General Info

[CA Traveler]

Strav... OK, granted it is not a "fiance" visa... there is a separate category, number, for it, but the requirements are the same... interview, medical tests, etc. I know, a former monger buddy who married to a RU babe, lives here, and he is going through it now. It is the same EVEN IF they have a baby who is a US citizen. Now, granted under normal circumstances the visa will be approved, it still takes time. Apparently the laws are different still if you were just married, more strict that is, and a little less so if you've been married for a full year or more.

Marc25 has good advice... in fact, it is good advice whether the girl is Russian OR American!

[John Quakman]

Marc 25 has some spot on advice. The part about a mediated settlement is the best. You follow his rules and you won't be able to do any better

[Marc25]

If you read all the relevant posts about russian american marriages and you went to google and did the same,i would be very afraid,i am marrying a filipina and their success rates are about the same as americans but protect yourself...ONE prenuptials for both of you lawyers,,two ..living trust for all your assets meaning everything is already spoken for,,,three,,get her training for a good job right away,,,four ,,expect the worst,,five ,,never comingle funds ,she has her own account,,6 her lawyer must speak russian,,7 if it does not work out and you see the writing on the wall ,,bail out ,flie for divorce...8 make sure the contract has mediated divorce meaning she will not be able to hire a lawyer on your dimeand lastly look at the worst case scenario and if you still want to and can handle it ,,go for it that is what i am doing but it is not cheap for this insurance

[Long Stroker]

Thanks for all of the repsonses, guys. I knew I could expect some good feedback here.

A lot of times in life it seems you know in your mind the proper course of action to take - the only real challenge is forcing yourself to do it. So, I will talk to her again, tell her that I think her staying here in the U.S. is a bad idea for a number of reasons. I will tell her that I think she needs to go back to her city, back to university where she belongs, and that if she chooses to stay here, I can no longer be a part of her life.

I'll let you guys know what happens.

P.S. - On the Westernization of her attutide:

It's already starting to happen. Nothing serious yet; she hasn't turned into a raving b*tch or anything. But over the last few months, I have seen the demure, passive girl I met in May gradually grow in self-confidence, fueled by the power and promise of her new surroundings. It has been an amazing and bittersweet thing to witness. Mostly bittersweet, however, because we all know how these stories end. Once she becomes fully westernized, of course, the girl I knew will be gone.

[Guido88]

LS,

These guys have posted quite a bit of great advice relating to this subject. Russian women are quick to fall in and out of love. I gave thought to something similar last year, fortunately I did not.

Funny thing is many of these issues apply to women worldwide and especially American women! Be honest & keep repeating the word no.

Guido88

[Stravinsky]

CAT,

If an American man marries a Russian woman in Russia, then there is no longer any need for a fiance visa, since a marriage has taken place. The Russian bride would then be eligible to apply for an immigrant visa, based on the fact that she is now married to a U.S. citizen. And, yes, she would still have to jump through all the hoops that any foreign citizen would have to jump through in order to immigrate to the U.S., except that her visa would be automatically approved, since she is a member of the immediate family of a U.S. citizen.

If the girl has a history, however, of obtaining a U.S. visa under false pretenses, i.e., overstaying a previous visa, then it's hard to say how the State Department would react to that. I'm not sure they could deny her a visa, but they could make her wait for a long time. So then the guy is faced with a tough choice. Do I stay here in the U.S. while my wife is stuck in Russia indefinitely? Or do I move to Russia and live there?

1o9,

Sure, there are lots of illegal aliens living in the U.S. and making a good living. I used to know/subsidize quite a few of them before Rudy Baby shut down the lap dance clubs in NYC. :-( As we all know... the only way a young woman can live well in the U.S. as an illegal alien is to prostitute herself in some way.

BTW, the Patriot Act has just completely changed the landscape for illegal aliens living in the U.S.. Hell, it's changed the landscape for citizens living in the U.S.!

[CA Traveler]

109... actually, that is probably a loophole in the system that is a reasonable way to "extend" your visa without having a red "I" tattooed on your forehead. Too bad that doesn't work in Russia... here if you over stay your visa you will have some 'splainen' to do.

[One O Nine]

Ca_T,

Now we're getting technical, but well, I should clarify my own point from earlier. I should have been clearer.

Basically, yes, if you let your visa run out, you're screwed. But! There's a catch. If you send INS a letter requesting an extension of your status, or a transfer to a different status - even for a completely bullshit reason - your status will remain 'in process' for a loooong time. In New York or LA or some other immigrant-filled area with the overworked INS, if you want to stay, you can stay almost indifintely.

So, it's not that you're perfectly fine staying here 100% illegally. However, you can stay with an expired visa and no immigration status, and keep yourself in legal limbo for a loooong time, at a cost of 32 cents per month.

[Peter the Great]

This is a subject that I have researched and all I have to say is this. It's not worth it! According to the I-864 that you sign to bring them here USA that is you agee with the US govt to take care of them for ten years wheather you are married to them or not. housing, health care, money, everything! Also they get a document in the US Embassy when they get their visa that outlines their rights under US law. Phone numbers to call they whole enchelada about how to protect themselves from this horrble man! The minute they step off the plane they can scream Domestic Violence and call the police and guess what, you're guilty automatically and they will kick you out of your own house! Believe me I have seen this happen to a guy in spokane washington and this happened two years ago and he is still making the house payment and paying for everything. She accused him of trying to make her a prostitute and the cops halled his ass to jail and them the legal fees started. My advice is visit and then leave. have fun enjoy life but fuck the rest of it.

Peter

[CA Traveler]

Just to clarify a couple of things about marriage to a RU girl... I agree totally with everyone about their attitude changing, which is dangerous enough.

However, I'm not totally sure about getting a visa extension if a RU girl is in the USA, gets married and then requests a visa based on being married...

BUT, if an American marries a RU/Ukr girl in the FSU, she must still go through all of the visa requirements that every FSU girl must go through for a fiance visa. The rules change slightly if you have been married for more than a year, but you still must jump through the same hoops. This applies even if she has a husband and a baby who is an American citizen. At this point, who knows how the fiance visa would be affected if she had overstayed her visa in the past.

My gut tells me that, in this day and age, the authorities will not be particularily happy when she overstays her visa and then walks in married and requests a green card based on marriage to a US citizen... even if she has another US citizen sucking on her right breast at the time.

Best advice for us all to give you... Send her home and go visit. Then you are in control... BUT, if you decide it is "LUV", get a pre-nup and never tell her all the details of your financial affairs or you may see it on another official document in the very near future.

[Doctor_Skank]

LS:

The guys are right, tell her like it is. She needs to know the real deal and you certainly dont want to maneuver yourself into an ugly situation.

Escape is relatively easy now, if you wait to long it could be like quicksand.

Her situation isnt uncommon, girls on exchange programs, au pair girls, work permit girls etc. go through it all the time all around America.

Still, she has to know where she stands and where you as a couple stand. You arent her knight in shining armor, even if that reality hurts both her and bruises your ego. You said it yourself, you don't want to be that guy.

IMHumbleO her only legit option is to go home and try to come back as a student... it will give her perspective about her time in America and the chances of returning legally are good. If you do like her enough to do so, offer for her to come back to you, but as a legal immigrant on a student visa... and only on a legal basis.

If she stays illegally, she'll be poor, unskilled, lacking proper language skills, illegal, and vulnerable to blackmail, abuse and manipulation.

She'll be class A white trash. That's a shitty life.

Be good to her, be kind to her, but tell her like it is.

[Eros74]

Be careful if you will decide to marry her..

I totally agree with 109.

I have 3 friends married with 2 slovak girls and 1 czech girl, it is unbelievable how these girls from east europe change after they get married!

They become even more selfish than our, very much, selfish native italians girls!

And when they are married, they know that if they decide to get divorce, they will have all life long very good salary from you without do nothing.
This make, for example my friends, scared often to do something wrong, make them do so good and their wife treat them worst as if they were dog!

They, my friends, are housekeepers now..sad, very sad, but true!

Maybe my friends are just weak?

I don't think so... The life of divorced man here in Italy is not so nice and very seldom marriage with girls from east europe have long future.

Just what I saw here, just my 2 cents.

[Cruiser D]

Be a man and tell her that if she stays you have no plans on taking care of her.

Or have her enroll in the cheapest community college you can find and get a student visa.

Sometimes it almost gets annoying listening to Ukrainian/Russian woman complaining about being stuck in the ex SU. If they want to know what life can really suck like, they should try being a female in any Muslim country or living in 90% of Africa.

Okay guys, I just received some big news, and I could to really use some perspective on it, possibly from people who have been there before.

(stuff deleted)

(Didn't there used to be a Russian Women-Opinion thread? I looked for it but could not find it. If you guys think this post is off topic here let me know and I'll move it)

One O Nine - gotta love those NYC Russian strippers...

[One O Nine]

LS,

This really depends on where you are, and how easy it is for a person to survive there without a visa. I know quite a few Russian girls in NYC who have lived here several years illegally, and they do perfectly fine - have their jobs, driver licenses, bank accounts, credit cards, car loans, etc. But if you're in, I don't know, Idaho or Washington state then it may be difficult to survive as an illegal immigrant.

In any case, if the girl wants to stay she certainly can, and she does have options even being here illegally. She'll get paid under the table, won't pay any taxes / social security, and won't get to vote, but other than that she should be fine. The only way for her to become legal though is through marriage. These four Russian girls I know, I met them about five years ago just as they got off the boat. Three of them are still single but desperately looking, and the fourth one got married three years ago, and just got her green card without any problems.

Anyway, this is all regarding her. In regards to you, the ONLY option is to eject, eject, eject. Do NOT stick around. Russian girls are best enjoyed in their natural habitat, or fresh out of it. If she stays in the US and you keep seeing her, be ready to watch that Mr Hyde come out and rapidly take over.

Whatever you do, don't marry her; or at the very least don't marry her until she becomes fully Americanized in a couple of years. Every single marriage or long-term relationships with replanted ex-Soviet dyevs I've ever seen, they all ended very similarly because of the girls' rapid personality change brought on by the change in environment. Be very, very careful. She's only so nice because she doesn't know any different, yet.

[Stravinsky]

LS,

Count your blessings, fuck like bunnies, and make sure she gets to the airport on time!

I've never been in this position myself, but I know many people who have. CAT is right, this type of situation is a trap, for both the girl and yourself (at least emotionally).

She has 4 options;

1. She can overstay her visa. No one will come after her. The INS is not going to send out Marshals to track down one stray Russian girl. And there are no legal consequences for you in associating with an illegal alien.

But she will not be able to work after her work permit expires, and she will not be able to renew her work permit, so she will have no source of income. Her only option will be to find an employer who will be willing to hire her, knowing that she is illegal. This is a terrible life, much worse than her life back in Russia. She will be paid less than minimum wage and she will be at the mercy of whoever happens to be employing her for as long as she is in the U.S.

2. Stay as a student. It's possible that she could adjust her current visa status to that of a student. She would have to register at a college or university here in the U.S. and she would have to show that she had the financial resources to support herself while studying here. Are you willing to pay for that?

There is a terrible shortage of nurses in the U.S. right now. I've heard that the State of California, for instance, is sponsoring foreign citizens who are willing to make a commitment to becoming professional nurses.

3. Persuade some American guy to marry her. Are you willing to do that?

4. Honor the terms of her visa and go home. If she does, then there is a very good chance that she will be granted another visa at some point in the future. If she doesn't, she will never be granted a U.S. visa again. Unless she marries an U.S. citizen.

As young and idealistic as she may be, you need to persuade her that she really is better off back home.

If you really want to test her love for you, send her home, and then go visit her in Russia. If she is still as crazy about you back in her home town as she was here, then it might be for real.

One piece of advice. If she does decide to stay, as I said, the INS will not track her down, but, if she should happen to walk into an INS office for some reason, they will arrest her on the spot and deport her.

BTW, if she gets pregnant, it's her problem. If the child is born here in the U.S., it will automaticlly be a U.S. citizen, as well as a Russian citizen. But that won't help her in any way in so far as staying in this country.

Good luck,

Stravinsky