Havana

[Kalifornication]

Some more attached.

Nice c9 llection.

[Taboc]

Time might be better spent improving your one word Spanish vocabulary.

Agree with Mr. Gogo. The best investment you could make is reading this forum as far as you can go back and the second best one is learning Spanish. Someone showed me how to type in English and google translator gives the spanish translation. You would like the fact that it can even read it out, so you know how to say it. I think it is not perfect, still better. So type statements like.

Where do I get a taxi particular.

Is there a beer shop close by.

Or go bold like, Are your boobs real, they look amazing.

The problem is not spanish for some mongers. It is just that they do not know how to pick up using their own native language, leave alone in spanish. So practise hard, and it will all be worth it. When you finish the deed and lie down on the bed and watch the chica puts her panties up, you will have a smile on the face as all your work of learning paid off.

The cuban reply will be fast as hell, like bullets coming out of a rifle, so don't expect to understand all. I understand the Mexicans in Cali without any problem, same is not the case with cubans. Thats ok, you are still better off than knowing nothing.

[BeersTerry]

"Plane landed at the airport 1 pm. I am here no less than ten minutes and already the Cuban heat has me going crazy. ".

Ya, that line really confused me, I didn't realize you were talking about a ham sandwich.

[SamAlbert00]

I hope you guys are just busting my balls here because I thought it was obvious, even before I explained, that I was talking about food and not sex. My intention wasn't to trick or offend anyone, clearly. I've stated already that I don't leave for Cuba until Thursday. I just thought that perhaps I could offer something else to this forum, but apparently this forum is for sex talk only. Got it.

If my intention was to mess with you guys I wouldn't have bothered spending the $20.

The airport joke was lame. However, I'm still looking forward to your report.

[Mr Gogo]

I hope you guys are just busting my balls here because I thought it was obvious, even before I explained, that I was talking about food and not sex. My intention wasn't to trick or offend anyone, clearly. I've stated already that I don't leave for Cuba until Thursday. I just thought that perhaps I could offer something else to this forum, but apparently this forum is for sex talk only. Got it.

If my intention was to mess with you guys I wouldn't have bothered spending the $20.

Time might be better spent improving your one word Spanish vocabulary. Car CD, phone apps for Spanish, flash cards, and even you tube would help you to better prepare for your trip. Learn to Spanish dance. The food riddle for a pre-trip report didn't fly. Actually guys here are very mellow compared to the Sosua board where they fight everyday over nothing. People here probably want to see you take your preparation a little more serious. As mongers we have to wear many faces as we travel to protect us and keep others from hustling us. You threw an interception for a touchdown on the games first play but you still have the rest of the game to play so tighten up. But good luck and keep reporting.

[Dandyist]

I hope you guys are just busting my balls here because I thought it was obvious, even before I explained, that I was talking about food and not sex. My intention wasn't to trick or offend anyone, clearly. I've stated already that I don't leave for Cuba until Thursday. I just thought that perhaps I could offer something else to this forum, but apparently this forum is for sex talk only. Got it.

If my intention was to mess with you guys I wouldn't have bothered spending the $20.

[Vedado Fun]

Ya, the chica in the airport is bullshit. She aint\'are risking her job stealing from Yumas for what little you would pay her.

I think his story says a lot about him. Havana is not a great place for foreign comedians. I don't think Aduana would like his comedy routine.

[Mopar Man]

Good day to you El Balsero.

I just wanted to thank you for your series of reports on your Havana adventure!

It was all great and all interesting, written with good humor and sound observations and solid advice. I admire your stamina and dedication to documenting your trip for us all to enjoy and learn from. You really packed a lot into a relatively short visit.

Like you, I am in my early 60's, but I don't think I could keep up your pace for very long. LOL. I traveled in Cuba for six weeks last winter, but at a considerably more gentle pace than you set. LOL.

OK, keep up the good work and keep us entertained!

Cheers to you and thanks again.

[Mr Gogo]

I am sorry if you guys took it the wrong way, but yes, I was talking about food. My flight doesn't leave until Thursday but I've been bored waiting and scouring these forums, so I figured I would write a light-hearted story about yes, food. I happen to be a foodie as well.

Bathroom girl that tasted like honey and smelt like cinnamon= churro.

79 year old casa owner telling me not to bring food back and leave it out = I'll cook for you instead. She has lots of experience cooking.

People cooing at me at 23 and L= Vendors at Coppelia selling Ice Cream = vanilla and chocolate.

It was silly but no way did I think you guys would take it seriously. And I thought at least some of you would get it!

I sent Mr Soulo a PM after you wrote it stating it was bogus but I wanted you to continue with the fable so I could bust you later LOL. It was entertaining at the least.

Havana airport doesn't have girls tricking, if a newbie can spot a trick so can the police. Plus the girls are scared to be so obvious. Plus if your only Spanish word you know is "cuantos" there is no way you can catch the bus for an hour then figure out how to walk to your casa. I speak Spanish and wouldn't dare catch the bus, first they don't take American dollars, second the buses routes are very confusing, third it's so crowded you would probably get ripped off being a gringo who don't speak Spanish.

A casa owner is going to size you up while you are sizing them up and wouldn't offer a girl until it's sure that it's what you want and that wouldn't be on a new introduction. If you were a church guy they would have exposed themselves.

Girls are scared and don't coo. Fucking with a tourist is serious shit. It get them a year and a day with no trial, you go straight to jail.

Now since you bullshitting us we will give you a pass. But if you are real you will post good and bad after Thursday. We know Cuba so after Thursday your won't fly.

[BeersTerry]

Ya, the chica in the airport is bullshit. She aint\'are risking her job stealing from Yumas for what little you would pay her.

[Dandyist]

His report is a riddle, any Cuba vet knows things don't happen the way he described in Cuba. The question is why waste his time and ours with this riddle. He was talking about food not girls to see who would bite. Nobody would go to Cuba and pay for the Internet and spend the whole time writing a riddle, so I've concluded that he isn't in Cuba and has never been. A 79 year old female casa pimp was funny though, but vets know casa owners are very serious for a few days before they get to know you and won't risk their business trying to be a pimp to a newbie. Cooing while police are around? Girls are scared to look your way let alone coo at you. Cuban girls don't coo in public, this isn't Sosua.

I am sorry if you guys took it the wrong way, but yes, I was talking about food. My flight doesn't leave until Thursday but I've been bored waiting and scouring these forums, so I figured I would write a light-hearted story about yes, food. I happen to be a foodie as well.

Bathroom girl that tasted like honey and smelt like cinnamon= churro.

79 year old casa owner telling me not to bring food back and leave it out = I'll cook for you instead. She has lots of experience cooking.

People cooing at me at 23 and L= Vendors at Coppelia selling Ice Cream = vanilla and chocolate.

It was silly but no way did I think you guys would take it seriously. And I thought at least some of you would get it!

[Mr Gogo]

No it does not disappoint. What a great first ever report.

Are you serious, you spot this cute chica in the airport and simply ask her "how much" and a few minutes later your banging her in the bathroom stall?

Your experience in the public areas of Vedado and hearing coo's? Coo's coming from just girls sitting or walking around wanting to get your attention?

Please tell more!

The Tall Man.

His report is a riddle, any Cuba vet knows things don't happen the way he described in Cuba. The question is why waste his time and ours with this riddle. He was talking about food not girls to see who would bite. Nobody would go to Cuba and pay for the Internet and spend the whole time writing a riddle, so I've concluded that he isn't in Cuba and has never been. A 79 year old female casa pimp was funny though, but vets know casa owners are very serious for a few days before they get to know you and won't risk their business trying to be a pimp to a newbie. Cooing while police are around? Girls are scared to look your way let alone coo at you. Cuban girls don't coo in public, this isn't Sosua.

[The Tall Man]

No it does not disappoint. What a great first ever report.

Are you serious, you spot this cute chica in the airport and simply ask her "how much" and a few minutes later your banging her in the bathroom stall?

Your experience in the public areas of Vedado and hearing coo's? Coo's coming from just girls sitting or walking around wanting to get your attention?

Please tell more!

The Tall Man.

This is my first ever trip report. I hope it doesn't disappoint.

Day One: Sunday.

Plane landed at the airport 1 pm. I am here no less than ten minutes and already the Cuban heat has me going crazy. I promised myself I wouldn't go in head first until I at least get settled but I can't help myself; talent is everywhere: chocolate, vanilla, mocha. I heard about the variety here but this is just plain ridiculous.

So I spot this cute little number at the airport. She is on display so I know she is a hardcore pro. I lean over the counter and whisper the only Spanish word I know, "cuanto'. One thing leads to another and soon I am taking it to the bathroom. Now this is a little embarrassing but I'll admit I was done in three minutes flat. I don't know whether it was because it had been so damn long, or because I was so paranoid of getting caught doing it in the bathroom. But my voracious appetite could not be suppressed any longer. I had to have her. Man was she sweet. Tasted like honey, smelt like cinnamon; my first taste of Cuba was more than I could have ever hoped for.

After an hour on the bus, and a five minute walk, I was at my own casa in Centro Habana. I chose this area because I heard the selection here is hot, and best of all, cheap. I'm here for sport, gentlemen. And I'm not picky. This is where things start getting a little crazy.

My landlady is easily in her late seventies. She is a frail thing with a thick accident that I can barely understand. She says if I bring anything back to not leave anything laying around. It's not safe she says. I nod my head to show I understand. But then she goes even further. She says that I shouldn't even bother going out for it because she'll hook me up for free. She appreciates the business she says. At first I was taken back by her offer, but then I thought to myself, this woman has like 50+ years of experience, this could be life changing! Besides, why take a chance on picking up something random on a street corner when its being served up fresh right here? Yeah, you all can judge me but what is done is done.

I was so tired at this point that I decided to have a nap before going out for the evening. A few hours later I woke up, had a shower, then headed to Vedado. I was in the mood for something in particular and I've heard this is the place to get it. Plus a lot of good clubs are in this area. Long story short, but remember the vanilla and chocolate I was talking about? Well don't I get within 30 feet of 23rd and L before I start hearing the coo's. Damn these people are brazen. I am trying to be as sly as possible because there are cops everywhere. But being the glutton I am I decide that I can have both. Screw it. I break the cardinal rule and pay for it right there in the open. Two scoops, fifty centavos.

Screw the club. In one day in Havana I've sampled the menu three times already. I am going to need bigger pants.

That night I fell asleep and dreamt of my sweet bathroom churro.

To be continued.

[Dandyist]

Translation please. You lost us at the 5th paragraph.

Well, I have actually left yet so this story is just that, still a story. I thought I would lighten things up a little and write a report not about sex but about food. I am actually talking about, churros, lunch, and ice cream cones.

[MrSoulo]

This is my first ever trip report. I hope it doesn't disappoint.

Day One: Sunday.

Plane landed at the airport 1 pm. I am here no less than ten minutes and already the Cuban heat has me going crazy. I promised myself I wouldn't go in head first until I at least get settled but I can't help myself; talent is everywhere: chocolate, vanilla, mocha. I heard about the variety here but this is just plain ridiculous.

So I spot this cute little number at the airport. She is on display so I know she is a hardcore pro. I lean over the counter and whisper the only Spanish word I know, "cuanto'. One thing leads to another and soon I am taking it to the bathroom. Now this is a little embarrassing but I'll admit I was done in three minutes flat. I don't know whether it was because it had been so damn long, or because I was so paranoid of getting caught doing it in the bathroom. But my voracious appetite could not be suppressed any longer. I had to have her. Man was she sweet. Tasted like honey, smelt like cinnamon; my first taste of Cuba was more than I could have ever hoped for.

After an hour on the bus, and a five minute walk, I was at my own casa in Centro Habana. I chose this area because I heard the selection here is hot, and best of all, cheap. I'm here for sport, gentlemen. And I'm not picky. This is where things start getting a little crazy..

Translation please. You lost us at the 5th paragraph.