Married and Mongering

[Praj4]

I don't think women were EVER faithful to men. Marriage existed in the ancient world (but almost certianly NOT in Neo and Paleolithic socities) , but not as we see it today. The idea that marriage really implies sexual exclusivity on BOTH parts is maybe 200 years old at MOST.

My a few cents.

1] Female never have to worry about whether their genes are being handed down to next generation or not while Men are always in doubt about whose genes are being transmitted down the line. Hence the proverb.Paternity is always in suspect while maternity is never! Obviously therefore concept of 'Faithfullness alias Morality " has been borne out of man's brain and never female's!

2] Marriage as an institution has borne out of economic necessity I. E economic method of providing sex and security!

[Member #4480]

Did you wear your pointed little hat while you was writing this?

Yes, and please thank the Queen again for the gift. She has a much smaller sized hat all wrapped up and ready for you, but can't seem to locate the right Mombasa who*rehouse to ship it to. Please advise...

[Bango Cheito]

Okay,

Before I start, I have to qualify my answer. Marriage is an ancient historical institution and no doubt its original purpose is far different from what it has evolved into.

But guess what guys, one theory says that it is essentially one of the oldest forms of prostitution out there.

"Various cultures have had their own theories on the origin of marriage. One example may lie in a man's need for assurance as to paternity of his children. He might therefore be willing to pay a bride price or provide for a woman in exchange for exclusive sexual access. Legitimacy is the consequence of this transaction rather than its motivation."

This is from the wiki,

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marriage

#History_of_marriage_by_culture.

Interesting huh guys, so according to one theory, marriage is a relationship where the working girl has a lot of power and has managed to screw the client totally.

I don't think women were EVER faithful to men. Marriage existed in the ancient world (but almost certianly NOT in Neo and Paleolithic socities) , but not as we see it today. The idea that marriage really implies sexual exclusivity on BOTH parts is maybe 200 years old at MOST.

[Delta Indigo]

Okay,

Before I start, I have to qualify my answer. Marriage is an ancient historical institution and no doubt its original purpose is far different from what it has evolved into.

But guess what guys, one theory says that it is essentially one of the oldest forms of prostitution out there.

"Various cultures have had their own theories on the origin of marriage. One example may lie in a man's need for assurance as to paternity of his children. He might therefore be willing to pay a bride price or provide for a woman in exchange for exclusive sexual access. Legitimacy is the consequence of this transaction rather than its motivation."

This is from the wiki, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marriage#History_of_marriage_by_culture.

Interesting huh guys, so according to one theory, marriage is a relationship where the working girl has a lot of power and has managed to screw the client totally.

[Delta Indigo]

My only concern though is fear of loneliness when I hit 50 or 60. I just don't want to look at others and realise that I did a mistake by not having kids or a stable relationship.

Honestly to me, marriage and kids are not worth it. But I am not sure. Sometimes I feel that I am just running away from responsibilities and selfish that I am not contributing anything back to the society.

Like I said you can be a in a stable relationship without getting married. Remember marriage is now guarantee that you will not be alone. Furthermore you can have kids without being married.

Like you yourself said, think outside the box. The evolution of marriage is a complex thing, it was probably not a rationale or systematic things. A lot of institutions and laws in society are not there for rational reasons, rather they evolved for other reasons and are now deeply rooted in society.

I think little was ever done by sociologists, the main power brokers in our society do not really care what sociologists think, especially in the past.

Marriage has existed well over 500 years. I did not do some proper research, but it seems to me more likely that it evolved in small hunter gatherer or agrarian societies as a result of having to cement tribal political and economic alliances.

Look at the royal families of Europe, marriages were arranged for politican allliances and there was little thought given to the wishes of the individuals. In many societies marriage is still is there to enhance economic and social state and is not about love or sexual need.

In our society, unless you are not less financially successful than your spouse, marriage will empower her and leave you worse off.

How do you ever gain by marriage. She can divorce you and claim half your assets in accordance with some arbitrary morally judgemental criteria.

So what you wanted to fuck another girl and did so, big deal. Fall in love, live with a woman and so on, but unless you have to do not marry her.

I can think of only one good reason, if you fall in love with a fantastic supermodel from Ukraine, marry her bring her over here, but make her sign a water tight pre nuptial first.

[Wolvenvacht]

Society, marriage, relationships were all created by sociology folks who wanted to have stability in the society. 500 years ago, these did not existed.

So it seems my Roman Law professor at Law School was lying when he explained us about the evolution of marriage laws in Rome under the Kings, the Republic and the Empire.

Get your facts straight before you write something.

[HectorSanchez]

I agree with your thoughts. Society, marriage, relationships were all created by sociology folks who wanted to have stability in the society. 500 years ago, these did not existed. In todays world, man bears the most loss when it comes to marriage and divorce. Marriage is a huge bargain for women and even more to indian women. If you think out of the box, you will know answers and not get stuck with this situation. I am glad that I am in america and not have to deal with social pressure from my community either from family or from friends.

My only concern though is fear of loneliness when I hit 50 or 60. I just don't want to look at others and realise that I did a mistake by not having kids or a stable relationship.

Honestly to me, marriage and kids are not worth it. But I am not sure. Sometimes I feel that I am just running away from responsibilities and selfish that I am not contributing anything back to the society.

I am just confused. But I do agree that interest with women changes after a few years. Its not our fault. Its nature and how male genes work. But society, law do not recognize that.

Hi,

I am American, living in London, but try and keep an open mind. I know lots of South Asian people and how many of them think. They are quick to make value judgements as other people can about other the societies they live in and do very little to fit into their surrounding society, therefore their prejudices get reinforced. Especially conservative Indians would get shocked by what they think they see on the surface and not try to see how things really are. Many children are devoted to their parents, but not out of obligation. And in India the middle class have so many servants that they do not really have to shoulder the burden of caring for their parents, and it is probably not entirely out of love but social obligations.

But now let me answer your real question, I think the vast majority of people whether in the West or in the East just follow life according to a plan, this plan is created by the dominant ideology and its productive forces, do not get me wrong I am quite financially well off and this is not communist bs that I am uttering.

1 Go to College.

2 Get a good middle class Job

3 Get married and have kids.

This is true whether you are East or West. I personally was married once, and got divorced amicably and would look at things more carefully the second time around. People are very judgemental and will tell you to get back on the plan and judge you if you do things different.

A lot of women think you should settle down, because a wealthy man who is not devoted his energy and success to women is wrong.

I get told I should look for a woman at work. I do not like english women and I do not really care how well educated and middle class my woman is.

I would rather have a sex goddess who looks gorgeous naked who also loves me. I am highly educated but I see educated people saying stupid things all the time and I do not value someone's credentials in this regard rather how they think.

So what is marriage for? Nothing in particular, it gives the less wealthy partner the ability to blackmail the hell out the more wealthy one (divorce settlement)

So why would anyone ever get married? Social norms and the power of women in that society to socially pressure you to accept this idiotic bargain.

I would happily live with a woman I truly loved for ever but not marry her, if you really love each other why get married?

If you lose interest in her, I lost interest in my spouse after 7 years or so and she was gorgeous, I heard that after a few years everyone loses interest in who they are having sex with and meet someone else, the marriage will be like a heavy burden around your neck. You can have kids and live with someone and not be married, if you do not want to have kids why get married at all?

I have thought about kids and not being alone when I am old, however you do not want kids at all. Also I realise I have a lot of freedom to do whatever I want, many women have told me this. In that case I value my freedom.

I think you are thinking independently and are questioning the values of the culture you grew up in, so I would not get married, I would keep my options open. I do not think you realise how America entirely works, children love their parents on the most part but there is no socially enforced norm that you have to take care of them directly. And people work and do not have full time servants to take care of their elders.

But many mongers who did get angry with you, would admit that American women are not their cup of tea, so their are seriously wrong things with any country. Everyone loves Ukranian women for example, but the country is totally messed up in many ways.

[Rick Rock]

A little bit of both actually. It started after we started swinging, a few years into our marriage (after she started talking about wanting to play with and sucks tits while we were having sex). Turns out it's difficult to find reliable good looking couples, while we are both home and free. So we evolved into an open relationship. Being married, I don't have a lot of time or availability to pick up girls on the side, so after admitting that I did p4p in the past, my wife recommended getting back into it if I promised to tell her about it.

[Delta Indigo]

My wife knows what I do and is fine with it. Sometimes she even likes to talk about specific experiences during sex. We have a very regular sex life when I am home. 1-2 times a day on average.

I am now just curious and not being judgemental in any way. Do you enjoy sex with your wife then? You seem to do it a lot for a married couple.

Do you just need variety and have to have sex with other girls? Or does the mongering actually spice up your sex life with your wife?

I believe my mongering helped my marriage last a lot longer, but letting me explore other options and accept being with her despite her shortcomings.

[Rick Rock]

My wife knows what I do and is fine with it. Sometimes she even likes to talk about specific experiences during sex. We have a very regular sex life when I am home. 1-2 times a day on average.

[Delta Indigo]

If you can't have an honest relationship with your partner, then what type of relationship do you have?

I've noticed a few women on this forum (one in the Fiji section, can't remember seeing the other one) who have husbands that monger and are fine with it.

The bit that I've been coming to terms with is what happens when she takes advantage of the same opportunities. If I'm in a strong relationship, there is no way I'd let that happen and it would be more than reasonable to abide by the same rule.

I think it can work but is rare. Look in the Prague forum recently about a Danish women that wants to get her husband a nice working girl as a present. I think if a woman were totally confident that she would not be adandoned or left as a result of the cheating, she would not care so much.

If they are worried that you will leave them and actually like the person then they worry. No one will remain completely physically attracted to their partner always, but if you and the woman know that sex is sex only, then it can work and if you are bound together in other ways.

If you see the report above yours, mongering can in fact help and save marriages and we are made to feel super guilty about it in the USA.

[Delta Indigo]

I need an advise from you experienced folks.

I am 28 yr old south asian in america. My family puts a lot of pressure getting married. As a kida social outcast in my country and as soon as I came to america, I knew my thinkings were right. I am against marriage as I think the risks outweigh benefits. I love kids to death but not in america. In my country, kids take care of family when adults get older. Here I feel they are vampires who will suck the money out of you not realizing what you sacrificed and how difficult was it to earn every single dollar. Part of this reason could also be the society who has framed the system this way. You could have 10 kids but each one of them become worthless when you land in trouble with either disease, jobless or old age. Again I am not generalizing but this is my feeling.

The other good side of america is that you won't be judged and its ok not to have kids or remain unmarried. Divorce is expensive and american society and laws always leans more towards protection of wife and kids.

I have a a good job and am young. I could get free pussy but I have turned to mongering as it comes with no bullshit. I don't have to answer any questions and I have whole freedom.

I tried to have debates about marriage but people just would talk things how one should get married and not exactly telling me why. They had no strong reasons and could not answer my questions with a good reasoning.

Would you guys suggest to get married?

Hi,

I am American, living in London, but try and keep an open mind. I know lots of South Asian people and how many of them think. They are quick to make value judgements as other people can about other the societies they live in and do very little to fit into their surrounding society, therefore their prejudices get reinforced. Especially conservative Indians would get shocked by what they think they see on the surface and not try to see how things really are. Many children are devoted to their parents, but not out of obligation. And in India the middle class have so many servants that they do not really have to shoulder the burden of caring for their parents, and it is probably not entirely out of love but social obligations.

But now let me answer your real question, I think the vast majority of people whether in the West or in the East just follow life according to a plan, this plan is created by the dominant ideology and its productive forces, do not get me wrong I am quite financially well off and this is not communist bs that I am uttering.

1 Go to College.

2 Get a good middle class Job

3 Get married and have kids.

This is true whether you are East or West. I personally was married once, and got divorced amicably and would look at things more carefully the second time around. People are very judgemental and will tell you to get back on the plan and judge you if you do things different.

A lot of women think you should settle down, because a wealthy man who is not devoted his energy and success to women is wrong.

I get told I should look for a woman at work. I do not like english women and I do not really care how well educated and middle class my woman is.

I would rather have a sex goddess who looks gorgeous naked who also loves me. I am highly educated but I see educated people saying stupid things all the time and I do not value someone's credentials in this regard rather how they think.

So what is marriage for? Nothing in particular, it gives the less wealthy partner the ability to blackmail the hell out the more wealthy one (divorce settlement)

So why would anyone ever get married? Social norms and the power of women in that society to socially pressure you to accept this idiotic bargain.

I would happily live with a woman I truly loved for ever but not marry her, if you really love each other why get married?

If you lose interest in her, I lost interest in my spouse after 7 years or so and she was gorgeous, I heard that after a few years everyone loses interest in who they are having sex with and meet someone else, the marriage will be like a heavy burden around your neck. You can have kids and live with someone and not be married, if you do not want to have kids why get married at all?

I have thought about kids and not being alone when I am old, however you do not want kids at all. Also I realise I have a lot of freedom to do whatever I want, many women have told me this. In that case I value my freedom.

I think you are thinking independently and are questioning the values of the culture you grew up in, so I would not get married, I would keep my options open. I do not think you realise how America entirely works, children love their parents on the most part but there is no socially enforced norm that you have to take care of them directly. And people work and do not have full time servants to take care of their elders.

But many mongers who did get angry with you, would admit that American women are not their cup of tea, so their are seriously wrong things with any country. Everyone loves Ukranian women for example, but the country is totally messed up in many ways.

[Bareback Jack]

The answer is he should go back to his fucking country.

Did you wear your pointed little hat while you was writing this?

[Jp Slicky]

My name is Slicky and I am a 'Married Monger'

'Hello Slicky, welcome to our group'

This is my story.

I was married in 1995 to a Japanese woman. I have two kids, one boy and one girl and now live in Tokyo, Japan for at least 19 years total.

As married man in the early years sex was not a problem between the both of us, and my wife had no problems running around the house naked which I did not mind provided no one else was around. We had sex before marriage, and it slowly dwindled down to nothing for the past 2 years. About a year ago, I went to put a smelly dish rag in the wash machine and open the door to the room, and she was naked and started to scream and tell me to get the hell out. I have not seen her tits or pussy in over two years now. Every time she takes a bath with me present, she slams the door to the bathroom area, but she is ok with daughter seeing her. I never ever sexually abused her!

Sex really dwindling down to nothing especially since Sept. 2008 when I was laid off and not able to find work here in Japan. Sex went from less frequent, to not allowing certain fore play to not even touching my hard-on and to those terrible words during sex 'Hurry up'. Now I have not even seen her naked body in over a year. Many times I would give her a full body massage and she would cover up her tits or became too sleepy to want to do it with me.

Then. The Electric Boyfriend came into her life. Here, I was out there teaching English (I consider myself a professional in another area unrelated and better paid) there she was at home sleeping and having rounds with electric boyfriend. Why do I know? I placed the cord in a certain way and remember how it was. I come home from teaching brats and look in the drawer where it was always kept, and the cord moved or placed in the drawer differently. Therefore she wanted Electric boyfriend more than me. I kept thinking that I would take a wire cutters to the cord but did not. I came home one day and looked and she did it herself. She bitched often about me not having a decent job and no or low income, but when I went out and done what was available to me, she is at home going rounds with Electric Boyfriend. Talk about hurt.

My first monger experience was in on a Shanghi Biz trip in June. 2006. I went to a local bar not knowing later on I would bring home two Chinese ladies for a romp. Now combined with biz trips and trips paid for on my own, I have mongered in Philippines, Singapore Malaysia China, and Thailand. I lost count of how many I have done for P4P, but it is under 80 I am sure. (All my threesomes have been the worse) Many of the self paid trips were secret. She thought I was somewhere in Japan on business but in reality I was in Philippine or Thailand playing John Holmes. The action is so stupid and expensive here in Japan, but lately I have been thinking of trying it. I also plan my next trip to Philippine in Sept 2012. I had a account on Filipina Heart and DIA where I was doing nothing but getting out there and meeting others women. I no longer care what she would think, I just care about going again. If I can get a week off from work, I use it to monger somewhere in SE Asia.

Now, I have absolutely no regrets about mongering behind her back and use household funds to do it. And am to the point that I really don't care if she catches me or not. The main reason I am still here shacked up with this woman is for the sake of the kids, but even that thinking is beginning to wane since I can no longer stand being here in Japan.

We had plans to buy a house and settle in the US. The money would come from my saving and hard work and miser lifestyle before and little bit after I met her. So I am the one that had a bank account but she had not even so much as saved 10 yen. Just before my second one was born, I was in the States trying to reestablish myself there and had the funds to do it. She had second thoughts and fudged at the idea of living in the USA. We already went through the shit to get her Green Card. I now realized that life in USA was not going to happen. I gave up my dreams to buy a house in USA and concentrated on family stability by moving back to Japan and I found a job that permitted me to do so that, and we bought a 56sqr meter (550sq feet) condo for 325K US $. Now I have hardly any room here with two kids. And I have to put up without having the things in life that I would have in the states. Kids have no want to learn English. I agree. I made a lot of poor choices, but I was thinking of the good of the family when I made them.

Now this woman lays around in bed, watches TV goes out to meet her friends or sister for whatever reasons, but most of all she does not keep the house clean or throw out shit. Many times she does not make dinner for me and even the kids. As I type this she is over there laying on the floor doing fucking nothing and there is a heap of laundry from yesterday to put away and more outside to bring in.

I would be glad to fill in more details if you have questions or comments. Cut me off? Then I monger.

[Double Shooter]

In addition to more traditional mongering grounds like P4P and Eastern Europe, I also checked out the local after-market for divorced men and women.

I realized that the after-market for middle-aged nice guys with good jobs and all their own hair was pretty good, whereas for middle-aged divorced women with kids, it was a buyers market and there were some gems to be had.

Plus I knew there were fabulous, younger, beautiful and very sexual EE women who would love to have a guy like me.

So mongering gave me by balls back, which so many of us lose or voluntarily surrender at the marriage altar or the altar of contemporary feminist culture.

And women know when you have balls. That is why they go for "bad boys" against all their teachings and self-interest. So many will respond positively to this change.

An excellent piece. Thanks for contributing.