2005 Thai Women - Opinions & Advice

[LittleBigMan]

Havrum,

Your situation on this site is going to get you more criticism that advice. Unfortuately the criticism from the few posters have hundreds if not thousands of postings in this section. They have heard it, seen it, and lived it!
( This does not include me ) Although their advice might seem narrow to some the advice they give is the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth!
For myself, I do believe everyone can change and deserves a second chance in life and even a 3rd... from what I have read from you! the decision has been made by you already! So move on and take care of the visa "now"!

LittleBigMan, wishes you the best of luck with your girl.
LittleBigMan also wishes everyone on this site a Happy New Year!

FYI, for The Traveler! Got a Christmas present from the county, I'm a totally free man now! Been such a outstanding citizen that they let me go early!
Free at last!

[Freeler]

Juice,

Right now Havrum is an illegal alien.
He has his priorities upside down and inside out.
All he thinks of is juicy pussy.
Which is all nice and lovely.
Unless you're an illegal alien...

Hebe Joe,

That list thing you mentioned; sounds like a very smart idea!

[JuiceSpike]

Havrum,

It sounds like you have your doubts and that's what you need to listen to and not just the romantic impulse and the novelty of the situation. I suggest you try hanging out with some farangs for a few days while deciding what to do next to maybe get a different perspective on your decision.

Remember that you are in a completely different culture and it does not matter how much you have traveled unless you realize that things are different and people are different. In Thailand many people decide things on the basis of basic survival.

Also, travelling alone can be tough for some guys and many find themselves feeling lonely or without options when it comes to making a big decision.

Good luck...

juice

[Havrum]

I haven't already made up my mind. Although I have been leaning towards going through with this, I feel so conflicted about the situation which made me post in the first place. Many times I miss her and feel so good about her, at other times the whole thing doesn't sit too well in my stomach. You get a funny feeling in the back of your mind sometimes at night. Furthermore, I am a very romantic kind of guy and if the initial experience is full of bullshit, it can ruin the subsequent relationship. This girl was so romantic for example that one time when we were having sex in the morning, her cell phone went off (she slept next to it) and answering the phone to one of her foreigners while my dick was still in her pussy, whereupon she went into the bathroom to talk to him. Granted we were wrapping up the deed, not in the heat of passion, but that is still seriously wrong. I had some harsh words about this but she just had this childlike dumb expression on her face.

I know Thai people in general, and especially Pattaya party girls, don't take things seriously, but it is little things like this that make up the gist of a relationship. If the little things are lacking so will the bigger picture. Usually it is the men that fail to understand this, failing to be romantic and engage in simple things, but in the case of Thailand/Farang relationships I imagine its often the opposite.

Old Thai Hand, I know I can find many lovely ladies at my choosing, who dont have a Pattaya prostitute past, but you know how young love is, devoid of all rationality. When you are interested in one girl everything else fades out of the picture. Before when I'm swinging I just have one night stands or see a girl for a few days. I'll cycle through dozens of girls like this, but whenever I spend some time with a girl, especially day after day for any length of time, I have a huge weak spot and fall for the girl.

I think some girls know this and take advantage of it. It doesn't matter how good looking you are, how much money you have, how well you treat a girl, and so on, some girls just don't fall in love with a man unless they treat them a certain way, i.e., disinterested with a cold shoulder.

[ThaiVisitor]

Don't mind if I add my 2 baht worth to the "saga" of Havrum.

I think the best advice that fellow mongers have given is to sort out your visa which I think requires immediate attention.

As to the rest of your situation, personally I think you already made up your mind as to what you are going to do with your relationship, so no point asking for advice. Not as if you are going to follow if the advices are not what you had in mind.

I mean, I have seen here and in many forums, also met real cases, whereby someone has a situation and seek advice. Received a lot of advices but never followed any and instead do what he initially wanted to do.

Cheers
Tee Vee

[Old Thai Hand]

Havrum

I would like to comment on your situation. First, if you're a young good-looking backpacker, who apparently has some means to stay here (once you sort out your visa), you could do better than a Pattaya ho, beautiful though she may be. There are lots of nice, normal (Not always sure about that, but....) regular Thai girls who would like to hook up with a young, good-looking Farang guy. They wouldn't be doing the phone acrobatics your girl is doing. They wouldn't have other guys on the line. They'd have their own money and would generally run with a better class of people. Also, I gaurantee they would be a lot better looking, better dressed (no "ass-crack" short-shorts) and nicer to be with. Both Bangkok and Chiang Mai are full of girls like this, who are well-educated, speak reasonable English and who would be as much, if not more fun than your girl and genuinely a lot better at all the romance and affection, as well as the sex.

Freeler
Being university educated doesn't mean you're HiSo. There are lots of LoSo and MidSo going to Thai universities. Thai universities are generally not that expensive, unless you're at a first-tier school. For example, it costs about 80 baht/credit to go to Ramkhamhaeng University. When I was first here, I had at least 3 students who I knew for a fact worked as bar-girls. I went to see one dancing at Hollywood in Nana. We used to joke that Ramkhamhaeng should be called Go-Go U.
The first few months I was here I regularly saw a girl named Ping from Long Gun, who went to Ramkhamhaeng U. (I lived beside the uni and worked their briefly). I recently met a girl working on Cowboy who is a current uni student. She won't tell me where she goes to school because she's a little embarrassed especially since she knows I'm an ajarn. I've seen her on the street in her uniform on her way to the class a few times. But, I haven't managed to get a clear look at her school badge to figure out what school she attends. She's an excellent shag, and really loves it by the way. She doesn't dance, but, only serves drinks and says she had never been taken out before she met me. I also know another girl who used to work at Our Place on Cowboy who graduated from Khon Khaen University. There's a freelancer at the Bier Garden on soi 7 who just graduated from Rajabhat SuanDusit University (a good school) in computer science. I know or have known other students who work as freelancers or at other bars or massage parlours. It's actually more common than you think.

OTH

[JuiceSpike]

Havrum,

Take all the advice you can get from the pros in here. They know what they are talking about and remember one thing about Thailand: nothing is what it seems to be... Jing. Not a cynical view but when it comes to working girls it is a good thing to have your head screwed on right and tight.



juices

[Freeler]

Latina passion,

"Damn I just might take my Colombian Chica with me or maybe not!"
That's a sure recipe for a lot of threesums!

Family visits,

There is of course the sweet story of the guy who didn't check when his gal said that her family were cumming over. So he stayed in the bar, fucked a whole bunch of women, and sat in the bar some more.
When he finally went home, his gal was sitting there, waiting for him, in a more or less empty space.
Nong had taken everything, in a true share and share alike fashion she'd handed out the motobike, the color tv, cd-player, the iron and what not.
No, she didn't expect to ever see any of the stuff again.
"Everything go Buriram", and she smiled the smile of the Land of Smiles...

Havrum,

You're not stupid, that's obvious. Nevertheless you're taken for a ride. You're not driving - worse, you don't even have a map!
Now, is your visa ok or what?!

[Havrum]

Yeah Thailand is an amazing place and completely different than other parts of the world I have come to know.

I called my girl this morning and she was clearly at home, early morning birds whistling in the background (her family is in a small town) and a small dog barking like crazy. I also watched her get on the bus yesterday. She is certainly at home visiting her family for New Years. If I wanted her to come back tommorrow she would and she even said that she wanted to come back tommorrow before New Years because we missed each other so much, but then I told her to stay be with her family. When she gets back we are going to travel a bit to Ko Samet, Kanchaburi, and other places before setting off to Chiang Mai

I was worried before that she was still in the game, sneaking off at times when we weren't together. She may have been when we first met, but even that I doubt. Like I said we have been together all the time so opportunities to work were fleeting. I asked her several times if she had worked and she got mad that I suggested it and said that we can't be together if I thought like that. One night she got drunk on rum and she started talking nonstop about all sorts of things in her past. She told me a lot of stuff but when I asked her if she had worked while with me she convincingly exclaimed no (people can't lie as easily smashed on booze). She said she was stopping everything and that she only worked a little bit in Pattaya because it was so easy before. Before that she worked for a jewelry factory in Bangkok before getting injured on a motor bike and getting laid off, and before that she was at university. She is not a hardcore pro trust me. The only reason why she had several fish on bait sending her money, was because she is the real deal, beautiful, smart and good personality, that it wouldn't be very hard to do. She comes from a middle class background (by Thai standards) near Bangkok, and like I said is intelligent and educated (she actually reads fairly regularly unlike most Thais). To the posters that assume that every prostitute is all the same, just all hos only worth banging, they don't know a damn what they're talking about. She still even has an innocence about her and blushes and giggles about any talk about sex. She's conservative by nature and that is why she is a reserved lover, not that she is a cold person. I'm starting to open her up but it takes time.

Joe, I would like to change my plans and live in Chiang Mai. I like Thailand a lot. My around the world trip is flexible, if I like some place I can hang out there for as long as I want and then resume the trip if things change. I work online part time so as long as I the income keeps coming I have no problems.

I would like to be boyfriend/girlfriend with this girl. I approached the subject of just being friends and seeing other people several times, which would give her the freedom to work and play her overseas men (she still has email adresses but has dropped them flat out) yet she refused without hesitation. She said she can't be friends like that and can't accept me to be with another girl. Furthermore I'm not really interested in other girls anymore, just her.

If she is playing me for future rewards it is one hell of a con. That seems so unlikely now, after being with her for 5 weeks and all that I've seen, as to be borderline implausible. She knows I don't have much money for western standards, just a poor backpacker staying in budget hotels and the like. She knows that if she comes with me to Chiang Mai is not going to be luxury at the Ritz, nor will I be giving her money except for daily necessities and maybe to pay for some schooling, but she wants to do that anyways. And although she was a hustler for a brief while in Pattaya (not really hustling, just as a blind man deaf man can get pussy all time there, so some young hot thing can make all the money she wants, works both ways), I get the sense that she didn't feel good about it.

She was distressed about losing the cell phone, and her subsequent readiness to leave me was what I felt worst about, but I think that was a turn of good fortune for both of us. It gave her the opportunity to start on a clean slate with a new perspective, leaving all that behind and it also showed her that I was serious about her, for one not dumping her in a time of distress when she didn't care about me (she said she was very distressed about the whole thing and not thinking clearly), and two buying her the cell phone. It showed that I wasn't just some travelller passing through, using her for some free pussy and some fun, just to leave in a couple of weeks (that is what she assumed and its a reasonable assumption for any young farang, and indeed I have done that with many a girl).

Thanks for the kind words and support everyone.

[Latina Passion]

I feel ripped off, it was just getting good!

Havrum: Dude if your just going to kick it with her, then hell have fun and post, after all Mongers share!

Joe Zop: Your right Thailand is an entirly different animal all together! Asian women lets just say not my cup of tea per say!

But it is EVERY Mongers duty to make the pilgrimage to the Holy Land, from the ho's to the cloths aint no place like it!

Damn I just might take my Colombian Chica with me or maybe not!

[Joe Zop]

Havrum, I didn't at all say you were a troll and I meant no disrespect -- I said the post sounded like one, as it really seemed designed to invite abuse, especially considering the general history of how such postings get treated in this section. (In fact, I'm amazed at the level of restraint here so far -- hey, SA, wanna weigh in? ) Many folks here have mongered all around the world, myself included, and it's still worth saying that the Thai game is a whole 'nother deal, as you're finding out. And that, of course, is one of the things that keeps so many coming back!

It's particularly worth noting that in LOS the differences between being honest and lying and being deceitful are like relativity or cubism, as perception all depends on who's standing where. I've always felt that the best rule of thumb for the information/story I'm given when in Thailand is to understand that I am being told what it is the Thai thinks I can handle or understand without being upset or offended. That's honesty, but it can also be deceit at the same time, as it's not the western style of telling "the truth."

I'm a pretty easy-going type myself, and have been privy to all kinds of drama, some of which has been genuine, some of which has not, with both kinds coming from both TGs who I felt were basically "truthful" and those who were not. It's very possible to enjoy youself without getting overly emotionally involved or letting yourself be set up for heatbreak. My last trip I spent six weeks in Chiang Mai with the same woman, who was relatively new to the game (and an actual current college student) so I can understand the compulsion. Unlike you, however, I didn't make it boyfriend/girlfriend, even though it ended up being a lot like that, because I didn't want the inevitable emotional train-wreck at the end.

You asked for advice, so here is mine: First, consider carefully whether or not you truly want to change your plans (essentially put the brakes on your around-the-world scenario) for the sake of this woman. If the answer is yes and you are comfortable with the fact that everything in the relationship could go to hell, that she could be playing a dual game and still be in the trade, and you're still cool with that, then tend quickly to the visa. Then, take the girl with you as you please and enjoy yourself for as long as it lasts, as Chiang Mai is a very different place than Pattaya (and far better IMHO if you're looking to be with one specific person.) BUT protect yourself emotionally and fiscally, as there are still plenty of scams that can be run on you by a seemingly reformed bar girl. (1ball's comment regarding whether or not the family visit is genuine is right on point here, as that's a pretty common dodge. Of course that brings up another issue -- do you truly care whether or not she's still in the game if it doesn't affect your own situation with her?)

If I were in your situation, and was enjoying myself and my time with her enough to stay, I would probably simply presume that she was running a game but stay and ride the ride. I mean, you're having a good time, isn't that the bottom line?

[Hebe Joe]

For myself when I try to decide which way to go and I then list the good and the bad items, I have found that the one I started listing first was where my heart was on the issue.

I also think you do need to discuss money together. She has become used to certian level of lifestyle and no matter how much she loves you or you love her, that expected lifestyle level will be there. The cellphone story shows that. If you cannot support her to that lifestyle level, then she will need her income to come from elsewhere.

Good Luck.

[PosterLion]

Latina Passion,

I don't like speaking of certain subjects on this board because you never know who might be listening. You can call me paranoid if you like, but I'm not having any hallucinations and I don't have notions (as my Aunt used to have) that the Secret Service planted a bug in my anus because former President Bush took interest in my foreign correspondence. Jeeze, my Aunt was a crazy one. I lived with her for six months when I was 15. The scary thing was that I actually believed I understood her. Anyways...

The Hail Mary girl is a veteran of the Yaba Squadron. She been flying recon sorties with them for the last ten years and she’s been top gun for seven of those because she is hands down the fastest wing in the crew. I don’t know how she does it with no ill affect, but she does do it and I can’t hold her pace. I’m afraid of the advanced antiaircraft methods of recent invention and don’t have any interest to be caught behind enemy lines.

That’s the bottom line for me, but now that my barrack is disassociated with the Y-Squad I’m much less jittery.

I’m going to write my most harrowing 2005 experience and it will most certainly be centered on the wounded bird event that very nearly awarded me MIA status.

But for now it’s all hush hush.

[1Ball]

Havrum, many guys, including myself, on the Thai board do genuinely like to help, even if the help is laden with sarcasm. Hopefully, you can read between the lines.

Suggestion: call her up, tell her you miss the hell out of her, and you are coming to see her at her family's house. See what she says. Is she actually there, or did she take off for 5 days to be with one of the guys who sends her money on a regular basis? After all, these guys are her meal ticket. And don't worry about her throwing it all away, just because she lost her phone. She has their email addy, and knows how to reach them. See if she lets you come visit her. If she says no, my money is on her not being where she says she is.

Keep us posted, and good luck.

[Latina Passion]

I would buy her ass a house warming gift!

So why the break up to begin with? I'M HOOKED ON AS THE WORLD TURNS! I have to head back to South America! But I'll be checking back real soon!