Jakarta

[BenderOver]

the bluebird taxis ask for 450 k

What? Did you see the meter in operation? From CGK to Thamrin, its about 200 k and that's pretty rich. You add about 40 k in highway tolls as you usually pass three booths to save quite a bit of time. So about 130 k meter, 40 k tolls, and another 40 k generous tip.

You have to make sure you're in an actual bluebird. There are light blue taxis with the corporate symbol painted on the car and it's not a bluebird. (Rare) more frequently are just no name cabs and they will 100% rip you off by either over metering you or by pre negotiating a double or triple rate. Also, silver birds are upscale bluebirds and legit cost more.

[GentileBear]

This is who to avoid when traveling in Jakarta. They can also be seen on the way to Classic. Alchemy is illegal in Indonesia. So instead of Gold They make Silver. This is an under-cover Sharia Law Enforcer: Wilayatul Hisbah.

[MarquisdeSade1]

"he was on the Colombian forum a few years back. He has never been anywhere or done anything. Everyone from the Colombian forum were saying the same thing: "troll", "mom's basement", etc, etc, and so on. ADMINs need to delete his access to this entire website!

Its you again that homeless looking creepy stalker that wrote about stalking thetallman in the bushes in Medellin.

Now you are stalking me lololol keep your distance bro, I bite lololol.

And you also wrote how pinay hookers "walk on water" LMAO don't you belong back at that psychotic Medellin stupid shit thread? I'm sure those other whack jobs miss you? LOL NOT.

I'm guessing you don't remember meeting me a few years ago, you were probably in another alcoholic blackout.

You are the filthiest dirtiest nastiest disgusting monger I've ever met, you are even much worse than the homeless druggies rolling around in their own shit in the Bronx in Medellin.

You really need to bathe sometime bro, you give mongering a bad name!!

[Joe Brooklyn]

Hmm, difficult to quantify the risk. Everythings good fun untill they catch you with your pants down. The women are the worst Fat sadists in jilbabs, but the force seems to attract the zealots. They're mean.

Before you come you should sew maybe five US $100 bills into your shirt and wear it everywhere, even if you smell. Don't take it off. If theres a knock on the door when you are with a girl. Put your shirt on first. Don't worry about your dangly old nuts hanging down. When they kick the door in you should be wearing that shirt.

Another trick which OS often does is to dress like them. You can go to Tanah Abang textile market and get yourself some religous robes. There's a whole floor of stalls. OS will dress up like them for a nights partying and instead of handcuffs, the Sharia police are high fiving you when the raid happens.

Another advantage of this kind of robe is it's very easy to relieve yourself without anybody noticing if the toilet isn't clean or simply not available. You can walk up to the bus stop and pretend to be reading the timetable and then just walk away nonchalantly, leaving behind a pile or a puddle depending on your movement.

It sounds scary but with a little subterfuge. The sharia police are quite easy to negotiate.

Thanks for the valuable info.

Would a checkered sarong draw too much attention? If so, maybe I can go with more muted earth tones, like "dust", or "smog"? Want to blend in seamlessly with my drab surroundings.

Also, it's come to my attention that the typical annual salary in JK is about 104 m IDR. That breaks down to less than $130/ wk. I'm rather on the cheap side. Would it be ok if I sewed $20 bills into my shirt instead? $100 bills seems rather extravagant. I'd probably save a bundle this way when dealing with the Sharia police, all while keeping my modest profile.

[Hung Man 1808]

Grab Feel is the best service I've never heard of this year. Actually make that next year as well.

I'm sticking to this service from now on to distract me from the terror of those sharia snipers dotted down the CBD. Lucky they're crap shots eh?

But I'm guessing OS survives his merry jaunts due to his dress sense. Tented up, I suppose you might even be able to play 'On Golden Pond' whilst grabbing a feel on the trip. Cmon OS, we know you have.

[HotDog666]

Your trip sounds awful. I'd just stick to pay as you go forget tinder, and other apps most of the time they don't show and make excuses and cancel if they are serious make them come to you. Lots of time lost in traffic trying to meet them to forget that. Just try out as many places as you can. Forget arranging dates waste of time and Energy. How do you access this forum from Jakarta? I couldn't gain access.

I think you're right. My Tinder inbox is burgeoning but after last night I'm twice shy. VPN is your friend in Jakarta. I use Windscribe which is free up to 20 GB per month, and if you install the chrome extension you can easily switch it on or off as needed.

[Banana Boi]

Went to Classic around 10 pm, it's true what they say about how pushy the mamasan are, very annoying. I wanted to get a feel of the place, and they literally won't take no for an answer. Perhaps my expectations were too high but the talent, whilst not terrible, wasn't great.

Imo 10 pm is a bit late to go to Classic or Travel. Better off going at 6 or 7 pm. Just start walking around to the other groups of girls that don't belong to that mamasan. Just pretend mamasan is an annooying ex-GF who wants you back. The other more sure fire way is to agree to see every single girl from the mamasan who's following you around. After you reject every single one of them she will leave you alone. Once you become a known face at Classic, Travel or any other Jakarta bar mama / papasans are no longer a bother. In fact, they become very useful if you are looking for a girl you liked before or to let you know which girl is brand new.

The nominal cover charge is removed once you buy a drink or two. If you are known to the Classic staff you will also be allowed in and out as you wish with no cover.

[Tiny 12]

Ok Dude. If that makes you happier in your miserable existence to just sit there and criticize my accurate and detailed report of my personal experience, go ahead. If you have actual experience you could post your own TR. But its much easier to take pot shots at other people who actually contribute useful and meaningful reports isn't it? Especially when you probably don't even have a passport. Go to the Pattaya forum and link up with other trolls there you will at least have some company of other losers. LOL.

Hey, the Marquis is treating you with kid gloves. He's called me a full blown psychopath and thinks I'm trying to bring back slavery. For some reason he also seems to think I'm taking advantage of Asian slave labor and depriving Americans of jobs. That's all B.S. of course. If anything I overpay Third World hookers.

Good report BTW, I enjoyed it.

[Delbo1]

Your trip sounds awful. I'd just stick to pay as you go forget tinder, and other apps most of the time they don't show and make excuses and cancel if they are serious make them come to you. Lots of time lost in traffic trying to meet them to forget that. Just try out as many places as you can. Forget arranging dates waste of time and Energy. How do you access this forum from Jakarta? I couldn't gain access.

So I thought it wouldn't get worse. Day two I had a tinder date, in fact 2, lined up. Cancelled the one with hot chick. Proceeded with the older lady on the premise she could potentially be a longer term / more serious thing. She chooses one of the most expensive places in town, takes me an hour getting there. She's older than she looks (and as she later intimites is a lot older than she said). She greets me with real affection and I thought we were about to make out. We approach the table, and there's a guy sitting there, she says it's her son. I think "wtf? No wait I mean, "WTF?" Am I in a Friends episode?

So I keep it cool and we proceed to the meal, it's difficult to make conversation as my head is still reeling, and her English is very poor. She signals her real interest in making it a real relationship before we've even had the drinks. I'm thinking of how to bail out. It's clear they want dinner. I resign myself to the evening. She wants later to know what we do after the dinner. I make my excuses on the basis that I'm not feeling great, which tbh I am really not. The bill comes to 1 Million. She signals she would appreciate money for her taxi. I give another 100 k. Whatever. It'll just have to come out of the starving children's charity budget. I take my Grab taxi but at the last stretch decide to rescue the evening by diverting to Classic..

[GentileBear]

Maybe there are secret hidden forums here where WE are being made fun of. Maybe some here on this forum are simply high functioning autistic. I am un-sure but the last 2 or 3 pages of posts here make me question my sanity and intelligence. Maybe it's me being sober and having post nut clarity after a binge of unmentionables.

Are there some members dense enough to not realize they are the super glue Butt of a joke? Masterfully played gentlemen. I am in awe of the responses to some posts here.

[HotDog666]

So I thought it wouldn't get worse. Day two I had a tinder date, in fact 2, lined up. Cancelled the one with hot chick. Proceeded with the older lady on the premise she could potentially be a longer term / more serious thing. She chooses one of the most expensive places in town, takes me an hour getting there. She's older than she looks (and as she later intimites is a lot older than she said). She greets me with real affection and I thought we were about to make out. We approach the table, and there's a guy sitting there, she says it's her son. I think "wtf? No wait I mean, "WTF?" Am I in a Friends episode?

So I keep it cool and we proceed to the meal, it's difficult to make conversation as my head is still reeling, and her English is very poor. She signals her real interest in making it a real relationship before we've even had the drinks. I'm thinking of how to bail out. It's clear they want dinner. I resign myself to the evening. She wants later to know what we do after the dinner. I make my excuses on the basis that I'm not feeling great, which tbh I am really not. The bill comes to 1 Million. She signals she would appreciate money for her taxi. I give another 100 k. Whatever. It'll just have to come out of the starving children's charity budget. I take my Grab taxi but at the last stretch decide to rescue the evening by diverting to Classic.

On the ground floor I hadn't noticed there was another disco. I ask the receptionist if it's the same entry as the 2nd floor. He says it is. I go in, there are fair looking but completely indifferent looking girls and pretty empty. I decide to bail to the 2nd floor. It's clear I have to pay twice. That annoys me and despite paying I petulantly throw the exit pass on the receptionist desk. He gets angry in return and we argue. I ultimately control my anger and the other receptionist tells him to let it go. I feel later a little annoyed with myself. Yes, he screwed me, but what's the point of making a fuss for a couple of bucks? The darling earlier stiffed me for 30 x the amount.

Decide to choose an Indo girl from the overbearing mamasan. She is a little better than the one yesterday. However, my request for a mandi kucing (a term introduced by a helpful gent here) she finds hilarious but refuses to provide. Later she asks for a tip. I give her 100 k. Should I have? Who knows. The security on the way out asks for a tip for no valid reason. My pocket lighter and my heart and mind heavier I decide to call it a night. Let's see what the next few days bring.

[HotDog666]

Dude, you're hilarious! Brilliant post. Unfortunately, your irony / sarcasm is lost on some.

Grab Feel. LOL.

Hmm, difficult to quantify the risk. Everythings good fun untill they catch you with your pants down. The women are the worst Fat sadists in jilbabs, but the force seems to attract the zealots. They're mean.

Before you come you should sew maybe five US $100 bills into your shirt and wear it everywhere, even if you smell. Don't take it off. If theres a knock on the door when you are with a girl. Put your shirt on first. Don't worry about your dangly old nuts hanging down. When they kick the door in you should be wearing that shirt.

Another trick which OS often does is to dress like them. You can go to Tanah Abang textile market and get yourself some religous robes. There's a whole floor of stalls. OS will dress up like them for a nights partying and instead of handcuffs, the Sharia police are high fiving you when the raid happens.

Another advantage of this kind of robe is it's very easy to relieve yourself without anybody noticing if the toilet isn't clean or simply not available. You can walk up to the bus stop and pretend to be reading the timetable and then just walk away nonchalantly, leaving behind a pile or a puddle depending on your movement.

It sounds scary but with a little subterfuge. The sharia police are quite easy to negotiate.

[SuperLove]

This posts helps everyone, IMHO. I am in Jakarta soon. Thanks OS again. I had all these Q's and many more.

Hello good sir. OS shall now help you with your enquiries. Please excuse the delay in replying. OS has been busy attending other matters.

1.

Ladyboys. Yes definitely around. Your safest bet is to have the request for no ladyboys saved on your phone in the local dialect " Gue ngilir banci". Show this to any in your circle of assistance, hotel concierges, mamasans, etc etc.

2.

Jakarta traffic can be horrendous. You are correct. OS would recommend the by Grab which is the predominant motorcycle taxi service. They have a new service called Grab Feel. With only young female riders and as the name suggests with relatively modest charge, your hands are free to wander during the ride. This will ensure you arrive at your destination all barred up and ready for action.

3.

Blowjob bars. Sadly, not anymore. In days gone by you could be fellated whilst enjoying your beer at Dee's Place bar in Blok M. Why OS remebers dumping a load of cum with his big thing into some maiden sitting on a bar stool in the corner there. Then finishing his beer, getting up and leaving. While she squatted over the waste paper basket scooping out all his splooge.

4.

Top three punting houses. Classic, Malioboro and Travel For INTERNATIONAL. Go to 1001.

5.

Language barriers with the ladies. Well you're in Indonesia. The girls may speak Javanese, Sundanese, Bahasa Indonesia and if lucky. English. What were you hoping for?

6.

Scams. You may be subsceptible here. The 100 scam is doing the rounds just now. An Indonesian will approach you and ask if they can hold your wallet. After you give it to them they will then ask you to close your eyes and count to 100. The really funny bit is when you open your eyes. There's so many of them and they all look the same. You can't work out which one you gave your wallet to. It's a deceptively simple scam and a number of posters here have fallen for it, some more than once.

Lastly, beware of the Sharia police, they have a habit of knowing what seedy old farts like you are up to. A lashing at their hands is never enjoyable.

We are all really excited you are coming to Jakarta and ditto all those Balinese waiting for you to hit them.

[SuperLove]

Thanks OS for the well defined reply. I like the grab feel option, will opt for it when in town to get started early.

And I had the same 3 choices as yours, can you share 1001 for intl chicks, was it called 1001 colosseum or 1001 pool. Wasn't it shut, if still open great will visit for sure. Where is it, for translation will have my translator handy. And finally thanks for the alert on police and scams. Will watchout for them.

My hotel has an in-house spa, can anyone tell me what is the going rate if I ask a lady to see me in my room.

Can anyone recommend nice FS spas near Manga Bessar area, I stay close by.

And finally which levels of classic & travel are doable and which ones to pass. Which bars to hit in malio and kota indah complex. I know Starmoon is pretty good.

Thanks a ton, guys.

Hello good sir. OS shall now help you with your enquiries. Please excuse the delay in replying. OS has been busy attending other matters.

1.

Ladyboys. Yes definitely around. Your safest bet is to have the request for no ladyboys saved on your phone in the local dialect " Gue ngilir banci". Show this to any in your circle of assistance, hotel concierges, mamasans, etc etc.

2.

Jakarta traffic can be horrendous. You are correct. OS would recommend the by Grab which is the predominant motorcycle taxi service. They have a new service called Grab Feel. With only young female riders and as the name suggests with relatively modest charge, your hands are free to wander during the ride. This will ensure you arrive at your destination all barred up and ready for action.

3.

Blowjob bars. Sadly, not anymore. In days gone by you could be fellated whilst enjoying your beer at Dee's Place bar in Blok M. Why OS remebers dumping a load of cum with his big thing into some maiden sitting on a bar stool in the corner there. Then finishing his beer, getting up and leaving. While she squatted over the waste paper basket scooping out all his splooge.

4.

Top three punting houses. Classic, Malioboro and Travel For INTERNATIONAL. Go to 1001.

5.

Language barriers with the ladies. Well you're in Indonesia. The girls may speak Javanese, Sundanese, Bahasa Indonesia and if lucky. English. What were you hoping for?

6.

Scams. You may be subsceptible here. The 100 scam is doing the rounds just now. An Indonesian will approach you and ask if they can hold your wallet. After you give it to them they will then ask you to close your eyes and count to 100. The really funny bit is when you open your eyes. There's so many of them and they all look the same. You can't work out which one you gave your wallet to. It's a deceptively simple scam and a number of posters here have fallen for it, some more than once.

Lastly, beware of the Sharia police, they have a habit of knowing what seedy old farts like you are up to. A lashing at their hands is never enjoyable.

We are all really excited you are coming to Jakarta and ditto all those Balinese waiting for you to hit them.

[Tiny 12]

Hello good sir. OS shall now help you with your enquiries. Please excuse the delay in replying. OS has been busy attending other matters.

1.

Ladyboys. Yes definitely around. Your safest bet is to have the request for no ladyboys saved on your phone in the local dialect " Gue ngilir banci". Show this to any in your circle of assistance, hotel concierges, mamasans, etc etc.

2.

Jakarta traffic can be horrendous. You are correct. OS would recommend the by Grab which is the predominant motorcycle taxi service. They have a new service called Grab Feel. With only young female riders and as the name suggests with relatively modest charge, your hands are free to wander during the ride. This will ensure you arrive at your destination all barred up and ready for action.

3.

Blowjob bars. Sadly, not anymore. In days gone by you could be fellated whilst enjoying your beer at Dee's Place bar in Blok M. Why OS remebers dumping a load of cum with his big thing into some maiden sitting on a bar stool in the corner there. Then finishing his beer, getting up and leaving. While she squatted over the waste paper basket scooping out all his splooge.

4.

Top three punting houses. Classic, Malioboro and Travel For INTERNATIONAL. Go to 1001.

5.

Language barriers with the ladies. Well you're in Indonesia. The girls may speak Javanese, Sundanese, Bahasa Indonesia and if lucky. English. What were you hoping for?

6.

Scams. You may be subsceptible here. The 100 scam is doing the rounds just now. An Indonesian will approach you and ask if they can hold your wallet. After you give it to them they will then ask you to close your eyes and count to 100. The really funny bit is when you open your eyes. There's so many of them and they all look the same. You can't work out which one you gave your wallet to. It's a deceptively simple scam and a number of posters here have fallen for it, some more than once.

Lastly, beware of the Sharia police, they have a habit of knowing what seedy old farts like you are up to. A lashing at their hands is never enjoyable.

We are all really excited you are coming to Jakarta and ditto all those Balinese waiting for you to hit them.

Hmm, difficult to quantify the risk. Everythings good fun untill they catch you with your pants down. The women are the worst Fat sadists in jilbabs, but the force seems to attract the zealots. They're mean.

Before you come you should sew maybe five US $100 bills into your shirt and wear it everywhere, even if you smell. Don't take it off. If theres a knock on the door when you are with a girl. Put your shirt on first. Don't worry about your dangly old nuts hanging down. When they kick the door in you should be wearing that shirt.

Another trick which OS often does is to dress like them. You can go to Tanah Abang textile market and get yourself some religous robes. There's a whole floor of stalls. OS will dress up like them for a nights partying and instead of handcuffs, the Sharia police are high fiving you when the raid happens.

Another advantage of this kind of robe is it's very easy to relieve yourself without anybody noticing if the toilet isn't clean or simply not available. You can walk up to the bus stop and pretend to be reading the timetable and then just walk away nonchalantly, leaving behind a pile or a puddle depending on your movement.

It sounds scary but with a little subterfuge. The sharia police are quite easy to negotiate.

Damn good advice OS. I wish somebody had told me that before the first time I set foot in Tanamur. Can somebody please put links to these in the "Reports of Distinction" thread, to preserve them for posterity?