First Trip to Philippines

[Newbster]

I know I've said this before, but in light of the recent discussions about Newster's intentions, perhaps it bears repeating. Most of the longer-term expats I know here (including myself) are in long-term relationships of one sort or another. Without exception, within my circle of friends, these relationships work and the couple appear to be extremely happy with each other. Some of the guys have spouses in their own age group while for others (including myself) , there's a huge age gap. The one factor all of us have in common is that we live here, were able to take our time, and didn't make any impulsive judgments based on the loud demands of our smaller heads.

From my perspective then, based on the past 8 years of so of experience, it's not only feasible, but also easy to avoid the scammers, avoid supporting the family a the to evade most of not all of the pitfalls described by others. The key variable of course is time: time to meet lots of "candidates, time to get to know each other, and time to establish a real relationship. Marriage agencies should probably be avoided at all costs: their motivations are purely financial and it's doubtful they vet the girls. A much better (and less expensive) alternative is to decide on a specific city in which to stay, start writing to some expats who live there, and see if their partners / wives / girlfriends have any friends anxious to meet foreigners. Alternatively, go to expat gathering places (not the sleazy bars and clubs) and get to know the guys who hang out in these. I'm not a church-goer, but I have been told that the churches are other viable venues for meeting serious,"normal" women.

For whatever it's worth-and being free it may not be worth much-my advice is to stay in a place for at least a month, and longer if possible. Let the newness of the place, and the rose colored glasses that often accompany the newness, evaporate, and wait until you've established a comfort zone. I think you'll then find that there are lots of serious, intelligent and sincere women in the "candidate pool."

GE

Hi GE,

I see this as great advice and thanks for it. I like what you say but unfortunately I have limited vacation time. I just can't take that much time from work, the 8 days I'm taking is already pushing it. More would flip my boss out. So if I go it's Cebu in early Feb for 10 days.

From what you guys have said, a woman who is around 28-30, with a real job, some university / college, preferably teacher / nurse / professional, definitely not bargirl, kids are ok, hopefully not a super poor family would be my target demographic. I'd add on a qualifier of in reasonably good shape and a little cute at least.

If anyone knows of any good women like that around Cebu who might be interested I'd be grateful for an intro.

I've sent a bunch of PM's to all of the other posters already to answer any questions asked to me. Thanks.

[Stroker Ace88]

In fact, it should be listed as a "Post of Distinction" and I will do that when I work out how to do it.

Wife-seekers: please read and then re-read GE's post and treat it as an excellent guide to finding a wife or a long-term partner.

RK,

First quote GE's post as if you were going to reply. Next copy the link from your browser and paste it in the ROD section.

Add [....URL] [/....URL] At either end. Click preview to check if the link works. (periods added to by-pass the forum software, remove them when you go to post)

Voila.

[Red Kilt]

. SNIP. .

For whatever it's worth-and being free it may not be worth much-my advice is to stay in a place for at least a month, and longer if possible. Let the newness of the place, and the rose colored glasses that often accompany the newness, evaporate, and wait until you've established a comfort zone. I think you'll then find that there are lots of serious, intelligent and sincere women in the "candidate pool."

As one of the long-term members of GE's circle of friends, I can only endorse whole-heartedly every single one of his statements.

In fact, it should be listed as a "Post of Distinction" and I will do that when I work out how to do it.

Wife-seekers: please read and then re-read GE's post and treat it as an excellent guide to finding a wife or a long-term partner.

[GoodEnough]

I know I've said this before, but in light of the recent discussions about Newster's intentions, perhaps it bears repeating. Most of the longer-term expats I know here (including myself) are in long-term relationships of one sort or another. Without exception, within my circle of friends, these relationships work and the couple appear to be extremely happy with each other. Some of the guys have spouses in their own age group while for others (including myself) , there's a huge age gap. The one factor all of us have in common is that we live here, were able to take our time, and didn't make any impulsive judgments based on the loud demands of our smaller heads.

From my perspective then, based on the past 8 years of so of experience, it's not only feasible, but also easy to avoid the scammers, avoid supporting the family a the to evade most of not all of the pitfalls described by others. The key variable of course is time: time to meet lots of "candidates, time to get to know each other, and time to establish a real relationship. Marriage agencies should probably be avoided at all costs: their motivations are purely financial and it's doubtful they vet the girls. A much better (and less expensive) alternative is to decide on a specific city in which to stay, start writing to some expats who live there, and see if their partners / wives / girlfriends have any friends anxious to meet foreigners. Alternatively, go to expat gathering places (not the sleazy bars and clubs) and get to know the guys who hang out in these. I'm not a church-goer, but I have been told that the churches are other viable venues for meeting serious,"normal" women.

For whatever it's worth-and being free it may not be worth much-my advice is to stay in a place for at least a month, and longer if possible. Let the newness of the place, and the rose colored glasses that often accompany the newness, evaporate, and wait until you've established a comfort zone. I think you'll then find that there are lots of serious, intelligent and sincere women in the "candidate pool."

GE

[Radical Guy]

She knows if we marry it will be with a pre-nup. I take one long trip a year if it's feasible for my schedule with a "don't ask, don't tell" policy. I have no interests in having a mistress or other emotional attachment anyways because after all this time I realize I love her.

I've had a beautiful young woman in Thailand I was going to marry and it turned out to be the worst decision of my life. The only lucky thing was I found out she was fucking around on me before the wedding.

I've seen some marriages work, some not. In either case there was an age difference although usually younger on the fails (along with lower education, lack of language skills, expectations of the punter, etc).

I am a family law attorney, and I recently represented a wife in a divorce, an Indonesian whose husband brought her to the US on a fiancee visa. When she arrived in the US, he had a prenup all written up, took her to a notary, and told her she had to sign or else no marriage. She never really had a chance to read or review it with an attorney before signing.

Well, about six years after the marriage, my client filed for divorce. The husband tried to limit her entitlements based on the prenup, but I was able to have it thrown out based on unconscionability, both in the manner in which the husband obtained the prenup, and in the substantial unfairness of the terms.

Prenups will be generally be enforced, but you need to be careful in the way they are drafted and executed. Consult with an attorney on this, and make sure that you can show that your fiancee at least had an opportunity to read and take it to an attorney for consultation. Otherwise, you might be exposing yourself financially in ways you least expect- until it's too late.

RG

[Hank Moody]

Last year on the morning news I saw a segment on mail order brides that led me to sign up for a free seminar at a local Los Angeles hotel. It was well presented, but seemed expensive to communicate with the girls through thier system. The all inclusive trips looked tempting as well. I looked into going on one to the Philippines, but their schedule did not fit mine.

The outfit was called A Foreign Affair. They have an upcomming trip to Cebu in January / February, is that the one you are on?

Hi,

I posted a little on the hotel forum where I had my eyes opened sadly. The short story is that I'm a regular USA guy, LF love, marriage, family, kids with a Filipina. I signed up for a romance tour with a marriage agency. I booked a flight to Cebu in Feb. The guys on the forum felt that this was ridiculous and that I'd be introduced to mainly professionals and gold diggers and set up to be taken advantage of.

I'm not interested in mongering although if I can get a couple of hookups during my trip there it would be a bonus. But is not my real intent. My real intent is to find a girl who's sweet, marriage-minded, loving, std-free. You get the idea. I'm looking for something real and dating pro girls with std's isn't even close to what I'm looking for. .

So, any advice on where I should go? It sounds like Cebu is pretty fast lane (although Manila is worse). Is Davao better? What sort of plan should I follow and where should I go? I guess I could easily use my plane ticket to Cebu to go to Davao or a smaller city that isn't overrun by pro girls. Anyone please offer advice. I'm all ears. Believe me a lot of naive guys like me are signing up for this stuff.

Thanks

[Buko Max]

CM is a thinking mans TurdyCurdy1 LOL. But he still doesn't know that much about the country hes never been to. And he sure a Jack hasnt made a trip report.

Yes and on another board he is known as Bareback Barack!

[FreebieFan]

Gee, I was all ready for CM's first trip to the Philippines when I saw him posting here, but I guess not. .

CM is a thinking mans TurdyCurdy1 LOL. But he still doesn't know that much about the country hes never been to. And he sure a Jack hasnt made a trip report.

[Growtek]

I'd accept the economic angle as inevitable. You're not going to marry rich unless you have something better to offer (status or your own high income). It's going to be poor girls looking to make a better life for themselves and their parents. Because they're young and foolish they'll manage your money about as well as a US teenager would. They'll lie but the foreigner does more than half the work for the girl. Famous last words "She's different".

I met my 4' 9" Vietnamese GF 6 years ago at a restaurant in the US. She's 17 years younger than me and looks a lot younger than her current age of 33 (or maybe I look a lot older than my age of 50 heh). I think meeting her stateside was better. I boinked her the first night but have had a long time to get to know her. I know she, like most every woman has her economic interests at heart. Her family is not rich or poor. They have a small shop but have relatives who've done better. I don't send money to her family nor have I ever been asked. She's been living in my house but paying her own bills and contributing to the household until she recently lost her job.

She knows if we marry it will be with a pre-nup. I take one long trip a year if it's feasible for my schedule with a "don't ask, don't tell" policy. I have no interests in having a mistress or other emotional attachment anyways because after all this time I realize I love her.

I've had a beautiful young woman in Thailand I was going to marry and it turned out to be the worst decision of my life. The only lucky thing was I found out she was fucking around on me before the wedding.

I've seen some marriages work, some not. In either case there was an age difference although usually younger on the fails (along with lower education, lack of language skills, expectations of the punter, etc).

[Sammon]

Hi,

I posted a little on the hotel forum where I had my eyes opened sadly. The short story is that I'm a regular USA guy, LF love, marriage, family, kids with a Filipina. I signed up for a romance tour with a marriage agency. I booked a flight to Cebu in Feb. The guys on the forum felt that this was ridiculous and that I'd be introduced to mainly professionals and gold diggers and set up to be taken advantage of.

I'm not interested in mongering although if I can get a couple of hookups during my trip there it would be a bonus. But is not my real intent. My real intent is to find a girl who's sweet, marriage-minded, loving, std-free. You get the idea. I'm looking for something real and dating pro girls with std's isn't even close to what I'm looking for. .

So, any advice on where I should go? It sounds like Cebu is pretty fast lane (although Manila is worse). Is Davao better? What sort of plan should I follow and where should I go? I guess I could easily use my plane ticket to Cebu to go to Davao or a smaller city that isn't overrun by pro girls. Anyone please offer advice. I'm all ears. Believe me a lot of naive guys like me are signing up for this stuff. .

Thanks

I am not going to discourage you from finding a wife in Philippines. Although your choice of marriage agency for visit is not a good idea. All these agencies charge fees to you as well as the girl for introduction. Ofcourse the girl will want to get money from you.

In Philippines it is all about money. Very few opportunities for a foreigner to marry for pure love. All girls want marriage and the financial security comes with it. In Philippines the financial security is extended to immediate family as well as a foreigner is percieved as rich. Besides average family consists of atleast 5-10 incuding parents. So they all need money for this and that.

If you overlook girl's past life you can find lots of nice girls to marry. There are many good looking girls. If you are going to marry I suggest little older without kids. Young girls will do and say anything till they come to USA and run away or start screwing on the side. As you know you cannot control anybody in USA including wife and kids. Besides it will be socially very uncomfortable for a old man to go around with a young trophy wife unless you are multimillionaire.

Like any relationships things can go downhill after marriage be it be local or foreign bride. I would go to Phi often on my own, chat girls, meet them, do not fall in love with the first girl you meet. Girls are also choosie these days. If you are ugly, obese, heavy smoker even a poor girl will not want to be with you.

Smaller cities and provinces gets the better result atleast in the begining if you are looking for simple, honest girls. Phi girls will say what you want to hear.

[Stroker Ace88]

Take your time and take a few more extended trips get to know the women and then see if you feel the same way.

Gee, I was all ready for CM's first trip to the Philippines when I saw him posting here, but I guess not. :D

Good advice for the marriage agency guy, but doubt he will listen.

[Chocha Monger]

Hi,

I posted a little on the hotel forum where I had my eyes opened sadly. The short story is that I'm a regular USA guy, LF love, marriage, family, kids with a Filipina. I signed up for a romance tour with a marriage agency. I booked a flight to Cebu in Feb. The guys on the forum felt that this was ridiculous and that I'd be introduced to mainly professionals and gold diggers and set up to be taken advantage of.

I'm not interested in mongering although if I can get a couple of hookups during my trip there it would be a bonus. But is not my real intent. My real intent is to find a girl who's sweet, marriage-minded, loving, std-free. You get the idea. I'm looking for something real and dating pro girls with std's isn't even close to what I'm looking for. .

So, any advice on where I should go? It sounds like Cebu is pretty fast lane (although Manila is worse). Is Davao better? What sort of plan should I follow and where should I go? I guess I could easily use my plane ticket to Cebu to go to Davao or a smaller city that isn't overrun by pro girls. Anyone please offer advice. I'm all ears. Believe me a lot of naive guys like me are signing up for this stuff. .

Thanks

Are you serious? Do you actually believe what you saw in the romance tour videos? The women looking for foreigners to marry in the Philippines are in the lower class with no prospects. To them you represent a ticket out of their impoverished country and a source of revenue to support their extended families. Of course, if you deplane all starry eyed offering love and marriage there is no end to the number of poor Filipinas who would offer you love. Just remember love means money for them. If you don't give them plenty of love (money) and be there with endless love (money) for their family you will be treated accordingly.

Don't think a pre-nup is going to save your ass in US divorce court when your wife is a poor immigrant. If the agreement doesn't provide everything she needs to survive on her own in the event of a split the judge will shit on it and throw it out. Then you'll look like a mean old coot in courts seeking to exploit poor ignorant young women from the Third World. Then you'll feel the whole weight of the justice system come raining down on you. The other members have given you a dose of reality and while the medicine is harsh I doubt it will do you any good as you seem hell bent on finding love at any cost.

You said that you are middle aged, divorced and had a string of failed relationships. Why do you think that a relationship with a poor ignorant Filipina from a foreign culture will turn out any better? The two of you will have absolutely nothing in common and then the age difference will further complicate things back in the States. You said you have no problems establishing relationships with women at home. So, what are you really looking for? The sweet loving nature of Filipinas is superficial and not unrelated to the fact that they need and want money from you. How many sweet loving Filipinas have you dated in the States?

Take your time and take a few more extended trips get to know the women and then see if you feel the same way.

[Amanut]

Hi,

My real intent is to find a girl who's sweet, marriage-minded, loving, std-free. You get the idea. I'm looking for something real and dating pro girls with std's isn't even close to what I'm looking for. .

So, any advice on where I should go? It sounds like Cebu is pretty fast lane (although Manila is worse). Is Davao better? What sort of plan should I follow and where should I go? I guess I could easily use my plane ticket to Cebu to go to Davao or a smaller city that isn't overrun by pro girls. Anyone please offer advice. I'm all ears. Believe me a lot of naive guys like me are signing up for this stuff. .

Thanks

My advise is the same as on the other thread. I am no expert having only been there twice. But what worked for me was to study the forum, study the travel guides, and then start off gentle. Be a tourist. See the sites. Find a cabbie you trust, use him as a guide to see the sites and be prepared to dump him when you finally realize he is screwing you. As I said before, nothing in North America will prepare you for what is on the other side of the security guards of your hotel.

I started with Manila then Cebu and Bohol on my first trip. That was enough. I met some good people and some bad. My best contact was the woman in charge of security at my hotel. That was because every time I went out for a smoke she was there and asked me "where is your companion". She also watched me in the hotel security cam. When she realized I was alone she explained a lot to me. That being said. It has not stopped her from asking me for loans for family emergencies as recently as today. Keep in mind that emergencies happen all the time and they have been dealing with them before the met you. Today it was her mother who is very ill. My response was that my daughter is going for surgery tomorrow and I had to spend all my money on my daughter's emergency. It's BS but Filipinos always respect caring for family.

My second trip this year I was to Manila and Cebu again plus I added Palawan, CDO, and Camiguin Island. It takes awhile to get to know each area so I would just stay with Cebu for now and get a sense of what it is about.

My final piece of advise to you is to keep in mind that when these ladies say they will guide you it's often useless. They want to guide you to places they have heard about that are close but where they have not been to. Even though they were born and raised in the area, they are often so poor that they have only dreamed about going to and staying at the places they suggest.

Keep you eyes wide open. I hope the experienced members agree with most of what I have written.

[Tally Wacker]

Hi,

The short story is that I'm a regular USA guy, LF love, marriage, family, kids with a Filipina. I signed up for a romance tour with a marriage agency. Thanks

How old are you and what part of USA are you from?

Also, you are not set up to receive private messages?

[Geneva Guy]

Hi,

I posted a little on the hotel forum where I had my eyes opened sadly. The short story is that I'm a regular USA guy, LF love, marriage, family, kids with a Filipina. I signed up for a romance tour with a marriage agency. I booked a flight to Cebu in Feb. The guys on the forum felt that this was ridiculous and that I'd be introduced to mainly professionals and gold diggers and set up to be taken advantage of.

I'm not interested in mongering although if I can get a couple of hookups during my trip there it would be a bonus. But is not my real intent. My real intent is to find a girl who's sweet, marriage-minded, loving, std-free. You get the idea. I'm looking for something real and dating pro girls with std's isn't even close to what I'm looking for. .

So, any advice on where I should go? It sounds like Cebu is pretty fast lane (although Manila is worse). Is Davao better? What sort of plan should I follow and where should I go? I guess I could easily use my plane ticket to Cebu to go to Davao or a smaller city that isn't overrun by pro girls. Anyone please offer advice. I'm all ears. Believe me a lot of naive guys like me are signing up for this stuff. .

Thanks

There are other sites for guys looking for filipina brides and some are sweet and real. But, you aren't a member so can't send you a private message and we can't post websites on the board. But look around. I found a very sweet girl from cebu who comes to meet me in Singapore. She is "separated" (so still married) as am I, so no talk of marriage (that's ok with me) but lots of fun, clean and horny as heck!

GG