Fun and Sun's Guide to Montego Bay and Negril

[Fun And Sun]

There is no system to prices for P4P in Jamaica, and pretty much the price tends to be whatever a girl can get you to pay her. You will find weird anamolies like ST sometimes being more costly than LT, etc.

First some definitions:

"ST" or "Short Time": This is not a defined concept like it is in most other mongering places, but when I write ST then that means a girl spending a few hours with you *in the day time. You can pretty much have as much sex as you like for a few hours until you are satisfied and / or tired.

"LT" or "Long Time": Again, this is not a defined concept like it is in most other mongering places, but when I write LT then that means a girl coming to your place *at night* for a few hours of play before going to sleep, or maybe only one round, and (ideally) a bit of play in the morning too.

Firstly: In case you did not know this, all P4P girls across the world don't like to be treated like hookers. In the same way that us mongerers don't like to be treated as, well, tricks. Same as we hate it when an escort arrives and says something unattractive like "where do you want to do it", treating us like "johns", girls all across the world don't like it when we treat them like hookers. A lot of girls in a lot of countries will have a bit of professionalism when it comes to this and will "keep smiling", but Jamaican girls don't.

Therefore, the first anamoly of Jamaican prices, you often find that it is more expensive to invite a girl for one quick fuck at your place then it will cost you to have her all night or for several hours in the day time, even if she is a pro. So. Be prepared that you will be fucking the same pussy many many times that day (not a bad thing necessarily.)

In Jamaica, ST prices make no sense and there does not seem to be a standard price, and it also doesn't seem to work to negotiate a ST price on the phone when calling a girl up since she will say something ridiculous then (there are exceptions). What I usually do is that I call them up, say that it is the guy from last night / two nights ago, and let's meet up for a drink, go to the beach, etc. They know what is up. Then spend a bit of time with them hanging out (if I change my mind then I will ditch them politely) then suggest that we head back to my hotel room to play. (On one occasion I met a quarter-pro girl on the beach after I phoned her, we went into the water after 10 minutes, swam out a bit, fondled each other, and then I pulled her bikini aside a bit and fucked her under the water, but that is more of a crazy Jamaica story than what to expect.) We do our thing in my hotel room for a few hours, watch some TV, smoke some ganja, relax, and then when she leaves I will ask her if she needs taxi money, and then she will say yes. Then I ask how much, and it is usually between 2, 000 Jamaican and 5, 000 Jamaican. I will not pay more than 4, 000 Jamaican (that is 50 USD) for a few hours of fun in the day time and then it would have to have been some very good sex, several times, and with a girl I want to repeat with. Some of them will leave and ask you for nothing, some of them will leave and ask you for their real taxi money, but if this happens then see it as a nice treat rather than what to expect.

In terms of "LT", again there is no standard pricing.

- If you want to do a stripper in a go go, then expect management to start their bidding at USD 50 just to rent a room. Fight them down to USD 20, even though that will take a while. The girl will do it for USD 50 for one fuck, but will start her bidding much higher. Taking her out for the night might incur a stop work price of USD 50, and then she will ask you for USD 100 to stay until dawn (she will start her bidding much higher than that). These prices vary from go-go to go-go. Really no point to take them at night since you can call them in the day time instead. If you find a really hot stripper that you want to spend time with both at night and in the day time, then the price of them not working one night at Moods is 2, 000 Jamaican if you want to take them out, but they will pretend that it costs them 50 USD (4, 000 Jamaican) not to go to work for one night.

- If you want to do a hot pro from one of the night places: They will try for ridiculous prices like 200-300 USD. Do not pay more than USD 100 for the night, and then make sure that she agrees to stay for a few hours after you wake up for that price also. It is much easier to get her to agree to more time then to drop her price, but USD 100 is way too much and you should pay her less unless she is very hot and is a "must do" that could easily find another tourist to take her. A less hot pro will cost around 50-75 USD for all night. The pros are expensive since they have done a lot of tourists during their careers and they know what some tourists are prepared to pay.

- If you want to do a semi-pro, then expect in the region of 50 USD for all night and a bit of time in the morning.

- Quarter-pros are "free" since they don't charge money for sex. They might hit you up for a bit of taxi fare in the morning though. (Remember, you can get from Mo'Bay to Kingston for USD 12 using route taxis, so any taxi fare above 1, 000 Jamaican is ridiculous but show some leniency.) A lot of quarter-pros will actually move into your hotel room after the first night.

- A non-pro is very unlikely to go home with you on the first night, especially if you meet her at a bar / club. If you take her for dinner she might actually go with you, but only for sleeping which is very frustrating.

Some musings on prices and Jamaican girls:

Always negotiate P4P in Jamaican money, even though I have written above in USD to make it easier to see what it costs, it will come out much cheaper that way, believe me. (However, always carry both USD and Jamaican money since a lot of stuff is actually cheaper to pay for in USD and sometimes it is cheaper to pay in Jamaican money.)

When you call a Jamaican girl to come meet you, she will be late, and not 10 minutes late, often hours late. Sometimes this is the fault of taxis not being on time, sometimes this is a result of their different concept of time. Therefore, make sure you agree to meet in a location where you don't mind sitting around for a while, be it the beach, at your hotel, at a bar, etc. You will quickly learn that "come soon" don't mean, well, come soon.

If you want to have a non-pro or quarter-pro girlfriend, then don't get one that works close to your hotel. So, for example, in Mo'Bay, don't have one of the waitresses at a nearby restaurant as your girlfriend and expect her not to find out about what you have been up to when she was at work in the day time, because she will. (Note, cheating on your girlfriend is not "no respect" but she will not be happy about it.)

The quarter-pros are very quick to move into your hotel room and claim girlfriend status.

[Fun And Sun]

one thing that is pretty cool if you are staying in either mo'bay or negril is to take a girl, or two, and go on little day trips. there are loads of average quality sights that are pretty fun and interesting to check out within one to three hours drive of either town. (by average quality i don't mean that the sights are bad, but they are not sugarloaf, eiffel tower, angkor what, macchu picchu type of sights). generally they are things like waterfalls, rum factories, etc.

am not going to detail each place since that you can just find in any guide book on non-mongering stuff, but want to add the following thoughts for those planning their trips:

1. going to nine mile, bob marley's birth place, i feel is a must. the drive up through the mountains from ocho rios takes a long time, but you will see some beautiful scenery and also how lots of jamaicans actually live on little farms up in the mountains. nine mile is also pretty nice and you learn quite a bit about music and jamaica's recent history from there. you get swamped by touts when you arrive, so keep your windows closed until the driver has gone through the gate and it has closed behind you. not that the touts are dangerous, but they are annoying. you must use one of the guides to go around the site. on my first trip to nine mile the girl that came with me asked our guide and a few other guides to sing a bob marley song to us after the tour was finished which was pretty cool (they have a little stage).

2. if a girl suggests that you go to dolphin cove since she wants to see it, then don't let her talk you into it. it is not worth the money and is freaking expensive, total cost will come out at a few hundred dollars since she will also want some of the pictures that they charge for. all you get is to touch a dolphin and ride on one for a few seconds. stay away!

3. touring a ganja farm. this is not covered in the guide books, obviously, but it is a pretty cool experience so it is worth going. all drivers will suggest to take you to a ganja farm (they are more farms than plantations, even though the drivers call them planations). only go with a driver that you have used beforehand and that you are learning to trust a bit. now, a ganja farm tour will mean that you will likely need to get out of the car and walk down a hidden path into the jungle a bit since these things need to have the pretense of being hidden. this is normal, so no need to freak out. also, the driver will need to get the "farmer's" permission to take you to the farm, and the farmer will expect a tip of between 500 and 1, 000 jamaican to guide you around his farm. i actually liked it that the farmer showed me around since he was pretty knowledgeable about different types of ganja, how to grow it, how to care for it, etc. he also seemed to have a pretty comfortable life style, working about two hours a day except when it was harvest time and he had to work for ten hours a day for a hard three days in a row.

4. for those that are so inclined there is loads of scuba diving, fishing, [CodeWord118], golf, tennis, horse riding, etc but that is something to read about in a guide book and not on isg. i really like the lonely planet guide to jamaica, but don't like it for a lot of other destinations.

one last musing about lonely planet guide:

it really makes me laugh how they deal with our hobby in their guide books. quotes like: "don't go to this bar, it is full of local prostitutes" or "this is a shady area with lots of ladies of the night walking around after dark, so avoid after 6pm". helpful in a funny sort of way. most other guide books seem to be silent on the topic.

[Fun And Sun]

Don't know if this is OK to post, but the guide wouldn't be complete without it and it is important information. I have tried to keep it pretty clean by just discussing facts and not encouraging anyone to use these things, or giving specific directions on how to obtain any of these things.

The Stuff Bob Marley Likes (TSBML)

TSBML is not legal in Jamaica, believe it or not. However, I would describe it as pseudo legal. It is not smoked openly on the streets, but you can smoke it on your hotel balcony, in a lot of go gos, on the pier at Pier 1, or if you walk away a bit from the street when outside, etc. Or naturally in your hotel room.

The TSBML that the hustlers and touts sell is crap. The stuff that jamaicans smoke is good.

The Jamaican price for TSBML is also very very cheap. A bag that would cost you USD 10 at home (and you would be very happy to get that much for USD 10) costs 50 Jamaican, which is about 60 cents. Now, in Jamaica there is such a thing as "Jamaican Price" and then there is "Tourist Price". If on your first trip you can't get "Jamaican Price" then don't throw a fit over it, but try to get as close to it as possible. Best ways to get it is when your driver gets some for himself then ask him to get some for you too and hand him a 100 Jamaican note. Or ask a girl that you are taking back to your hotel to go get some for you before you go up to the room and hand her a 100 Jamaican note. This may or may not work, they will likely come back with "this buys nothing" and give you back the money. Say that you know how much it costs and give them the money again. If you end up paying USD 5 then it's not a big deal I think if it's your first trip. However, be persistent that you know how much it costs and they are overcharging you so you don't look like a push over.

Don't be stupid and bring any home with you on the plane. And also be careful, Jamaicans don't all know that TSBML can get you into a lot of trouble back home. On one trip the girl that had been staying with me for several days was very nice and packed my bags for me, folding my clothes nicely, and. Neatly wrapping up the TSBML that was left and putting it in a side pocked of my bag. Pure luck that I looked for it and couldn't find it, and asked her where it was.

Also, remember that the police do arrest token tourists for smoking TSBML on the street, on the beach, or in the open. You will have to have an enormous spat of bad luck to be arrested for this, but it does happen so be a bit careful.

Blue Mountain coffee, some viagra, and a splif is a very nice way to get ready for some great sex. One gives you energy, one gets you rock hard, the third heightens the sensation.

The Stuff Tony Montana Likes (TSTML)

Now, you will be offered TSTML on the street with almost the same frequency that you will be offered ganja. Capital letters for emphasis here: THAT IT IS READILY AVAILABLE DOES NOT MEAN THAT TSTML IS PSEUDO LEGAL THE SAME WAY THAT TSBML IS. The police do take TSTML seriously. If you are caught doing TSTML in the bath room of a club, go-go, restaurant, etc it is not unlikely that the police will be called and that you will get arrested. The police are also likely to be called if it's found on you when you get padded down when you enter some clubs.

A stint in a Jamaican jail will ruin your vacation even more than if your mother in law is parked in your room, so steer clear of TSTML.

(If you don't know who Tony Montana is, then google it, and if you can't read between the lines still then you must be very very stupid.)

Designer substances.

These are available, but actually very very expensive compared to home. The police take a hard line on this as well, so steer clear.

One more important point: In Africa, and also in South America, scams are common where the police and sellers, girls, etc collude to entrap you with drugs and then arrest you to extract a bribe from you. I have never heard this happen in Jamaica.

[Fun And Sun]

All destinations in poorer countries suffer from a bit of an annoyance with touts etc, but this situation is particularly bad in Jamaica.

I know that typing in all capital letters means that you are shouting, and I am shouting this:

DO NOT BUY ANYTHING, EVER, FROM A HUSTLER! Also, do not buy anything from people that approach you on the street either.

The reason that it is so important not to get anything from a hustler is that he will go of bragging and tell everyone on the street what he sold you and how much he charged you for it. Therefore, this will multiply the amount of hassle you have to deal with from other hustlers since they know you are a good target over the rest of your trip. In addition, if a hustler "befriends" you, which they try to do, then they will stand around waiting for you outside your hotel, come into restaurants when you are eating, even call your hotel room and be a major pain.

Especially when you have just gotten of the plane, and are walking around town on your first day you will be approached by lots of people offering to hook you up with whatever you need: Ganja, other drugs, girls, driving you around, shopping at craft markets, and so on. They know who is new and who has been around for a while, try to build up some street credibility by dealing with them respectfully, but firmly being clear that you are not buying anything.

Basically, the people on the street that offer you things fall into two categories:

1. Opportunistic touts. Jamaicans that work in stores, drive taxis, etc and are trying to make an extra buck by helping you out. You can't blame them for that, but sadly they will overcharge you massively so don't use their services. Don't be too hard on them, just clarify that you got everything you need. This is the vast majority of the people that will approach you on the street.

2. Hustlers. These are Jamaicans that make a living by harassing tourists and trying to sell them things at massively inflated prices. You will recognize them by their approach being a lot smoother than the opportunistic touts. Steer clear of the hustlers. They are very very good at goading money out of you, they do this all day every day. Keep conversation with them to a minimum, then move on. The hustlers are a minority of the people on the street, and are kept largely in line these days by the security / police that patrol the Hip Strip.

Hustlers are, essentially, scum. They will never take no for an answer, even putting joints (in Jamaica they use the word splif) in your pocket and refusing to take them back and instead demanding money for it. Shaking them takes a while since they are persistent, but keep walking and eventually they drop away. The last thing they will ask you for before they give up, for that time, is money for a beer. Don't give it to them. It might seem a small price to pay to get rid of someone that is a pain, but don't, it will double the amount of hassle you have to deal with next time.

Also, keep in mind that by talking to you each time you pass by they try to develop a "friendship" with you, and after a few days they will try with some sob story that their car is broken, that their kids don't have anything to eat and they need money for that since it's the low season, or whatever story. Don't give them any money, and don't buy anything from them, no matter what. The answer to give is: "I don't have any money".

Also, and very importantly: In many other countries it is ok to ignore people that approach you on the street, or "pretend you are deaf". To a Jamaican being ignored like this is a grave insult, so when approached you need to respond. However, there is no need to stop, and there is no need to go out of your way to talk to someone that shouts "come here" from across the street. Just acknowledge them and keep moving.

Remember, when they ask if this is your first time in Jamaica then you answer: "no". They are not that easy to fool so will follow up and ask when you were last here. If it is your first time, then just reply: "not too long ago", then stop talking about it. Then close the conversation with "respect mon, but am in a rush".

Most Jamaicans are very nice and decent people, and it is a pity that the only interaction with Jamaicans most tourists will have is being bothered by hustlers and touts. If you are being followed by a hustler, some Jamaicans will whisper to you: "Stand up for yourself mon, no one can make you do something you don't want to do". That is a good philosophy for dealing with the hustlers, and generally pushy people all over the world. Believe me, after having dealt with hustlers in Jamaica you will think used car salesmen and estate agents are push overs.

After a few days you won't be bothered as much, assuming that you never buy anything from anyone, but it is generally easier to walk on the ocean side of the hip strip since most touts / hustlers are on the other side.

There are no hustlers in downtown Mo'Bay, because few tourists go there (since there really isn't anything there for the average tourist, for a mongerer it is a great place to find semi-pros, quarter-pros and non-pros).

Now, if you have gotten of the plane and you absolutely must have a spliff and a nice fuck (or two) and aren't too concerned about paying a bit too much this once. Then, still don't use the hustlers and touts, just ask the taxi driver that takes you to your hotel to help you out to find a girl to come to your hotel, and have him pick up some ganja for you too. Don't be embarrased to ask the taxi driver about finding a girl, he will be delighted at the chance to make a bit extra money and won't even flinch at the question. He will be happy to wait outside the hotel while you check in and put your bags in your room, then take you out on a mission to find a girl and ganja.

If the girl is coming for a few hours, then don't pay more than USD 70. This is too much, but the driver will hit the girl up for some of that money in addition to charging you for setting it up. For a nice sized bag of ganja, don't pay him more than USD 5 (this is 10 x the Jamaican price.). Make sure he gets the ganja away from the Hip Strip or the stuff you get will be garbage.

The information on how to deal with hustlers and opportunistic touts in holds for Negril as well.

However, note that hustlers and opportunistic touts are much less of an annoyance in Negril than there are in Negril. The reason for this is that Negril is much more spread out than Mo'Bay is, so most tourists are either in taxis or on their own scooters rather than walking, so less opportunities for them.

There used to be a few hustlers hanging out around the night scene, but this seems to have changed since on my last trip I was not approached by them at all inside the night time circuit. (Might be that they have gotten pushed out together with many of the working girls to make it less scary for the all-inclusive crowd.)

[Fun And Sun]

Any experienced monger knows that a local cell phone is a must have accessory on a mongering trip longer than a few days, and particularly so in Jamaica since there is no day time scene and it is hard to meet hot girls on week day evenings sometimes as well too.

A cell phone is also a must have accessory if you want to try to get with a non-pro girl, or two non-pro girls.

There are two options to acquiring a local cell phone, bring an unlocked phone from home and buy a chip for 500 jamaican, or buy the cheapest local phone available which will cost you about 2, 000 jamaican. You will need to show your passport to get the chip since that is jamaican law, so take your passport with you to the store or you will have to go back to your hotel and get it and stand in line again. Making cell phone calls and sending texts is very cheap in jamaica, so don't load your phone with more than 500 jamaican of credit for two weeks. Topping up is expensive, so do a big top up in the store when you get your phone / chip.

There are two digicell stores that I know of in Mo'Bay, one on the hip strip towards the end (close to Buccaneers / Jolly Rogers so on the opposite end from Margaritaville) and one in town. The one in town has a much better selection of phones, and going into town to get your phone / chip is a good way to go on your first venture into down town so my recommendation is to head there in the morning of your second day in Jamaica. To get to downtown digicell, either ask a taxi to take you there (for 300 jamaican) or take a route taxi, get of at taxi central, and walk straight down the street past the gas station and a bit further. The digicell store is on the left side of the street.

Having acquired your new cell phone, go have some lunch and as a challenge try to get the waitress' phone number. Then walk over to the local shopping mall, and flirt with girls that are hanging around, that work in stores etc. This is so much easier than you think if you do it with a smile, act nicely, etc. Say things like "I just got a new phone, do you mind if I try it out by ringing you?" Believe me, this will get you her number in eight out of ten cases. Then ask her what she is doing for dinner, ask her to have coffee with you, or something. Make it your mission not to return from downtown with your new phone until you have the number of five hotties!

All the tips on why a cell phone is important that I have posted in the Mo'Bay thread holds as well for Negril.

There is a Digicell store in "down town" Negril, right next to Burger King, you can't miss it since "down town" is so small.

In terms of getting girls numbers to program into your cell phone, after leaving Digicell, walk towards the roundabout (it is in the direction away from the beach, you can see it from the store) , go to the other side of the roundabout and go check out the girls that hang out at, or work in, the strip mall there. Ignore the little "mall" that is right across from Digicell, pretty much only tourists come there. Meeting non-pros is just as easy as in Mo'Bay, but the selection is much smaller, or rather it is in lots of different places, since Negril is so spread out compared to Mo'Bay.

Some more musings / tips on cell phones:

Don't lend your phone to girls or anyone else without watching carefully, since they will text themselves credit from your phone otherwise.

You can use your home cell phone on roaming too (US phones work in Jamaica) but this will be expensive, and girls and other mongerers will not want to call you since it's expensive.

Put your phone on silent. When jamaican girls call you and you don't pick up then they will phone five times at least which is annoying even if your phone is only on vibrate.

If you don't use your phone for three weeks, then all your credit is gone, so you can't use your Jamaican phone / chip when you come back to the island until you top up. (And you might as well text the credit to your driver or a girl you like when you leave since otherwise it will be gone.)

If you don't top up for three months, then you loose your phone number and have to buy a new chip. (But you can still recover all the old phone numbers you have on your phone easily.)

[Fun And Sun]

there is not really a public transport system in jamaica with buses (and there are no trains on the island) , instead there is a system of route taxis. these are cars, most of them are white, older model toyotas and hondas and they have maroon license plates (or maybe brownish red is a better way to describe the colour). however, some of them are now newer cars, so if in doubt then ask the driver that he is a route taxi before you get in since some licensed private charter cars also have the maroon plates, this is differentiated by the code on the license plates, but i have not paid much attention to it. (if there are a couple of jamaicans in the car, then it is definitely a route taxi.)

these route taxis drive standard routes at standard prices, and you can flag them down and get in anywhere along the route and get of anywhere you want to along the route. the main route that goes through mo'bay starts at taxi central in downtown mo'bay, and finishes up by the airport after having gone along the length of the hip strip. the price of going this route is 80 jamaican (some drivers will charge 85 jamaican). the price is the same no matter where you get on or get of, so if you get on at for example margaritaville, and get of at dr. cave beach, it is still 80-85 jamaican. drivers carry change, but don't expect them to be able to brake a 1, 000 or 500 note. ideally carry coins, or 50 or 100 jamaican notes.

other people will be in the taxi, and the taxi will stop to pick people up and drop people of along the way.

there are also unlicensed route taxis, these are called "robots" and they charge the same prices as the route taxis. don't use these until you are pretty experienced. if one stops when you are waiting for your taxi then just wave him on. once you are more experienced then you can use the robots as well (in the day).

if your destination is a few houndred meters away from the "route" then you can ask the driver to still drive you all the way. this should cost you an additional 20 jamaican. don't try to negotiate this until you know how the route taxis work by having done it a couple of times, since if the driver sees that you are new to jamaica then he will try to squeeze more money out of you.

if you want to have the taxi to yourself and go to a specific destination, then this is called a "charter taxi" but it is the same cars. you agree the price with the driver, if you want to go from, for example, dr. cave beach to a specific location downtown then the price will be around 300 jamaican. the driver will try for 5 usd (400 jamaican) but stick to your guns at 300. also, negotiate through the window before entering the taxi, and don't wait until you reach your destination to agree the fare since then the driver might ask for a ridiculous price and you will face a protracted argument.

now, if you are not jamaican, then the driver will try to charge you like you have chartered the taxi and not the regular price. therefore, when you enter a route taxi, do the following: flag the taxi down, get in, say nothing. the driver will start driving again along his route once you are seated. if he asks you where you are going, then say either: "this is a route taxi, right" or "this is a regular taxi, right?" once he confirms that this is the case, then say where you want him to drop you of along the route. if he says no then point out that he has route taxi license plates and he will relent. they will try especially to get you to charter the taxi if no one else is in it, but they will also try this when there are others in the taxi.

when you want the taxi to stop, then you say (loudly)"driver, stop here". if you say "excuse me sir, please stop here" or something like that you will show that you are a green horn. jamaicans address the taxi driver as "driver", the same way that the person making jerk chicken is "jerk man" or "bone man", the person selling smokes is "ganja man" etc.

watch who is in the route taxi before getting in, especially at night. if it is a mix of ages and genders, no problem (mon. , if it is five twenty year old males that look like they are up to no good, then don't get in.

when you are waiting for your taxi then you might be approached by drivers standing nearby offering you a ride, cars might stop and suggest that they give you a ride (even for free, but trust me, it won't be free since you will be expected to give them money for a beer or similar) so just politely decline and say that today you are taking a route taxi. (remember, jamaicans will take it as a grave insult if you ignore them or "play deaf", so when i write "ignore" in other parts of this guide that i am putting together it means declining politely but firmly, but also being a bit cold and not engaging in conversation about what / why you aren't doing / buying what they suggest.)

you can take route taxis all around the island once you are very experienced, and this is a very cheap way of being transported around, but by very experienced i mean not only knowing what "bombo'clad" means but being able to act like you live in jamaica.

if you want someone to drive you around all night, or take you to negril, nine mile, etc then you should get your own driver and not a chartered route taxi driver.

the route taxis work the same in negril as they do in mo'bay.

key differences are:

- the standard price for the route in negril is 100 jamaican.

- knowing how to take route taxis is even more important in negril, since walking from most hotels (which are along the beach) to down town and to restaurants will get very expensive very quickly.

- the standard route goes through downtown and doesn't stop there. i actually don't know where it starts and finishes, but whether you stay on the cliffs or along the beach the way to get to downtown is to take a route taxi.

(there really isn't such a thing as "down town" negril, it's just two shopping malls and a bunch of restaurants rep001tered about.)

[Fun And Sun]

"No, this is not your first trip to Jamaica. You have been to Jamaica many times, and you are here for several weeks."

Most people you talk to will quite quickly ask you if this is your first time to Jamaica. Remember, this is not a social question, you are being asked this to see if you have an idea of what prices are (for whatever you are looking to get, a taxi ride, a girl, some of the local herbiage, etc).

Answering that this is your first trip shows the person that not only don't you really know the lay of the land yet, you are also naive enough to tell someone that this is your first trip. (This holds for almost all countries you monger in, but it bears repeating for Jamaica since this is probably one of the more advanced and difficult, and one of the more fun, mongering destinations that there are.)

In terms of length of stay, if you are leaving the next day then there are few chances for the girl that you will take her as a girlfriend or repeat with her, so she's likely not to give you a quality experience and also to try to get the most money she can out of you while giving you the least amount of service possible.

[Fun And Sun]

Montego Bay, which everyone refers to as "Mo'Bay" is the town that is located next to Jamaica's second main airport. There is a touristy area (known as "the Hip Strip") which is essentially a little over a mile of road where most hotels are located. There's no common definition for where the Hip Strip starts or ends, but it pretty much starts at Toby's Resort when coming from the airport and ends at Margaritaville.

In addition to the Hip Strip, there is also "down town". Not that many tourists actually head down town, but this is where most locals that don't either work in the tourist industry or making a living out of hazzling tourists are.

Mo'Bay is also surrounded by lots of nice and expensive villas, as well as slum areas (these are not as bad as the garrisons of Kingston, but there is no reason for you to venture into any of these slums, they are pretty much shanty towns to be frank).

Mo'Bay has a lot of nice places to party at, and it is much easier to meet non-pros than in Negril. What it really lacks is a nice beach, and it can also get a bit boring if you want to go out on, say, a Tuesday night.

Anything else you need to know about conventional Mo'Bay things, check a conventional guide book.

[Fun And Sun]

This would seem like something that should be pretty easy, but like many things in Jamaica it is yet another thing which is designed to take money away from the uninitiated.

I personally also dislike arriving at an airport for the first time in a third world country without knowing what to expect, since you are very vulnerable at this point since you have all your luggage, credit cards, passport, cash, cameras, etc on your person.

Once you are through customs, you will be approached by porters offering to take your luggage, and by ladies asking if you need a taxi. Porters will demand a ridiculous trip for hauling your luggage 80 yards to a taxi, have never tried the transport offered by the ladies but am sure it is expensive, so just keep walking.

There is a stand with a sign that says "official taxi". All these guys do is take you to the driver that gives them the best commission, and not necessarily with the cleanest car, so go past this too.

At this point you will be approached by the JUTA drivers. They have uniforms (reddish pants, white shirts) which they manage to look sloppy in. If it's your first trip, then you might want to consider going with them since they are the absolutely safest and easiest option. They will massively over charge you at USD 10 to USD 15 for the five minute drive to Mo'Bay. They collude not to offer lower prices.

If you walk past the JUTA drivers then you are outside the building but under the roof. Here you will be approached by unlicensed drivers. You can get them to take you into town for 300-400 (about USD 5) Jamaican if you stand around for a while, especially until the crowd of people that are coming of the plane you arrived with thins out. That isn't something you want to do on your first trip.

If it is day time then you can get a route taxi. Either you walk up to the street (it is past the Texaco) and flag one down. The driver will come out of the taxi and put your luggage in the trunk. There is no charge for having luggage in the trunk, but you can't keep it with you since there needs to be room for other passengers. You might want to think of chartering the taxi for 300 jamaican instead of taking it as a route taxi. If you take it as a route taxi then make sure to confirm with the driver that he is a route taxi.

Alternatively you go over to the taxi stop (go right towards the departures area). There is no sign for the taxi stop, but it is the line of white cars. Ask the driver where he is going. (He might not be going to Mo'Bay that's why! Some of the taxis will be going towards Rose Hall and further which is the opposite way!) Try to get into one that is almost full, since otherwise you will have to sit and wait until the taxi fills up since the driver won't leave until it is almost, or very nearly, full.

The cost of the route taxi is the usual Jamaican 80-85, and you naturally can't take a route taxi if your hotel is not on the Hip Strip. Tell the driver in advance where you want him to stop if you don't know where the hotel is, since otherwise you might end up standing at taxi central in down town Mo'Bay with all your luggage which would, well, really suck in the day time, and at night time would be outright dangerous.

The route taxi option is doable at night to, and you can do this without worry, but not for the first time visitor.

[Fun And Sun]

Wexford Hotel, this place is not nearly as girl friendly as it used to be. A lot of frowning when you bring in girls, sometimes a bit of arguing whether "visiting hours" are still going in the day time, a night receptionist that is a total dork (as proof of this, he wears sunglasses at night when he is at work). Extra person charge of USD 20 at night, sometimes outright refusal to bring in guests in the day time. Night receptionist will ignore that you have an extra guest and the extra guest charge for a bribe of JMD 1, 000. This used to be a cool hotel, but after a renovation, which to me looks like all they did was to move the reception and paint a little bit they have gotten a lot less friendly to our hobby. Would not stay there again.

Gloucestershire (which was closed on my last two visits in 2010). Supposedly for refurbishment, but didn't look like any work was going on. A shame since this hotel is in an excellent location in the middle of the hip strip.

Toby's Resort is great though. Unlimited visitors in the day time at no charge, a courtesy tip to the security guards of 100 Jamaican for them to ignore that I walk around the building with the reception area when I am with a girl, that's all. If spotted by the receptionist, then all she makes you do is sign the girl in, but there is no charge in the day time for this. In the evenings there is an extra person charge of USD 20, but reception closes at 11pm (and nothing in Mo'Bay starts before midnight) so you can just work things out with security who are supposed to collect the extra person charge.

[Fun And Sun]

In the section on massage parlours I mention one nice Jamaican place to eat at and give directions to it. Jamaican 350 for a good sized meal.

Pork Pit is good. If you walk past Wexford Hotel and keep going for a while it is on your left. Jamaican 500-1, 000 for a good size meal including a beer.

Marguerites has a very nice setting to eat a meal at if you take a non-pro out, but it's expensive. Think USD 100 for food and some nice wine. You don't need to take your non-pro girlfriend here to impress her, she will be happy if you take her to Pizza Hut (I am not joking) so if you go here do it for the nice setting next to the water.

Burger King (yes) is actually one of the cheaper options on the Hip Strip.

Loads of restaurants downtown where you can eat for Jamaican 300-400, just walk around and look for signs.

You can also get some really nice jerk chicken from the guys that stand around outside Margaritaville with grills on Saturday nights if you get hungry late night. Don't get it other nights since then they are not that busy and it is not that fresh.

Places with overpriced and crap food:

- Bobsleigh Cafe (but great for flirting with the waitresses, although they are not that hot, but just go for a few beers instead of eating there)

- Margaritaville.

- The restaurant inside Coral Cliff Casino (but this place too is great for flirting with the waitresses, some are pretty decent looking)

- The Irish Pub (forget the name). (This place has some waitresses that are very hot.)

- The restaurant inside Dr Cave beach. (Although there are a few mongerers that go there with their pro girlfriends from time to time, so if it bothers you to be seen with a pro and you are with one and you are hungry, guess you can go there to blend in a bit.)

Note: Hotness status of waitresses was accurate as at 2010.

[Fun And Sun]

Finding non-pros and quarter-pros in Mo'Bay is easy. In terms of quarter-pros, a lot of the waitresses on the Hip Strip side line, or rather supplement their income, by fucking tourists, so this is worth a try. However, IMHO it is not a good idea to have a girl friend that works on the Hip Strip for two reasons:

1. If you want to do other girls, she will find out. Her work finishes at around 11:30 at night which will interfere with you playing around at night, and also she will find out what you have been up in the day timeto while she was working. Mo'Bay is not that big of a town.

2. If you don't want to do other girls, do you really want to have a "girlfriend" that fucks other tourists.

So, if you want a non-pro Jamaican girlfriend, then head to down town Mo'Bay, whether you are planning to do other girls or not.

When you first get down town, you will feel that it is very crowded and that it is difficult to get a girl's attention. Don't despair, walk around for a while and then you will find some good prospects.

You will not believe this, but most girls are happy to talk to you if you approach them smoothly on the street. It is not like back home, they are more than happy to talk to you, and most of them will give you their cell phone numbers no problem. Just don't ask sleazy, start a conversation, get the girl's number, and then move on.

Go into stores, look around a bit, go to the shopping mall, and so on. Smile at lots of girls, even if she is in a group of girls, and if she smiles back then try to strike up a conversation. Act cool, ask for directions, ask for the time, or whatever, then tell her that you think that she is pretty and ask for her number. Or even, give her your number, unlike girls in the US / Europe they will actually call you if you give them your number. (As a matter of fact, you will probably find five missed calls from her when you look at your phone after an hour.)

I cannot emphasize enough how easy it is to find a non-pro girl in down town Mo'Bay, no matter what your looks are. Also, this applies even if you are black or if you are white. If you are, say, a black American male then it is still obvious to a Jamaican that you are not from Jamaica from how you walk, talk, dress, etc.

Be a bit careful though. The pros and semipros are also in downtown Mo'Bay when they are not working, and you don't want your hunt for a non-pro to result in you getting together with a pro. How to guard against this, find girls where they are working (stores, restaurants, and so on).

[Fun And Sun]

Jamaican strip clubs are called go-gos, and it is an absolute must for you to check out at least Moods on your trip. Preferably on a Saturday night when they often have a freaky show.

Mo'Bay used to be home to an absolutely legendary club called Goldfingers, this is now closed since the owner got shot a while back. Some new management tried to keep it going, but didn't run it as well as the old owner used to. (He was a real cool guy that lived several years in London, and was sad to hear the news that he has passed away.)

Moods:

Moods is the biggest go-go in Mo'bay and is a really nice club, but not a good as Scrub-a-dub in Negril. It is located pretty close to the end of the Hip Strip, right next to Wexford on the opposite side from Margaritaville. There is a sign painted on the green building that says Extatic, but everyone still calls it Moods, most locals won't even know what you mean if you mention Extatic. See the attached photo (sorry for the quality, but it was raining, which shows the green building) for location.

When approaching Moods you will be approached by a virtual army of hustlers offering you ganja, girls, and so on. Keep walking to the entrance, and don't let anyone walk up with you, just say that you are going to Moods and that you can find it yourself.

Entrance is 300 Jamaican. On the board it says that tourist entrance is 5 USD (I. E. 400 Jamaican) don't pay that price, just hand the guy at the door 300 Jamaican and leave it at that.

There is pretty much something happening at Moods every night of the week. The girls are supposed to clock in for work at around 7:30 and the club is supposed to open at 9:30, but opening time is flexible and there generally is no point to show up before 11:30 to midnight.

I would say that Moods has about twenty girls. Most of them are pretty tall with nice and thick bodies, not fat, but with nice big asses and thick built. There are also a couple of girls that are really tall, and a few short and skinny ones to make up the balance. At any time there are about four or five girls on stage doing some really sexy dancing, showing of their pussies, fondling each other. The other girls will roam around the club or hang out in the changing room.

What I like about Moods is that you don't really get hassled in there. Sure, girls will approach you and strike up a conversation, but they aren't pushy about it. Any dancer is available for take out, but much easier to get their numbers. Management has no problem with this, you can even ask the (female) bartender for a pen!

Semi-pro girls come to Moods, particularly on Saturday nights when there is a freaky show (a freaky show is when a girl goes on stage and fucks and sucks). Supposed to start at around 2-3AM, usually doesn't happen until 4AM. A few street walkers also invest the 300 Jamaican on Saturday nights to come in there to try to drum up business.

The crowd is mostly Jamaican males, with a few tourists in the mix. Music is all Jamaican, porno movies play on little TVs hanging from the ceiling.

There are several rooms available at Moods if you want to do one of the strippers. Management will start their bidding at USD 50 for a room, but fight them down to around USD 20. Don't accept them giving you the little room with only a chair and a curtain that is next to the girl's dressing room, demand a room with a bed in it.

In terms of lay out, it is a pretty large club with a big stage in the middle of the room along one of the walls. Along the opposite wall there is a bar, and another bar alongside one of the side walls, and there are a few places to sit and loads of places to stand. Don't sit at the bar unless you are shy and want to be approached by the dancers. Another reason not to sit at the bar is that as the club fills up your view will be blocked. Grab a table or one of the wooden sofas close to the stage instead.

If you sit right next to the stage the girls will come close and perform a little show just for you, they might also give you a nice sexy lap dance, let you fondle them, let you finger them, etc. You should tip them for this, but make them work a little until you give them 100 Jamaican.

There are a couple of pretty nice bars next to Moods where you can hang out and have a drink.

There are also loads of street walkers that gather in front of Moods from the stairs and up by the bars.

Go-go next to Moods:

There is also another go-go if you go down the street a bit further from Moods, it's worth checking out but does not compare to Moods in terms of atmosphere and number of girls.

Dreamz:

There is a go-go in Aquasol (yes, that is Aquasol beach) called Dreamz. They do a freaky show on Mondays, and it is an all you can drink deal for USD 30, or if you pay in Jamaican Dollars. 2,000. Their website, which is pretty useless, is www.mobayfreakyparties.com This was pretty worthwhile for a Monday night, they had four "freaks" (the girls that fuck each other and the customers) on stage, and the show started early with banana sucking, lesbian show, pussy eating contest, dick sucking contest, and finished around four with a free for all with all the girls and the guys that had come on stage. This was pretty worthwhile for a Monday evening when nothing much is happening elsewhere in Mo'Bay.

Down town go-gos:

In town there are a number of small gogos that cater to locals, worth checking out even though most of the girls are a bit too thick for my taste. This experience is likely to scare the first time visitor to Jamaica, so it might be worthwhile to leave it for your second trip.

Other go-gos:

There are also two gogos if you head towards the airport, one before you get to the airport, and one about a five minute drive past the airport. The girls at the second one are not shy. There are also several gogos if you take the road towards Negril within a few minutes drive from Mo'Bay.

In my view it is not worthwhile to take out a girl from a go go. You need to pay her barfine, and she has very high expectations for how much she will be paid to come with you at night. Similarly, the rooms at the gogos are pretty dirty, costly to rent, and the girls have high expectations for how much you will pay them to come in the room with you. Much better to get their cell phone numbers and call them the next day. They are all happy to come to your hotel for a few hours of fun for a pretty good price.

Also, at Moods in particular, and at lots of other gogos as well, there are actually quite a few girls hanging out. A lot of these girls are available to go with you if you want to, but they don't work for the gogo so there is no barfine, and they vary from pretty hardened pros, to semi-pros, to quarter pros. Be a bit careful though, some of them are non-pros (which shouldn't stop you from hitting on them) and some of them are there with their boyfriends, so approach with a bit of care. Make eye contact, smile, if she smiles back then walk over and talk to her.

[Fun And Sun]

There is still a streetwalker scene along the Hip Strip although this is much diminished over what it used to be like. Most of the girls will be hanging around close to Margaritaville, but if you walk along the Hip Strip late at night then there are a few standing around all along the street. There are also a few around Burger King, and lots of them when you get up towards Moods. Be careful with them since many of them are skilled pickpockets.

I have used Streetwalkers on a few occasions for a quick blowjob in the bushes to start out the evening, and have paid jamaican 1, 000 each time for a BBBJ but not with CIM. If you do this try to have your own spot in mind rather than going to the spot she suggests, and don't leave your wallet in your pants when you drop them.

The streetwalkers range from fat and ugly drug addicts to some girls that are actually quite young and cute with most falling in between. The younger and cuter ones will be up by Margaritaville and Moods, and the uglier ones standing further down the street. Some girls that are "on the street" you will find at Pier 1 on Fridays. I think that Margaritaville and Coral Cliff are a lot more strict about letting girls prowl for customers inside than they used to be, which has pushed some of the girls to hang out around Moods and the street party scene in front of there and Margaritaville.

Don't bring a girl you meet on the street to your hotel room is my advice, since while some of them are nice other ones are thiefs. If you do take her to your hotel, don't have her sleep over.

[Fun And Sun]

Massage Parlours aren't really my scene, even for day time play (much better and cheaper to have a girl come meet me at the beach, then take her to my hotel room).

What used to be called relaxation and rejuvenation center:

Mo'Bay has loads of massage parlours in addition to what used to be called Relaxation and Rejuvenation Center and is now called something else. (This is the massage parlour that is located on Top Road, right next to the big Red Strip sign.) All drivers that stand around on the Hip Strip are very keen to take you there, for the reason that it pays them the highest commission (USD 10). This massage parlour is the most expensive one, both in terms of cost of going to the room with the girl at minimum USD 40, and the girls start their bidding at USD 150 for full service, which is ridiculous for Jamaica.

If a driver suggests to take you to that one, say that you don't like it, and they will start listing out other possibilities. This place gets way to much bandwidth on ISG, and there is no reason to go there unless you are only in town for a few hours since it's close to the airport.

Massage place on Hip Strip:

Starting out at Dr Cave Beach, facing away from the ocean, turn left. Walk past the Havana Lounge, and be on the look out for a sign for Montego Bay Institute of Technology. At this yellow building, turn right into the side street. (Politely ignore all the touts trying to get you to go to the nearby craft market.) Keep going until you are past the yellow building (about 25 yards) and you see a fence. Where there is a turn left through the fence, walk in there. To your left is a "restaurant" that is more like a shack and you can order food through the window and there is nowhere to sit, and to your right as you look straight ahead is a second Jamaican restaurant with a pool table outside. (This restaurant has good food for about 350 Jamaican, so it is cheaper and better to eat there than at the hip strip. I think this place is only open during the day time though.) Walk past the restaurant, and look out for a white door. This has a door bell that says emergency on it. Wonder what sort of emergency they have in mind. Ring the bell, wait for a few minutes, and you will be let in. Have a seat, look at the menu, wait for the girls to be introduced, and enjoy. Prices here are Jamaican 1, 800 for the girl to go in the room with you (that is about USD 20) and you can have full service for about Jamaican 4, 000 to 6, 000. That is USD 50 to 75. Location is a bit worse than the place on Top Road, but service is better.

If you struggle to find it, ask someone. Give them Jamaican 100 to help you with this, but don't let them ring the door bell for you since then you will get stuck with the higher price menu to pay their commission.

Massage parlour close to airport:

There is one more massage parlour if you head towards the airport which I have not been to. (These aren't really my scene.)

Downtown massage parlour:

There is also a massage parlour on the third floor of an office building in town, but get a driver to take you since it's a bit difficult to find I think.