Lisbon

[Murilloa]

Not even slightly 'sissy', KL. Profoundly true.

Being a real grown-up man means going about your pleasures - and your work, for that matter - with a positive and loving attitude to others, knowing that if you offer, you will receive. It works, as you rightly say.

No intention to be cynical with talk of 'mendax' and 'meretrix': it's just that the business of being a puta, or a punter, necessarily involves us in standard deceits and evasions. Or do you think 'Diana' is her real name and she tells her Mom about Muri? Or do you inform Mrs Leão exactly where you've been when you come home late?

That's all I meant - and of course, the other side of the coin, is that regular good-value sex with someone as expert, affectionate and pure of heart as Suzy, is as honest as relationships get.

Just another Sunday morning sermon from the Right Reverend Murilloa, Bishop of Borratem.

The ‘sauna’ section follows tomorrow, as the Monday print edition of CM will be required to ensure accuracy.

[Kama Leão]

These multi-staff apartments can be magnificent. You arrive like a sultan visiting the harem; six beautiful girls approach one by one, kiss you on the cheek (rubbing breasts against you in the process, or even giving your cock an exploratory squeeze) and announce their names. Mama-san returns with a wicked smile to ask ‘who will you choose to quench your sexual thirst?’ and you make your difficult decision - or ask her to repeat the parade..

Time for some recap, Mur, for our less Lisbon-experienced affiliates: Classic Ladies (ask for Alexandra and, once and for all, learn the truest, fuckingest meaning of the word "divine" - satori waits for you - or melt into Luciana's African metaphysical bliss); Emanuelle (try Telma, Vânia and Carla - soon to be relocated, under another name, to Avenida de Berna, keep in touch with 'Correio da Manhã'), New Center/Clinique de Massage (dive into the wondrous abyss of forgetfulness of dark-skinned Marina or lighter shaded ukranian Helena) or go for the head-on collision (I mean, your best friend's "head off" experience) with Patricia of Queluz.
Now, do your homework and read one or twenty of the previous posts.

(OK, if you have fucked in Lisbon for €15, don’t tell us about it. Be ashamed.).

Yes, do spare us.

The chance of good service increases if you can communicate enough to suggest you are not just passing trade..

This may sound incredibly sissy but DO LOVE THEM. Women (who am I kidding?... People!) love to be truly loved, even if only for a moment. Pamper them, suck them, fuck them, bugger them, fist them till they cum, be gentle, make them feel special, wanted, jewels in the crown. It works and, best of all, it's true.

If, like George Washington (but unlike most of his successors) you can’t permit yourself a falsehood, you are unfit for the company of a puta: not for nothing are ‘meretrix' and ‘mendax’ on the same page of the Latin dictionary..

Not exactly right, not quite wrong. It's a delicate balance.

Which will lead neatly on to the next section, a short one on ‘saunas’.

Wow! Can't wait to hear about it!

[Murilloa]

The standard Lisbon mongering deal. All over the city and suburbs are apartments where sex costs €20 to €100.

There may be one woman, living alone, discreetly servicing a couple of clients per day in a neat two-bedroom apartment (one bedroom for sleeping, the other as ‘office’). This is the modus operandi of Suzy, out in Carcavelos. Or two ladies may set up together, sharing the housekeeping, as it were. This is how Leticia does her business. Or you may find a mama-san running a team of four, five, or six.

These multi-staff apartments can be magnificent. You arrive like a sultan visiting the harem; six beautiful girls approach one by one, kiss you on the cheek (rubbing breasts against you in the process, or even giving your cock an exploratory squeeze) and announce their names. Mama-san returns with a wicked smile to ask ‘who will you choose to quench your sexual thirst?’ and you make your difficult decision - or ask her to repeat the parade.

But other times, the apartment is a scramble of clients on their way in and out, hiding in bathroom, kitchen or closet while the girls keep the show moving: at rush hour, six babes to a three bedroom apartment can seem like a French farce. Mur does not mind sitting in the ‘waiting room’ hearing his predecessor loosening the ceiling plaster and the parquet floor, but he is less thrilled to meet him in the bathroom.

Another drawback is the survival of restrictive, even communist practices in what should be a free market activity. If several honeys work one apartment, they try to share the clients around. So if hideous ‘Bruna’ has not opened her plump legs all afternoon but ‘Carol’ and ‘Ana’, being more attractive, have grossed €500 by fucking the entire Portugal soccer team, then in the evening only Bruna will be available – “sorry, we have four girls, but one has gone out to eat and the other two are occupied for the next hour, so... there’s just little me, see?” says Bruna, hopefully, as you back away from her threatening bulk. The fact that you can hear Carol and Ana giggling in the kitchen makes this situation annoying.

These places usually charge €40 or €50 for half an hour, not an enormous sacrifice, win or lose. The most luxurious venues with more beautiful girls ask €80, or €100 the hour, and at the bottom end of the market, three flats near Rossio and a couple on Avenida Almirante Reis do €20 quickies. Cheaper than the cheapest SW in Lisbon.

(OK, if you have fucked in Lisbon for €15, don’t tell us about it. Be ashamed.)

If you can turn around in the time, most of these girls will give you a second shot. Mur usually asks for a hand job as round two, often with only five minutes on the clock, and he has seldom been refused.

The chance of good service increases if you can communicate enough to suggest you are not just passing trade. Tell her you have come to Portugal on a long contract and that you are really looking forward to learning the language and enjoying your new country. So, you have just checked out of your hotel and the airport taxi is waiting in the street, but go ahead and lie brazenly. If, like George Washington (but unlike most of his successors) you can’t permit yourself a falsehood, you are unfit for the company of a puta: not for nothing are ‘meretrix' and ‘mendax’ on the same page of the Latin dictionary.

70% of the girls in these flats are Brazilian.

Portuguese, Africans, Eastern Europeans and Asians, in that order, make up the rest. There used to be some excellent Colombian chicas in the cheaper houses, but no longer, for some reason.

Mur will return to the subject of ethnic variety later, if the good Lord of mongerdom spares him to continue this Gospel. He (Mur, not the good Lord) will now bring this report to an abrupt close because Mirage Klub will close shortly and he needs to see Diana.

Which will lead neatly on to the next section, a short one on ‘saunas’.

[Murilloa]

Obrigado, sexplorer.. and if you ever come to Lisbon...

[Knuckhead]

Sexplorer wants to be the first to congratulate our trusty Mur on his landmark 300th post!

Bravo for your informative and enjoyable posts. The community of gentelmongers owes you a debt of gratitude for making this little corner of the world a better place.

Sexplorer

[Murilloa]

And, yes, that story. Senior mongers may have heard it before. It must really have happened somewhere. Muri heard it told of a city in the faraway South.

Provincial lawyer dude Juan Domingo Carajo has business in B***** A****. He flies in on Thursday, taking an exquisite room at the Kempinski.

Friday he has to work, and afterwards he’ll take his daughter Dolores out to dinner. The apple of daddy’s eye, she is a law student at his old University in the capital.

He’s come to town early because Thursday night is to be his private treat. After a light supper, he calls one of the city’s many agencies, and orders, “a petite tanned brunette, with shapely legs and long glossy hair, early twenties, BBBJ and A on the menu, por favor.”

“Certainly señor, we have exactly what you require, she asks for US$350, but this young lady is worth every cent, believe me. She will be with you in half an hour.”

Don Juan Domingo pops his blue pill and spends a tedious thirty minutes in high anticipation, his veteran cock bulging and straining for action. That knock at the door… and, sure, you saw this coming... …it’s his little treasure, Dolores.

Freud tells us that there are no coincidences. JD’s phone call revealed a subconscious need to sodomise his daughter. Not uncommon in the country concerned, one hears.

[Murilloa]

As we said earlier, business or tourist gentlemen sometimes invite a young woman to share their swanky hotel for an hour or two. This is usually an expensive event, especially if the lovely guest claims that her taxi cost €77 and that she needs to renew her energies by consuming everything in the minibar.

But there is deep pleasure in sprawling on the king-sized bed, wrapped in one of those soft towelling hotel bathrobes, awaiting the pretty putinha that you have ordered by phone. A soft knock at the door – there she is, in a discreet overcoat or in denims so as not to attract attention downstairs… and off come those garments to reveal the black lingerie combination or schoolgirl uniform that you had requested.

In fact on the rare occasions when Mur orders an escort (only on his travels, never in Lisbon), he asks for executive secretary clothes. This costume makes the goddess indistinguishable from other power-dressed females in the lobby, and is a delight to remove, piece by fragrant piece.

Now, returning to that Correio da Manhã website. Type the word ‘Deslocações’ into the search box. It means outcalls, social worker visits to people like you and Muri. Several dozen ads come up, like this one:

Bombástica... Inglesinha... 18 aninhos... Oral... Natural... Adoro... Apertadinha... apartamento... deslocações.

Interesting… a bouncy 18 year old English girl indeed, who loves giving BBBJ and describes herself as ‘apertadinha’… ‘tight little pussy’.

Any English monger reading this, with a daughter in Lisbon who said she was going to ‘study Portuguese’ ?

Which reminds Mur of a story, but… later. This one is probably 26 years old, and as ‘English’ as Zé Mourinho, but she possibly does speak the language.

Let’s try typing ‘hoteis’ into the box. Fewer hits, but how’s this?

Senhora 50A... Simpática... Convive domicilios, privado, hoteis English spoken .

Another English speaker, but fifty years old. Not Muri’s scene, although… is it the boss’s wife, perhaps? Mur has an evil dream of giving that 'tia' a big facial.

Finally, type ‘www’ into the box, for sites with photographs: most of these ladies can be persuaded to visit the presidential suite of the Sheraton Towers Hotel if you ask them very nicely, and at some of the sites you can find someone who speaks English. A later report will survey these web sites, although of course they change frequently.

You are very unlikely to secure an outcall to a Lisbon hotel for less than €100 per hour. €200 would be the norm, and the websites of some of the more exclusive courtesans announce tariffs up to €350 an hour, a price Mur will not pay. All the usual disclaimers apply about the reliability of web photographs and services promised.

[Murilloa]

A brilliant report. Please don't think I would call you or anyone a parasite. On the contrary the idea of the 'Lisbon Guide' is to recap so that nobody need go to the trouble of sending a PM in search of basics. Keep up the good reporting work,
best regards
Mur

[Pedrassi]

thank you ze duron and green banana for your amiability. as to mur, i understand your viewpoint that i might, at first sight, be acting like a parasite by demanding information immediately in my first post.

i shall explain why i did so: i was going to meet a pp girl in the next day or so and i wanted to be sure that i did not, to put it bluntly, fuck up. because mongering is supposed to be an activity of recreation and pleasure and not involve hurried visits to the hospital fearing for one's life.

having said that, i shall now write a summary of my trip to the pp girl's hangout place, since she is a relatively new addition to the site and i have not seen any posts concerning her here.

she was called bruna. the place was a residência next to saldanha's atrium, a small urban shopping centre.

things did not start very well, because when i entered through the door and saw her waiting on top of the entrance stairs, another man came in and it became impossible to pretend that i wasn't with her. it was an embarassing situation for me (and for her, i imagine...). i hoped the man would take the stairs and leave us at peace, but no, he presses the elevator button and there he waits, next to her, while it creakily moves down. so i swallow my awkwardness and go talk to bruna. the elevator finally comes and in we go, along with the man. another awkward silence. we get off in the 4th floor and the man, to my relief, stays on. but to top it off, i hear this cleaning lady approaching, which starts to make me a bit irritated with the whole situation.

we quickly move to her room, she locks the door and finally we are alone.

we talk for a bit, i give her her 100 "roses" gift, and then we kiss. i'm not usually confortable enough to kiss anyone just like that but she was sweet and pretty, and she smelled good. it also allowed for a relationship of trust to kick in from the beginning, as we slowly converted from strangers to each other to love birds in the end. it is worth mentioning her clothes: a light blue blouse and a casual skirt. not the decadent and grimey clothes and appearance that seems to afflict so many working girls today.

we eventually undress ourselves and lie on the bed. more intense, passionate kissing. i move downwards, where she makes me suck her nipples. not something i majorly fancied, they became instantly hard in my mouth, which was a bit weird for me. she then proceeded to suck hard my own nipples, which made me wonder if i really was the active side in this relation. she ended this foreplay by moving down, starting a bj at first without a condom, and then finishing it with.

some penetration was finally next. she took the initiative to start with the rodeo girl position. she compliments me on the size of my dick and seems to be really enjoying it. i encounter some difficulty moving to her rhythm, so eventually we change round. we then tried the "mama-papa" position (or missionary), to my delight. i still find it difficult to move freely as much as i'd like, so we later move to doggy-style. also cool, the noise of genitalia hitting against female ass was amusing. another one or two styles are tried next, including a sideways position where my legs and arms seem to be everywhere around her. one slightly annoying point to mention was that after giving me a bj she continued to want to kiss actively during intercourse, but i didn't mention it.

we continue to play about for a while, until she begins to get more and more concerned about my apparent inability to orgasm. we move back to old positions, but still no success. after a while she takes off the condom and tries to give me a handjob combined with frequent short periods of uncovered bj. to no avail, junior seemed determined in letting both of us down.

she seemed disappointed; i told her not to worry about it. it was without doubt not her fault, she was just great in bed. i reckon my inexperience in these matters continues to weigh in, having been the main problem.
after both of us having gone clean ourselves in the bathroom, we kiss and hug goodbye. after some intimate, girlfriend-type sex nothing better than a coherent ending to end the experience in a grand manner.

she accompanied me downstairs where we managed to talk a little more. we finally parted in the entryway. i open the door, to find myself being observed by a bunch of men sitting some metres away in a "esplanada". i make a speedy departure and there finally ends my little adventure.

apologies if this post is too large (i only realized now how big it's become) and if it is filled with too many flimsy, irrelevant details.

i won't be able to do any more test drives for a while because of some other commitments, but shall return when the time is ripe again.

ps mur those last two posts are as usual fascinatingly interesting. congrats on a job well done.

editor's note: i certainly hope that the author or somebody else will post a link to this report in the reports of distinction thread.

[Murilloa]

Correio da Manhã. (Translation: ‘Morning Post’).

This daily rag carries Portugal’s best selection of advertisements for pussy purchase. It's in every kiosk, and online:

http://www.correiomanha.pt/

Go to ‘classificados’, and then ‘convivio’, then ‘Grande Lisboa’. You have reached the leading resource for Lisbon’s mongers. Day after day (fewer on Saturday and very few on Sunday) there are hundreds of ads, for every possible service, all over the region.

Most ads are arranged in alphabetical geographical order, so you must know your way around: a girl in Benfica is a short taxi ride from the centre, while Almada requires a trip across the bridge, and Cascais is half an hour by train. And it helps to know some Portuguese to grasp the information about the lady’s appearance, services and prices. For example, ‘completo’ means she will allow you into her back passage, ‘trintona’ means she was born some time before 1976 (often long before), ‘oral natural’ (not difficult) means she will accept an unrubbered member in her mouth and ‘oral natural até ao fim’ means that it may remain there until ejaculation. ‘meiga’ means ‘nice n sweet’, ‘simpática’ is friendly, ‘deslumbrante’ is dazzling, ‘carinhosa’ is affectionate… but they would say that, wouldn’t they?

Yes, once you’ve mastered the vocabulary, be aware that no legal contract obliges advertisers to be truthful about age, appearance or type and quality of service. A few of the ads mention price, although they never use the € sign, preferring euphemisms like ‘40P’ (petals) or ‘20 orquideas’ etc. Not to be confused with ‘Peitões... 50’ , which is a breast measurement, or '18A' which means she would like you to believe that she's fresh out of high school.

Bear in mind that some of Lisbon’s best houses, Mirage Klub, Classic Ladies, Clinque de Massage, New Centre and others, do not appear in the online version of the CM. For their phones, you will need the paper version, where these establishments have little box ads that stand out from the long columns of classifieds. Avoid ads beginning ‘R..’ or ‘Rapaz’, or ‘T..’, or ‘Travesti’. Unless you like boys or girlieboys: in both cases, you are reading the wrong forum.

The online ads are searchable: if you are staying with friends in Oeiras or Estoril, why simply use the box to the right of the screen and you will discover local options. Increasingly, these ads give www addresses where you may examine photographs: these are almost always genuine, give or take a little permissible photoshopping. Exceptions: three suburban outfits entitled ‘piriguetis’, ‘xamego’ and ‘bombasticas’. Scams, with photos of supermodels and porn queens – the reality will be a chubby chainsmoking Brasileira. You have been warned.

Further warning... when you call, you will seldom find an English speaker at the other end, and you will almost never get the address first time, They will say "OK, honey, y’know the Lidl supermarket right by the gas station after exit 22 for São Domingos? Well get there and call again and we’ll give you the address…”

It took Mur a year to reliably understand these conversations, in every accent from the widespread Lusophone world. But if you can get a Portuguese speaker to help, CM gives you the freedom of this wonderful city.

[Murilloa]

So you’re installed in that central hotel. Showered, refreshed, horny. Hit the street.
As always, there are cheap options here, with all the excitement of live hunting, but also the possibility of hunter turning into prey. Don’t be scared, but do be careful. Not just of the unsavoury males who hang around SW haunts, (Mur for example, give him a wide berth) but try to make a careful appraisal of the girl herself.

Is she a wasted drunkie or junkie? Is she texting her serial-murderer pimpodaddy? Is she ten days from her last bath? Is she a national wildlife reserve for crab lice? Is she 63 years old? Is she a he?

Not easy to tell, especially at night. Nothing worse than watching your €25 bargain remove her grubby jeans and stinky sneakers under the unforgiving bare bulb of a pensão bedroom, to reveal grime-caked feet, or needle-tracked arms, or a sagging belly, or a cock. On the other hand, it’s just delightful when the same modest sum turns out to have landed you a perfectly groomed 20-year-old right off the bus from Bucharest. For many, the element of gamble and danger makes up the fun.

Where? Look at that map again.
Intendente is the down-and-outest street scene in Lisbon. You may not wish to buy, but it has anthropological interest. No-go after dark. Poço do Borratem, to the E of Praça Figueira, (metro Rossio) is the pitch for Romanian and Moldavian girls, but the other end of the age range is also represented, with some local veterans doing surprisingly brisk business. Up at the NW corner of the map, Rua Artillharia Um, and adjacent streets, offer a mixed bag of treats. So does an area to the north near the Instituto Técnico.

There are also roadside girls in the Parque Monsanto, Lisbon’s own Bois de Boulogne. These are strictly for kerbcrawling mongers who, loving their automobiles more than they love sex, need a swift BJ or uncomfortable fuck in the car. Risky: not unknown for your new passenger to direct you to a secluded parking place of her choosing, and once your pants are round your ankles and she is bobbing on your gear shaft, her boyfriend-accomplice roars up on his motorbike. The best you can hope for at this point is that he just takes your cash, refraining from smashing the car windows for an extra kick.

There are similar venues for the brave motorist on the south bank of the Tejo in Caparica, and Mur has even heard of a weird scene in the car park of the autodrome out beyond Estoril towards Sintra: if confirmed, this would be the most westerly monger-mart in continental Europe. Other street galleries include Restelo and Paço D’Arcos, but these suburbs are more likely to draw the resident than the visitor. Expect to pay €25 to €50 max., including the room.

[Murilloa]

Even an old goat like you needs somewhere to rest and sleep. Few Lisbon hotels are ‘girl-friendly’ in the sense that, when you breeze in at 0330 with a magnificent prostitute on your arm, reception staff just yawn and wave you through. For this reason, the ladies who work the night clubs will usually ask you to accompany them to a ‘pensão’ or cheap guest house, of their choosing, where they are known to the manager and perhaps have an arrangement with him. The additional cost is yours, of course.

However, if afternoon in-call is your cup of five-o-clock tea, it’s different, for the experienced escort girl usually knows how to glide unobserved through the lobby and the coffee shop and make her way up to your room.

If you can choose your hotel, take location seriously.

Attached is a simple plan of central Lisbon.

From any hotel within the bounds of this map, you can walk the whole centre with its many sights, sexual and cultural. But others are less conveniently situated. The Radisson, the Novotel, Ibis, Alfa, even the Holiday Inn and the Lisboa-Continental – all stranded to the North or West of the map, require a taxi in to the city centre proper.

This is especially important for the married monger accompanied by the Love of his Life. He may only have an hour or so as ‘window of opportunity’, and he does not want to spend half that time sitting in traffic. Try to book one of the many decent hotels on or near Avenida Liberdade, or round Marquês de Pombal and the W side of Parque Eduardo VII A senior monger of Mur’s acquaintance always contentedly uses the Altis. From there, you can walk in ten minutes to any one of a dozen good venues, take your pleasure vigorously and be back well before The Lady has finished her siesta.

All the three, four and five star hotels in Lisbon are clean, comfortable and dull. For Mur a hotel is only a place to sleep, and unless in Baghdad or maybe São Paulo he prefers to go out for his food and drink to local dives. Other mongers may know more about prices and facilities. But repeat: if you take the hobby, or tourism, seriously, do not get beached out beyond Praça Espanha.

If you are in the Cascais-Estoril tourism zone, read forthcoming instructions about ads In Correio da Manhã.

[Murilloa]

It’s flattering to get regular PMs asking for basic information, but not always possible to answer. Some colleagues believe that we should just ignore a person who signs in to ISG and immediately, with no reports to his name, sends a PM demanding info.

On the other hand, we were all beginners, once.

(Remember the first time you paid for sex? The anxiety, the twitchy, sweaty dread, the shall-I-or-shan’t-I, the will-I-be-able? And now, it’s as easy as riding a bicycle. Well, easier, for us older mongers.)

Anyhow, it’s time to put together a compendium, a package for newcomers planning a Lisbon trip. This will be in several parts, moving Muri towards his landmark 300th report. It is for visitors, but old hands and residents should send additions and corrections in time for editing.

Let us begin where most visitors do, in the hotel.

[Kama Leão]

Yes, oh yes!... There's definitely an Eastern Front to heaven.

And the two latest goddesses sent from the Celestial Orbs of Fuckdom come (and make no mistake, they do cum!) exactly from there.

Meet, then, Eva and Lilia.

Both are blonde.

Eva is tall (1.75 m, I'd say), early thirties, with an athletic but deliciously curvy body, medium to small breasts, a butt that, once you see it and cannot help but feel it, is certain to make you dizzy, sexy face and a voracious sex appetite. She's Hungarian - but speaks very good Portuguese, don't know about English - and more than willing to please you in every way you can dream of (and then some...): DFK, BBBJ, CIM, DATY, A (she actually invites you to it, deep and hard, and makes it all too clear that it will not be only YOUR pleasure that will be at stake!) you name it! Not at all a clockwatcher, she greets you in beautiful lingerie, really enjoys you undressing her piece by piece (while she does the same to you), in fact, she apparently relishes in all the gloriously sordid details of the art-of-the-boudoir. While, at the same time, remaining a little snobish, coquettish and sophisticated. And, yes, she is expensive: 150€/hour. But, can you really put a price on Heaven? (967 723 412, Lisbon, near the metro station of Pontinha, next to the Lidl supermarket)

Lilia is an angel. A very, very, very beautiful short blond haired and blue-eyed angel, russian, slim and soft, with very small but highly kissable tits, not as tall as Eva but not petite, mid-thirties. There is quite a serious risk that you might fall in love with her, be warned! She kisses like there's no tomorrow, her BBBJ/CIM is a wondrous "crescendo" experience, and you do want to spend the rest of your semi-conscious life making love to her... you even forget that she'll not allow you to pay the tribute her oh so lovely ass more than deserves. And, St. Mary Magdalen be praised!, she'll only ask you 50€/hour (she also has a very flexible sense of time if she's enjoying herself) for a walk in the clouds in her company. (968876132, Costa da Caparica, southbank of the Tejo, next to the last stop of the buses from Lisbon to Costa)

[Harry Hymes]

Mirage Klub (near the Tivoli) : Last time here, a few weeks ago, I chose Vanessa, a cabo-verdiana. Lovely, beautiful girl, good company, nice sex, I highly recommend her. CBJ. She told me that she does anal, but I didn't try, got too much occupied with the rest. 100 euros well deserved.

Classic Ladies (Av. 5 de Outubro, 968972093): Here I went with a Portuguese girl called Patricia, who was presented by Ana, the mamasan, as a relatively recent newcomer. The girl was inexperienced, but dedicated. Recommended. Nice attitude. 100 euros.

I also got a 30 euros experience in Oeiras which was not worth it and Aline in Parede who presents herself in her ad as a beautiful young blonde, but is neither.