you to withdraw large amounts, for security reasons. Have plenty of cash before the weekend because they generally only reset the daily limit in weekdays, hence if you get the max out on Friday, you may not be able to get any more cash out until Monday. Of course if you carry 2 cards you can get twice the cash out.

*Citibank Locations*

Copacabana:
- Av. Nossa Senhora de Copacabana, 619, Cnr Rua Figueiredo Magalha
(Near "Blockbuster")
- Ipanema & Leblom: Rua Visconde de Pirajá, 459 &229, Ipanema (2 branches)
Rua Ataulfo de Paiva, 1260, Leblom

More branches: http://www.citibank.com.br (Click on "Agencias" for branches)

*HSBC Locations*

Ipanema & Leblom:
- Rua Visconde de Pirajá 259 &608, Ipanema (2 branches)
- Rua CUPERTINO DURAO 219, Leblom.
- R RNH GUILHERMINA 117, Leblom.
Copacabana:
- Av Nossa Senhora De Copacabana, 583 & 817 & 1246 (3 branches)
- Av Princesa Isabel 186, Copacabana (lido end of Copa)

http://www.hsbc.com.br/ is not quite as friendly as the Citibank site, but again look for "Agencias" for locations.

NB: You cannot open a bank account in Brasil unless you are a resident (Do not ask me why!).

Now when in Rio I generally take cash with me. Of course this has its problems in that if you loose it you are basically fucked, having said this I lock the bulk of it in a safe and change enough for a couple of days. I also pay for my Terma bill in USD when in Monte Carlo, L'uomo, Solarium and sometimes at Centaurus (sometimes the rate sux there), the change is given in Reals which works for me. They generally give a better rate than the ATM's or the Cambios. The termas down town still accept USD but give a crappy rate, something like a big hotel would give you. Help is a good place to change a few bucks.

Cambios: In Spanish or Portuguese this word essentially translates to "change" IE change your $ for R. They are everywhere in Copacabana and Ipanema, just look for the sign. They are usually a street or 2 back from the beach and quite often share an office with a travel agency. I have also noticed the Euro is becoming more widely accepted and most cambios quote a rate for Euros as well. I guess this is due to its strength off late against the US peso (sorry guys, I just had to get that one in! go the Euro!!). I have also noticed Cambios in Central give a slightly better rate maybe R7 better than in Zona Sul. Of course you have transport cash into and out of the city which increases the chance of loosing it. Just remember, most cambios in centro don't change cash after 4pm, something to do with security.

The rate on my visit in January05 went something like this for changing USD$100.
Help R275, Terma L'oumo R275, Cambios R265, ATM's R260, Monte Carlo R265. 4x4 R240.
The rate on June05 was Help R260, L'uomo R255, Cambios R245, Monte Carlo R250.
The rate of Oct05 was Help R230, Lummox R230, Cambios R225, Monte Carlo R230, Centaurus R240 (surprisingly).

***Guides***

The only guides name that comes up regularly without complaint is Don from Rio Trips Amerioca Tours. He can organise the local tourist stuff as well as trips to Termas, where he can translate, give tips to first time visitors etc. While I think you do not need a guide for Rio, it is an option for a first time visitor travelling alone as Don knows everyone in Rio, both local expats and the women, and hence can hook you into the local social scene very quickly.

http://www.amerioca.net/

NB: Don is the only person I know of to have his own monogrammed robe (at L'uomo), something I aspire to! Look for the man with "Donald" on his robe

[Bubba Boy]

The Bubba report, updated March, 2005. Part 5 -Rio De Janiero V Sao Paulo.

They are completely different cities, I love them both. Someone from Sampa will say "Cariocas always want to have fun, they are lazy, they want to party rather than work hard to provide for their families- no one that has achieved true greatest has come out of Rio". A caroica will reply "Paulistas are to serious, they work all the time, they don't know how to have fun - No one Coooool has ever come out of Sampa". The truth is obviously somewhere in the middle but it illustrates the "theme" of each city. Rio is for play, Sampa is for work.

***Sampa: ***

The population is around 17m souls. If you draw a line 100km around Sampa the figure is more like 40m. This is a huge city, usually ranking as one of the 5 largest in the world. A person from Sao Paulo, the state is known as a Paulista, a person the city is known as a Paulistano. Sao Paulo is often shorted to Sampa.

When I first went to Sampa I expected the clubs to be similar to Rio, in that some would be like Termas and others would be like night clubs. While Sampa night clubs are similar to the Rio night clubs, I never really found a true Terma like they have in Rio, they may exist but if they do they are not the norm. Although the big clubs in Sampa are much better appointed than their Rio counterparts. Clubs like Cafe Millineum and Bomboa have fantastic facilities and are huge, they would leave any club in Rio for dead in this regard.

All girls fees are negotiable in Sampa and hence tend to be more expensive than the fixed price rates of Rio Terma girls. This is especially true for the big clubs where the price can be double the cost of the most expensive club girls in Rio, particularly when you add in the high entrance fees.

The clubs in Sampa are geared towards locals, as Touristas are very much a minority. I tend to find the clubs a little more conservative than there Rio counterparts in that the music is not quite as loud and the girls are wearing more clothes.

Sampa is towards the southern end of Brazil, which was settled predominantly by white European and hence the girls tend to be predominantly white. Adding to this, there are no beaches within easy access, meaning less tan lines. Hence the girls look different, less color of the rainbow in Sampa than in Rio.

The performance in bed is a matter of opinion, your will find great performers in both cities. CIM and Anal is common in both cities, although a Paulista is more likely to charge extra for such services, where as a Carioca is likely to do it because she likes it.

***Rio:***

The population is around 12m. Probably 20m within 100km. By any measure this is a large city and hence lots of variety is available. The locals are known as Cariocas.

The Rio night clubs are similar to what you will find in Sampa in the way they operate. However the Termas are different. In a terma the weapon of choice for a GDP is a G String. They definitely wear less in Rio.

Moving. No girl on this planet can move like a garotta from Rio. Fuck those girls can move. Most have been dancing since the age of 3. The way they samba in front of you, wearing nothing but a G and a big smile is worth the price of the airfare alone. If you have a list of 50 things you must do before you die, watching a terma girl dance in a terma in Rio will have to be on it. Sampa girls can move as well, although it is hard to compete against the gold medalists when you are "merely" finalists.

The further north you go in Brazil the darker the skin color. This was due to the free'd slaves settling in the north many years ago. Rio is situated more or less in the middle of the country and hence is a melting pot of color. Being a beach suburb, the culture very much dictates that anyone who is anyone goes to the beach on Sunday, the result is even white skin color is often tanned, resulting in those wonderful tan lines. My personal preference when in Brazil is the classic morena, the beautiful mixed skin color you see on the postcards of Rio. That look is less common in sampa. You will of course find every look in Rio you could wish for.

***Summary***. To party for a few days I would definitely go to Rio. However I could not live in Rio, primarily because of the ever present threat of crime. If I was choosing a place to live permanently I would choose Sampa, hell Rio is only a R220 and 40 flight away. Visit them both!

*When I grow up I want to be like Mike - well maybe not*

A friend of mine said he was at Cafe Photo Tuesday night and Mike Tyson came in. Apparently he was quite friendly and had a bit of a chat. Said he liked white girls and hence preferred Sampa over Rio.

Wednesday night I am at Bahamas and guess who walks in - Mike Tyson. He chatted for a while with Oscar (the owner of Bahamas) in the little VIP area next to the main stage and then disappeared. I assumed he was upstairs. I assumed wrong!

When we get back to our hotel in Centro, opposite Love Story, there are a lot of police cars outside. I go home, the Kman goes in. Mike is already in there surrounded by 20 beret wearing police. Turns out he had a minor altercation with a cameraman outside, not a big deal. If only the Brasilian Police would put so much effort into protecting your average tourist there would be an explosion of visitors. Was big news on the local television for a few days.

*Warning: Club Romanza*, just don't go there, every report I have ever heard about this place is of ripping people off. You will also find when asking to a taxi driver to take you to a club they will almost always suggest Romanza, obviously for a commission. Generally speaking (90% of the time) when a taxi driver suggests a place in South America it is the nastiest rip joint in the city. As a rule I am always interested to see what a Taxi driver suggest and then put it on my list NOT TO VISIT.

[Bubba Boy]

the bubba report, updated december, 2005. part 4/12 -other options.

***boites***

these are basically night clubs that open at around 10pm or 11pm, get going around midnight and go very late. you will pay an entrance fee and a bar fine to take a girl out of the place. the most well known is barbarelas in the lido district of copacabana, close to leme, it almost always has the most attractive girls. you also have franks, pussycat, and heaps of others, all located in lido, which is basically at the end of copacabana close to av princess isabella. if you wander around you will see all of them close to each other, don't let a tout come up to you, he will be after a commission off the club, this commission will more likely be added to your bill, just ignore him. entrance is usually r15-r60, which may include a drink or 2. drinks are much more expensive than the termas (upto or more than r50+ a shot!) and you need to be much more aware of your surroundings than at a terma in that they will pad your bill if you are not careful and generally try to "fuck the gringo on prices" if you are not careful. best to just drink water at these places and never buy a girl a drink unless you are very clear how much it will cost you, because it will cost you plenty. to take a girl out will usually cost you a bar fine of up to r60 and the girl will usually get r200 out of you for a session which could last a few hours or the whole night, if you can negotiate well you can obviously reduce this. she will almost always start her bidding at r300+. the one exception is barbarella's (or is it barbarela's, the 2 signs at the entrance are spelled differently!), where everything costs just a bit more, although they do have some great looking girls, albeit at a price, think up to r400 for the super hotties (starting bid will be r500+). franks is famous for its "live sex show", usually at 1am most nights (1am in brasil usually means 2am or later). performance is more varied with a boite girl than a terma girl.

one warning, and this applies to everywhere in rio. if you jump into a cab weighting outside of the club, including normal clubs, they will generally not turn on the meter. a normal r5 cab ride will turn into r20 if you do this without first negotiating the fare. the girl you take will almost always direct you to these waiting sharks, i always just walk up 20 meters and hail a cab and make sure they put the meter on *before i get in*. any complaints by the girl are quickly squashed and they fall into line, this is important in that they know you have been around a bit. the taxis are particularly bad outside of barbarella's, another galling tactic by this club is the doorman will stick his hand out forcefully on your way out and ask for a tip, sometimes the girl will even ask for a tip on his behalf, i will usually slip by him and be gone up the street before he realises. never ever pay for any girl upfront out of any club. if she insists on payment, you may wish to show her you have the money but never give it to her, if she still complains i will guarantee you she will cause you problems and point to the door right it off. no brasilian guy will ever pay for a girl upfront, nor will any experienced monger.

barbarella, rua ministro viveiros de castro, 24. copa/leme

entrance is now r60 which includes 2 drinks, beer isn't served here. watch for the touts that line both avenida prado junior and avenida princess isabel, they basically chase you to get you into barbs. just ditch them, you don't need any help off these guys. they are very persistent, we like to play games with them when in a group, ie 4 of us will all go in different directions when crossing a road, the tout usually just stands their not knowing which one to follow - yes i know i am a child!. if you stay in rio for more than a week or 2 you should perhaps visit barbs once, but perhaps only for the purpose of visiting another club. there are better options than paying r500 for a barbs girl.

don juan, rua duvivier, 37. copa/leme
doma, av. prado júnior, 63 copa/leme
franks, av. princesa isabel, 185b. copa/leme. entrance r15 (includes one drink). doesn't really get going until past midnight.
holiday, av. atlântica, 1424, copacabana
la cicciolina, av. princesa isabel, 185d, copacabana entrance r25 (includes 2 local drinks).
café senso, av. princesa isabel, 7, copacabana
pussycat, av. copacabana, 129, copacabana

there are also a few in other parts of rio. however you can get by with no portuguese at the above places, in the parts of the city you may need some porto skills.

the kman: was dragged along to a club above the balcony bar by his girlfriend and another brasilian couple (club holiday, i think it is but don't quote me), where they have a live sex show. they unfortunately turned up late, after the show had finished. after expressing a desire to see a show, the manager said he would organise one for r100. the party agreed and selected a girl from the club. the manager then grabbed a waiter and directed proceedings. the waiter was apparently thinking all his xmas's had come at once, unfortunately he had performance problems and was chastised, then summarily dismissed by the director of proceedings. while the manager was searching the club for a suitable replacement, the kman's girl suggested he "step up to the plate", under normal circumstances i think he would have, but he was worried he to would fail to get wood in front of the other girl in the party, whom he secretly wants to nail (in rio anything is possible). after 10 minutes, a substitute waiter did indeed step up to the plate and apparently performed quite well, much to the delight of all people present.

***beach restaurants***

there are a number of restaurants that front copacabana on avinida atlantica that offer the opportunity of more than just a drink. these paces are very popular of late with our american brothers, who tend to form the majority of patrons, it would be a good place for solo travellers to hook up with like minded travellers.

food is more expensive than your average restaurant but not overly expensive by western standards. beer is relatively cheap. there is no bar fine to take a girl from here, all the girls are independent and wander in and out of the places all day. a girl should cost r80 - r150 (absolute max for a must do) for a couple of hours - aim at r100. again start low, open your bid at r70. the girls are not terma quality, in fact you will have to look a bit to find something worth doing. a lot of guys go there just to hang and chat with fellow minded sleaze mongers. of late the girls have basically been scraping the bottom of the barrel, but of course just when you say "i am never going back to that place" a cutie pops up to keep you going.

all are on av atlantica (number #), copacabana.
havana café, (#3310), mabs (#1140) , meia pataca (#3312), terraco atlantico (#3432)

***balcony bar***

a normal bar with action. the girls of late have been ordinary, however not a bad place to have a beer.

located on av atlantica, next to placa lido (lido square), about half way between help and leme.

***beach***

you can always find a willing lady from the beach. just smile in her direction if she is alone or with another lady, she may well be a worker, of course she may not be as well. if she responds in a friendly manner you may well be on your way. alot of the gdp's (working girls) that work in copa also live there in tiny shared apartments and hence use the beach during the day. your average non working girl will probably not go to copacabana to lay on the beach, less they be associated with the sex scene. i was with a friend of mine when he grabbed a stunner off ipanema one day (not overly common), we kept saying to each other she is to hot to be a worker, once she smiled back at him we both knew she most certainly was.

***hooker beach***

there is a highly organised area of copa often known as "hooker beach". alot of the girls you see in help at night or at some of the avinida atlantica restaurants will hang here during the day. they will usually go for r80 - r120 for a couple of hours, negotiate - start low. it is directly opposite meia pataca or the othon hotel on copacabana beach, not far from help. look for the small beach kiosk and the associated flotsam and jetsam hanging around.

again be careful here with the touts, they are there to rip you off, not to assist. they will try to organise everything for you and are quite persistent. if i choose to relax her for a few minutes, i will negotiate a chair for r6 (they are normally r3 in all other parts of the beach) and get my own drinks or if i want to speak to a girl i will go over and introduce myself. if you let the touts bring you drinks, introduce you to girls etc and you don't negotiate the price of their service upfront they will hit you for as much as they can get out of you, avoid them for everything but the chair rental. if you must use them, pay as you go or they will hit you for a bill of r80 for maybe 3 drinks......... you can get drinks yourself at the kiosk in the part of the beach. from memory beers start at r2, cans of coke r2, coconuts cut with a straw r2.50, caipivodkas start at r6. be careful drinking beers on the beach, they go straight to your head and you will get drunk twice as quickly.

***massagems***

these little places (usually 4 rooms or less) charge around r50 for 30 minutes, some charge r1 per minute. i find it takes a bit of work to find something decent here and the termas are generally a much more fun atmosphere. these places are set up for the locals and hence are much cheaper and generally less hygienic. they are open from midday or so to 8pm or 10pm at night. it is not uncommon to see the same girls here go to help at night or a beach front restaurant. best to bring you own condoms and lube, cheap and nasty describes these places. if i do a girl here i choose to do her "standing up" rather than use the bed, which may or may not be clean. the rooms are more like cubicles and hence may not have a door on them, hence other punters may well see your naked ass bouncing off the walls as they go by.

in copacabana
praca serzedelo correia 15, room 1104, r$30 for 30 minutes.
hilário de gouveia 66, apt 1103 (level11). r$ 30 for 20 minutes.
av north copacabana 583, apt. 204. r$40 for 20 minutes. no need to take the elevator just walk up the stairs next to them. try 202 when there, it is copa terma r$70 30mins.
rua siqueira campos, 22, enter from hilário de gouveia, you will see the blue entrance with a 2 on each side of the door. r$80 for 40 minutes. a bit more expensive than the rest but still not as expensive as monte etc and of course not as clean either.

in centro
see the "terma section" for 3 places in centro.

there are hundreds of other small dodgy places in centro, they are listed in the local papers if you are so inclined.

***escorts***

will run from r100 -r150 for 2 hours + taxi fare (r20-r40ish). there are heaps of them in rio. alot of girls will do anal here, ask for "completa" (cooom-ple-tah), meaning she will do everything. ordering girls can be a bit of a problem if you can't speak portuguese and do not know how to order thoroughly. basically my experience has been, good/great performers at a cheap price but the looks have left a lot to be desired. the photos on the site are quite flattering, heavily photo shopped and taken just at the right angle. don't expect a stunner but none the less it is worth a "roll of the dice". like most things in life you get what you pay for. if you are a drinking man this could be a good option for you.

you could always do what the k man does, and that is order 2 girls. that way at least one should be doable, the other one is designated the "ball licker", the kman is not and a man to let a naked gdp go to waist.

http://www.scortshow.com.br/
http://www.karlamodels.com.br/
http://www.lindasmodels.com/ (the kman had good luck with this agency first up, second up the 2 girls were definitely not the same on the site, in fact they were so large he commented that maybe they ate the other 2 girls on the site)
http://www.barravips.com.br/

avoid:
www.viprj.com.br crappy operation with only a few girls despite having numerous photos on their site. notorious bait and switch

***classificados in o globo ***

the following is written by lorenzo, lorenzo says:

"you didn't mention the classificados which appear every day in o globo and jornal do brasil. to take advantage of these you will need to read and speak portuguese. the classificados are, in a way, the exact opposite of escort services in that you can talk to the girl but don't know what she looks like. however, to me talking is more important in that i get a chance to see if there is any chemistry, if she has an attitude, and to negotiate services. but i think you can be reasonably certain that she will be attractive; if not, you can send her on her way (although ethically you should pay her cab fare)." lorenzo

***miami peep***

this place is good for a bit of a laugh. you go in the shop entrance off avinida n s copacabana and up to the second floor. you exchange you reals for tokens. you use the tokens for various activities at varying costs. i believe in the private rooms you can also touch them, however i have never taken up this option. i believe if you befriend them you could always make other plans, anything is possible in rio! all very safe in the shop. on the same corner of the street that goes to terma monte carlo.

corner of rua hilario de gouveia (monte carlo) and avinida n s copacabana.

the following was posted by jaimito cartero (10 sept 2005), rather than edit it i thought it accurately described miami.

jaimito cartero posted on isg, jaimito cartero says:-

"miami show club. it's your basic sex shop, with porno booths downstairs. r1 works for 3 minutes. nothing too exciting there, but they did have one video that peta would have objected to. each token is r1, and the guy said you could refund them if you didn't use them.

upstairs you have about a dozen booths and one or two dancers on a rotating bed. r1 per minute. i saw three chicas, and two were pretty bad, and one was very nice. nothing too out of the ordinary here.

they have solo rooms, that you get a private show in. r5 for 2 minutes, again using the tokens. when i went, they had 10 girls there to choose from. i sat and watched the mop brigade go into action each time a guy came out. even used some air freshener too.

each of the chicas has a picture with a number. you go into the booth and put your tokens in, and then push the buttons selecting the chica. your time doesn't start until she comes into the room. there is a plexiglass window between you, with some holes for talking to her. there is also a 4 inch space at the very top, that you can just get your hand into.

the chica i got must have been working there for years, because the pic was ooooooold. she was nice enough, and proceeded to give my finger a bbbj, and then put her ass up to the top so i could finger whatever hole i wanted.

the sperm mopping guy told me that you could have a dupla in there if you put in r50.

interesting if you're bored, you can even go around the corner to the church and light a candle when you're done." jaimito cartero


***villa mimosa***

vm is worth visiting just for the experience, if you choose to do a girl there, then you are a braver man than me my friend. it is basically a collection of "bars" within a small area. security does patrol the area and hence it is relatively safe providing you do not do something really stupid. to quote bs, security is operated by private forces and hence is very efficient. it is not the place to be loud and brash.

girls charge anywhere from r20 and up, depending on what you want. rooms are r5 for the nasty ones, and r7 for the less nasty ones. i believe the r7 gets you clean sheets! i once went there with 2 american book ends, we had a bet who would be brave enough to fuck in those rooms. no one took the cash, i remember some one saying they would go into the rooms if a hazmat uniform could be provided. i believe if you wanted to do a girl you could take her out of the place to short term motel, this may be a preferable option. good their with low expectations. (hazmat= hazardous materials)

vm is located a couple of suburbs from centro. probably 12km from copa and about r25 in a cab.

a post from doc bill on vm ( 17.11.05 )

"villa mimosa: best for last? well, maybe not, but certainly the most interesting. since there were three of us going i felt not-too-nervous about it, and i felt it was something i had to do to earn my stripes in brazil. we went at about 11 on a friday night. it has been said that “if cleanliness is next to godliness then villa mimosa borders on hell,” and i actually found that to be a gross understatement. if you’re a germaphobe or have any inclinaton to take a crap before you leave then don’t go! this was the most disgusting filthy place i have ever seen in my life – people pissing, shitting and puking everywhere, shit all over the streets. it’s also wonderful and i would definitely return. the place is like a bar scene in a star wars movie, a true show to watch. about half the girls were wolf-ugly, and about 20 percent fairly good, with a couple of stunners. price was 20 reals for 20 minutes. all covered, quick and businesslike, but what do you want for eight bucks?! as for safety that was a non-issue. heavy police presence and brightly lit, and no one bothered anyone else that didn’t want to be bothered. a true sex bazaar/bizarre!" doc bill

***regular clubs*** (with thanks to keldeson isg for posting this list of addresses)

baronetti, rua barao da torre 354,ipanema

nuth, av. armando lombardi 999, barra (arguably the number 1 club in rio)

mariuzinn, av n.s. copacabana 435,copacabana

00 zero zero, av. padre leonel franca 204, gavea, 24540-8041
www.00site.com.br

bombar, rav gal san martin, 1011, leblon, 2509-3599

guopo loco, right next to bombar,
www.guapoloco.com.br

bunker, rua raul pompeia 94, copacabana, 2521-0637
www.bunker94.com.br

club six, rua da marracas 38, centro (lapa), 2510-3230

melt, rua rita ludolf, leblon, 2540-0705

most clubs in rio are like your standard fare back home. they can be difficult to get into without a long wait. of course, like back home, if you take a smoking hottie with you, your chances are much better. taxis outside of night clubs like melt etc can be problematic in that they don't always turn the meter on.

***2 large local clubs in zona norte***

these 2 clubs are not for the first time visitor, they are in very dangerous areas. for someone that knows his way around rio after a few visits they are definitely worth checking out.


**pyramide**
the following post was not by me, i cannot find the name of the poster, if you know please let me know so i can credit it.

pyramide is a large discotheque. it's located in duque de caxias. taxi from copacabana is about 40-45 reais. it lies next to the delegacia (police station). saturdays are the best. pyramide is my favourite place, for non-pro's, in rio followed by via show.

close to pyramide is a square wich have forró-band playing on saturdays. lots of stands selling food and beer. mostly older crowd. after a couple of beers on the praça just head 150 meters up and you will see pyramide.

entrance 8 reais. it's a big dancehall with a top/vip section which you can access for a small fee. there is live music. mixture of axé, forró etc...

just grab a waiter anywhere and he will bring you a bucket filled of ice and a dozen of beers. people are standing with beer-buckets and dancing everywhere.

you will get lots of attention as a gringo. maybe even more than you'll like. don't overdress or flash your money around. try to keep a low profile and smile to everyone.

girls, girls and more girls! i've never seen so many cuties in rio. they maybe won't jump on top of you, as these are regular girls not very accustomed to gringos. just talk with them and share your beers with them. i found it very easy to get dates at pyramide which turned out to be good sex. i havn't seen any pro's there.

safety: pyramide itself has very good security. i saw small fights inside the discotheque, but nothing serious. anyway you don't want to get mixed up in a fight with locals in d d c. be sure you don't hit on a girl who has a boyfriend.

the second time i went to pyramide, there was a fight on the outside. police came. separated the fighters and shot one of them in the head, without any reason. very ugly! the crowd got very upset.

i can recommend pyramide if you want to meet regular girls. you better speak proper portuguese. i don't recommend pyramide for newbies or mongers who are not used to leave copacabana. i also guess there can be a risk for muggings if you wander around in the wrong streets of d d c.

**via show**

the following post was not by me, i cannot find the name of the poster, if you know please let me know so i can credit it.

www.viashow.com.br
for those not familiar with via show, it is a popular dance/concert hall located in via dutra, km 167 on linha vermelha (red line expressway). approx. 35 to 55 minutes north of rio in baixada fluminense. everything from live bands to funk djs play at this venue.

expect a crowd of a few thousand on the weekends or when a popular event is being held. lotsa honeys to be found...civilians, not on the program. many cariocas frequent this place.

if you are in zona sul, and not familiar with the public transportation system, i would rec. a taxi. should not cost you more that 55 reals (one way) on bandeira 2 (level 2) on the meter. it is always best to ask the taxista first for an estimate.

by bus, i would suggest going to a rodoviara (bus station), either novo rio or praxa 15. catch an express bus (designated by an "r" after the line number) for nova iguacu. sit up front near the bus driver. tell him you want to stop at via show..."para pra mi, via show por favor." wouldn't hurt if you tipped him a real or two. also, the location will be hard to miss. right off the expressway, big signs, and crowds of people hanging out front.

things usually get going at around 10pm or so. the festa continues into the break of dawn. if you come much earlier, you can monger over at the mall across the street.

when you are ready to do the do, there are many motels in the area to choose from. i strongly rec. champion. it is the top dog of motels. like vips in vidigal but, without the ocean view and high prices.

if your mission was not completed, and need to get back to zona sul, i strongly rec. a taxi. again, ask the taxista for pricing. taking a bus back is a no no late at night.

***gdp.net***

the first i heard of the gdp network was from reading bwana diks guide (btw, try and get a hold of it, it is a great guide). basically gdp workers keep in contact with each other across the city and are only to eager to tell one another where a certain gringo has been, particularly if that certain gringo is where he said he wouldn't go.

i am thinking as soon as a girl sees you somewhere, the text messages start flying. ever wonder why girls go to the bathroom so often? to do their part in the gdp network.

i get tracked because i come back to rio every few months. in the intervening time girls move from one terma to another and hence know who you used to hook up with at a previous terma. this is problematic in that it is difficult for me to keep a certain cutie happy at one terma when she is being informed i am nailing several other girls at other termas. i never lie to a terma girl, but when she asks if i have been nailing someone i just change the subject, "how about those bears, eh?"

never ever underestimate the power of the gdp network. i met up with a friend today, an ex terma girl and the first thing she said was, "you were at solarium tuesday night, and 4x4 on monday". she never worked at either, how the fuck they know is beyond me. however, always assume they will find out and will be able to track your every move!

***so a gdp has kept in contact and wants you to send her money***

i have no problem giving money to a needy cause, a gdp is far from a needy cause. quite frankly, just don't do it, unless you have money to burn.

***my rio game plan***

i posted this on a site a while back. it basically sums up my "game plan" in rio.

post by me july 01:

everyone has a different game plan when in rio.

i personally like the termas and will generally have 6 or so favourites girls rep001tered across the city. each trip a few drop off the list and of course a few get added. i generally see a favourite girl every second night at a terma, the one to see depends on the mood and of course where other amigos are headed for the evening. on the other nights i look for something new. of course if this is done within an establishment that i have a regular at it can take planning.....it helps if she is busy when i arrive…... all good fun.

i personally will only see a favourite outside a terma if i really like her, maybe only 1 or 2 per trip will be invited to come to my hotel/apartment. if she does come over it will be a girlfriend kind of a deal, i will not give her any cash straight out, maybe some cab money or a couple of bucks to get her "hair done", i make this clear at the beginning. of course this means a certain amount of emotional attachment can be assumed by the girl, i also make it clear that this is a short time deal, not a long term relationship. i tend to find if i invite more than a couple over per trip they are harder to control and potentially cramp my style, some can turn into pests real quick. my average trip lasts a month or 3 and hence it is more difficult to get rid of girls than just jumping on a plane after just 6 days in rio.

i will only invite a girl over to my pad if she is genuine and not likely to cause any problems. i have no interest in a gangster chic coming to my pad, that is what motels are for. any girl that comes to my place is heavily screened for emotional stability and honesty. i have a very good "bullshit detector" and hence i have never had any problems with such girls taking shit or trying to scam me. any girl invited to my place i would consider to be a pretty decent human being, hence i also do not want to hurt her emotionally or give her false hopes of a gringo passport. i try to make this clear, sometimes it is not heard though. i like to treat all girls i spend time with like the way i expect to be treated i.e with respect.

on my first trips i grabbed phone numbers off pretty much every girl i liked. now i only get the numbers off the ones that i want to keep in contact with on another visit, hence i might only accept 1 or 2 new numbers per trip. i generally don't call them unless i need to find out where they are or need a date for a dinner party with fellow deviates. i find if you start calling them they get the wrong impression and they start to call way to much and try to pull the "you can't see other women stuff". i don't think i have ever asked for a phone number, usually a girl i have seen a few times insists i take theirs, they are not exactly shy in rio.

i actually prefer email addresses. it is easier to keep in touch and easier to control, because if they start hounding me i can slow down my replies to them. i also find this great when i am travelling through europe (where i live for half the year). it is great to have "uma amiga" (a friend) to meet in italy or spain for a few days of fun. with the ever increasing number of gdp's working in europe i tend to find it is an easy and a very enjoyable hook up.

i have many friends that do 2 or 3 girls a night, usually a new girl each time, hell one of my friends averages 5 a night although he only stays for 5 nights at a time, i tend to find 1 girl a night is a good number for me. i really like to find a girl i connect with and who i see a few times, the sex just gets better and better. often she will let me do things that no one time punter will ever get the chance to do with her. hence, i prefer quality over quantity. my point is every one is different and we all get different things out of our visits, its all good.

[Bubba Boy]

the bubba report, updated december, 2005. part 3/12 - help.

***help***

history of help: i believe help opened in the early 80's. apparently it was a very different disco to what it is now. it was basically a place for the locals and little if any gdps were there. in the mid to late 90's as brasil lurched from one economic crisis to another it fell on harder times and gradually more gdp's started to frequent the place. now, there is nothing but gdp's and gringos looking to purchase a little fun with them.

help, pronounced helpee by the locals, (i kid you not) is a big boite, a massive boite. the latest brasilian/us techo & electronica plays hard, there can be anywhere upwards of 250 garottas, maybe more, at anyone time shaking it at help. 99% of the girls are available to be taken out of the club, they are all independent girls and there are no rooms on the premise, what you negotiate between yourself and the girls is entirely up to you and her. there is no bar fine to take a girl from help. it operates like a normal club except of course there are 250+ hookers in there! it is smack bang in the middle of copacabana overlooking the beach on avinida atlantico. entrance is r30 after midnight and r20 before midnight, same price for girls and guys. the crush just before the price goes up is pretty funny, the extra r10 is a lot to a gdp (garotta de program= girl of program). if you are lined up 10 minutes before midnight expect to be pushed and shoved by working girls attempting to jump the cue. manners are not really the same here as a western county, it is ok to push back and it is best not to give anybody an inch, you loose respect if you do. drinks are not too bad and similar to terma prices. to buy a drink you must first go to one of a few booths and hand over your cash for a drink voucher and then go to the bar. you then present your voucher to the barman and he hands over your drinks. you can also get a vip table if you are in a group and a waiter will take care of you, enquire once inside if you feel the need for such service by grabbing a waiter. it opens around 11pm and goes to around 5am. the girls start milling around about 9pm at the restaurant out front “terraco atlantico”, some of the girls never go into help, but i tend to find a lot of bottom dwellers hang around outside, there are always exceptions in rio and your chances of grabbing something cute outside is reasonable, just don't count on it. most of the nice stuff does a lap or 2 around the restaurant and then heads straight into help, you can of course grab them at this point but why rush, in rio you are “the king” and “the king” takes his time. the super hotties get out of a cab and go straight in, they never hang outside.

an average help girl will cost anywhere from r150 to r250 for a few hours to the whole night, she almost always starts the bidding at r300 (at xmas she will try for more), especially at the start of the night where she will almost always "try her luck". in brasil the amount of money the girl wishes to receive is more a desire to be worth that much, rather than what she will actually get. towards the end of the night (4am ish) her price will come down dramatically, especially when she realises she will be going home alone, believe it or not but most girls will go home alone because even if there is a girl to guy ratio of 1:1, most guys will not take a girl, a lot of gringos go there just to hang. you should start your bidding at 150, with a smile, or better still get your offer in first, and move up slowly if necessary. of course a cranking hot stunner (there will only be about 5 or so a night at help) will know her price and you may have to spend that bit extra, 95% of girls will take r150- r200 towards the end of the night, they will take r200-r250 at the start of the night, except of course at carnaval time where it may be more. in winter time, may-july, r150 is more the money, when it is also pointless going before 11.45 as you will be the only person in at this time in winter, at this time it is definitely a buyers market, use it to your advantage.

performance can vary a lot compared to terma girls (which are usually fantastic) and i generally find help girls are a riskier proposition in that you have to watch them more closely. definitely lock your shit up in a safe when a garotta is around, no matter how much you think she is ok.

dress code: you cannot wear shorts or flip flops, pretty much everything else is acceptable. generally casual clothes are the way to go. jeans are my preferred choice and black leather shoes, why jeans? well it is very smoky in there and they are easily washed. nikes & a t shirt is fine, you don't really have to impress the girls here with your $5000 gucci jump suit.

most nights are quite busy at help and hence you can't go wrong with your timing. having said this friday & saturday tend to have more part timers as opposed to the girls you see every night. the kman, a help expert swears by friday and saturday night for a little semi pro action.

you can exchange dollars or euros at help. they actually give you a better rate than most cambios, well they have at least been doing this the couple of years i have been going to rio. you can break a big note at the entrance, just say "dollars" and he will wave you through to the inside where a man will take you notes and give you the change in reals. you can change up to a few hundred dollars a night, however you will be carrying around a large amount of r, which you will want to be aware of. inside the boite you won't have to many problems but once outside you will be on your own.

nb, cambios are money changers, they generally give a better rate than banks and are everywhere in copa and ipanema. last exchange rate in nov2005. cambio
usd$100=r225, help usd$100=r230.
nb, towards the end of my trip in december help was giving a rate less favourable than the termas, on a par with

security in help: there is good security within help, you will see then just standing and watching, generally they are unobtrusive and generally will back the monger in most situations but of course not all, like any club, stupid behaviour is never a good idea. any problems with a girl that is going to get out of hand, call the security over and let them deal with it. i once had a girl attempt to throw a drink over me, much to the amusement of all guys and girls around me. as security started to come over, she starts yelling at them the telling them of all the bad things i had done. security grabbed her and took her to another part of the club. it was a fairly minor incident, anything more would have got her thrown out. kman ended up buying her a drink after finding out the girl he was about to take home was her best friend. i do believe he neglected to tell her he was actually staying at the same apartment as me. i think the kman gets more amusement out of my misadventures than i do. i still don't know why she did it, i hadn't spoken to her before nor did i intend to, she just came up and started bitching and moaning, then went off.

i have never seen a guy/guy fight in help, sure it has happened but not common. seen a guy "drop" a girl with a clean punch one night, she eventually got up, all bloodied and then came at him again - he was dragged off by the police. overheard a gdp say he will be paying "muito dinheiro" (a lot of money) to the police to get out of that one. you do see the occasional girl/girl fights, mostly they occur in the toilet, you know what has happened when girls start streaming out of the toilet laughing and telling all and sundry there was a problem in there. saw one girl slap the hell out of another on the dance floor, everybody just stood around and watched, guys and girls don't really think of it as a serious moment, more something to laugh at, adds to the entertainment of the night. there have been instances of girls being beaten by guys in hotels, and of course guys being beaten by girls and their associated boyfriends - hence the reason for caution and a thorough screening.

if you visit help enough you will eventually get to see everything. one can get as much amusement out of watching fellow hobbiest as the girls. once saw a black guy wearing towel around his neck and shoulders (yes a real bathroom towel, worn like a boxer, not an arab), thought he was the coolest cat on the planet, hard to pay for shit that funny anywhere on the planet. there is also a midget that occasionally frequents the place, she does well, shes always busy. one could and perhaps should make a movie about the place.

***scam***

a few gdp's in help will know and have the cell phone of a the local policia. a popular scam, which is not common and will generally only be tried on a green newbie is as follows. the girl will go up to the apartment, then start yelling over basically nothing, causing noise, which in turn will cause a problem with your neighbours and ultimately you. she will then accuse the newbie of doing something inappropriate and call the police. the police she actually calls will be known to her and hence won't be on your side. when they turn up they will try and get as much cash out of you as possible, threatening jail etc, in short if you do talk to them and your portuguese is limited you will be in deep. you really don't want to speak to the police under these circumstances. if it does happen to you, i would turn off the lights and just not open the door to them. they cannot legally enter (for what that is worth). if i could leave the apartment for a few hours and get the fuck out of there, it would also be a good option. the best solution is to avoid the problem in the first place, screen any gdp heavily.

for further info on scams and police interaction see section 6.

do’s and don’t of a help girl

what you get depends entirely on what you negotiate. i am sure if you walk up to girl and ask her a price, and you agree on r350 and are out of there, you will get fucked.

***do's: ***

**preparation: before leaving you hotel/apartmento for the night make sure your room is prepared for a visitor. lock all your valuables in a safe, also put everything else in your suitcase and lock it. make sure nothing is lying out that can be slipped into a bag.

**go with a buddy and look out for each other, if possible hook up with someone that speaks portuguese.

**heavily screen her. any sign she is off her head or displaying weird behaviour, get rid of her. a lot of helpee girls do a lot of coke, you really don't need the problem associated with this in rio. i think it is best to spend at least 30 minutes with her before going. buy her a drink, they are cheap as hell, have a dance with her....have a bit of a discreet fondle...(but don’t think you are in a terma, as that much groping will get your ass kicked out of the place and [CodeWord140] her off), make sure there are no glowing signs she is going to cause trouble or fuck you. the key here is pay attention to any "flags", if you have any doubts ditch her and get another one.

**when it is time to leave always negotiate the time, the service if necessary (anal etc) and price in reals. write it down when you get home if necessary, one of my friends does this, i think he is nuts (and he probably is, but that is another story), but he very rarely lets any working girl get the better of him and he speaks zero portuguese. make sure the price is clear and it is in reals not dollars. if she does not stick to what is negotiated take it off what you pay her after you have banged her.

**always take a taxi from help but never from out front of help. many street kids line up around help and particularly the side streets leading back to avinida noss s copacabana. rua miguel lemos is the first street to the left as you leave help, this is the worst street to walk along late. the street kids sit in the shadows and watch for a target to turn left in to this street. they then get up and follow. miguel lemos is a little better now that the crepe restaurant and the office have opened, however both close around 2am -3 am, after that it is still just as dangerous. never walk along avinida atlantica (the street that follows the beach) late and never walk along any beach late. avinida atlantica, in my opinion, is the most dangerous street you will see in copacabana, most gringos that get mugged, get mugged there.

the taxis lined up out front of help are a disgrace and will not use the meter, they will try to charge you at least double the fare, maybe more. i usually leave help, turn right, walk along the footpath that fronts restaurant terraco (which is quite safe) and go and stand outside of bobs (a brasilian mcdonalds like burger joint) or grab a cab as it is turning into the first street between bobs and restaurant terraco. before entering the cab ask "meter?" while i have the door open before getting in i make sure it is on before i enter the cab and if the meter is not put i will grab another cab, they are everywhere. this is important in that the girl will know you are not a greenhorn and an easy target. if the girl complains about why you are not taking a cab outside of help just say "outro taxi" (english - other taxi) ----and point to the cabs out front and say "bandidos" (bad men, bandits) and you are walking quickly towards bobs. she will know what you mean and that you are not a greenhorn.

**do remain relatively sober, rio is not the place to be wandering around blind drunk.

***don'ts***

**never pay a girl over r230. when she says r300+, looked shocked and wave your finger, its all part of the fun. maybe 5% of help girls will get more than r200, don't be a sucker.

**never ever, ever pay the girl upfront when back at your hotel/apartmento. if she protests, point to the door. every experienced monger will never pay upfront, a brasilian guy will sooner die than part with his money before sexo. the problem is once you have cum, any time factor you have negotiated may go out the window. if she has your reals she may well head off. if you haven't paid her and she takes off early only give her a proportion of what is agreed, a deal is a deal, surprisingly they except this ok! if you really must do her and she absolutely insists on the cash upfront, show her the cash but don't give it to her. this is the last resort, if she still won't come to the party something is wrong, tell her to go away.

**never ever pay the girl upfront. am i repeating myself here? yes because this is the most important point. don't do it under any circumstances.

**never take a taxi that is waiting directly outside help. they are fuckers. there are signs inside help that basically say they have nothing to do with the taxis out front because they know they are a problem. just ignore the taxi touts as you leave help and go and hail a moving. point to the meter before you are getting in the door and make sure it is put on before closing it, if it he doesn't put it on you are about to get fucked, hence don't get in. grab another, they are everywhere.

**if the girl tries to negotiate when you get back to your pad, ditch her. i will guarantee you she will be a dud, is going to cause you further problems and will be a pain in the ass. write it off to experience, go to sleep and grab another the next night.

**always watch and get your own drink when back at your apartment. i have personally spoken to guys that have been drugged and ripped off by accomplices , not common but not a good thing to go through.

**never ever negotiate in usd$, always make sure the price is quoted in brasilian reals and both parties are clear on this. the “r” in pronounced more like an “h” in portuguese hence reals is pronounced more like “heals”.

**never give the girl an inch, she will take a mile. be very firm with the girl when negotiating, smile but let her know you are not an easy target. brasilian men are very hard on their women, much harder than they we could get away with in western countries, don’t let her interpret western politeness as a sign of weakness.

**never ever think of doing the girl without a condom, these girls are not tested like terma girls and there are a constant rumours by local guys that i know, of a few girls working there while being hiv positive. two of them are well know porn stars that pop up from time to time. bareback action is more common than your average monger will admit to. having said this, aids is only slightly more common in brasil than it is in the us. it is not like africa where a large proportion of the population has exposure. a lot of these girls are uneducated and some will do you without a condom if there is a connection. if she is doing it with you, she has done it with someone else. don't let that 1 hour of pleasure fuck up the rest of your life. bbbj is standard for most and imho less of a health risk.

**never ever let your guard down………under any circumstances……you are not in kansas anymore……….rio has 12m people, of which ¼ live in favellas (slums), poverty causes crime…..try to minimise your chances of becoming a target.

use the negotiation period as a further screening measure, if she is really going hard for the $ or turns into a pain in the ass while negotiating it is not a good sign, this is very important, if you get any bad vibes or she gives you any unfriendly attitude your chance of a good experience will be reduced greatly and i would personally ditch her. the best girls i have had actually make the negotiation experience fun, with plenty of laughing etc (especially when asking what services she provide) if she wiggles her finger and calls you a safado with a big smile on her face when you ask if she does anal you know you will be in for a good sign. (tip: if interested in a particular service ask 1) if she does it & 2) if she likes it, if she says no to the second - may be time to ditch) the best girls tend to get the negotiation over quickly and painlessly and are less concerned with extracting every possible dollar. one further point, all the girls talk to each other, they will more than likely know who you fucked last night in help and they may how much you paid. if you pay one girl top dollar it is going to be harder to get the next girls down to a reasonable price.

i personally very rarely take a girl from help, i have been there 80+ times and just go to hang out with friends both male and female after i have had a terma session. having said that i have negotiated a number of times for friends that speak zero portuguese. generally speaking, guys that i do know well and are very experienced at help tactics, usually take out a fresh part timer from help and again generally have a good time. if she is a hardened help pro, she is much more likely to give a lazy fuck, munch on your mini bar, grab her cash and leave.

**is help going to close?**

there have been a number of rumours that help will close any day. these rumours have been going on for about 4 years. the story is the lease has finished, the consortium of spanish owners have exhausted all legal means of keeping the place open and are not paying bills any more. the rumoured date is may 2006. apparently they are looking at another location so that could be an option. the locals would probably resist this because the sex industry, well at least the visible places like help and the restaurants along avinida atlantica are always in the news and very unpopular. who knows what will happen. one thing is for sure, the last night would be one hell of a party.

**pricing: is a very steep pyramid at helpee. (sample 250 gdp)**

musings by me, posted isg

1)at the very top of the pyramid, girls will ask and get r400 - r500. these girls know their shit and can work a crowd, do not let them talk in dollars, you are in brasil, the brasialian currency is reals. maybe 3 girls here per night at the top of the heap.
2)near the very top: girls will try to get r400, will settle on 250-300. less than 10 girls per night.
3) young and cute. these girls will all start with a bid of r300. will take r180-r230 ish. at the end of the night they will take r150-r180. the top 10%, maybe less.
4) the rest: all shapes, sizes and age. the bulk of the herd. r150-r175ish. at the end of the night they will take less. the majority of these girls will go home alone, use this to your advantage.
of course a lot of girls will think they are 1 level above what they really are. on your first visit, take a little time to work out the different levels. only takes a few minutes.

nb: the average pricing is for april - november. in the busy periods (dec-mar) pricing will step up a bit, think an extra r50 for each group.

**miss 9.5**, a fantasy sometimes should always remain just that.

more musings by me, posted isg 28.10.05

the fantasy:
i have been watching a certain gdp in help most nights. she is stunningly beautiful, long brown hair, a models face, athletic dancers legs, tan lines that go way up and man can she dance - think the hottest girl in the hottest chic nightclub in any big western city. this girl has it all.

each night we watch her arrive, just before midnight, this girl knows how to play the game, she doesn't do a lap of the restaurant out front, she goes straight in. it would be beneath her to get picked up at the restaurant, she is after bigger fish. she is at the very top of the helpee food chain and knows her place.

once i am inside i like to just grab a beer and comment on her actions with "meus amigos" (my friends), we just all love to watch her do her thing. she nearly always dances on the top stage, in front of the tables - prime real estate. as i rarely take a girl from help, there is plenty of time to just chill and observe. we have nicknamed her miss "9.5", she is almost perfect. we sort of cringe when a poorly dressed gent tries to speak to her, we know he will be walking away shaking his head just a few minutes later. politely, but firmly shot down in flames. when she is taken out, it is usually by someone sitting at a table drinking expensive drinks, surprisingly she is only taken out 4 or so nights per week. although none of us have ever bothered to speak to her in detail, we know her price, she is asking and probably getting big dollars for a helpee girl.

the realty:
every night i have been to help this trip, maybe 15 nights in the last 45 days, i have seen her there, she is never absent. she never gets repeat business. if she were great in bed and generally fun to be with, she would get snapped up for several nights by some wealthy gent, maybe for a week or 2 or more. there are heaps of high net worth mongers that regularly go to rio. this leads me to believe that she will charge big $ and be a 1 pop and out of there girl. in this case the fantasy is better than the realty.

the irony is, she notices us checking her out. she knows we are there all the time and know the score. she even gives us the odd wink or smile as she is passing, we do likewise but neither parties stop and dwell, a sign of begrudging respect between 2 parties with diagonally opposed objectives.