Montego Bay

[Fun And Sun]

Hey Fun and Sun: Just want to say, excellent report. I've been to Jamaica nine times and travelled throughout the island and stay away from the tourist locations. You got it right my friend.

Hey IR, glad you enjoyed the guide I am putting together. A few more chapters to put together but doing it little by little rather than all in one go, so stay tuned.

[Gentleman Travel]

I am a local here in Montego Bay and certainly a far cry from the average street walker. I am very independent, I am employed with a very good educational background. Long and short is I am very attractive both mentally and physically. I understand that you would offer some sort of compensation should we have a sexual encounter but that's not what I am here for, frankly I buy my own shit and need not depend on some foreigner for sex and a meal. I however have never been with a white man and would love to do so out of curiosity.

I'll be here when you get here in December, providing that I find you attractive

Awating your reply.

Hi Curious, that is an interesting offer.
I did not realize there were any Jamaican women lurking here.
When my trip is confirmed we can talk about possibly meeting.
But you cannot receive private messages and we are not permitted to post contact info on the public forum, so we will have to figure out a clever way to communicate.

[Member #4379]

Hey Fun and Sun: Just want to say, excellent report. I've been to Jamaica nine times and travelled throughout the island and stay away from the tourist locations. You got it right my friend.

[Curiousjam]

I am a local here in Montego Bay and certainly a far cry from the average street walker. I am very independent, I am employed with a very good educational background. Long and short is I am very attractive both mentally and physically. I understand that you would offer some sort of compensation should we have a sexual encounter but that's not what I am here for, frankly I buy my own shit and need not depend on some foreigner for sex and a meal. I however have never been with a white man and would love to do so out of curiosity.

I'll be here when you get here in December, providing that I find you attractive

Awating your reply.

[Rjsss212]

It was more a lack of opportunity. No prospects on site. I was advised that female staff could get fired if they "fratenized" with guests, even if they could be enticed - which was by no means clear. The place is isolated and there is no where nearby to cruise. No lobby girls, or girls hanging out on the beach. .

I usually stay at the Ritz or Half Moon. Have you stayed at either and if yes how does Rose Hall compare?

Re lobby girls, Jamaica is not the DR. Nope, not that easy but conversely, unlike the DR you come upon a troublesome female rather infrequently.

I don't know of any escort services in MoBay so from where you were/are staying, with limited knowledge and having to maintain some apparent respectability, it would have cost you a few hundred to bring back anything descent. Having more time and freedom to get downtown will bring the cost down dramatically.

[Gentleman Travel]

GT, what trouble did you have getting ladies into the New Rose Hall?

It was more a lack of opportunity. No prospects on site. I was advised that female staff could get fired if they "fratenized" with guests, even if they could be enticed - which was by no means clear. The place is isolated and there is no where nearby to cruise. No lobby girls, or girls hanging out on the beach. I guess you could probably bring in a semi-respectable girl from outside, but I never did get downtown to go shopping, so I don't know for certain. One night I asked the doorman or conceirge about getting girls and he was a bit evasive, but conceded that it might be possible - but then I went out with a mixed group for dinner and could not follow up. So not a good base for any kind of mongering - I was only there because of a conference on-site and had little choice.

[Rjsss212]

GT, what trouble did you have getting ladies into the New Rose Hall?

Thanks for all the detailed information.

When entering a new country it is always good to have a handle on the logistics and mongering terrain - gives you a level of confidence.

I hope to be back to MoBay again this December, but will be stuck at Rose Hall Resort, which is very difficult situation for mongering. May import a young lovely to join me for the week or if not will get the doorman to bring in some talent. Did not get downtown at all last time. Not much a sex paradise!

[Gentleman Travel]

Thanks for all the detailed information.

When entering a new country it is always good to have a handle on the logistics and mongering terrain - gives you a level of confidence.

I hope to be back to MoBay again this December, but will be stuck at Rose Hall Resort, which is very difficult situation for mongering. May import a young lovely to join me for the week or if not will get the doorman to bring in some talent. Did not get downtown at all last time. Not much a sex paradise!

[Fun And Sun]

This would seem like something that should be pretty easy, but like many things in Jamaica it is yet another thing which is designed to take money away from the uninitiated...

I personally also dislike arriving at an airport for the first time in a third world country without knowing what to expect, since you are very vulnerable at this point since you have all your luggage, credit cards, passport, cash, cameras, etc on your person.

Once you are through customs, you will be approached by porters offering to take your luggage, and by ladies asking if you need a taxi. Porters will demand a ridiculous trip for hauling your luggage 80 yards to a taxi, have never tried the transport offered by the ladies but am sure it is expensive, so just keep walking.

There is a stand with a sign that says "official taxi". All these guys do is take you to the driver that gives them the best commission, and not necessarily with the cleanest car, so go past this too.

At this point you will be approached by the JUTA drivers. They have uniforms (reddish pants, white shirts) which they manage to look sloppy in. If it's your first trip, then you might want to consider going with them since they are the absolutely safest and easiest option. They will massively over charge you at USD 10 to USD 15 for the five minute drive to Mo'Bay. They collude not to offer lower prices.

If you walk past the JUTA drivers then you are outside the building but under the roof. Here you will be approached by unlicensed drivers. You can get them to take you into town for 300-400 (about USD 5) Jamaican if you stand around for a while, especially until the crowd of people that are coming of the plane you arrived with thins out. That isn't something you want to do on your first trip.

If it is day time then you can get a route taxi. Either you walk up to the street (it is past the Texaco) and flag one down. The driver will come out of the taxi and put your luggage in the trunk. There is no charge for having luggage in the trunk, but you can't keep it with you since there needs to be room for other passengers. You might want to think of chartering the taxi for 300 jamaican instead of taking it as a route taxi. If you take it as a route taxi then make sure to confirm with the driver that he is a route taxi.

Alternatively you go over to the taxi stop (go right towards the departures area). There is no sign for the taxi stop, but it is the line of white cars. Ask the driver where he is going. (He might not be going to Mo'Bay that's why! Some of the taxis will be going towards Rose Hall and further which is the opposite way!) Try to get into one that is almost full, since otherwise you will have to sit and wait until the taxi fills up since the driver won't leave until it is almost, or very nearly, full.

The cost of the route taxi is the usual Jamaican 80-85, and you naturally can't take a route taxi if your hotel is not on the Hip Strip. Tell the driver in advance where you want him to stop if you don't know where the hotel is, since otherwise you might end up standing at taxi central in down town Mo'Bay with all your luggage which would, well, really suck in the day time, and at night time would be outright dangerous.

The route taxi option is doable at night to, and you can do this without worry, but not for the first time visitor.

[Fun And Sun]

In the section on massage parlours I mention one nice Jamaican place to eat at and give directions to it. Jamaican 350 for a good sized meal.

Pork Pit is good. If you walk past Wexford Hotel and keep going for a while it is on your left. Jamaican 500-1,000 for a good size meal.

Marguerites has a very nice setting to eat a meal at if you take a non-pro out, but it's expensive. Think USD 100 for food and some nice wine. You don't need to take your non-pro girlfriend here to impress her, she will be happy if you take her to Pizza Hut (I am not joking) so if you go here do it for the nice setting next to the water.

Burger King (yes) is actually one of the cheaper options on the Hip Strip.

Loads of restaurants downtown where you can eat for Jamaican 300-400.

You can also get some really nice jerk chicken from the guys that stand around outside Margaritaville with grills on Saturday nights if you get hungry late night. Don't get it other nights since then they are not that busy and it is not that fresh.

Places with overpriced and crap food:

- Bobsleigh Cafe (but great for flirting with the waitresses, although they are not that hot, but just go for a few beers instead of eating there)

- Margaritaville

- The restaurant inside Coral Cliff Casino (but this place too is great for flirting with the waitresses, some are pretty decent looking)

- The Irish Pub (forget the name). (This place has some waitresses that are very hot.)

- The restaurant inside Dr Cave beach. (Although there are a few mongerers that go there with their pro girlfriends from time to time, so if it bothers you to be seen with a pro and you are with one and you are hungry, guess you can go there to blend in a bit.)

Note: Hotness status of waitresses acurate as at 2010...

[Fun And Sun]

Don't know if this is OK to post, but the growing "Mo'Bay Guide" wouldn't be complete without it and it is important information. I have tried to keep it pretty clean by just discussing facts and not encouraging anyone to use these things, or giving specific directions on how to obtain any of these things.

The Stuff Bob Marley Likes (TSBML)

TSBML is not legal in Jamaica, believe it or not. However, I would describe it as pseudo legal. It is not smoked openly on the streets, but you can smoke it on your hotel balcony, in a lot of go gos, on the pier at Pier 1, or if you walk away a bit from the street when outside, etc. Or naturally in your hotel room...

The TSBML that the hustlers and touts sell is crap. The stuff that jamaicans smoke is good.

The Jamaican price for TSBML is also very very cheap. A bag that would cost you USD 10 at home (and you would be very happy to get that much for USD 10) costs 50 Jamaican, which is about 60 cents. Now, in Jamaica there is such a thing as "Jamaican Price" and then there is "Tourist Price"... If on your first trip you can't get "Jamaican Price" then don't throw a fit over it, but try to get as close to it as possible. Best ways to get it is when your driver gets some for himself then ask him to get some for you too and hand him a 100 Jamaican note. Or ask a girl that you are taking back to your hotel to go get some for you before you go up to the room and hand her a 100 Jamaican note. This may or may not work, they will likely come back with "this buys nothing" and give you back the money. Say that you know how much it costs and give them the money again. If you end up paying USD 5 then it's not a big deal I think if it's your first trip. However, be persistent that you know how much it costs and they are overcharging you so you don't look like a push over.

Don't be stupid and bring any home with you on the plane. And also be careful, Jamaicans don't all know that TSBML can get you into a lot of trouble back home. On one trip the girl that had been staying with me for several days was very nice and packed my bags for me, folding my clothes nicely, and... neatly wrapping up the TSBML that was left and putting it in a side pocked of my bag. Pure luck that I looked for it and couldn't find it, and asked her where it was.

Also, remember that the police do arrest token tourists for smoking TSBML on the street, on the beach, or in the open. You will have to have an enormous spat of bad luck to be arrested for this, but it does happen so be a bit careful.

Blue Mountain coffee, some viagra, and a splif is a very nice way to get ready for some great sex. One gives you energy, one gets you rock hard, the third heightens the sensation.

The Stuff Tony Montana Likes (TSTML)

Now, you will be offered TSTML on the street with almost the same frequency that you will be offered ganja. Capital letters for emphasis here: THAT IT IS READILY AVAILABLE DOES NOT MEAN THAT TSTML IS PSEUDO LEGAL THE SAME WAY THAT TSBML IS. The police do take TSTML seriously. If you are caught doing TSTML in the bath room of a club, go-go, restaurant, etc it is not unlikely that the police will be called and that you will get arrested. The police are also likely to be called if it's found on you when you get padded down when you enter some clubs.

A stint in a Jamaican jail will ruin your vacation even more than if your mother in law is parked in your room, so steer clear of TSTML.

(If you don't know who Tony Montana is, then google it, and if you can't read between the lines still then you must be very very stupid...

Designer substances

These are available, but actually very very expensive compared to home. The police take a hard line on this as well, so steer clear.

One more important point: In Africa, and also in South America, scams are common where the police and sellers, girls, etc collude to entrap you with drugs and then arrest you to extract a bribe from you. I have never heard this happen in Jamaica.

[Fun And Sun]

Everything in Jamaica that is imported is freaking expensive, and everything in Jamaica is imported pretty much, so bring everything with you from home.

When I say expensive I mean expensive by non-Jamaican standards, not Jamaican standards. Think 8 USD for a pack of cigarettes, 10 USD for toothpaste, 9 USD for deodorant, and so on. Clothes are expensive too.

Viagra is also expensive, and you are supposed to have a prescription for it also, so bring this as well. (You can get it without a prescription if you walk around and try a few pharmacies downtown if you run out.)

Most other places you go to to monger it don't matter if you forget to pack something, and lots of things are actually cheaper to get when you are on the ground. Not so in Jamaica, make a packing list and double check that you have everything with you.

I recommend the Lonely Planet Guide for Jamaica also. Lonely Planet Guide is crap for quite a few destinations, but the one for Jamaica is actually pretty good for a lot of non-mongering stuff to make your trip better.

[Fun And Sun]

I know that typing in all capital letters means that you are shouting, and I am shouting this:

DO NOT BUY ANYTHING, EVER, FROM A HUSTLER! Also, do not buy anything from people that approach you on the street either.

The reason that it is so important not to get anything from a hustler is that he will go of bragging and tell everyone on the street what he sold you and how much he charged you for it. Therefore, this will multiply the amount of hassle you have to deal with from other hustlers since they know you are a good target over the rest of your trip. In addition, if a hustler "befriends" you, which they try to do, then they will stand around waiting for you outside your hotel, come into restaurants when you are eating, even call your hotel room and be a major pain.

Especially when you have just gotten of the plane, and are walking around town on your first day you will be approached by lots of people offering to hook you up with whatever you need: Ganja, other drugs, girls, driving you around, shopping at craft markets, and so on. They know who is new and who has been around for a while, try to build up some street credibility by dealing with them respectfully, but firmly being clear that you are not buying anything.

Basically, the people on the street that offer you things fall into two categories:

1. Opportunistic touts. Jamaicans that work in stores, drive taxis, etc and are trying to make an extra buck by helping you out. You can't blame them for that, but sadly they will overcharge you massively so don't use their services. Don't be too hard on them, just clarify that you got everything you need. This is the vast majority of the people that will approach you on the street.

2. Hustlers. These are Jamaicans that make a living by harassing tourists and trying to sell them things at massively inflated prices. You will recognize them by their approach being a lot smoother than the opportunistic touts. Steer clear of the hustlers. They are very very good at goading money out of you, they do this all day every day. Keep conversation with them to a minimum, then move on. The hustlers are a minority of the people on the street, and are kept largely in line these days by the security/police that patrol the Hip Strip.

Hustlers are, essentially, scum. They will never take no for an answer, even putting joints (in Jamaica they use the word splif) in your pocket and refusing to take them back and instead demanding money for it. Shaking them takes a while since they are persistent, but keep walking and eventually they drop away. The last thing they will ask you for before they give up, for that time, is money for a beer. Don't give it to them. It might seem a small price to pay to get rid of someone that is a pain, but don't, it will double the amount of hassle you have to deal with next time.

Also, keep in mind that by talking to you each time you pass by they try to develop a "friendship" with you, and after a few days they will try with some sob story that their car is broken, that their kids don't have anything to eat and they need money for that since it's the low season, or whatever story. Don't give them any money, and don't buy anything from them, no matter what. The answer to give is: "I don't have any money".

Also, and very importantly: In many other countries it is ok to ignore people that approach you on the street, or "pretend you are deaf". To a Jamaican being ignored like this is a grave insult, so when approached you need to respond. However, there is no need to stop, and there is no need to go out of your way to talk to someone that shouts "come here" from across the street. Just acknowledge them and keep moving.

Remember, when they ask if this is your first time in Jamaica then you answer: "no". They are not that easy to fool so will follow up and ask when you were last here. If it is your first time, then just reply: "not too long ago", then stop talking about it. Then close the conversation with "respect mon, but am in a rush".

Most Jamaicans are very nice and decent people, and it is a pity that the only interaction with Jamaicans most tourists will have is being bothered by hustlers and touts. If you are being followed by a hustler, some Jamaicans will whisper to you: "Stand up for yourself mon, no one can make you do something you don't want to do". That is a good philosophy for dealing with the hustlers, and generally pushy people all over the world. Believe me, after having dealt with hustlers in Jamaica you will think used car salesmen and estate agents are push overs.

After a few days you won't be bothered as much, assuming that you never buy anything from anyone, but it is generally easier to walk on the ocean side of the hip strip since most touts/hustlers are on the other side.

There are no hustlers in downtown Mo'Bay, because few tourists go there (since there really isn't anything there for the average tourist, for a mongerer it is a great place to find semi-pros, quarter-pros and non-pros).

Now, if you have gotten of the plane and you absolutely must have a spliff and a nice fuck (or two) and aren't too concerned about paying a bit too much this once. Then, still don't use the hustlers and touts, just ask the taxi driver that takes you to your hotel to help you out to find a girl to come to your hotel, and have him pick up some ganja for you too. Don't be embarrased to ask the taxi driver about finding a girl, he will be delighted at the chance to make a bit extra money and won't even flinch at the question. He will be happy to wait outside the hotel while you check in and put your bags in your room, then take you out on a mission to find a girl and ganja.

If the girl is coming for a few hours, then don't pay more than USD 70. This is too much, but the driver will hit the girl up for some of that money in addition to charging you for setting it up. For a nice sized bag of ganja, don't pay him more than USD 5 (this is 10 x the Jamaican price...). Make sure he gets the ganja away from the Hip Strip or the stuff you get will be garbage.

[Fun And Sun]

This is information that really should be in the guide books, but it's not and being transported around Mo'Bay if you don't know this will eat into your mongering budget quickly or you will be doing a lot of walking, so am going to post this even though it has very little to do with mongering except for saving you money.

There is not really a public transport system in Jamaica with buses (and there are no trains on the island), instead there is a system of route taxis. These are cars, most of them are white, older model Toyotas and Hondas and they have maroon license plates (or maybe brownish red is a better way to describe the colour). However, some of them are now newer cars, so if in doubt then ask the driver that he is a route taxi before you get in since some licensed private charter cars also have the maroon plates, this is differentiated by the code on the license plates, but I have not paid much attention to it. (If there are a couple of jamaicans in the car, then it is definitely a route taxi.)

These route taxis drive standard routes at standard prices, and you can flag them down and get in anywhere along the route and get of anywhere you want to along the route. The main route that goes through Mo'Bay starts at taxi central in downtown Mo'Bay, and finishes up by the airport after having gone along the length of the Hip Strip. The price of going this route is 80 jamaican (some drivers will charge 85 jamaican). The price is the same no matter where you get on or get of, so if you get on at for example Margaritaville, and get of at Dr. Cave Beach, it is still 80-85 jamaican. Drivers carry change, but don't expect them to be able to brake a 1,000 or 500 note. Ideally carry coins, or 50 or 100 jamaican notes.

Other people will be in the taxi, and the taxi will stop to pick people up and drop people of along the way.

There are also unlicensed route taxis, these are called "robots" and they charge the same prices as the route taxis. Don't use these until you are pretty experienced. If one stops when you are waiting for your taxi then just wave him on. Once you are more experienced then you can use the robots as well (in the day).

If your destination is a few houndred meters away from the "route" then you can ask the driver to still drive you all the way. This should cost you an additional 20 jamaican. Don't try to negotiate this until you know how the route taxis work by having done it a couple of times, since if the driver sees that you are new to Jamaica then he will try to squeeze more money out of you.

If you want to have the taxi to yourself and go to a specific destination, then this is called a "charter taxi" but it is the same cars. You agree the price with the driver, if you want to go from, for example, Dr. Cave Beach to a specific location downtown then the price will be around 300 jamaican. The driver will try for 5 USD (400 jamaican) but stick to your guns at 300. Also, negotiate through the window before entering the taxi, and don't wait until you reach your destination to agree the fare since then the driver might ask for a ridiculous price and you will face a protracted argument.

Now, if you are not Jamaican, then the driver will try to charge you like you have chartered the taxi and not the regular price. Therefore, when you enter a route taxi, do the following: Flag the taxi down, get in, say nothing. The driver will start driving again along his route once you are seated. If he asks you where you are going, then say either: "this is a route taxi, right" or "this is a regular taxi, right?" Once he confirms that this is the case, then say where you want him to drop you of along the route. If he says no then point out that he has route taxi license plates and he will relent. They will try especially to get you to charter the taxi if no one else is in it, but they will also try this when there are others in the taxi.

When you want the taxi to stop, then you say (loudly) "driver, stop here". If you say "excuse me sir, please stop here" or something like that you will show that you are a green horn. Jamaicans address the taxi driver as "driver", the same way that the person making jerk chicken is "jerk man" or "bone man", the person selling smokes is "ganja man" etc.

Watch who is in the route taxi before getting in, especially at night. If it is a mix of ages and genders, no problem (mon... , if it is five twenty year old males that look like they are up to no good, then don't get in.

When you are waiting for your taxi then you might be approached by drivers standing nearby offering you a ride, cars might stop and suggest that they give you a ride (even for free, but trust me, it won't be free since you will be expected to give them money for a beer or similar) so just politely decline and say that today you are taking a route taxi. (Remember, Jamaicans will take it as a grave insult if you ignore them or "play deaf", so when I write "ignore" in other parts of this guide that I am putting together it means declining politely but firmly, but also being a bit cold and not engaging in conversation about what/why you aren't doing/buying what they suggest.)

You can take route taxis all around the island once you are very experienced, and this is a very cheap way of being transported around, but by very experienced I mean not only knowing what "bombo'clad" means but being able to act like you live in Jamaica.

If you want someone to drive you around all night, or take you to Negril, Nine Mile, etc then you should get your own driver and not a chartered route taxi driver.

[Fun And Sun]

There is still a streetwalker scene along the Hip Strip, but there are fewer girls than there used to be a few years back. Most of the girls will be hanging around close to Margaritaville, but if you walk along the Hip Strip late at night then there are a few standing around all along the street. There are also a few around Burger King, and lots of them when you get up towards Moods. Be careful with them since many of them are skilled pickpockets.

I have used Streetwalkers on a few occasions for a quick blowjob in the bushes to start out the evening, and have paid jamaican 1,000 each time for a BBBJ but not with CIM. If you do this try to have your own spot in mind rather than going to the spot she suggests, and don't leave your wallet in your pants when you drop them...

The streetwalkers range from fat and ugly drug addicts to some girls that are actually quite young and cute with most falling in between. The younger and cuter ones will be up by Margaritaville and Moods, and the uglier ones standing further down the street. Some girls that are "on the street" you will find at Pier 1 on Fridays. I think that Margaritaville and Coral Cliff are a lot more strict about letting girls prowl for customers inside than they used to be, which has pushed some of the girls to hang out around Moods and the street party scene in front of there and Margaritaville.

Don't bring a girl you meet on the street to your hotel room is my advice, since while some of them are nice other ones are thiefs. If you do take her to your hotel, don't have her sleep over.