Lisbon

[Kama Leão]

Just moved here, and i'm trying to find females that will do housecalls. They all seem to want to do outcall in hotels, like you have a shitty house or something. I have always been of a order in type of guy, not takeout. Can anybody help.

Willie25j

Lots of tips here. Most of them still waiting for your call. As far as I know they will do housecalls.

[Kama Leão]

My ship docks in Lisbon tomorrow, and as we are generally arriving early in the morning, and departing by early evening, my fellow shipboard mongers and I are wondering what the street trade is like in Lisbon, and where we can find it.

Try Rua da Artilharia 1 or Instituto Superior Técnico. Ask for directions with local cabbies. Although your schedule (specially on a saturday...) is not particularly favourable.

But, on the other hand, you could try phoning (and meeting) some of the goddesses we have been sampling and posting here. Browse ISG/Lisbon and you'll find many useful tips.

[Technoir]

Hola, fellow mongers.

I'm relatively new to the game, having only started when I got a job on a cruise ship a little less than 2 years ago.

While the conditions on such a ship may suck, it does give me the opportunity to sample the local fruites-des-passiones in many places around the world.

But, I'll save those stories for another post, and the appropriate forum sections.

My ship docks in Lisbon tomorrow, and as we are generally arriving early in the morning, and departing by early evening, my fellow shipboard mongers and I are wondering what the street trade is like in Lisbon, and where we can find it.

Any tips at all would be greatly appreciated, as we're only a week out from Amsterdam and we're already "homesick" for the pornucopia of easily-accessible mongery there.

T.

[Jimi Dunn]

Ho Muri, I don't know you but I love your style: fantastic writing!

Flattered out of retirement, here comes Muri. But what follows is not the stuff of legend, only one monger’s two cents. Indeed you may ask, why the fuck is Mur commenting a scene he departed months back? Well, first, he did conduct costly investigations among internet babes while still resident. Secondly, he believes web site escort practice may be similar in most big cities. Apart from price, the procedure and the uncertainties are similar. Finally, he keeps following the local mongers’ forum. Let’s discuss that in a separate post, for fear of deletion.

So, why is Murilloa lukewarm about Portalprivado and apartodox and their ilk?

1 The price is high. For an hour’s sport, €120 to €200 is rack rate. Call him a cheapskate if you will, but Muri does not like to spend more than €100. At any of the clinics, such as Miau’s, Mirage, Garage, New Centre, Château et al., €100 the hour is top rate, for two pops. For less cash you can test-drive the lady and return for the longer service next week if you find she has haunted your wet dreams.

2 Choice is limited. Most of these women share an apartment with one colleague, or operate alone in a pensão, for example the mythic ‘Pensão Lisbonense’ on several floors of a building above the Café Maracanã in the Rua Pinheiro Chagas, a venue visited by every Lisbon monger sooner or later. You may spend time talking on the phone, getting directions, travelling to an unfamiliar area, only to find that the lady is not your type. At the clinics, you inspect a parade of six to a dozen chicas, an event which is exciting in itself and which permits a choice based on your own weird preferences and unfailing Senior Monger’s instinct. The same applies to the street: you can pace the Poço all afternoon waiting for Lili or Sabina to descend from the inferno-in-the-sky, or for the airport bus to unload a fresh consignment of Romanian pussy.

3 Uncertain appointments. After the phone conversation, metro or car journey, parking, finding the street, locating a nearby café to stiffen the nerve and the penis with alcohol, coffee or Viagra, you make the final ‘target confirmation’ call, only to find that the princess is no longer available because she has fallen asleep, gone out to the mall, tuned in to her favourite game show, or more likely started a three-hour full-on BDSM session with a government minister, during the time you were finding her hideout. In this case your time and your ‘tesão’ has been royally wasted, unless you head straight to the Poço which is where you should have started anyway.

4 The Brazil attitude. Of course there are some adorable Brazilian ladies plying the noble trade in Lisbon. The thought of Suzi’s BBBJ or Martinha’s cowgirl, gets Muri opening his window on to the London skyline and howling like a werewolf. BUT too many of the girls you see on PortalPrivado have arrived from big cities in Brazil with a lot of mileage. They have mastered the art of clockwatching, of dispatching the client crisply, exercising an efficient minimum of artificial seduction and charm to bring you off neatly and get you out of the door. Some of them have an attitude that can only be expressed by the nasty little word ‘snotty’. Again, you are more likely to meet with some human engagement in the clinics, and some clinic girls (Diana springs to mind, well of course she does, she springs to Muri’s mind every three minutes or so) are truly ‘envolvente’ in their approach to your pleasure.

5 The Brazil physique. Of course there are some gorgeous Brazilian ladies plying the noble trade in Lisbon, The thought of Suzi’s… oh, yeah, we said that, right? Sure, now, here’s a stupid generalisation, but many of these Brazil babes are kinda stocky. Endowed by nature with biggish bums and smallish tits, they allow the former to grow bigger and rounder, while enhancing the latter with silicone operations of varying efficacy. Yes, we know that ‘Bunda’ is a religion in Brazil, but Muri remains agnostic. Scan the photosets and you will see how anxious the girls and their photographers have been to showcase an ample rear. As an Englishman and a latent homosexual, Mur likes best of all a small, lithe firm muscular bum, and with rare exceptions (ahh, Martinha!) Brazilians are not made that way, while Romanians usually are. Also nearly all the ladies from Brazil sport a caesarean scar, witness to the fact that some Ronaldinho of the future is being raised by grandparents across the Atlantic, and also evidence that Brazilian obstetricians routinely programme the Caesar slash so that unscheduled births cannot interfere with their agenda of golf, beach, soap operas and mongering. The girls do not object, as they believe that natural birth permanently slackens the vagina, reducing the profitability of their business asset.

6 The telephone – before, during, and after. Your initial call, especially if you are a foreigner, can be difficult because of the language. These girls speak with a variety of Brazilian accents, and being uneducated in the majority, they have no idea of slowing down and using simple language for the Anglo Saxon barbarian to understand. But they will frequently attempt a sexy, ‘come-on-down-and-fuck-me’ tone of voice which may be totally at odds with the service eventually provided. During the act, the mobile phone may ejaculate its loud tasteless ring tone at any time. Now, business is business, so if Muri is writing an email to a client, and another one calls him, why of course he picks up the phone and continues to type, multi-tasking in the interests of profit. The girls do just the same thing. The first time you find yourself actually inside a woman when her phone rings and she reaches for the bedside table to give a fellow monger details of the body and the service you are in the process of enjoying – well, the first time, that’s quite amusing. But as a lifestyle, it rapidly loses its appeal. Then, after the act, while you are still sliding the loaded condom off your detumescent manhood, she will dive for the phone to check for text messages. At the clinics, the receptionist often speaks some English – not that you need to ask the way, thanks to this forum - and no mobile phones are permitted inside the room – simple as that.

In the Poço, our Romanian girlfriends often make a call during the long journey up the stairs - “Hi, Lili, I’m going with the fat old English fucker, I’ll be back down in eight minutes unless he dies before that, see ya, honey” - but like well-behaved theatregoers, they turn off the apparatus during the performance.

7 Photoshop. The pimps who run web sites have hours to kill, waiting for Lorena or Luana to bring home money for the evening’s beer and rodizio. What better way to fill in the long day, than developing your skill with Adobe’s sexiest software, smoothing scars, blemishes, tattoos, piercings, belly flab, cellulitis and leprosy lesions from the images destined for the web. While it is very rare to find that the girl is not the one in the photos, you are frequently confronted with a body and complexion less glowing and more timeworn than you had been led to expect. By contrast, if you are in the Poço, or a clinic, you can conduct your own assessment of the living flesh, rather than being misled by a doctored photograph. The photos on these sites are geared to entice not red-blooded mongers, lovers of real women, but full-time pornography-addicted masturbators, a different breed of ‘men’. The girls know this, and sometimes fail to conceal their amusement and contempt.

Once again it is Mur’s belief, based on experience, hearsay and web forums, that much of the above applies also to the London sites peddling pussy at £150 the hour. The only difference would be that instead of discussing the shortcomings of Brazilian attitudes and physique, we would be airing our views on why the Baltic and Polish girls are so beautiful and yet so unsatisfying.

So perhaps it’s clear by now that the elderly ‘legend’ Muri recommends the many clinics in Lisbon where you can line ‘em up and take your pick – or the street, with its lower prices, its intriguing Romanian women, and that thrill of danger, that remote chance of being disembowelled by a mad druggie, arrested by a bribe-hungry cop, spotted by your jealous junior colleague, or flattened by the tourist tram just when you are crossing the street to answer Sabina’s siren call of “vamos, vamos foder vinte e cinco.”

Every single experience with a prostitute is going to be somewhere on the range from totally ecstatic to utterly dispiriting. Most of Muri’s experiences with the Portal privado providers were towards the latter end of the scale, and if you can read the local forums, you will find that the lusomongers give these girls very mixed reviews.

Of those local forums, more later, if anyone is interested. Mur also needs to update the London section on the Soho crisis. Before September, he hopes to be in Lisbon for a day or two, and is currently unable to make up his mind between a trip round old friends or an exploration of new horizons. What would Vasco da Gama have done? What would Eça de Queiroz have done? Both, of course.

[Kama Leão]

You can trust KL, as you would trust the distinguished, discreet, impeccably dressed and well-spoken maître d' at a swanky restaurant, to select a fine wine for you, just the beverage to complement your choice of food and impress your beautiful companion, without destroying the confidence of your hedge-fund manager.

You're too kind... but... but...

let's respond to you with the generosity of spirit which Kama Leão showed in the small hours of this morning, when he returned from a torrid night at the 'Elefante Branco'

... I never, ever, set my feet there!!!... (nor will I)

About the rest... wise words!

[Kama Leão]

I forgot to mention that I don't speak Portuguese (probably I will manage to say some words from a lexicon / translater). Will it be a problem with any of the girls you recommended? Do I have to consider anything when I call one of the girls (negotiation of price and service)? Many thanks, Charly

I believe that with Rita or Marta Pereira you will have no such language problems... about the others I'm not so sure.

But here's another (very good) option who speaks fluent English:

Joana:

http://www.acompanhanteslux.com/indexx.php?c=100&p=1002

They will tell you how much they charge (for a hotel call, I believe it will be something like 150€...) and with any of them full sex, BBBJ and (not with all) O levels are included. But I think you should go easy in your learning process and, for now, stick to the basics (FS, BBBJ).

Be honest with the ladies and tell them it's your first time. It will give them extra "motivation"...

About the hotel, I don't think entertaining a lady in your room should present any problem...

[Willie25j]

Just moved here, and i'm trying to find females that will do housecalls. They all seem to want to do outcall in hotels, like you have a shitty house or something. I have always been of a order in type of guy, not takeout. Can anybody help.

Willie25j

[Carlos Primeros]

Your latest contribution and the adivse you give towards the end is of immense value - for even the most world-weary thick-skinned and cynical monger can find L*** for a puta creeping up and catching him unawares.

Monger - beware!!!!

Thank you Muri - out forum´s poet - for this advise - not only to a newby.

Carlos Primeros

[Carl123]

Kama Leão,

Thanks again for your excellent menue (like Murilloa termed it). I would like to ask some last questions before I'll start my trip: I forgot to mention that I don't speak Portuguese (probably I will manage to say some words from a lexicon / translater). Will it be a problem with any of the girls you recommended? Do I have to consider anything when I call one of the girls (negotiation of price and service)? Many thanks, Charly

[Carl123]

Thanks, Kama Leão and Murilloa, for your advice.

Do you think it's better to meet a girl in the hotel or in the club? I'll be in Sana Executice Classic Hotel, probably it will not be a problem to have a guest during the day, but maybe at the night?

Thanks again,

Charly

[Murilloa]

I'm already 32 years old, but until now only have been "the good friend" of women, but didn't have sex at all. Carl

Well, Carl, this seems a little implausible, but let's respond to you with the generosity of spirit which Kama Leão showed in the small hours of this morning, when he returned from a torrid night at the 'Elefante Branco' and took time to think carefully about your situation and to recommend a menu of excellent professionals.

You can trust KL, as you would trust the distinguished, discreet, impeccably dressed and well-spoken maître d' at a swanky restaurant, to select a fine wine for you, just the beverage to complement your choice of food and impress your beautiful companion, without destroying the confidence of your hedge-fund manager.

As he says, any of these will attend to you both body and soul - your needs are every bit as much psychological as sexual at this stage of your Erotic Odyssey, and KL's women will offer the exact required combination of expertise, tenderness and experience.

It is vital at this delicate opening of your mongering career, that you do not fall into the hands of a hard-faced mercenary, a brusque clockwatcher, a mobile phone with a prostitute attached to it, a grubby specimen of street fauna, a cute but clumsy youngster still making her own way in the world, a sensitive poetess who is secretly unhappy about her trade, or a harridan who not-so-secretly holds all men in hatred and contempt.

There will be time for such experiences later, and like all experiences good or bad, they can be converted into literature and philosophy.

Starting at age 32, you have a great deal of catching up to do. Remember that this is also true of several older mongers. Many of us passed through the 'dreaming-and-wanking' phase, then the 'multiple-girlfriend' phase, followed by the 'stable-long-term-relationship' phase, without giving much thought to the world of paid pleasure - only to find, in a panic, that middle age arrived, the sands of time were flowing, and opportunities must not be lost...

If you decide to give up football or stamp-collecting and make this your secret hobby, you could not have come to a better city. You will no doubt have read earlier reports of Lisbon, and while the faces change, the spirit of the place, the 'genius loci', smiles upon us mongers, offering bountiful variety of all shapes, forms, colours ages and prices.

Why, Muri almost envies you, setting out on this path for the first time, as he did (much older than you) a few years back.

Just one word of caution.

No, not about health risks. At your age you know how to take care of yourself.

But do bear in mind that you may be vulnerable to feelings of L*** if one of these ladies gives you a truly wonderful 'début'.

Be careful, for even the most world-weary thick-skinned and cynical monger can find L*** for a puta creeping up and catching him unawares. This state of mind can 'kick in' slowly, like a drug habit that you are certain you can enjoy and control, until one day you realise that it has taken over your existence. By the time you understand what has happened, it may be too late, and you will have a long and rocky road ahead of you, towards a rehabilitation that may prove elusive.

But let's not finish on a melancholy note. Muri and the entire Lisbon community welcome you to our ranks, and have high expectations of your eventual reports.

[Kama Leão]

Maybe you have an advice for me, what would be a right women who will be a good teacher for me? Maybe a little bit older one? Which nationality? Some other hints? Thanks a lot for your support!

Try:

Marta Pereira:

http://www.apartadox.com/janela.php?id=1034

Rita:

http://www.portalprivado.com/rita_p/index.htm

Eduarda:

http://www.momentosdeprazer.com/perfil.aspx?id=319

Marta:

http://www.momentosdeprazer.com/perfil.aspx?id=318

Diana:

http://www.gizelle-escorts.com/gizellebrit-diana.html

You can't go wrong with any of them.

Don't forget to tell us about your experience afterwards. Enjoy!

Ps - No matter what the sites say about their age, they're all at least one or two years older than you. Which will be no problem at all, but in fact a very interesting plus...

[Carl123]

Gentlemen,

I ask you, the community of experienced mongers, for a little advice. I'm really frustrated, as I'm already 32 years old, but until now only have been "the good friend" of women, but didn't have sex at all. Ok, I'm a little bit shy, but nice and not bad looking. So I don't want to be the women's fool any longer and would like to catch up missed experinces. Next week I'll be in Lisbon, and would like to have my first sexual experiences there. Maybe you have an advice for me, what would be a right women who will be a good teacher for me? Maybe a little bit older one? Which nationality? Some other hints? Thanks a lot for your support!

Carl

[Blondx]

Any news in Linha de cascais? Parece / Carcavelos

I am also going to Cascais, any Help?

[Blondx]

Hi Guys

Anyone know som good spots in Cascais?

Are going there in a few weeks.