First Trip to Philippines

[Xaftas]

At approximately 42 pesos per US dollar (as of February 2012) , we are not talking about a lot of money required to support the family. My Filipino wife sends her grandmother, the woman who actually raised her, one-thousand pesos per month for anti-hypertensive medications. This comes to whopping $23 every month. Even if I was retired and living entirely on Social Security, I could afford that (and I am not retired). We recently sponsored my wife's brother on a tourist visa to join us in Dubai (where I am currently living and working). He found work in less than two weeks and paid back whatever monies we had advanced him for this trip in addition to some money we had loaned him in the past. Family members help each other out and decent people do not take advantage of relatives.

You need to use common sense when seeking a wife of any nationality. Many have already offered good advice for avoiding the scammers. Personally I would never even consider trying to "convert" a former working girl into a wife. The prospect for success in doing this is somewhat greater in the Philippines than in Thailand, I suspect, but for any girl who has felt the need to-for whatever reason-sell herself, there is a certain quality of inner desperation and defensive callousness that never goes away and does not transport or translate well into housewifery and motherhood*

As others have written, the best way to find a Filipino wife is by spending time in the Philippines and I would definitely recommend getting involved with a local church for this purpose. I was very lucky in that I found my wife through a Filipina Internet dating website (this was six years ago though and I understand a lot has changed since then). You have to be very careful and you have to possess enough sense not to send any money to a woman you have never met in person. You need to immediately eliminate any woman who asks you for money prior to having met you. I was fortunate in that the woman I met online, who would later become my wife, was also working in the same overseas city as I was at the time, so we were able to meet in person after establishing mutual interest (and this is the only legitimate and safe way for using an Internet dating service). Not coincidentally, my wife is a devout Christian..

Hats off Sir! Well said brother!

[Slippery]

Acolonizer, you have over 1, 000 posts and you are asking that question?

[Wicked Roger]

Hello.

1. I need an effective travel medical kit to identify sexual-transmitted diseases in girls in Philippines: which ones can you suggest me?

2. I want to carry the main medicines against sexual-transmitted diseases for my own use: which ones can you advise me?

Thanks for help.

Sometimes a quick RTFF helps. As there is plenty of information on this but as a starter frpom today's FR in AC.

http://www.internationalsexguide.inf...=1#post1352396

[AColonizer]

Hello.

1. I need an effective travel medical kit to identify sexual-transmitted diseases in girls in Philippines: which ones can you suggest me?

2. I want to carry the main medicines against sexual-transmitted diseases for my own use: which ones can you advise me?

Thanks for help.

[Patrick Smith]

I'll be staying in Makati for 2 weeks on my first trip to the Philippines and would appreciate your advice regarding a reliable driver that can take me around and show me the night life scene.

Thanks

[Dan7373]

.

I believe that it is very necessary to establish that not everything that a family requires from us as the "foreigner" will be provided. Filipinos love the "thin edge of the wedge" approach to things. In fact, most SE Asian societies are a bit like this, as I have discovered in my professional business life working in Thailand, Vietnam, Laos and Philippines. They take a little bit at the start and push you ever so slightly backwards and then steadily increase demands softly softly until suddenly you discover that you have lost a lot of ground through incremental creep. Filipinas do this in personal relationships too, but they also respect you when you are firm and decisive about what is acceptable and what is not. My relationship with my "family" is one of mutual respect and has grown closer over time.

Thanks for your "advice". Maybe some newbies contemplating a life here need to consider it but with some variations to your set of rules.

I agree that you need to watch your spending on her family and make sure that you don't start living beyond your means. But if you can afford the expense, then why not help out her relatives?

Some westerners seem to treat this issue as a matter of principle, where they won't help out her family even when they can easily afford it. Which looks really mean from the point of view of her relatives. This certainly isn't a good way to make yourself look good in front of people she cares about a lot. This kind of thing is bound to affect her feelings towards you in a negative way, even if she won't argue with you.

I suppose, if you are very careful about choosing the lady, and she isn't that attractive to begin with, then you can get away with all kinds of negative things in your marriage and still keep your marriage going relatively well. But if you go for the most attractive lady you can find, someone who might have options other than you, then you need to do everything you can to make her happy with you, so that your marriage with her will go well. And it's with a very attractive lady like this that you need to be on the good side of her relatives, so that they will support your marriage with her and persuade her to stay with you, even if you end up with marriage problems that could lead to divorce.

It all depends if you want just an average marriage with an average woman, or if you want the best woman you can get. If you want the best woman you can get and keep her too, then you need to go out of your way to make your relationship work well with her. And this is where my "advice" might come in handy.

[D Cups]

Thanks, M. Good to know. I am single, never married but looking for a Filipina wife in the future. Seems like we have a lot in common although I could drop about 20 pounds. Does she let you monger if you are discreet? Curious.

[QUOTE=Muzza2; 1247498]According to Filipino government sources, the divorce rate between American men and Filipino women is around 20 percent. Anyone who is married to a Pinay can tell you why that is so. If I had a son of marrying age, I'd strongly advise him to marry a Filipina.

I am not some over-the-hill, bald, fat, and financially-challenged guy who can't find or attract a decent American woman. I'm in my 50s, well-educated with a professional degree, I have all my hair, I'm in decent shape, and earn over six figures. If I had known back then what I know now, I would have sought a Filipina the first time around. Filipino women are essentially raised to be devoted wives.

[Red Kilt]

. <SNIP

I think you are taking a big risk, when you try to divorce your marriage from the woman's culture, her community, and her extended family. Because without such support, you make your marriage exactly like western marriage, which is very insecure, often unhappy, and prone to divorce.

A nice little lecture from you Dan but I think you have taken an extremely literal interpretation of GE's post as a basis to describe your own take on things.

Knowing GE as I do, I know that he most certainly does NOT "divorce his marriage from the woman's culture, her community, and her extended family".

I don't disagree with most of the things that you say but as one of those described in GE's second sentence, I am sure you understand that both he and I, with long-standing and successful relationships (him for 8 years; me for 13) have some established norms within our relationships.

I believe that it is very necessary to establish that not everything that a family requires from us as the "foreigner" will be provided. Filipinos love the "thin edge of the wedge" approach to things. In fact, most SE Asian societies are a bit like this, as I have discovered in my professional business life working in Thailand, Vietnam, Laos and Philippines. They take a little bit at the start and push you ever so slightly backwards and then steadily increase demands softly softly until suddenly you discover that you have lost a lot of ground through incremental creep. Filipinas do this in personal relationships too, but they also respect you when you are firm and decisive about what is acceptable and what is not. My relationship with my "family" is one of mutual respect and has grown closer over time.

Thanks for your "advice". Maybe some newbies contemplating a life here need to consider it but with some variations to your set of rules.

[Dan7373]

I know I've said this before, but in light of the recent discussions about Newster's intentions, perhaps it bears repeating. Most of the longer-term expats I know here (including myself) are in long-term relationships of one sort or another. Without exception, within my circle of friends, these relationships work and the couple appear to be extremely happy with each other. Some of the guys have spouses in their own age group while for others (including myself) , there's a huge age gap. The one factor all of us have in common is that we live here, were able to take our time, and didn't make any impulsive judgments based on the loud demands of our smaller heads.

From my perspective then, based on the past 8 years of so of experience, it's not only feasible, but also easy to avoid the scammers, avoid supporting the family a the to evade most of not all of the pitfalls described by others. The key variable of course is time: time to meet lots of "candidates, time to get to know each other, and time to establish a real relationship. Marriage agencies should probably be avoided at all costs: their motivations are purely financial and it's doubtful they vet the girls. A much better (and less expensive) alternative is to decide on a specific city in which to stay, start writing to some expats who live there, and see if their partners / wives / girlfriends have any friends anxious to meet foreigners. Alternatively, go to expat gathering places (not the sleazy bars and clubs) and get to know the guys who hang out in these. I'm not a church-goer, but I have been told that the churches are other viable venues for meeting serious,"normal" women.

For whatever it's worth-and being free it may not be worth much-my advice is to stay in a place for at least a month, and longer if possible. Let the newness of the place, and the rose colored glasses that often accompany the newness, evaporate, and wait until you've established a comfort zone. I think you'll then find that there are lots of serious, intelligent and sincere women in the "candidate pool."

GE

There is more than one way to choose well a good female partner for yourself. And you don't necessarily need to get officially married to have a good long-term relationship with a woman. Official marriage is just a contract sanctioned by the government. It's not the real marriage. The real marriage is your every-day relationship with her.

From the way you describe how to choose a woman for yourself, it sounds as if the woman's looks, sexiness, and attractiveness are not even on the agenda. It's all about whom she knows, who her friends are, and what her situation in her community is. Which sounds a little strange to me. Because sexual attraction is the basic motivation why men want to have a relationship with a woman in the first place. You sound so scared of getting scammed and cheated by a woman that you've forgotten to look for the attractiveness and the sex with the woman. It's all about how to avoid getting cheated by the woman, rather than how attractive she is and how good she is in bed with you.

It's important to avoid getting cheated by a woman of course. But this shouldn't be your main consideration. The main thing is to find a woman you really like, and then you consider the other things to make sure that your relationship with her will be a happy one for both. Otherwise your marriage sounds like an arranged marriage from India or some other place like that. It's not about your personal relationship with her. It's all about her social situation in life and how well she fits into your place within society.

Your advice on how to avoid supporting and helping the woman's relatives sounds logical and effective. But I think it's a mistake to avoid helping her relatives. Because the cost usually isn't that much. The cost of living in the Philippines is very low by Western standards. And your benefit of helping her relatives is much greater than your cost. When you are helping her relatives financially, then you become a part of her extended family according to the Filipino culture. And then your marriage is not just with her, it's with her whole family. Her whole family supports your marriage with her and encourages her to be good with you in her relationship with you.

I think you are taking a big risk, when you try to divorce your marriage from the woman's culture, her community, and her extended family. Because without such support, you make your marriage exactly like western marriage, which is very insecure, often unhappy, and prone to divorce.

[Fslag338]

Muzza: applause! Very balanced view and totally true.

[Member #4491]

My wife and I have been married for five years.

Great to read a positive report on a successful marriage. I see good marriages around me a lot, and are surprised by the negative view some people here have on marrying or engaging in long term relations with girls from the Philippines. They make super wives in many aspects. You point at simple but important aspects of a relationship that many guys from USA, Europe and Australia wish they could have, especially with a couple of marriages in the baggage.

On the topic of sharing I think some people are just to cheap for their own good. It is all an equation of happiness, so why not share a little and feel good about this. I share my money all the time and magically there are new bills in my pocket every day. A balanced amount generosity makes me happier, and as a result I produce more and earn more. Karma.

B.

[Muzza2]

From my perspective then, based on the past 8 years of so of experience, it's not only feasible, but also easy to avoid the scammers, avoid supporting the family a the to evade most of not all of the pitfalls described by others.

At approximately 42 pesos per US dollar (as of February 2012) , we are not talking about a lot of money required to support the family. My Filipino wife sends her grandmother, the woman who actually raised her, one-thousand pesos per month for anti-hypertensive medications. This comes to whopping $23 every month. Even if I was retired and living entirely on Social Security, I could afford that (and I am not retired). We recently sponsored my wife's brother on a tourist visa to join us in Dubai (where I am currently living and working). He found work in less than two weeks and paid back whatever monies we had advanced him for this trip in addition to some money we had loaned him in the past. Family members help each other out and decent people do not take advantage of relatives.

You need to use common sense when seeking a wife of any nationality. Many have already offered good advice for avoiding the scammers. Personally I would never even consider trying to "convert" a former working girl into a wife. The prospect for success in doing this is somewhat greater in the Philippines than in Thailand, I suspect, but for any girl who has felt the need to-for whatever reason-sell herself, there is a certain quality of inner desperation and defensive callousness that never goes away and does not transport or translate well into housewifery and motherhood*

As others have written, the best way to find a Filipino wife is by spending time in the Philippines and I would definitely recommend getting involved with a local church for this purpose. I was very lucky in that I found my wife through a Filipina Internet dating website (this was six years ago though and I understand a lot has changed since then). You have to be very careful and you have to possess enough sense not to send any money to a woman you have never met in person. You need to immediately eliminate any woman who asks you for money prior to having met you. I was fortunate in that the woman I met online, who would later become my wife, was also working in the same overseas city as I was at the time, so we were able to meet in person after establishing mutual interest (and this is the only legitimate and safe way for using an Internet dating service). Not coincidentally, my wife is a devout Christian.

My wife and I have been married for five years. This is my third marriage and despite the age difference of 25 years, this is by far the healthiest and happiest marriage that I have ever known. According to Filipino government sources, the divorce rate between American men and Filipino women is around 20 percent. Anyone who is married to a Pinay can tell you why that is so. If I had a son of marrying age, I'd strongly advise him to marry a Filipina.

I am not some over-the-hill, bald, fat, and financially-challenged guy who can't find or attract a decent American woman. I'm in my 50s, well-educated with a professional degree, I have all my hair, I'm in decent shape, and earn over six figures. If I had known back then what I know now, I would have sought a Filipina the first time around. Filipino women are essentially raised to be devoted wives. Pardon the cliche but it is true: My wife's floors are so clean, you can literally eat off of them. This might not be important to many but for a guy who was previously married to two American women who never picked up a mop or dust rag the entire time we were married, it's a pleasure to be in such a marriage now. It is also a relief to be in a relationship with a woman in which not everything has to be a damn negotiation. I don't have the patience for that anymore.

If I can send a few dollars to my wife's grandmother, or sponsor another family member to give him or her a shot at a better life, it is the very least I can do to express my appreciation and gratitude for having been blessed this time around with a truly devoted, loving, caring, and beautiful wife. My best advice is that if you are going to feel resentment over sending some support money back home to the wife's family, you should immediately abandon the idea of marrying any girl of Asian descent.

__________________.

*I suspect that "Cherry Girls," I. E, girls who hang out in bars or clubs in order to have access to Western men and who do not engage in sexual intercourse, might be an exception to this rule as they are not fully participating in prostitution.

[Punter 127]

RK,

First quote GE's post as if you were going to reply. Next copy the link from your browser and paste it in the ROD section.

Add [.... URL] [.... URL] At either end. Click preview to check if the link works. (periods added to by-pass the forum software, remove them when you go to post)

Voila.

This seems a little easier to me.

1. Left click the report number (upper right conner of every post)

2. Left click your browser address line and the report link address will appear. (you must do step one before step two or you will not get the report address)

3. Highlight the address (if not already) then right click and copy the link from the Browser address line.

4. Go to ROD and click add report.

5. Type any remarks you may have in the new report.

6. Paste link in the new report and then press enter/return.

7. Preview and/or upload the report.

No need to quote the original report and you do not need to type in '[.... URL] [.... URL]' When you paste a link address, the forum software will add them for you when you click preview or upload the report.

Give it a try.

[Niteluvr]

But just to reiterate what we are all saying:

Please treat the first trip as a pipe-opener (pardon the pun) and get contact details of a number of girls that YOU ACTUALLY MEET and that really "floated your boat".

Go back home. Stay in touch with them all and see what evolves.

As each one starts asking for some cash consideration for assistance with various things eliminate them from your list.

After 6 months you will have a good core of worthwhile follow-ups (called "keepers" in the monger lexicon).

Return again and start making hard plans with your short-list.

Whatever you do, DON"T try to find a wife in 10 days. Just find a list of possibilities.

Solid advice in any mongering destination. Have not been to the Phils but have mongered in several other Asian countries. From what I have gathered of Pinays, it pays to have a big list. Met and hung out with a few here in the States and they all seem to have that "floating" mentality, like they're not really serious about anything, just partake in any opportunities or relationships they come across that might fit their fancy at any given moment. I guess that's why they are always stuck on the low end of Asian desirables. It's inbred.

[Red Kilt]

. I like what you say but unfortunately I have limited vacation time. I just can't take that much time from work, the 8 days I'm taking is already pushing it. More would flip my boss out. So if I go it's Cebu in early Feb for 10 days.

. .

But just to reiterate what we are all saying:

Please treat the first trip as a pipe-opener (pardon the pun) and get contact details of a number of girls that YOU ACTUALLY MEET and that really "floated your boat".

Go back home. Stay in touch with them all and see what evolves.

As each one starts asking for some cash consideration for assistance with various things eliminate them from your list.

After 6 months you will have a good core of worthwhile follow-ups (called "keepers" in the monger lexicon).

Return again and start making hard plans with your short-list.

Whatever you do, DON"T try to find a wife in 10 days. Just find a list of possibilities.