Pattaya Reports

[Sir Lancelot]

Breaking news, I have been banned from Tinder. I thought my messages were generally very tame but I think I used the word 'short-time' and have been suspended as a result. I find it amusing that an App which essentially facilitates one night stands should take any kind of moral high ground on sex for sale.

So I joined ThaiFriendly and immediately got a few bites. The free version of the site has a few annoyances, mainly the fact you can only send a message every 10 minutes! It's not conducive to flowing conversation. Secondly the prettiest girls have a 'popular' sticker on their profile and only members are allowed to message them. If I lived in Pattaya I'd be tempted to join but it's not worth it for the remaining four days of my trip.

My plan today was to find a girl on soi 6 and then maybe another from one of the bars later. Time is running out on my trip so I'm on the final dash to the finishing line, two girls a day minimum.

It was Saturday night and the roads were busy. Tourists had paint on their faces, as there was a festival going on at the beach. I reached the top of soi 6 at 6. 40 pm and the street was packed. Deep breath, game face on, go.

I spotted a little blond outside Lust and a skinny girl with green hair at another bar that would satisfy my urge to tick off all hair colours of the spectrum.

I couldn't resist stopping at Omega Bar for a beer to see if ElMexicant's 'new girl' was there, from his 'eternal dilemma' post in which he claimed he was on a different playing field to everyone else. It turns out his 'new girl' hasn't worked in Pattaya for two months.

Back on the street I saw a lovely girl sat on the step in front of a crowded bar. She was tall, had luscious long hair and no tattoos. She looked like a step-back-in-time girl from how these streets might have looked decades ago. I couldn't resist. She asked for 2000 but accepted 1500.

She got undressed and had the body of a model. Tall and slender with tiny tits. Despite this she pinched her slender belly and said 'pum pui! ' Thai girls always do this, even if they're skinny. I knew I was in for a good time when she crawled on to the bed and made cat claws with her hands, then prowled vixen-like over my body and kissed me passionately on the lips. The sex lived up to expectations. I think she watches a lot of porn in her spare time because she kept repeating 'oh baby, oh baby' as I gave her pussy a good pounding.

I took some photos afterwards for my own collection and she looked great in the pics in which she was smiling but I managed to capture one photo when she wasn't and my god her resting face was photogenic. It's funny how some girls tense up in front of a camera and some girls don't.

With a spring in my step I walked back along 2nd Road, through Myth, and bought a drink for a pretty girl at Oh Bar I've had my eyes on for a while. This has been my favourite beer bar for several years but has disappointed me on this trip as it has always been quiet with hardly any girls. Tonight however there were five or six nice girls, clinking glasses with the barflies.

I ate at Hungry Hippo on soi Buakhao, which does lots of home-made western favourites, as well as an array of desserts.

Ordinarily I'd enjoy a leisurely bar-crawl in the evening but my chest infection means I've only got a limited amount of time before the cigarette smoke makes me start coughing. So my plan was to do a circuit of the usual spots and pounce upon any attractive girl. I saw a candidate at Buddy Bar but she was eating food, my favourite at Ass 95 was with a customer. I trudged past, head bowed in an Oscar-worthy performance, making sure she saw my pain.

It's sad to walk past Moonlight. Two years ago this was my favourite bar and I had some great nights in there, but now the girls sit in a line outside, barely looking up from their mobile phones. The bar has become so geared to Korean customers it's lost all personality and the girls always look so bored.

It was 10.15 pm and I had an idea. I'd go to soi LK Metro and see if my Terminal 21 girl was at Las Vegas. But when I got to the door two bouncers converged on me and insisted I hand over the bottle of honey lemon iced tea I'd purchased from the 7 Eleven. Ever since I've had a bad chest I've tried tablets, lozenges, powders and now antibiotics, yet it's this iced tea which has the most soothing effect. I explained I needed it but they wouldn't let me in, so I walked away.

On the fork of LK Metro heading towards soi Buakhao there are a lot of bars with excitable girls outside. I spotted a nice girl with a big metallic smile and the tiniest waist I've ever seen and bought her a drink. We clicked so I enquired about prices. She told me the barfine was 1000 but I could also pay for a room upstairs for 650 baht. I hadn't considered that these bars would have short-time rooms. She quoted an ambitious 2500 short-time price but came down to 1500 and soon I was following her peachy little bum up the dimly lit back staircase. She was extraordinarily skinny.

The room wouldn't score highly on TripAdvisor. Loud music from the bars below rattled the window and the bed was rock hard. The air-con tried in vain to keep the temperature sub-tropical.

It was her first week at the bar and I've scarcely experience such a tight pussy. I got in two or three inches as she grimaced and tossed her head around. 'Are you okay? ' I asked. We struggled clumsily like this for about a minute, like two virgins having sex for the first time. I thought this was as good as it was going to get, but then she wiggled her hips and arched her back and suddenly my dick slid all the way in, making her gasp and clutch the pillow. The sex was great. I was slow and gentle at first but soon I was fucking her hard in doggy.

By midnight I was back in my room, reflecting on another great day in Pattaya. I've had to amend my modus operandi due to my chest infection but I'm picking up some great girls.

[Explorer8939]

I tried to arrange a barfine next week with a Soi Pothole bargirl, but she is booked up for next week.

So, I guess some areas in Pattaya are still busy.

[Mr Enternational]

Rode through Surprise BBQ today and there were no signs of life. Maps says permanently closed as well. Grand Opening, Grand Closing?

[Mr Enternational]

Wait, what?

You went to a TF lady's room, and her "husband" was in the room? How do you know he was the husband, and not the customer before you? Did he wait in the room when you fucked her?

Why did you go to her room, she couldn't make it to your hotel?

I did not say any of that. I said I went to see. They have businesses together in what is I guess their house too, and there was a picture of them together on the wall as many married couples would have. Plus the wedding rings.

[Mr Enternational]

On beach road is it acceptable or an issue to dip out to the water to light one up?

It is not legal to smoke in public. Some of the shops that sell it allow people to smoke inside though.

[XXL]

On beach road is it acceptable or an issue to dip out to the water to light one up?

At least now while it is still legal? Is it easy to find pot head ladies to join ya?

It is officially illegal to smoke in public places I think.

Very few potheads among the girls, and I think the few potheads among them will prefer to get high when they are with friends rather than with a client.

[Cornwall]

I find it extraordinary the amount of testosterone you get with some people on ISG. You'd think this forum would be a safe space to exchange information but on every thread there is someone like ElMexicant, beating his chest and picking fights for no good reason. 'My girl is prettier than yours' they taunt, like a kid in the playground. I might have let this particular lie go, if it wasn't for the fact that he claimed in the same post to be on a different playing field from everyone else. Anyone who spouts such a deluded comment deserves to have their BS exposed.

So in conclusion, it turns out that the real 'eternal dilemma' ElMexicant faces is which of his picture collection to wank off to tonight.

Thanks for saying that, Sir Lancelot. Now that you've said it, allow me to embellish.

I've been on these ISG forums for about 22 years. I'm not a prolific poster here, but I've posted on message boards in Asia, South America, and Europe since 2000. I've always noticed the tendency of certain posters on ISG (dating back many years) to come on and dominate the threads, or to just want to show other guys how macho they are. It makes reading ISG almost unbearable at times, and it pollutes the otherwise honest exchange of information relating to our favorite hobby of mongering with pretty women in other countries.

Personally, I cannot imagine making posts on this or any other board where I would brag about my biceps (or triceps), but that's just what ElMexicant does. Here are some quotes from his posts:

"none of these girls Soi 6 pictured accepted my offer of 1300 upstairs ST +1 lady drink + room charge. That's even after I let them fondled my biceps after I flexed my arm for them. ".

"I was at CoCo Fitness today and they haven't seen for 3 months, but said I look better than the last time I was in Pattaya. Must be those skull crushers. Big guns means building the triceps not biceps. ".

"They all wanted 2000 and a couple even quoted 2500- 3000 + 1 drink + room fee. Ridiculous because I even flexed my biceps to try to get a discount. ".

Why would someone be telling an audience of men how big their biceps are? And how is that relevant to the topic at hand? I also cannot imagine coming on a public forum and being so arrogant:

Another ElMexicant quote:

"Ice water runs through my veins. Not quite God's gift to women, but damn close. I consider myself doing charity every time I pay these girls for sex. Honestly, I think I am a "good catch" when it comes to girls. ".

Hatred of women:

Another ElMexicant quote:

"Maybe it's better to rally around more honorable stories about poisoning random girls with 30 drinks so I can get them intoxicated to get some BBFS and CIP while being ripped off with hugely inflated drink prices. " Huh?

Admitting to theft on a public forum:

More ElMexicant quotes:

1. "Go hang out at the entrance behind other guests and pay attention to their room number when they announce it. Call them on your room hotel to their room hotel and tell them you are housekeeping. And ask what time will they check out tomorrow. When they say "we don't, we have XXX days," that's your cue to show up at 6 am next morning and use their room number and eat. ".

2. "Find a resort hotel with patio tables for breakfast. Grab you one of the dirty plates off a table that has been left for clean up. Enter with dirty plates in hand and exchange them on your way to the buffet. Nobody will ask anything. If they do, start talking in some foreign language not named English. ".

"Shit. I've gotten so good at this that I even order poolside drinks and food and bill it to another room. I also use different hotel, resorts, and condo pools and gyms when I am in Pattaya. No need to pay for that type of stuff. Grand Avenue has an excellent gym if you know how to sneak in. ".

"There are three 5 star hotels that makes it easy for a free breakfast, but those I save for myself on how to. Starting your day with a free breakfast in a hotel you are not staying in is a must every morning to fuel you for the rest of the day. ".

And a final quote about this guy's character (he said this, not me):

Another ElMexicant quote:

"Lying goes a long way when you have confidence. ".

I'm sure he'll say he was just joking about all this stuff, but either way, he's a sad man.

[Explorer8939]

I went to see a Thai Friendly chick yesterday and she had a whole farang husband right there in living color. She still has not said anything about it and I have not either.

Wait, what?

You went to a TF lady's room, and her "husband" was in the room? How do you know he was the husband, and not the customer before you? Did he wait in the room when you fucked her?

Why did you go to her room, she couldn't make it to your hotel?

[OldSchool318]

On beach road is it acceptable or an issue to dip out to the water to light one up?

At least now while it is still legal? Is it easy to find pot head ladies to join ya?

[Sir Lancelot]

Always my dilemma in Patts.

1. Go all out on a new GoGo girl (white bikini) 2000+3000+4 drinks or close 6 K ST.

2. Go all out on new Soi 6 girl (pink and white top) 2000+400+1 drink or close 2500 total ST.

3. Or stick to my black book girls (flower nighty) 1000-1500.

But I am glad to at least have the opportunity to choose. I just wonder do I choose decent girls or have bad taste. By the way pricing has always been partly about the customer. I've never been quoted 4000 barfine and 4000ST, especially at Windmill. Sometimes you just got to look in the mirror and figure out if there is something they don't like. Somebody pointed me to Owen on YT and I seriously need to quit picking on the others not so fortunate. Sometimes I forget I am on a entirely different playing field.

As a follow up in case anyone was curious I figured it out. That girl was from Omega bar and pretty sure she doesn't work there anymore. That picture is from January, not sure why the other dude stated like it was new.

I was on soi 6 and decided to pop in to Omega bar, to see if the girl was there from ElMexicant's 'eternal dilemma' post. Thanks to Venturi's sterling detective work I was able to confirm via a visit to Omega's Facebook page that there was a photo of the girl ElMexicant claimed on March 11 is his 'new soi 6 girl'. I had to scroll back to January to find her pic and suspiciously there hasn't been a photo of her since.

I arrived at the bar, bought myself a drink and got a prime table, just behind all of the girls who were crowded at the front of the bar. There were a few nice girls for sure but the girl in question wasn't there. I took my phone out and showed the picture to another girl but she didn't recognise her. However, she took my phone to a lady behind the cashier desk who was able to confirm that the girl no longer works at Omega Bar. 'How long she finish? ' I asked and the cashier thought about it for a few seconds before holding two fingers up. 'Two months' she said. I asked her if she now works in another bar but the cashier told me she went home.

Which means that when ElMexicant said a few weeks ago that he might 'go all out on his new soi 6' girl, she'd been back in her province for at least a month.

I find it extraordinary the amount of testosterone you get with some people on ISG. You'd think this forum would be a safe space to exchange information but on every thread there is someone like ElMexicant, beating his chest and picking fights for no good reason. 'My girl is prettier than yours' they taunt, like a kid in the playground. I might have let this particular lie go, if it wasn't for the fact that he claimed in the same post to be on a different playing field from everyone else. Anyone who spouts such a deluded comment deserves to have their BS exposed.

So in conclusion, it turns out that the real 'eternal dilemma' ElMexicant faces is which of his picture collection to wank off to tonight.

[Sir Lancelot]

After breakfast I went to a pharmacy to pick up antibiotics for my chest, which is showing no signs of getting better. I picked up my pile of the neatest ironed laundry I've ever seen from the little shop opposite and spent a lazy afternoon in my room.

It would prove to be an eventful afternoon though. At 5 pm I headed out with purpose to find a girl I could barfine for short-time. The problem is, there are hardly any bars open at this time and those that are tend to have a sparse collection of mainly older girls. I checked out soi Buakhao, Tree Town and Myth and all were sleepy. So I ended up walking down soi Pothole, which seems to get going a little earlier.

There I spotted a familiar face.

At one of the small bars was a sweet Lao girl I barfined two years ago from Booby Trap on soi Buakhao (which is now Night Moves). It certainly looked like her anyway but I hesitated for a second. Then she smiled and I was absolutely convinced it was the same girl. She had been 20 and fresh to the scene when I first met her and although she certainly looked two years older now, she still looked good. I remembered what a sweet, nice girl she was so bought her a drink.

Something strange happened inside the bar. I was having a good time, catching up with her when all of a sudden I felt dizzy. I went to the toilet at the back of the bar and it felt like a sauna inside and suddenly sweat was pouring from me. I went back to my seat and my Lao girl pointed all the fans at me and mopped my brow with wet wipes but for a few minutes I genuinely thought I might pass out.

I know what caused it. Because of the chest infection, which has lasted well over a week now, I've not been eating properly. Three or four days ago I had a coughing fit in my room that was so violent I ended up being sick. I didn't want to run the risk of that happening in public so I've been eating very little. Today for example I've eaten nothing but breakfast. Not even one snack since. This dizzy spell was my body's way of telling me 'feed me for fuck sake! '.

Once I cooled down I felt better again. I liked the way the Lao girl had looked after me so I decided to pay her barfine. It was 400 and she said 'up to you' when I asked about her short-time price. '200 it is' I joked and we walked the short distance back to my hotel hand in hand. She looked cute in an oversized football shirt.

This girl put in a very good performance when we first fucked a few years ago, but now she's got confidence and has an impressive array of skills, honed and perfected no doubt on a steady stream of farang. She spat on my dick as she gave me a sloppy blowjob and I propped two pillows behind my back as she rode me, her big tits swinging in my face.

I gave her 1500 baht before she left and hugged her goodbye. It had been really lovely to see her again. A great girl.

After she left I pondered what to do tonight. I considered sending Sam a message but I'll be honest, earlier on the trip I questioned why I spend time with him. We were in a bar at Myth when he pointed out a girl sat at the front. 'See that girl there? ' he said, 'I called her over a few weeks ago and told her you've got a fucking amazing body, shame your face is pig ugly'. He laughed at his joke but I was shocked that anyone would think it was okay to speak to a girl like that. Some people lose all basic common decency when they spend time in Pattaya. It must have been a bitter pill to swallow for the girl, being called ugly by a short, bald man who looks about 20 years older than he actually is.

My phone pinged in my pocket and my evening's plans suddenly fell in to place.

It was a message on Line from Nui the nymphomaniac, a tiny girl I've fucked five times over the past few years, who I originally met on soi 6. 'I'm available tonight' the message said. I arranged for her to come round to my hotel at 10 pm, to give me enough time to listen to my body's advice and get some food. I ate a tasty beef goulash at Dre restaurant and was back waiting in my room by half nine.

She arrived and as always insisted I meet her outside instead of coming straight up to my room. She's a tiny girl, her head is below my shoulders, and she was wearing a super-sexy white halter bondage top, as well as her trademark grin. The sex was great as always. She's so tiny it's easy to try unusual positions. I fucked her standing up in front of the mirror, her legs wrapped around me, and enjoyed fucking her doggy-style stood at the end of the bed, her tiny arse pointed invitingly in my direction.

As we got our breaths back afterwards she showed me photos of her home in Laos and her super cute baby girl. She lives at the most idyllic farm, fields of crops framed by dramatic mountains, a snapshot of rural perfection backpackers would pay good money to stay at for a week.

I slipped her the usual 1500 before she left.

All in all, a great day. I fucked two girls who had been highlights of previous trips and both delivered great sex.

[Mr Enternational]

I went to see a Thai Friendly chick yesterday and she had a whole farang husband right there in living color. She still has not said anything about it and I have not either.

Reminds me of when I was in the Navy and I was at the base's Filipina doorknob's house sitting on the couch watching TV with her. Her White American husband who was also in the Navy came in and just walked straight upstairs without saying a word.

I picked up a chick that I know right before 8 pm last night. We went to eat dinner together. What she ate did not have garlic but for some reason she smelled of strong garlic. 11:30 am and she is still sleeping. I came out of the bathroom and my room reeks of that shit. They must eat enough of that shit to keep the spirits and most people away.

[Forty Drinks]

Calm down gentleman Hot attractive girls are NOT giving long Timers deals at 1,000 a session.

Those that are not attracting Rich Indians or Koreans. He'll yeah they'll accept 1 k.

Stop Believing the 1 k guys. It's just not true.

Put yourself in the girls shoes. Hot and desirable aren't not going going to charge 30% of normal rates. 3 k being normal.

Come on guys.

[SexInStl]

At 5 pm I decided to head out for some afternoon fun. I had a brainwave, for a change I'd try the gents clubs on soi Boomerang. It's an L-shaped road just off soi Buakhao, near the hospital. However the collection of girls outside the clubs were very uninspiring. If I had seen one girl even remotely enticing I'd have invited her inside for a drink, but they were all older dears. I abandoned the idea.

Yeah, at 5 pm, Soi Boomerang isn't going to really up and running yet. In fact, if not for SLUTZ reopening just recently, I would've been surprised if anyone was out at that time.

[ElMexicant]

Sometimes you find out the hard way.

Scam: shumai dumplings advertised for 25 baht. And this sad thing in a bag was what I received after they asked for the money first to ring it up.

Gem: 60 baht for big chicken kebab that some places sell 120+.

Scam: Paying more than 1000 for anyone at any bar in Myth Nights. Come on folks, this is just the same girls / LBs who worked at Soi Made in Thailand after it was remodeled. There was a reason why it was torn down.

I guess sometimes dim sum and sometimes you lose some.