Medellin Reports

[WindAngel]

That La Isla experience does sound really fucking awesome and sketchy at the same time, but realistically, those higher-enda places I feel are just not worth it. I, myself, is very aware of the looks-to-performance ratio of the mongering-game at least from my experiences. The hotter the puta, usually the worst the pussy fucking stink and they lay there like their dead. From your experience in Medellin, can you concur? Or these Paisas are just so bad that the bitches at these higher-end places are just really worth all that extra precautionary measures and a higher ticket price?

I much rather fuck with the casa game, I see myself getting posted up in one for a good afternoon if there are several putas on my list, especially if they let me smoke weed inside. Can't imagine it be a fucking problem, I could be wrong. I imagine mongers doing lines of coke off a Colombiana Culo to be quite a regular thing in Medellin, like morning traffic.

So the girls on Calle 56 were actually saying Hi to you pro-actively? Did they look like prepagos? Or they were regular "ladies"? Seems like we are well received down there, did you try to hook up with a regular down there? Ideally, if one can secure a F. W. be with a local Paisa, it would be a pretty fucking dope thing to have but I have a week and it won't be another at least 6 months after my initial trip before I can come back again due to the number of paid-time-off days I am allotted a year.

Calle 56 is an area full of street girls. I stayed nearby for 3 nights at a board member's apartment for about $4 x / night so I roamed around these area by myself day and night for several days.

I had the best experience and meet the best looking girls at La Isla that's why I went back several times. It's the only place I got BBBJ and DFK without any discussion or bargaining.

[Kelso1]

Thank you everyone for taking time out of your day to answer these questions. A few remarks I have after reading your comments:

1. I am not a drinker what-so-ever, much much more of a fanatic for la crippa. Does anyone have experience scoring grade-A product? I have zero interest in trying to get any Miley-Cyrus out there just not a fan of anything that makes you alert and edgy, that is what work is for not your leisure at least my IMO and I am well aware of the dangers of associating myself with narco-traffico. What am talking about right here is more about the love of the mean mean green.

As far as la crippa I have been told by an Expat with many years in MDE that the weed you are talking about is laced with some sort of drug. It is dirt cheep, and will get you off, but is not good like stuff from Gringo land. Never thought that would be true. My how times change.

[FortuneWaffers]

There will be some curiosity. People will try to guess if you are from Japan, Korean and so on. When I walked down Calle 56, I heard greetings from girls in Japanese, and Chinese. I met a couple of local business men who invited me to their table and offered to pay for everything when I was at La Isla, and I was worry about being kidnapped, LOL.

Hi WindAngel,

Its really great to hear it from a fellow Asian monger. Much love.

That La Isla experience does sound really fucking awesome and sketchy at the same time, but realistically, those higher-end places I feel are just not worth it. I, myself, is very aware of the looks-to-performance ratio of the mongering-game at least from my experiences. The hotter the puta, usually the worst the pussy fucking stink and they lay there like their dead. From your experience in Medellin, can you concur? Or these Paisas are just so bad that the bitches at these higher-end places are just really worth all that extra precautionary measures and a higher ticket price?

I much rather fuck with the casa game, I see myself getting posted up in one for a good afternoon if there are several putas on my list, especially if they let me smoke weed inside. Can't imagine it be a fucking problem, I could be wrong. I imagine mongers doing lines of coke off a Colombiana Culo to be quite a regular thing in Medellin, like morning traffic.

So the girls on Calle 56 were actually saying Hi to you pro-actively? Did they look like prepagos? Or they were regular "ladies"? Seems like we are well received down there, did you try to hook up with a regular down there? Ideally, if one can secure a F. W. be with a local Paisa, it would be a pretty fucking dope thing to have but I have a week and it won't be another at least 6 months after my initial trip before I can come back again due to the number of paid-time-off days I am allotted a year.

[FortuneWaffers]

I would add that going downtown to the casas or strip clubs alone at night is not recommended specially for a new person to Medellin. Not even some veterans will venture into downtown at night. As mentioned take a cab directly to the strip clubs at night and back. Culito is available but not guaranteed. When you get the parade at the casas just ask them if they give it up. So you don't waste your time. The meet and greet at the casas takes about 5 seconds per girl at the end you pick the girl so remember the names, they are not just hanging around, they usually disappear after they say hola. So ask quickly. Facebook is definitely the best way. It just takes some work in the beginning. Would recommend the gringo hotel that shall not be named for your first time. For a couple days at least. Great place to network with girls and other mongers..

Well I know how to say "I want Anal" in espanol, it would be a fuckin pain to have to say it to upwards of 15 putas at some these casas, would you recommend:

1. In all seriousness, cards against humanity should make a "Mongering" edition add-on pack for their game in every language, while we get to bring those cards along to trips to show the putas. I want a card that reads "I want to make sweet sweet love to your posterior"-In Proper Castellano. Meanwhile, can I say, bring flashcards?

2. Can I just ask the "attendee"? I mean unless they get to "test the product", so to say, I can't imagine that they made the hoes fill-out an application of their kinks. And even if they get the product-testing (O. O), are they suppose to have fucked all of them to know that the Hershey-express-lane is a toll to be paid for some of them?

3. Can I get some hints of this gringo-hotel? I haven't really read anything remotely close to a "Sportsmen Lodge" where gringo's gather in Medellin, unless you were referring to just the parque Lleras situation. I do keep reading about this fabled place called La Mansion, but I still haven't been able to pin-point wtf it actually is. I know there is the Loutron, there is a neighborhood called La Mansion, but again, no idea what it actually is or where it is. I imagine it be some kind of 3-star within El-Centro.

4. Lets say I try facebook, it seems like a lot of pre-plotting just to see if the shit-gates are permissible. Unless, all the hoes on Facebook with a last name of "Medellin" are indeed what I think they are, then seems logical that I can just psychopath-text a-hole bunch of them asking for it ideally with a throw-away account. Is that the case? Or the truth is somewhere in between?

[FortuneWaffers]

2. If you're calling 20-29 "older", you look young because you ARE young. You'll look old soon enough. You may even be able to grow a beard someday.

(Un) Fortunately, I am in my mid-30's, if I was indeed 20-29, it wouldn't be such a plague (yet). I get carded still, usually ends with the dude saying some shit on the lines of: "oh, god bless".

[FortuneWaffers]

I'll be frank with you- you sound like you're a dar papaya- an easy mark. I'd definitely go with someone with more experience, and stick to Parque Lleras.

Oh yea, I am very well aware that me myself and I is the papaya. That is really the reason why I am seeking the help of more experienced mongers like ya'll and I do appreciate it. In my original thread, I mentioned about hiring a guide to sit in the casa bars to wait for me while I explore Paisa-culito but I was somewhat assured that unless I go late at night to these places, there would not be a need to do so.

With that said, its well within my budget to hire a tour-guide if need be (doesn't even have to be bilingual, he just needs to protect this papaya), granted I plan on only hitting up casa's, strip clubs, and local-foro's well-review photoprepagos. I may not even explore the last option if I can try to set up a TLN with a casa-girl after her shift ends but realistically I rather get my nuts in all through the day then get a good night's sleep to recoup my chi as oppose to having to worry about waking up in a pool of ice with 60 minutes to get to a hospital (I have never read about organ harvesting but with my luck.).

And as far as clubbing goes, I have always found that its fucking retard form of a pass-time, I will have no interest in the "Gusto" scene, if I wanted to pay in the range of 200 dollars, there are far better destinations where I would be about to score grade-A bud (oh, Canada?

[Blue Touch]

There will be some curiosity. People will try to guess if you are from Japan, Korean and so on. When I walked down Calle 56, I heard greetings from girls in Japanese, and Chinese. I met a couple of local business men who invited me to their table and offered to pay for everything when I was at La Isla, and I was worry about being kidnapped, LOL.

No. They think these are words of Chinese. 90% of people think that all Asians are Chinese due to their lack of education and the fact that majority of Latinos speak Spanish.

[JjBee62]

Thank you everyone for taking time out of your day to answer these questions. A few remarks I have after reading your comments:

1. I am not a drinker what-so-ever, much much more of a fanatic for la crippa. Does anyone have experience scoring grade-A product? I have zero interest in trying to get any Miley-Cyrus out there just not a fan of anything that makes you alert and edgy, that is what work is for not your leisure at least my IMO and I am well aware of the dangers of associating myself with narco-traffico. What am talking about right here is more about the love of the mean mean green.

Seems like every girl in Medellin smokes the stuff. They all have a source. It's easy enough to get one of them to bring you some. Quality varies. I know where to find the best, but I have zero interest in it. No I'm not giving out contact info. If you're in Medellin while I'm there, I'll arrange an introduction.

2. Facebook will be tricky as fuck for me for a few reasons: due to some freak-of-nature reasons, my face just doesn't age. Its a very very awkward situation to have in life, I am not touting my own horns here (if I could, I could proverbially saw off these "horns") but most people mistake me to be a teenager. I am also on the skinnier side of the BMI-scale, which really doesn't happen any of this. Obviously the moment I start speaking they can usually tell I am no fucking kid, but people constantly stare at me as if I have no life experience in general.

What does that have to do with anything? Girls who work through Facebook are used to profiles with no clear photos. Most guys do something to obscure their identity. Besides, the girls aren't looking to hire you. They are there to get paid to fuck. Their selection process consists of:

1. Are you in Medellin?

2. How much will you pay me?

A few might pass someone for being too fat or too old. Many will pass on someone who is rude, but they're unlikely to pass on someone young and thin.

3. Besides all that, I am also Chinese. I have noticed that there are seasoned vets on this board that are Chinese and has ventured into Medellin with great success, and I am sure that the "Chinese-monger" stereotype is no news to anyone on this board LOL. How often did you get called a chinito or chin-na or chino while you were there? I understand the term can be either affectionate or discriminatory, and unless you are fluent or can stay alert while doing crazy translations in your head, you just may never ever know. With that said, if a chica on the street calls me a chinito while waving and smiling, the intentions are fucking obvious. But if a dude that shit to me in, depending on the setting, how can someone even tell? I am sure that being Asian will stick out even more so than being white, but realistically, I don't know kung-fu (I wasn't brought up in the Shaolin temples, unfortunately), I am just another gringo from America just that a bit more tanned. So, my fellow Asian mongers that has traversed to this Disneyland of grande culo's, how often did ignorant people try to fuck with you or realistically we have just as much of a risk of being fucked with gringo or not? Race shouldn't have anything to do with any of this, but as I understand, Chino just means a yellow-face, we can be Uzbekistan and speak purely Russian and still be a Chino in Spanish speaking countries so I thought this would be a huge factor as I try to navigate these streets with my Spanglish / google translate.

I guess smoking weed does cause paranoia.

Colombians are generally friendly. Paisas are considered to be friendlier than other Colombians. Unless you're being a dick, nobody is likely to bother you.

Being white or Asian doesn't really stick out in Colombia. Most people simply don't care. They'll know you're a tourist, regardless of the color of your skin.

4. Do the local police at least have a basic grasp of English? I don't expect it but I can imagine that if and when shit do go south like having your phone (consequently your translation apps) stolen, you got to explain to the police what is happened. I have heard a mixed bag of opinions about the local police. If you can bribe these people, where is the "line" of what you can and cannot get away with in this country? Sounds pretty fucking scary, again, trying to get a big picture of the place and I am not trying to over-generalize the reports that I have read while not actually spending them there.

Why would the police in Colombia speak English? I'm sure most know a few words, but if you're hoping to have a conversation with the police, you're out of luck.

Why do you need to bribe the police? Most of them have better things to do than try and get some gringo tourist to bribe them. If you're hoping to come to Colombia and "get away with" anything, stay the fuck out. You don't want to spend the rest of your life in a Colombian prison, which would probably be less than 6 months, and I don't want to read about another gringo doing something stupid.

Your time and answers are really appreciated and I will post a very extensive trip report once I do get back in one piece LOL.

I'm a skeptic. There are currently 1,137 people who we're still waiting on "extensive trip reports" from.

[JjBee62]

You better stick to California or Amsterdam. The rest of the world does not do grade A product.

Or you just need to know the right person. At least in Medellin. Which does me no good, because I have no interest in the stuff.

[WindAngel]

I'll be frank with you- you sound like you're a dar papaya- an easy mark. I'd definitely go with someone with more experience, and stick to Parque Lleras.

Not sure if this is a good advice but just don't pay USD 200. Search "Gusto" in this forum to read about potential traps.

[Mr Enternational]

I am not a drinker what-so-ever, much much more of a fanatic for la crippa. Does anyone have experience scoring grade-A product?

You better stick to California or Amsterdam. The rest of the world does not do grade A product.

[WindAngel]

So, my fellow Asian mongers that has traversed to this Disneyland of grande culo's, how often did ignorant people try to fuck with you or realistically we have just as much of a risk of being fucked with gringo or not? Race shouldn't have anything to do with any of this, but as I understand, Chino just means a yellow-face, we can be Uzbekistan and speak purely Russian and still be a Chino in Spanish speaking countries so I thought this would be a huge factor as I try to navigate these streets with my Spanglish / google translate.

There will be some curiosity. People will try to guess if you are from Japan, Korean and so on. When I walked down Calle 56, I heard greetings from girls in Japanese, and Chinese. I met a couple of local business men who invited me to their table and offered to pay for everything when I was at La Isla, and I was worry about being kidnapped, LOL.

[MiamiSammy]

Thank you everyone for taking time out of your day to answer these questions. A few remarks I have after reading your comments:

1. I am not a drinker what-so-ever, much much more of a fanatic for la crippa. Does anyone have experience scoring grade-A product? I have zero interest in trying to get any Miley-Cyrus out there just not a fan of anything that makes you alert and edgy, that is what work is for not your leisure at least my IMO and I am well aware of the dangers of associating myself with narco-traffico. What am talking about right here is more about the love of the mean mean green.

2. Facebook will be tricky as fuck for me for a few reasons: due to some freak-of-nature reasons, my face just doesn't age. .

1. Most of the women are into mota, so when you come around a corner and smell herbs, make friends with the ladies in the vicinity. I've found it's pretty easy to get a number or two, but I never grab any more than I'm willing to drop down the nearest gutter and I always make sure NOTHING contaminates my clothing / bags for return.

2. If you're calling 20-29 "older", you look young because you ARE young. You'll look old soon enough. You may even be able to grow a beard someday.

3. The Chinese are becoming very visible in South America- last time in MDE I was amazed at all the Chinese cars and dealerships. This is a good thing for you, because Chinese are now part of Medellin's power base. It's not nearly as uncommon to see a Chinese person in Medellin as it was even ten years ago.

4. Hit or miss at best. If you want to travel in another country, show the basic respect of learning a little of the language, especially if you want to get into some girl's pants. For most situations, the cops will be your best friends. They tend to be in force around the parks and Metro stations, and are also very professional. I've never been asked for a bribe in Colombia (though quite the opposite in Mexico)- not saying it doesn't happen, but it's not been my experience. If you get something stolen, kiss it goodbye.

I'll be frank with you- you sound like you're a dar papaya- an easy mark. I'd definitely go with someone with more experience, and stick to Parque Lleras.

[The Tall Man]

Thank you everyone for taking time out of your day to answer these questions. A few remarks I have after reading your comments:

1. I am not a drinker what-so-ever, much much more of a fanatic for la crippa. Does anyone have experience scoring grade-A product? I have zero interest in trying to get any Miley-Cyrus out there just not a fan of anything that makes you alert and edgy, that is what work is for not your leisure at least my IMO and I am well aware of the dangers of associating myself with narco-traffico. What am talking about right here is more about the love of the mean mean green.

2. Facebook will be tricky as fuck for me for a few reasons: due to some freak-of-nature reasons, my face just doesn't age. Its a very very awkward situation to have in life, I am not touting my own horns here (if I could, I could proverbially saw off these "horns") but most people mistake me to be a teenager. I am also on the skinnier side of the BMI-scale, which really doesn't happen any of this. Obviously the moment I start speaking they can usually tell I am no fucking kid, but people constantly stare at me as if I have no life experience in general. I constantly get attention from younger females and most regular "ladies" (as oppose to the hoes) my age that are single with no prospects are quite frankly baggage-the, loose / worn-out, or fugly in general, which is just a curse with icing made of shit on top of it. I have zero interest any of that pedophilia-shit and anyone that is involved with it really needs to get their buttholes stomped-out in a Mexican prison followed by having their dicks sounded by medieval maces. I like my putas thick and slightly older like 25-29 range as they know how to fuck and take care of a dude. Can I get an Amen? So facebook and tinder in general, women usually think I am a horny teenager doing something he is not suppose to do..

You get the requested amen from me!

In all my years and all my travels in Colombia I have never met a cop who has any level of English.

Need to recommend that even though you are not a drinker always be mindful of leaving any drink be it a soda or water unattended.

Crippa is available just about every where, just use common sense, I am not a smoker but my Colombian buddies make Snopp Dogg look like he is in kindergarten when it comes to smoking joints. If your at a club just very discretely ask the doorman or waiter if they have anything, my buddy usually pays 3 or 4 mil for a joint, this is about one US dollar give or take.

Yes you will get noticed with your Asian looks but even if they call you a name like chino or whatever it is all in love, they mean nothing disrespectful by this.

On the other hand I see how you very youngish looks can even be more of a distraction in the monger world, just go with the flow and use this "gift" to find what you want.

Have fun!

The Tall Man.

[Knowledge]

Ubers are slower to arrive in Centro because there are fewer of them as brother jjbee mentioned. Some reasons it may be worth the wait for guys who don't know the city or haven't been to Colombia very often.

You can search for and enter a street address and / or location in the application so there is no need to communicate it to the driver help the driver find the location as I often have to with taxis.

You don't have to have cash or the right amount of cash, or small enough bills.

You are unlikely to have problems with taxi drivers getting into mischief but you are even less likely to have such problems with uber.

Ubers are almost always less expensive than taxis but taxis are very inexpensive to begin with.

On the other hand, when time is short ubers in Centro aren't a good option. You will find they often cancel when traffic is heavy, which is almost all the time in Centro. Sometimes two or three drivers in a row will cancel. The experience is much better in Poblado and Laureles, not so much up in Provenza at night where the traffic is as heavy as Centro.