Nairobi

[Jamie69]

New Madhouse is opening Monday.

[NairobiXXX]

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[BigBoyTed]

Hi fellow mongers,

Any monger in town we catch a tusker or some girls together. PM me if yes loosing motivation really quick maybe a wingman is what will get me in high gear.

[Gesheft]

Next up F2/ Pango Dumbass Me!
-Invest in whatsapp strap up and enjoy Nairobi is nice!
Bizzy Muhn

Hey man, appreciate the effort in putting pen to paper here. Well you know what I mean.

Send pics if you can.

Cheers.

G.

[Bizzy Muhn]

Next up F2/ Pango Dumbass Me!

Left the Eureka hotel still with some wood and we headed straight to F2/ Pango to see what it was about. My company is known here so there wasn't a charge for him but I was out 600 to get in which is on the expensive side but helps keep the riff raff out unlike Simmers which has no charge to get in. When you're in, you're allowed to cross over to F2 without paying which is what we did once we were done with Pango a plus if you ask me.

I'm a strip club connoisseur and while the girls there looked the part, they couldn't / wouldn't work those poles for shit. Opted to sample a lap dance from one looker with a flat stomach and a bubble but was disappointed with both the quality of the dance and demeanor of the chick. It's 1000 for a 30 minute dance my hands roamed everywhere but she wanted 10 k to leave with me not sure how these chicks can tell you're not a local but next time I'm walking in there looking like a bum hoping to get a discount!

Florida 2000 aka F2 aka Den of Sinners has been going strong for a bunch of years from my days as a "Yout" and even in my semi-drunken state I could tell that you can't go wrong showing up here. My weekday visit was not to end without disappointment as things picked up when I least expected it to. Being F2, the women you see here are top of the line pro's and have invested the high cost to get in and are very business minded. You'll get drugged up quick if you're a slow blinker it happens even to the best of us you def don't want to wake up in some crummy hotel room with nothing but your underwear. My company who is a regular here wouldn't even drink from the glass cups at 3 am but opted to drink straight from the bottle this is a fair warning watch your back!

Anyway was approached by a chick from the coastal region of Kenya a Giriama chick to be exact light skinned, stacked straight teeth, fresh smell and a killer smile I'd pipe her raw if there weren't any consequences but we're no longer in the 70's. Bought her a drink and started chit chatting about the place where she was from and life in general. Eventually, the convo shifted over to business and the charge? An incredible 10 k wait what I stammered? 10 k No way Jose not tonight and with that I pulled out my wallet in my now drunken state and showed her the wad that in my billfold which is a no no!

Wasn't long before my company dragged me by the shoulder to the mens room, confiscated my wallet and stuffed it inside his socks and then bee-lined for the exit leaving unfinished drinks at the bar. Apparently if we'd stayed we'd have found a welcoming committee waiting outside ready to separate my wallet likely violently from my person. Lesson learned? Drink the Tuskers in moderation and go home when tipsy before dumb shit happens.

Tips.

-No need to carry cash use the local atms after scanning your immediate location. It's safer to eat the low international transaction fees rather than worry about stashing currency in nooks and crannies in the hotel or luggage and then having to look for a forex bureau afterwards when in need of changing the money. A buddy nearly lost $3 k at CDG when security asked him to place his wallet on the scanner then delayed the line thru the scanner thus allowing one of them to pocket the money which was only returned after he got really LOUD.

-If you're carrying a newer smartphone that is unlocked, carry a sim cutter that allows you to cut down regular sims to micro sims and then to nano sims for iPhone etc.

-File the rough edges of your newly cut sim with a nail file otherwise you'll end up like me with a stuck sim tray and no way to communicate when you're at your destination.

-Roaming charges suck. Looking at you AT&T!

-Always good to have a wing-man or trustworthy taxi guy who'll take you around in peace when needed not an option for many but an investment in my opinion.

-Start mining social media and Craigslist Kenya early folks locals, take time to warm up these amateurs on social media on the other hand know what the business is and don't meander much.

-Invest in whatsapp strap up and enjoy Nairobi is nice!

Bizzy Muhn

[Bizzy Muhn]

Pango / F2 and an intercept.

Shortly after leaving Simmers, I stopped at the ATM on Kimathi st near the Sarova Stanley to re-up for the next destination which was pango. While waiting I spotted a lady in heels about to cross the road headed towards Simmers. A short convo ensued and F2/ Pango were put on the back burner while I located a cheap hotel in the vicinity to pound this spinner out. She was a Kikuyu lady early 20's one child 5 ft and maybe 90 lbs soaking wet with a well defined rear once the clothes came off.

No head was offered and after strapping up she gingerly climbed on top and started sliding gently up and down on the wood! This wasn't going to work for me so I told her to assume the doggy position on the bed so I could present her with the business. You know the pussy is good when you bust and the wood is still fully erect. Pounded her like I was on a mission and after filling the bag took her number and left. Made the mistake of giving her my number and she wouldn't stop calling ugh Google Voice why aren't you world wide!

Next up F2/ Pango Dumb-ass Me!

[Bizzy Muhn]

Had a few errands to run in town and afterwards found myself smack dub in Nairobi's rush hour. A taxi would be of no use as I'd be sitting in traffic for at least 2 hours minimum so I instead went to Simmers and ordered a few beers and some chips / fries with chicken while I waited for my company to leave work.

Being early, the selection was slim and mellow so I basically chilled. Wasn't much action going on after so I bailed when my company arrived. The hardcore pros were already posted outside on Muindi Bingu and Standard st but I wasn't that much interested in them. I must say these girls can and will go toe to toe with regular civvies in the looks department but they'll also slip you some drugs when you're slipping so you constantly have to be on the lookout when dealing with them.

Next up Pango F2 and an intercept.

[Bizzy Muhn]

Another night another venue this time we're in semi upscale Hurlingham on a Monday night at Tamasha listening to reggae which was a first for me. Back in the day the only people listening to reggae were goons who'd be found at Madhouse / F1, F2, Monte Carlo and Club Hollywood causing a ruckus and robbing anyone they'd encounter after clubbing was over what a change! As an aside the fixtures inside these joints that used to be frequented by these folk was bolted down now the direct opposite.

The parking areas in-front and behind Tamasha are not paved and you have to be drive super carefully otherwise your undercarriage will pay for it. There is a guy outside watching the vehicles so there is nothing to worry about. Beers are decent and are in the 200 range. There was a lone half Kenyan / Ugandan talking about 5 k but I dismissed her super quick as her looks didn't match her asking price. Crowd is lower to middle class and I did spot some NGO type females in here admiring my looks and height but unfortunately there wouldn't be any white meat consumed during the duration of this visit.

The music was chill reggae and if you enjoy reggae this is a good place to checkout. I'm not sure how long they're going to be open as the newly built apartments that surround this place will surely say something about it once they move in. With civvies you're going to have to put in time / effort and unfortunately that was not on my side.

[Bizzy Muhn]

Located inside T-mall on Langata Road on the 3rd floor I think. The idea of a club inside a mall open late at night boggles my mind gone are the days of Nairobi shutting down at 10 pm when I left. Security is good and if you're driving you'll get screened before you drive into the parking structure and if you're on foot you'll get wanded at the entrance.

Crowd is decent 30 something civvies unwinding with friends no ladies of the stroll were detected other than a very pretty Masaai chick who paid extra attention while I was withdrawing at the ATM downstairs.

Decor inside is modern there is WiFi if browsing the web and updating Facebook statuses are your thing while at bars are your kind of thing. The beers are in the 220 range and the bathrooms have an attendant inside who I tipped some ksh for keeping the area spotless and fresh smelling while I was handling my business.

Not a knock but I found the crowd on the lame side and you'd not pay me to go spend time here unless I was with my friends.

[Bizzy Muhn]

Decided to take a quick break from work and see friends and family. Having booked my flight, I contacted the travel department of my cards issuers to get authorization for international travel and was out to Kenya with $200 in my wallet. I'm Kenyan this report is going to be on the vague side for my privacy and also for those whose private parts were violated during the duration of my stay!

Arrived to a rainy night and after clearing customs, I was picked up by a family member and deposited at my parents house which was to be my base for the next couple days. Friday saw me hit a Forex bureau at the Galleria Mall where my USD were exchanged at a rate of 88 ksh per USD. Semi-flush with local currency, I picked up another family member and caught a cab to very famous Simmers on Kenyatta Avenue. / Muindi Bingu st.

Mentioned to a civvie I met that I hang out here and she flipped out. Apparently this place is smack dab in the middle of the "stroll" and no self respecting lady will bother going here so any woman seen here is either a waitress / bartender or peddling wares period! The selection available was phenomenal from slim skinny chicks to top of the range mega butt donk's! Waiter inside offered me a table but I opted to hang out by the barbecue guy which gave me priority intercept for any chick walking in from outside or heading to the ladies restroom. Wasn't long before eye contact was made and some lady stepped up and started a convo that I really didn't want to hear so I took her digits and told her I'd keep in touch.

She hadn't walked two steps before another chick grabbed my bald head on the way to the restroom and winked when I looked. Ordered a Heineken at 280 and waited patiently for her to finish her business in the ladies room. Wasn't long before she came out and after a short convo it was on to the business her rates were a reasonable 4 k but no way she was getting that from me. Told her it was 2 k in my wallet and if she didn't want it I'd find another lady to take it. A bit of grumbling and it was on to the taxi's outside at 200 within the city to the nearest cheap hotel / lodging for my welcome home pounding. The lodging / hotel was 600 a night and no way its getting any additional press as I'm sure none of you here would dare venture there at any hour of the day or night!

Now this girl was a Kamba at around 4'8 in height and under 100 lbs and its just what the doc had ordered. Strapped up, spread her legs wide and commenced to pound that pussy for what it was worth. Midway thru the rubber let go and I jumped up wiped down reloaded and continued pounding until I filled the bag proper. Cleaned up paid her the 2 k and caught another taxi home at 1000 to rest. I needed some shut eye and there was no way I was getting it in that dump.

[ApplePolish]

Hello to all the ISG Nairobi folks,

Have been reading this forum for the last few days and there are lots on interesting insights. I had a question for member regarding choice of hotels (am travelling on company expenses), I can choose between Villa Rosa Kempinski and DusitD2 a new hotel in Riverside.

The location per se for me is not important since I would be mongering out (have a few identified ladies who will come over). I am more concerned about the the being guest friendly nature of these two options as well as the walk for shame experience. I have stayed in the Sankara before that it was GH Friendly and short walk to the elevator although the lobby is small and hence everyone notices.

Thanks in advance for inputs.

[NGong]

Willyboy.

Every body can make the same list this in every big city special by night.

When you are in Prague, Paris, Brussels, London, Miami, New York, Bangkok, Amsterdam, Moscow, etc.

Everybody who live there can give you the hotspots, like you now do for Nairobi.

In my experience is go never by night out in a city where you not live. Look for a trusted fellow and do not go loaded with gold and money, you be already a target for them but when.

You act normal and not exposed your self as the boy with the big money you effort the problems already.

A other case is when you act on that way the girls do not ask for a big amount.

I have see that you also go to Madagascar, Ghana etc. Please give the same info also for our fellows it can be helpful for every body.

Nairobi is definitely our very own city in the sun. East africa's business hub, tourism hub, entertainment spot and sadly also quite the thug paradise; ask Githurai residents if you don't believe me. Even though security has improved over the years, the following streets are a tad too dangerous and thus you should always be on the lookout if you have to frequent them.

Luthuli Avenue:

This of course takes the first slot. Infested with electronic shops, it also turns into a goodies street at night and that's when it all goes down. Everything evil just seems to surface in this street and the danger comes in the most likely quarters. If it's not street urchins making a go at your phone, then it's the prostitutes hustling up for your wallet as you try to solicit for sex. Don't even get me started on the drugs on sale as you don't want to go there.

Keekrok Road:

Not very far from Luthuli and right behind Tom Mboya street, this is another street that you should be weary of. Quite calm during the day, it comes alive in the night time. First of all let me say that I think this is where you'll find the most brothels concentrated at one place; don't ask how I know. And then those shady bars that stock keg and countryman are a like a million and that's where amateur thugs come in. Try walking on that street at night alone at night and trust me you won't make it to the other end with your panties or rather boxers on.

Ronald Ngala:

That's where Githurai matatus are so what do you expect. A colleague who trust me is the size of a rugby player was robbed in broad daylight by a bunch of old guys who threatened to [CodeWord123] him if he dared make a sound. Ronald Ngala is the only other place in Nairobi apart from Tom Mboya where a guy will walk up to you with a bag of [CodeWord113] and threaten to mess up your face if you don't part with your particulars.

Tom Mboya Street:

From one end to the other, be happy if you make it safe and sound. If someone is not trying to pickpocket you near Koja another person is threatening you with needles near Dominion House. Then come to Mr. Price and the probability of a guy coming up to you trying to con you is 9 out of 10. Then if that doesn't happen, one of those street kids rampant near the Tom Mboya statue will try to grab your bag of chips - I'm so sorry Omega - basically expect everything to go down south in Tom Mboya.

Globe roundabout:

I'm sure everyone has experienced the menace that goes on in this area especially to motorists. Even after making numerous news headlines, the situation doesn't seem to improve as there will be this guy and another trying to grab your phone. And if you try to seek refuge and make your way in that lane near Kahama hotel, then be lest assured even your eye brows will be stolen.

So there you go fellow Nairobians, be safe!

[Naked Gunz]

You guys totally misunderstood me am not rich but I do have 20 $ to spare the thing is our local banks don't allow us to do online transactions with our debit cards, so been trying to pay with a prepaid card but it keeps saying payment declined, as am not a guru on online payment I was asking for some advice as I might be doing something wrong not that I wanted to con anyone of their 20 $.

But appreciate your concern.

You should have said all that the first time and you would not be misunderstood. No debit card allows online transactions unless it is a debit / credit card backed by Visa or MasterCard, ect. My credit card gets declined all the time when I travel, but in Kenya, I don't even try. The credit security dept. Is on the other end laughing and rejects me automatically. You might be out of luck with getting a membership. Surely you understand the reservations of members because of your initial statement.

[Willyboy]

Nairobi is definitely our very own city in the sun. East africa's business hub, tourism hub, entertainment spot and sadly also quite the thug paradise; ask Githurai residents if you don't believe me. Even though security has improved over the years, the following streets are a tad too dangerous and thus you should always be on the lookout if you have to frequent them.

Luthuli Avenue:

This of course takes the first slot. Infested with electronic shops, it also turns into a goodies street at night and that's when it all goes down. Everything evil just seems to surface in this street and the danger comes in the most likely quarters. If it's not street urchins making a go at your phone, then it's the prostitutes hustling up for your wallet as you try to solicit for sex. Don't even get me started on the drugs on sale as you don't want to go there.

Keekrok Road:

Not very far from Luthuli and right behind Tom Mboya street, this is another street that you should be weary of. Quite calm during the day, it comes alive in the night time. First of all let me say that I think this is where you'll find the most brothels concentrated at one place; don't ask how I know. And then those shady bars that stock keg and countryman are a like a million and that's where amateur thugs come in. Try walking on that street at night alone at night and trust me you won't make it to the other end with your panties or rather boxers on.

Ronald Ngala:

That's where Githurai matatus are so what do you expect. A colleague who trust me is the size of a rugby player was robbed in broad daylight by a bunch of old guys who threatened to [CodeWord123] him if he dared make a sound. Ronald Ngala is the only other place in Nairobi apart from Tom Mboya where a guy will walk up to you with a bag of [CodeWord113] and threaten to mess up your face if you don't part with your particulars.

Tom Mboya Street:

From one end to the other, be happy if you make it safe and sound. If someone is not trying to pickpocket you near Koja another person is threatening you with needles near Dominion House. Then come to Mr. Price and the probability of a guy coming up to you trying to con you is 9 out of 10. Then if that doesn't happen, one of those street kids rampant near the Tom Mboya statue will try to grab your bag of chips - I'm so sorry Omega - basically expect everything to go down south in Tom Mboya.

Globe roundabout:

I'm sure everyone has experienced the menace that goes on in this area especially to motorists. Even after making numerous news headlines, the situation doesn't seem to improve as there will be this guy and another trying to grab your phone. And if you try to seek refuge and make your way in that lane near Kahama hotel, then be lest assured even your eye brows will be stolen.

So there you go fellow Nairobians, be safe!

[Willyboy]

Money, money, they say it runs the world. That with money you can afford to be happy and get whatever you want. In Nairobi the men are constantly chasing after it to impress the women and the women are constantly searching for the men who have it. I think hence the phrase, "no romance without finance. " Money is also regarded as the source of all evil but that is neither here nor there. Today I'the rather talk about ATM machines which are dispensers of money; I want to specifically address the most DANGEROUS ATM places in Nairobi.

Family Bank Westlands:

Located right before Havana bar and restaurant and in close proximity to other banks like Cooperative Bank, this definitely has to be the most dangerous ATM place in Westlands. I happened to make my way this previous Sunday and I must say the place was not comfortable at all. Despite being deserted especially on Sundays and at night, it is filled with street urchins and gangs. It felt quite restless withdrawing the money despite being in the company of a friend and it would just be impossible when alone considering these guys walk up to you begging for some loose change.

KCB Tom Mboya Street:

This definitely has to be the most exposed ATM in Nairobi. It is in the heart of the CBD and so much open for everyone to see that you're out to withdraw money. Being in the midst of a matatu terminal, it is always infiltrated with some very fishy characters. And what do we have right after that? A very suspicious alley. It is pretty much easier for someone to see you walk in and then follow you afterwards, rob you and then disappear into that alley.

Standard Charted Moi Avenue:

In a very safe area and quite open during the day, it can get a bit tricky during the night. The place gets really crowded with all kinds of people especially hawkers and street urchins. Not considering that the place is also a popular spot for con artists and pick pockets.

Taj Mall:

This definitely takes the number one spot as the most dangerous ATM place in Nairobi. Also in close proximity to the bus terminal, there are robbers always on the lookout before finally pouncing on unsuspecting customers. It was recently featured on kiss radio and many other traditional media platforms after the robberies became a bit too rampant.

KCB Moi Avenue:

At the far end of Moi Avenue right adjacent to Jevanjee Gardens, this is another ATM place that is just a little bit too open in Nairobi. Everybody can basically see you when making an entry. At night someone can follow you and rob you with the Jevanjee Gardens right there to give adequate cover.