Stupid Shit in the Philippines

[Goferring]

Sabang has bunch of Western geriatric losers who rely on their measly pensions to get through the week. Most of the homeless people in my country have more pride in their appearance than these useless rascals. Their ration is two SMLs a week. They gather at two places. The Big Apple and the German delicatessen where the girly bars are. I saw one 100 year old American fuckwit yesterday talking about Bitcoins at the deli. At that point I knew I had to get out of there. He was talking like he was some fucking expert in crypto currencies. The fact is that junk is based on hot air and you cannot do any trend analysis as it's not based on anything. Idiot.

I call the Big Apple the Rotten Apple. It is always full of pathetic looking westerners getting drunk every night on cheap beer. The dive instructors are also getting drunk with them each night, thus filing you with confidence that they will be functional the next day when they have to rescue you. It is also full of the most hideous looking freelancers you can find anywhere in the Phils. If any of you mongers see me at Rotten Apple at the age of 98 drinking beer with toothless hookers, please take me around the back and shoot me. You will be doing the world a favour.

ED,

The Big Apple is actually a fine establishment that had welcomed all gentlemanly behaviours up to and including dropping dead mid stroke in the front bar. I've been away for a few years now but I'm thinking of returning. I've got unfinished business there: 8 square inches remaining of the property where I haven't fucked a girl.

If you want to see old mongers winning at life drop around to Coco Lips. There was / is and old guy with a walking frame who swings by most nights. After 30 or 40 minutes to make it up the 3 entrance steps, he collapses into the couch reserved for him to the doors' immediate right. From there he doesn't / can't move all night. An old duck usually saddles up to him then escorts him back home for the inevitable. How he makes it back up the hill to Jack Daniels without collapsing, I have no idea.

He's my hero. Fuck rusting away in a nursing home waiting to die. Much better to burn out and die of a combination of untreated STDs in some shithole bar in PI.

Enjoy. G.

[Engine Driver]

Sabang has bunch of Western geriatric losers who rely on their measly pensions to get through the week. Most of the homeless people in my country have more pride in their appearance than these useless rascals. Their ration is two SMLs a week. They gather at two places. The Big Apple and the German delicatessen where the girly bars are. I saw one 100 year old American fuckwit yesterday talking about Bitcoins at the deli. At that point I knew I had to get out of there. He was talking like he was some fucking expert in crypto currencies. The fact is that junk is based on hot air and you cannot do any trend analysis as it's not based on anything. Idiot.

I call the Big Apple the Rotten Apple. It is always full of pathetic looking westerners getting drunk every night on cheap beer. The dive instructors are also getting drunk with them each night, thus filing you with confidence that they will be functional the next day when they have to rescue you. It is also full of the most hideous looking freelancers you can find anywhere in the Phils. If any of you mongers see me at Rotten Apple at the age of 98 drinking beer with toothless hookers, please take me around the back and shoot me. You will be doing the world a favour.

[WestCoast1]

Imagine you are stranded on a South Sea islan, with nothing but fish you can spear, coconuts and bare breasted women with boobs bigger than those coconuts. You don't go asking for the wine list. Capiche?

Haha worthy of the ROD?

[PedroMorales]

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/List...llibee_outlets

Over 150 outside of the Philippines.

Are in Vietnam. No one is arguing smart Pinoys are not smart. JB could well be the next big thing. McDonalds, KFC with a smile. Pepsi and CocaCola are clones, no different from 1,000,000 other Cola drinks. If JB succeed, good luck to them. But that is al they can commercially produce. I told a lie earlier I forgot to say what fantastic bread I make. Even French chicks love it. My secrets (sic) are good ingredients, time and patience. But I am nowhere near the league of a professional chef as it is not my thing. To me. It is chemistry. Not magic.

SML is not bad. But do not compare it to German, Belgian or Czech beers as that is a fight. This is all horses for courses stuff. The Philippines is crowded and poor so there is no space for haute cuisine. Nor did it have the depth of China or Japan.

Imagine you are stranded on a South Sea islan, with nothing but fish you can spear, coconuts and bare breasted women with boobs bigger than those coconuts. You don't go asking for the wine list. Capiche?

[Kabul Guy]

There are JBee in LA. They are fairly popular, like Checkers or McDo.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/List...llibee_outlets

Over 150 outside of the Philippines.

[PedroMorales]

There is actually a Jollibee in London, close to Oxford Street station. But I've only ever seen Filipinos walk in to it. It is their Mecca.

Prince Andrew shudda gone there instead of to Pizza Express. No class.

[WestCoast1]

There is actually a Jollibee in London, close to Oxford Street station. But I've only ever seen Filipinos walk in to it. It is their Mecca.

There are JBee in LA. They are fairly popular, like Checkers or McDo.

[SaltyPete]

5. Philippine food. As you mentioned, it's crap. There is a reason you don't see any philippine restaurants outside the country. Also expat filipinas who settle in the west tend to blow up in size immediately, cause they keep eating the same Jollibee-style slop but now in western-sized servings.

There is actually a Jollibee in London, close to Oxford Street station. But I've only ever seen Filipinos walk in to it. It is their Mecca.

[Fast Buck Artist]

A solid list Aviator.

Having worked there for 2 years in 2009-2011, I have a few items to add to your list:

1. The trash. It's everywhere, So much junk in the rivers you can cross them and not get your feet wet. Worse, the burning trash. The preferred way of disposing of garbage in flip province is to chuck it into a pile and light up a bonfire. The stench is horrendous as well as very unhealthy.

2. No sidewalks. In any place where they exist, it gets occupied immediately by a tent selling assorted crap. Or it gets turned into a parking lot for scooters. Pedestrians just walk on the road, dodging vehicles.

3. The people. Quantity and quality. Way too darn many of them and the best ones leave the country as fast as they can earn enough pesos to buy a ticket and pay relocation costs.

4. Tribal culture. Filipinos are tribal, meaning they care only for their family and clan, and their plot of land, and give zero fucks about everything outside of it. It's the main reason countries stay in shithole status, this tribalism.

5. Philippine food. As you mentioned, it's crap. There is a reason you don't see any philippine restaurants outside the country. Also expat filipinas who settle in the west tend to blow up in size immediately, cause they keep eating the same Jollibee-style slop but now in western-sized servings.

- the white guy is always expected to pay. This is rule NO. 1. Even you join a dinner with middle class or rich local people; it is always expected that you pay.
- the constant yelling of SIR, SIR, SIR, SIR!!
- girls imitating movie stars and actresses the way the talk about themselves, life, love, friendship etc. Soooo pretending.
- The gruesome morning call of Chicken in every backyard in province.
- Burn-out / black-out. Very prevalent in the provinces.
- Lying. Yes it is a Christian catholic country. Most people go to church. But nobody seems to care about lying.
- Showing up late; expect a date to arrive 1-2 hours late.
- The hassle of getting from the airport; long taxi lines, sweltering hot, no cars etc.
- Road construction; every road junction (province) has an area not filled with concrete. Why not just fill it up to avoid the bumps?
- The terrible food / Jollibee culture. The food is horrendously bad in Phil compared to most other Asian countries. And un-healthy.
- Traffic in Manila; maybe actually 10% better this year, but still some of the worst citys in the world to move around.
- Scams like the airport bullet scams a few years ago, taxi scams etc.
- Mixing Tagalog with English in one sentence; just annoying! Seems like more of a show off.
- Corruption.
- Top 10% of rich people own 90% of all land assets and wealth. There are in fact only two classes: Super rich. And very poor.
- Politicians; 16-17 rich families run the country and provinces; it is more related to a mafia system than actual "free elections".
- Constant battering of Typhoons.
Feel free to add more.

[GoodEnough]

GE, the only person making generalizations is you. People in the back water known as Davao are not erudite Francophiles as you claim. They are just plain, stupid Flips who love eating pork, drinking instant coffee and doing what every other Flip does. The charade that Davao is the culinary and wine capital of the world needs to stop. You should get out and travel a bit more. The world has changed a lot since you retired to that backwater in Mindanao.

I can't be bothered to go back and review every post, but I'm reasonably sure I never claimed that Davao residents are "erudite Francophiles,' so this is either clumsy hyperbole or your part or a willful misinterpretation of what I said. As to your racist "plain stupid Flips" comment, it's belied largely by the fact that the only real French restaurant in town usually has to turn people away on weekends since it cannot accommodate all who want to eat there. And as to being the "culinary and wine capital of the world," I never said that or even implied it. I'm guessing you might need to brush up on nuance or work on sharpening your sarcasm.

I'll be in Makati for much of next week, which will give me a chance to visit a couple of my favored French restaurants there, and I look forward to sample some of their reds paired with American angus beef. The last time I was there I had one of the better steak au poivres I've ever eaten in Asia.

GE.

[PedroMorales]

I am a dab hand myself in the kitchen, as it happens. I am a particularly good saucier, solid with roasts and au just but weak on fish which is another league. If one knows real chefs or if one has ever had fugu, one learns respect not only for the chef but the implements they use and the cultures, European and North East Asian in the main, that spawn them. Although Chinese restaurants in Paris have Michelin stars, they should really stick to what they are good at.

I remember once, reading about some Himalayan hotel that made the best porridge in India. I thought that was hilarious until I thought about it. If the Indians put their minds to it, they would certainly make porridge fit, if not for a King, at least for Bonnie Prince Charlie (as in Culloden, not the current flake). As regards SE Asia, one wonders if wine belongs there at all. Sauvignon Blanc, with its clean, penetrating acidity, works well, as do Spanish Albariños, or German Rieslings or any good rosé but why bother?

The Philippines is a place of balut, buko and brown-breasted beauties who go bareback. Why pretend otherwise?

[Engine Driver]

These generalizations, largely about the lack of taste for European flavors, is gradually fading into myth. As more affluent young Filipinos travel more extensively, they return having been influencedas were Americans in the 60's and 70'sby the culinary practices of other countries. In our small place, for example, we grind beans daily, and serve the coffee in French Press Cafetires. We have loads of sukis (regulars) who love the strong, freshly-brewed coffee, and some come during the late afternoons just to drink that. So yes, the older generation who confuse Nescaf with coffee is still with us, but tastes are changing rapidly, not only with coffee but with wine as well. After years spent living in Paris, wine seems to me an essential aspect of a meal. An increasing number of our younger customers appear to feel the same, and many can distinguish by taste and smell among different types of wine.

Of course, I'm not talking about those who think wine grows in waxed cardboard cartons. But there really is an entire class of younger Filipinos who would laugh at the generalizations.

GE.

GE, the only person making generalizations is you. People in the back water known as Davao are not erudite Francophiles as you claim. They are just plain, stupid Flips who love eating pork, drinking instant coffee and doing what every other Flip does. The charade that Davao is the culinary and wine capital of the world needs to stop. You should get out and travel a bit more. The world has changed a lot since you retired to that backwater in Mindanao.

[PedroMorales]

These generalizations, largely about the lack of taste for European flavors, is gradually fading into myth. As more affluent young Filipinos travel more extensively, they return having been influencedas were Americans in the 60's and 70'sby the culinary practices of other countries. In our small place, for example, we grind beans daily, and serve the coffee in French Press Cafetires. We have loads of sukis (regulars) who love the strong, freshly-brewed coffee, and some come during the late afternoons just to drink that. So yes, the older generation who confuse Nescaf with coffee is still with us, but tastes are changing rapidly, not only with coffee but with wine as well. After years spent living in Paris, wine seems to me an essential aspect of a meal. An increasing number of our younger customers appear to feel the same, and many can distinguish by taste and smell among different types of wine.Of course, I'm not talking about those who think wine grows in waxed cardboard cartons. But there really is an entire class of younger Filipinos who would laugh at the generalizations.GE.

Have you any idea what you are talking about or what I wrote? Tea can be very expensive: ask any Saudi Prince you bump in to there. If you don't do polo with Saudis (or Nigerians), ask Sri Lankans or Indians about how wind, altitude, rain levels etc affect tea and how the Saudis pay fortunes for the cream of the crop. Kabul's response was interesting as once sugar was very expensive (In Henry V111's time) and the Pashtun would not have been swigging it down with their brew. There is a place for such beverages and, no doubt, after a good game of buzkashi or after a day of wasting the guys in the next village, that tea goes down well. I always admired one of your own, Mike Tyson, for going back to his hood mates to drink plum brandy, even though he could afford your prices and the chicks would like his tatts. Next time you are in Pakistan, don't try to do a runner from the taxi as the Pashtun drive them. They do hard building work at 100 degrees in the shade. Try to do them over and you'll be sipping your coffee through a straw. Harder than nails.

Most Pinoys are not Mike Tysons. They do not have the disposable income to afford haute cuisine and to pretend otherwise is self-delusion. The Philippines is the land of balut and badly roasted pork.

That is not to say good wines are not for sale in the Philippines. In Downfall, about the last days of Herr Hitler, when he sits down to dinner in the Führerbunker with the charming Hanna Reitsch, the capable Generaloberst Robert Ritter von Greim and the mad as a March hare Paul Joseph Goebbels, what kind of wine do you imagine was on the table? What wines do you think Mussolini had on tap in his ill-fated Repubblica Sociale Italiana aka Salò Republic, as the net closed in on him? How much appreciation do you think the Wehrmacht soldiers had for the vintage French wines they knocked back during the fall of La Troisième areépublique? Horses for courses.

I have no doubt that President Duterte's chums could slurp Château Lafite-Rothschild off the breasts of a 20 year old hookers even better perhaps than the rest of us. But that is not the point. When you knock about with the Pashtun, drink their sugary teas, pay your taxi fare and don't eye up their women. If you want a baked potato, don't even think of the Philippines but join the Quechua in Peru for la papas. The Quechua say a meal without potatoes is like a life without love and they are right. I prefer Peru as I am a mountain guy and I like mountin' women.

[GoodEnough]

When British and US forces crossed the Rhine in 1945, the Yanks were amazed to see the Brits stop to brew up some tea. The Yanks didn't get it. One always brings one's tea to a gun fight. As someone who yaps about Afghanistan all the time, you should know that. The Taliban lads like their brew. We are not talking about the-Hong Pao Tea, which is a snip $1.2 million a kilo (tell your opium mates to check those prices) or even the more modest PG Tips Diamond Tea Bag, which goes at $15,000 a tea bag.

That brings me to the Philippines, which has no polo (Nigeria does) or even Buzkashi (have you tried it? They generally serve up ready to go junk, though freshly brewed coffee would be widely available for Yanks with $$. Top Japanese hotels make British tea (cheap bags + sugar + milk) avaiialble to touring Brits at about $40 a quick cup. This is in the same bracket as London's famous Dorchster charges for the whole harry Potter works.

The moral of the story is apples and oranges, or tea and coffee if you prefer. The "coffee" on offer suits the clientele, those little combination bags, where coffee, sugar and "cream" are all in the one bag. Not the type of fare the Saudi princes indulge in. I have stayed in places in Angeles where free freshly or not so freshly brewed coffee was on tap but one does not go there for the coffee or tea.

These generalizations, largely about the lack of taste for European flavors, is gradually fading into myth. As more affluent young Filipinos travel more extensively, they return having been influenced—as were Americans in the 60's and 70's—by the culinary practices of other countries. In our small place, for example, we grind beans daily, and serve the coffee in French Press Cafetières. We have loads of sukis (regulars) who love the strong, freshly-brewed coffee, and some come during the late afternoons just to drink that. So yes, the older generation who confuse Nescafé with coffee is still with us, but tastes are changing rapidly, not only with coffee but with wine as well. After years spent living in Paris, wine seems to me an essential aspect of a meal. An increasing number of our younger customers appear to feel the same, and many can distinguish by taste and smell among different types of wine.

Of course, I'm not talking about those who think wine grows in waxed cardboard cartons. But there really is an entire class of younger Filipinos who would laugh at the generalizations.

GE.

[Kabul Guy]

When British and US forces crossed the Rhine in 1945, the Yanks were amazed to see the Brits stop to brew up some tea. The Yanks didn't get it. One always brings one's tea to a gun fight. As someone who yaps about Afghanistan all the time, you should know that. The Taliban lads like their brew.

Actually it was the Brits that were amazed that the Yanks did not stop for tea at the regularly scheduled tea times. Up until that point they still had hope that the Americans had retained some civilized behaviours. One must keep one's standards despite the presence of an armed enemy ready to attack.

The Afghan like chi tea made from loose tea leaves, it is actually pretty good but they ruin it with excessive sugar sometimes.

The moral of the story is apples and oranges, or tea and coffee if you prefer. The "coffee" on offer suits the clientele, those little combination bags, where coffee, sugar and "cream" are all in the one bag. Not the type of fare the Saudi princes indulge in. I have stayed in places in Angeles where free freshly or not so freshly brewed coffee was on tap but one does not go there for the coffee or tea.

I realize that the instant coffee in individual serving packages is what suits the locals, other than the old colonial idea that foreign processed is better than local natural products, I don't see the attraction to that shit. About the only time I actually will drink the stuff is to avoid the caffeine withdraw headache when regular coffee is not available, but I now carry tea bags with me so I can have tea instead of instant coffee.

On a related note, I like Sparkle better than Sprite. Sometimes get a very surprised look from the locals when I ask for Sparkle and when told only Sprite available and I will switch to water or juice.