Cartagena Reports

[Kafka]

Sierra is nasty.

After years of fucking parsley and looking at pussy; you finally figured it out. LOL.

[GrownMan1]

Does a bear shit in the woods! Caught in a net right off the beach by the restaurant.

It's called Sierra which is Spanish Mackerel. A cross between halibut and swordfish.

And now a question for you.

Do you know the difference between parsley and pussy?

You don't eat parsley! LOL.

After years of fucking parsley and looking at pussy; you finally figured it out. LOL.

[Surfer500]

Is this Dann hotel girlfriendly? Did they charge you extra?

Don't know I just have my Chica with me and registered her in as I booked a room for two.

I'm the only old fart with a woman forty years younger with me in tow that I have noticed at least yet.

[Sammon]

Does a bear shit in the woods! Caught in a net right off the beach by the restaurant.

It's called Sierra which is Spanish Mackerel. A cross between halibut and swordfish.

And now a question for you.

Do you know the difference between parsley and pussy?

You don't eat parsley! LOL.

Is this Dann hotel girlfriendly? Did they charge you extra?

[Surfer500]

I that fish locally caught?

Does a bear shit in the woods! Caught in a net right off the beach by the restaurant.

It's called Sierra which is Spanish Mackerel. A cross between halibut and swordfish.

And now a question for you.

Do you know the difference between parsley and pussy?

You don't eat parsley! LOL.

[GrownMan1]

This place is growing on me.

Departed Medellin yesterday on my favorite airline, Viva, 260,000 COP roundtrip to CTG and arrived at 3 PM.

Upon arriving at the Dann Hotel I walked over to my favorite restaurant one block away, confirmed the hours and checked on what fresh fish they had. They didn't have Sierra which is Spanish Mackerel but said they would get me one for dinner. I then hit EXITO across from the Hotel and stocked up on beverages and snacks and checked in at the Dann Hotel.

I know most of the staff now after coming four times in the last six weeks. I told my Chica to be here at 4 PM and she sent me a text okay and at 3:30 PM the front desk calls and asks if she can come up to the room and I say of course and what a shock she was half an hour early (what's wrong with this picture). Upon showing up I was ready to jump her bones.

But there were some nice lefts breaking out in front of the Hotel, and seeing that I was be going to have my hands full for the next two days I told her to chill out on the balcony and that I was going to be riding some waves first, and then I would be riding her. The water is very nice here temperature wise, perfect for swimming.

After about an hour I returned to the room and game was on. What a nympho , after a long session, and finally blowing a load, she wanted to keep going.

We headed to the restaurant one block away and ordered Sangria, Paella, and had them fillet the Sierra and cook in butter and garlic.

After feasting and paying the bill all of 106,000 COP including the tip we went back to the room and basically passed out.

I woke up at 5;30 AM, popped a 25 MG dose of Viagra, woke her up at at 6 PM, and it was game on again. After the deed was done I had coffee, went out body surfing and walking the beach for two hours. So I've completed Surf Sex Food Cycle once now, and it will be continuing for a while.

Life is good in CTG besides Medellin.

I that fish locally caught?

[Surfer500]

This place is growing on me.

Departed Medellin yesterday on my favorite airline, Viva, 260,000 COP roundtrip to CTG and arrived at 3 PM.

Upon arriving at the Dann Hotel I walked over to my favorite restaurant one block away, confirmed the hours and checked on what fresh fish they had. They didn't have Sierra which is Spanish Mackerel but said they would get me one for dinner. I then hit EXITO across from the Hotel and stocked up on beverages and snacks and checked in at the Dann Hotel.

I know most of the staff now after coming four times in the last six weeks. I told my Chica to be here at 4 PM and she sent me a text okay and at 3:30 PM the front desk calls and asks if she can come up to the room and I say of course and what a shock she was half an hour early (what's wrong with this picture). Upon showing up I was ready to jump her bones.

But there were some nice lefts breaking out in front of the Hotel, and seeing that I was be going to have my hands full for the next two days I told her to chill out on the balcony and that I was going to be riding some waves first, and then I would be riding her. The water is very nice here temperature wise, perfect for swimming.

After about an hour I returned to the room and game was on. What a nympho , after a long session, and finally blowing a load, she wanted to keep going.

We headed to the restaurant one block away and ordered Sangria, Paella, and had them fillet the Sierra and cook in butter and garlic.

After feasting and paying the bill all of 106,000 COP including the tip we went back to the room and basically passed out.

I woke up at 5;30 AM, popped a 25 MG dose of Viagra, woke her up at at 6 PM, and it was game on again. After the deed was done I had coffee, went out body surfing and walking the beach for two hours. So I've completed Surf Sex Food Cycle once now, and it will be continuing for a while.

Life is good in CTG besides Medellin.

[Nypher]

Tuesday comes around boy is MIA so its just me and newbie. We finally ran out of Titos and need more alcohol to finish the week, hes leaving Thursday, and our last day is Monday. Lets go to Exito! I decide to let the new guy push the cart because I knew it was going to be funny. (for those who don't know, many of the front wheels of the shopping karts in this Exito are fucked up where they sometimes lock at an angle causing the shopping cart to randomly do a hard left or hard right) he starts pushing and wham right into the stand of limes by the entrance, I'm trying to hold in my laughter but he has to learn by experience. He starts pushing again and we make our way round to the liquor. Hes shocked that the same exact big bottle of Absolut we paid 340 mil for in Space / Dolce is only about 80 mil in the store, he grabs 3 bottles. We keep it moving then he notices the the stairs and wants to see what's up there. I tell him nothing important and we never had a need to go up there because all the food is down here. He wants to see anyway, since this is his first trip let him see it all I guess. We leave the cart and get up to the top floor and its all kinds of random stuff but somehow he found the game isle and his eyes lit up. He makes a be line to UNO cards and comes up with the bright idea whoever draws takes a shot, who finishes first gets 50 mil, I like his thought process (he's catching on, when the girls good time, they are more likely willing to come back for less the second time). Ok cool. I roll with it we get back down grab the cart, load up the bags and head back to the apartment.

As soon as we get back we hear my boy in his room doing his thing and I get a whatsapp message "Quiero sexo" so I reply back with "gratis, si, jajaja". I wasn't even paying attention to who I was talking to until she replied back with "Si! 300 mil una polvos". So now I'm paying attention to who the hell wants 300 mil for one round at this time of day and I realize this was a chica who only operates on Tinder and I've been with her a few times already on my last trip and a few time on this trip. So I tell her its always been 200 mil between us, she still wants 300 mil. I tell her come over and we will talk. She gets to me and we get to talking to where I asked her why didn't she respond to me last night (Monday) when I texted her. She says some guys paid her $150 to go to a party and hang out and started showing me videos of the party. I see the football team about 8 Sosua mongers. SMH (Why the fuck are they still here on a Monday night! And about 4 girls playing in the pool. So I ask her how many guys were there, she says 12. I start laughing and ask how many of them were sharing rooms, she says none of them it was a big house like a mansion. So I ask "How many did you fuck?" she responds "none, they paid for her time but was too busy taking pictures and when her time finished her boyfriend kept texting her so she left but the other girls stayed" I don't know if that was true or not but I'm not willing to fuck after I've seen what she was with last night but she swears she didn't. Ok fine, 200 mil + taxi. Listo!

I ask the new guy to grab be a pool towel because its about to get messy, he comes back saying "don't tell me you are running red lights down here" I respond back with "every time she rides me she squirts, I'm in no mood to wash these sheets at this time of day" I grab the towel fold it up and we get to business. She hops on to and sure enough, tight as I remembered, she gets hers, switch position and I get mine. I wash up and I head to the living room while she's hits the shower. Newbie is mixing up the UNO cards preparing for tonight and I happen to notice my boy is over there with a girl who looks like she's way too young to be here. So I joke with my boy asking "What school bus did you get this girl from" he responds "this is the same girl you saw last night, I got her from Tinder, she's good, and is a good deal, 500 mil a day unlimited polvos" So I turn to her and say "Tienes Cedula?" She takes it out from the back of her phone case hands it to me and surely enough its her photo, I flip it over and birth date year 2000. So I ask her "Vente uno?" She responds "Si" its then I realize there was a baby photo as her phones wallpaper and I ask her "tienes hijos" She says "si, una". I ask "Quanto anos?" She responds "Seis anos". So I look at my boy and ask him "Damn, did this chick get pregnant at 14 and gave birth at 15?" he responds "yea, then he left her after the baby was born and she don't know where he is. If fucked up down here".

My chica comes out my room, I hand her the money folded up, and she just takes the money and puts it in her bag. Newbie sees that and ask "Yo, what's up with that? She didn't even count the money or anything! My boy starts laughing and tells him "when the chicas trust you, they never count the money or ask for it before services start and this chica have been here multiple times already, she knows how we operate. " Newbies starting to understand and goes back to his room to get ready to head out and explore a little. My chica leaves and my boys chica leaves to go home and come back later in the night. Newbie comes out his room, heads straight to the kitchen, puts all 3 bottles of Absolut in the freezer, stack the UNO cards in the middle of the table and yells out "WE SET FOR TONIGHT!" My boy looks at me and asks "What changed?" I respond "I think that airport experience did it".

My boy decide to do something different and put Mallplaza on the list since it has a food court. We jump in the cab, Newbie opens up Waze and realize the cab is going the opposite direction and starts asking questions. So I explain to him "there is no left turn to go over that bridge, in order for us to cross it the cab have to go down pass all the motorbike taxis, cross the median then come back up to make the right to cross the bridge. " Hes fascinated by this because all the cars are driving so close and its time to make the cross over to the other side of the road, cars are coming from three different directions, no traffic lights but yet there was no accidents at all. We do a little shopping, grab some Frisbys (this chicken is incredible! It taste like when you place the order, they kill the chicken right there on the spot then fry it. Every bite just burst juice in your mouth. Even the chicken breasts are juicy). We finish up and head back home to drop off things and head out once more.

Night time, we heading out. Newbie is in front taking the lead, cuts through the street before we reach Delirium straight to the Space / Dolce side and park up across the street watching the girls pass by. My boy taps me and ask "We not going in?" I say "Lets just watch and play this out. You're covered for the night, I can call back someone, but newbie needs a fresh roster because most of his girls deleted him". I'm watching him hunt, hes trying to find something good. He grabs one before she goes in to Space, start talking to her then brings her over, she recognizes me, then tells new guy "No puedo, tu amigo", hugs me then goes into Space. New guys lost, so I had to explain to him, some of these chicas do have a moral code, some only see 1 client a day, some don't do a clients friends, she's one who don't do clients friends. He get its and gets another girl, negotiate and price and brings her back to us. My boys girls is on her way back, and once again I have no chica. I decide to broadcast a whatsapp status message "Esta noche?" With a picture of the uno cards. No replies, so we start walking back while I'm looking, I'm not seeing any energetic girls, just then one comes and taps me. She knows A girl that was with with us last week and wants to hang out. She didn't even talk price she just wants to come. My boy is like "she about to set us up" So I ask for her Instagram and sure enough she's friends with not just one but two of the girls we played with previously. I tell her I know its almost 10 pm, come for the hour and ill give you 300 mil 1 polvos, then I deleted the whatsapp status message I posted. We get back to the apartment, I ask both chicas for their Cedula, take a quick pictures of the fronts and backs and throw them in the cloud (something I do when things don't seem right), my boys girls show up and the game begins UNO with shots of Absolut. That's the last thing I remembered that night. (Things got out of hand and it was a huge mistake to do this as these are fairly new chicas).

Wednesday!

I woke up the next morning in my room, I'm trying to figure out why is there a used condom on my dick. I move the covers and my chica is out cold. I stumble in the living room there are shot classes everywhere, UNO card scattered, Newbie is on the floor out cold, his chica is on the couch out cold. I need to find my other boy so I start heading to his room and stepped in someone's vomit, so detour to the guest bathroom to wash off my feet and his young chica is in there out cold in the shower with vomit all over the floor. I make my way to my boys room to wash off my feet and he's on the bathroom floor snoring hard! I figure everyone is still here so I grab some water from the pool, wash off my feet and went back to sleep. My boy wakes me up around 12 pm, he wants to know what happened last night. I have no clue so I tell him ask his girl, he can't find his girl, So I tell him last I remembered she was in the guest bathroom out cold, he comes back, she's not in there, so I go to wash up and there she is, in my bathroom in the shower, more vomit. We come out of my room and Newbie is in his bathroom yelling "yo who threw up in my bathroom?" So I go to look at my boys bathroom, its clean. Newbie comes out his room to use the guest bathroom and discovers the vomit, so he goes into my bathroom to use it and comes back out saying "Yo did someone threw up in all the bathrooms or something?" My boy responds with "mas o menos" and we both start laughing. My boy grabs his girl out of my bathroom takes her to his room and comes back. Now we have a shit ton to clean. I tell Newbie jump on the CheckMIG and fill out the departure ASAP. He gets it done in 5 minutes with confirmation email so hes good to go. We finish cleaning then my chica stumbles out my room, its about 3 pm, no ones has eaten the other 2 girls still sleeping. I tell my chica wake them up and everyone to the living room. My boy says lets just get Rappi and I open the app and slides the phone to his chica since she have 2 days with us and the other chicas only have 1 night. She puts the order in for 3 pies from Dominos (the pies are small down here) and hands me back the phone asking if its ok to get it. Newbie sees this and is shocked, I have to explain to him, many chicas will ask first before they do something. (These are the ones you want to keep around). So I look at everyone and say "Dominoes Bueno? Si? Si?" Newbie don't want it and says "I didn't fly 5 hours for no damn Dominos, we might as well order Mc Donald's". So I said "Nah, try 1 slice, if you stop after 1 slice ill pay for your chica" he agrees. Dominos get here in what looks like an official Dominos scooter and Newbie tries it, 5 minutes later hes to busy eating to realize he's on the third slice and about to open the second box for a fourth. Everyone needed bread inside them to soak up all that Absolut. Its about 5 pm and the chicas are still here so my boy ask us if we paid them already. Newbie says yea he paid his, I don't recall so I ask my chica if I did and she said I did last night during the game. My boy pulls out the translator app and asks his chica if he paid her and she moves his phone from her and says something to him in Spanish but the only thing I understood was "falso". Turns out he got so drunk that he was talking to her in Spanish all night and she remembered so his Gringo game was up, he likes her too much and decides to keep her. We all have massive hang overs and its Newbies last night but no one is in the mood to go out to do anything. So tonight's looking like a dead night but Newbie wants to go out on a high note. I'm done, I need to recover so I'm out and decide I'm not doing anything. My boy takes his chica back to his room and I go to mine to sleep it off. Later in the night around 8 pm I wake up to the sound of rain and noise in the living room. Newbie is out there with the same 2 chicas playing UNO with shots, I have no idea if they went home and came back or just never left! I couldn't say anything, he had hamster peso pockets and could afford them both I guess. I go back to sleep, and wake up again, Its after 5 am and its still raining harder. They still in the living room playing then boom! All the power goes out. Can't see shit, No air conditioning. I'm looking for the breaker box with cellphone flashlight thinking the breaker tripped, turns out its not just us that lost power. I get back to the living room, Newbie is gone and so are the chicas, I figure he took them both to his room. OK cool, I'm going back to mine. I get to my bed and feel someone in it. I have no idea if these girls were the type to swap so I do the only thing I can think of. I text my chica "Donde esta?" surely enough her phone lights up in my room. Cool, back to sleep. (We completely forgot Newbie needed a new COVID test for his flight at 3 pm).

[Nypher]

Which place did you use?

Corner of Calle 37 and Carrera 9, light blue building.

It looks like a gift shop / Island tours place but they have a sign on the door says COVID test.

When you make the appointment you will need your passport and know the address of where you are staying. They will show up to your location and finish everything in under 10 minutes.

This is a little more expensive since they are coming to you. There are other alternatives where you can walk in to a clinic and get the test.

One I can think of is on Carrera 9 by the entrance to Exito where lemonade guy and Orange guy is usually screaming, there is a place called Laboratorio Bioclinco.

[Mojo Bandit]

I had that same list printed out but didn't even look at it because the touts were constantly advertising the tests along with boat trips.

The place we used came to our apartment and charged newbie 165 mil for antigen. They tell you your results right on the spot within 5 minutes, then text or email the official results in 1 hour.

Do you have the name and phone number of this place?

[JoeRoc]

I had that same list printed out but didn't even look at it because the touts were constantly advertising the tests along with boat trips.

The place we used came to our apartment and charged newbie 165 mil for antigen. They tell you your results right on the spot within 5 minutes, then text or email the official results in 1 hour.

Which place did you use?

[Lebyteme]

Guess I just got lucky cause I was in Cartagena Memorial Day and early August. Both times leaving I didn't fill out the form and both times no one bothered to check. They only wanted to see that negative COVID test.

Travelers need 3 things to exit Colombia and enter the States.

1. Negative Antigen Covid test.

2. CheckMIG departure filled out.

3. Sign the waiver stating that you have been tested negative for covid.

Without those you will not get through security.

Ill go into further detail when I post the report on what happened Monday with the Newbie was trying to leave without the CheckMig completed then JetBlue kept delaying the flight until they canceled it.

[Drf1987]

I was there a few days ago 4th time in Cartagena and every time I'm there I say I'm going to try that lemonade or the orange one. They look so good and refreshing but in the back of my mind I always figured something wasn't right with it. I'm glad you confirmed my assumptions.

Sunday comes around. Newbie wants to go out. Its 11 am, I try to explain to him we do not go out in the day time and its better to just chill in the apartment until the sun goes down. We have everything we need here, pool, liquor, beers, kick ass wireless speakers with heavy bass that can link together, girls on instant call and we can Rappi anything we want. He doesn't get it and wants to go out because some bird keeps making noise by his bedroom window all day. My other boy starts laughing and says "chupando webo", Newbie feels some kind of way because he think he was called a dick sucker. I have to explain to him that's what they call the bird that's making the noise down here. He gets it. Cool, then his chica from last night comes out his room. My boy looks him and ask "where's she going?" he responds "with us, I'm keeping her for the day". I try to explain to him this is not DR and why we do not walk around with the chicas and just bring them to the apartment to have fun but he doesn't get it. Ok, he needs to see it to understand.

All 5 of us leave and as soon as we hit the corner where Hotel El Viajero is to turn down to reach the clocktower everyone is approaching him trying to sell him shit, but not us. Hes trying to figure it out but we just laughing. I tell him "you stand out too much, that basketball Jersey with Yankee fitted isn't doing you any favors but you can only learn why we don't do certain things if we let you see it for yourself". We make it to the clocktower and outside the wall where all the vendors are. Lemonade guy is screaming, orange guy is screaming but I only have ears for the Coconut guy! I tell Newbie don't buy any of these juices, my other boy head over and buys pineapple slices and the chica joins him. I snake my way though the vendors to coconut guy as I've been dying for coconut water since Exito stores were out of coconut water since I landed. 5 mil per coconut? Fuck it, give me 4, I need this..

[Nypher]

Good effort, but this list is horrible. Seems many of the places are connected. Nothing under $35 and takes at least 1 day for an antigen test? In actuality there are many places where you can get an antigen test for $15 and only takes a few minutes.

I had that same list printed out but didn't even look at it because the touts were constantly advertising the tests along with boat trips.

The place we used came to our apartment and charged newbie 165 mil for antigen. They tell you your results right on the spot within 5 minutes, then text or email the official results in 1 hour.

[Mr Enternational]

This is a comprehensive list of places in Colombia to get Covid tested listed by city, giving the webiste, physical location, hours they are open, whether or not you need an appointment, the type of tests offered, the phone number, the turn around time for types of tests they do at each location, and the price.

https://co.usembassy.gov/wp-content/...n-Colombia.pdf

Good effort, but this list is horrible. Seems many of the places are connected. Nothing under $35 and takes at least 1 day for an antigen test? In actuality there are many places where you can get an antigen test for $15 and only takes a few minutes.