Phuket Reports

Star Wars.

As you are all probably aware 'The Shark Club', infamous for it's customers 'blatant lewd' behavior and resultant closing has re-opened as 'Star Wars'. Perhaps Phuket's most enviable nightlife location, right on the corner of Bangla Rd and Rat-U-Thit Rd it sits just across the street from 'The Hard Rock a-gogo'. this would have to be considered the main drag of Patong nightlife. The foot traffic in this area is greater than anywhere in Patong. I am sure that the flow can only increase making this venue the 'Hottest' spot in town.

I had never visited 'The Shark Club' so I was excited to venture to 'Star Wars' on opening night. In an effort to be thorough I went last night as well. My review reflects atmosphere, attendees, and attitude on two separate saturday nights two weeks apart. Here goes:

The Club

The club itself is expansive. Extremely high ceilings and a big dance floor. The first floor has bars and seating in a horseshoe configuration around the generous dance floor. The DJ booth sits opposite the entrance and the sound system is bangin' [gigantic clusters of huge JBL's hung from the ceiling dangle all about the room]. The upstairs is more of a deck that overlooks the dancefloor and provides a nice view at lovelies and drunken falangs dancing about. Music was almost exclusively Techno with some Dr. Dre, Eminem, and Kylie tossed in, na-na-na, na-na-nanana, na-na-na.... The music is what you would expect as the same 'sounds' seem to be blared at all big clubs throughout the Kingdom. There is lots of seating upstairs and downstairs but get there before 11:30pm if you are in a group that is interested in grabbing a table.

The decor is a bit ridiculous. Just about every fabled movie alien is airbrushed/chalk drawn on the massive walls to include: a Klingon, 'Alien' from the self-titled movie, Yoda, Predator, Jabba the hut, etc. etc. The characters are not limited to Star Wars, in fact some are just made up having never appeared in a big budget flick. The DJ booth is a gigantic mesh flying saucer and allows the DJ's a great view of the crowd while throwing free t-shirts to revelers throughout the night. In front of the booth sit two huge, rather poorly designed, paper mache astronauts. They are clad in space suits and appear to be dancing. Emblazoned on them are the Star Wars logo and the Thai Flag. Yeah, I would really enjoy an inside look at Thailand's Space Program. The Star Wars logo is completely ripped of on all promotional collateral, straight outta the movie. George Lucas must be shitting in his storm trooper outfit.

200 baht admission and a frisk down get you in with two drink coupons. This isn't so bad of a trade off as Singha and Carlsberg are both 100 baht apiece, and any girl entering must pony up 200 baht as well. The result is that right away you are meeting people who already have bought two drinks. The mood seems to be more directed at dancing and having a good time than getting someone to pay for drinks. The 200 baht at the door seems like a bad idea but there were plenty of girls there and no one suggested I buy them a drink, not even once. Drinks are served by thai maidens wearing an 'asbestos-looking-space-suit-mini-skirt' with a high 'spacelike' collar. Perhaps something Mr. Spock might wear if he were a ladyboy. On opening night they sported antennae [I think they are called dealyboppers], but this was thankfully not present on my second visit.

The bathrooms are big and can accommodate quite a few people; however, there were only urinals in the mens room so if you have to take a 'KHRAP' make sure you take it somewhere else.

The People

Since it is a new club the atmosphere of the crowd is much better than what you would find at nearby [same owner] Tiger Club, Banana Disco, Tai Pan, and VIP Asia. Everyone except the Falangs are dressed for the occasion with 'state of the art' Bar Girl Gear. Tight dresses, jeans, platforms, and bear mid-drift are the norm. There were several groups of what we have come to refer to as 'Stunners' decked out and looking very, very hot. There were quite a few 'Hard Rock' gals there with their sponsor for the evening. Dancing away and wondering why they just forked over a 600 baht barfine only to step into Patong's ultimate freelancer destination. The 'Stunners' will be waiting for the pace to pick up at around 12 midnight so I would suggest playing it cool and just doing some window shopping for a while. By 12:00 midnight most of the seating has been claimed but you can find a place to set you drinks while you hit the dance floor, or buy a girl already seated a drink and just 'use' the table as a occasional pitstop. Falangs are sporting the worst of vacation regalia: bootleg Diesel shirts, fanny packs, singha shirts, flip flops, and will begin to outnumber the Thai girls in attendance at about 1:30 - 1:45 am. Last night the club was open and rocking as late as 2:30 when I left. The only sign of a shutdown was as I was walking out the DJ kicked on a love song so, well, you do the math.

There are lots of manager types walking around being Mr. Important and wearing flashy suits. They don't really hassle anyone but from time to time they will walk out look up at a speaker cluster, make some kind of determination, and move on. The door policy is strictly enforced. Thai girls need ID cards and don't try to bring in a knife or anything that can be construed as a weapon. On both occasions I was frisked, metal detected, and had to empty my pockets.

The girls are in all shape and size, nice selection of cuties to drink, dance, or romance with. Most seem to be having a good time. Understand that once you make a selection she will stick with you like glue warding off all other 'opponents'. My suggestion is to go there alone and move around alot, dancing, smiling, whatever, until you are sure that you have found Ms. Right. You won't be disappointed. I reiterate; for the time being Star Wars is Patong's ultimate freelancer destination. There is no reason why a couple on their honeymoon or vacation cannot enjoy Star Wars. The freelance talent here is not pushy or aggressive and several falang couples were seen enjoying themselves on both visits.

Ladyboys are in attendance big time, but are fairly easy to spot and are not a nuisance to me. They want to dance, but everyone seems to be dancing together so no biggie. If you are into ladyboys [I'm not] this club sports a huge selection. Be careful as to the newbie you will have no idea that some of 'Girls' are 'Boys'. The ladyboys of patong are much more refined than their 'brothers' in Bangkok. I have several times saw a girl across the street and crossed intent on meeting her only to realize that she was in fact a guy. Even non-newbies should watch their ass, for lack of a better term.

Should you wait too long or not find a girl relax. This club sits at the apex of the 'after hours Patong freelancer street scene'. Cross the street, go into 7-11, grab a 40 baht Singha and then stand mouth agape as you watch 100-200 'total hotties' ply their trade. I am a big proponent that Patong is best from 2:00 am until 4:30 am. For what it's worth check out the surrounding area of soi San-Sabai. Didi's cafe, SuperStar, and a couple of other joints are open all night long and full of 'shaggables'. Right at the beginning of Soi San Sabai adjacent to Vip Asia sits a Hamburger cart that serves delicious burgers for 50 baht. I recommend it highly. It is way better than hitting the beach road and subsequently getting your ass handed to you by a group of ladyboys.

I am happy Star Wars has opened. It's OK for what it is, a dance club; however, it ads an exciting dynamic to the busiest section of Patong Beach. The increased foot traffic will no doubt be castigated by some but independent food vendors, stray dogs, and after hours sanuk seekers will all benefit. As will the restaurants in the immediate area. I hope that both Tai Pan and VIP Asia can weather the storm as on both of my visits to Star Wars they were empty. I also enjoy these spots and will post more about them in the future.

Go to Star Wars and have some fun, better yet stay there until closing and check out the nightly circus that takes place across the street where you can grab a girl, a singha, and a hamburger for less than the 600 baht barfine at the Hard Rock. [note: I am in no way suggesting the 'Hard Rock' should not be visited, it is always a stop along my way around in Patong].

Hard Rock Update

If you have spent time in the gogo bars in Bangkok, Pattaya, [or hell even the United States] then Phuket's [specifically Patong] gogo scene may be a little disappointing to you. First of all, there are only a handful of venues to watch girls shakin' it up on the catwalk for your viewing slash barfining pleasure. Worse yet is that all but one are comparable to some of Bangkok's worst gogo's.

I did not come here today to bury the pretenders, I am here to praise the one gogo bar in Patong that continually exceeds my expectations. The Hard Rock.

On the corner of Bangla Road and RatUTit Road sits the Hard Rock and it is always pumping after eight. Get there early before 8:30 pm and enjoy a happy hour with 60 baht Singha's, after that they are a little pricey at 110 baht but the place is consistent as hell.

Good service, Great music [anyone who consistently plays RamJam gets big ups - "Whoa Black Betty bambadam...."], and enough talent for the Phuket resident [read: me] to create a long checklist that will gloriously be completed and treasured for life.

There are several girls that actually get barfined regularly before they even change into their gogo uniform. Strolling in the door last saturday I watched one girl get to choose between three punters who had seen her dancing the night before. They were out of luck as last nights customer had already ponied up the hefty 600 baht required to walk out the door with this diminunative bespectacled hell cat. In reality I would say there are at least 5 10's in attendance and the average of the forty or so girls working is upward of 6.5. Note that one or two 'Barturds' can really destroy an average.

I have been in the Hard Rock at least ten times since Dec. 1, no cover, and because it was high season there are enough customers to create an atmosphere where the gals are just not pushing for drinks. As we enter low season this will probably change and this past weekend seemed to prove this as two girls approached me right off the bat and started their 'buy me cola' spiel.

Prices obviously vary when negotiating with a Hard Rock girl, but most seem to have a personality above and beyond the 'I go with you, 2000 baht short time' mentality, Then again some do not. Looks vary from Chinese Thai - to Isaan - to I think she might be from somewhere else.

When visiting make sure to be nice to the doorman as he makes a genuine effort to say hello and welcome you in. Once when I was extremely drunk he arranged for me to be included in a tuk tuk already travelling to Phuket Town for 100 baht. The going rate is usually 250 Baht.

Lots of falangs are spending money like crazy there but you can have an enjoyable time there on a budget, you just might be walking out alone. I start every Patong exploration here. It should not be missed.

ManOnTheStreet

Excellent reports ! Welcome to the board.

It sounds like the freelance talent is better than the Go-Go talent. I had this observation last year when I used to frequent Tai-Pan. Is Star Wars attracting talent at Tai pan's expense or is there plenty to go around ?

Cheers.

I have always been a huge fan of freelance. Tai pan & Vip Asia have really been empty on my last two visits. Tai Pan seems to have a loyal following that will keep them going and it seems like an institution. VIP asia, which was GREAT in dec-feb looks to be hurting. I am living in Phuket and have lurked on this board for a long time. I will continue to check out the scene and update when appropriate.

It's 10:42 pm in Phuket, gotta go find some excitement.

the road to patong

'hey lady, you got the love i need,
maybe more than enough,
ohhh, darlin' - darlin' - darlin'
walk a while with me,
ohhhhhh, you got so much, sooo much, soooo much......

--led zeppelin - 'over the hills and far away'

perhaps one of my favorite songs by my all time favorite band. as a boy growing up in upstate ny i missed out on a chance to see them perform live when john bonham choked on his vomit and died in his sleep. i have seen a great number of primo concerts in my day and the event always seem to trigger a reaction in me where once you have seen the band you have somewhat arrived and can really begin to understand their music in a way that was not possible before. i have felt a great loss in not having completed this understanding of led zeppelin.

funny how life is though. sometimes event[s] can have a way of bringing out new meaning in a song, painting, or poem helping the listener to make a new revelation. how the fuck does this fit into my life in phuket?????

phuket town is not the most dynamic of cities that i have called home. yet two or three times a week i hop on to my 110 cc suzuki cool [it has a clutch, no auto jobby for me] and zip over the back roads to patong beach. compliments to stickman as his weekly article inspired this. this trip is in some ways the best part of my life and i felt it would be good to share a positive aspect of thailand's roadways.

it starts as i leave work around six thirty. i head home to grab a quick bite, check my email, shower, and then head out to my faithful watering hole in phuket town. by nine thirty the song has been playing repeatedly in my head. understand that when i first got my hands on the lp - 'houses of the holy' i used to do the same thing. listen to the same track over, and over, and over. at this point i am ready to make the trip to patong and i am in such a good mood you could slap me and i wouldn't care.

for people unfamiliar with phuket traffic it isn't 1/100th as jammed as bangkok; however, in my opinion it is much more dangerous. there is really no excuse for this, for phuket province has the infrastructure and enforcement to handle the job. the problem is that nobody [including me] follows the 'laws'. red, yellow, flashing yellow lights, etc. etc. are regularly disregarded. helmet, what is that? speed limit is governed by speedometer readout. it's crazy.

my back road journey takes me north up yaoworat rd. until it bottoms out, i hang a left and minutes later i'm zipping by tesco lotus. the next 8 km are unencumbered, potholed, water buffalo lined roadways at high speeds. i pass two traffic lights and i am at the base of my biggest opponent on the island - patong hill.

if you look at patong hill on a map it looks like a scribble. i mean like, triple successive s turns on each side, some banked the wrong way [i knew something was fucked up but didn't realize this until reading stickman's column this week]. imagine heading down a 10% grade into a hairpin turn, that is banked the wrong way. so much for good infrastructure. adding to the mayhem are diesel trucks that regularly spatter oil from their tailpipe, thai teenagers breaking the land speed record, and the eighty five year old thai man on an eighty two year old bike complete with sidecar, family of five, and 3 'out-of-round' wheels. upon reaching the apex of the hill everyone beeps three times in reverence to the buddhist temple, startling the 7 or so stray dogs who are sleeping all over the generous 20 inch shoulder.

downhill towards patong is certainly the most dangerous part of the trip. blind curves, rocks, cars, trucks, buses make me think the safest way down is to get off the hill as fast as possible. upon exciting the hill it is good to keep in mind that every falang you see driving, except me, is pie eyed. fact!!!!!!!!

i backroad it into patong central as well going straight off the hill onto phisit karani road to nanai road to soi sansabai where i am at the center of exactly where i need to be. i park the bike and jump. the music stops. i stand there in a daze for a moment and think about how many things could have just gone wrong over the furious 18 kilometers.

i smile for a second and feel really good.

that is what i love about thailand. this place is magical. i first visited because of the girls. i returned because when i got home something was missing. i finally moved here because, more often than not, i feel good, happy, content......

this place makes me feel like i'm thirteen again, and that friend is priceless.

as i make my move to the rock hard another song starts playing....

'love me one time baby, could not speak,
love me one time baaaaby, yeah my knees got week,
but love me two times, yeah, lasssssts me all through the week,
love me two times i'm goin' awaaaaaay...........'

'love me two times' -- the doors

Just back from Phuket.....

Most have been said before (on this thread and its archive) but here's a little to be added:

Star Wars: Lot of girls (1000 and up). If you are older than 16 you will hate the degenerated (techno?) music.

Daytime: Some girls in the off Bangla sois can be had for 500+200 BF from noon. Freelancers on Bangla: 1000. Christin MP: 1800/2200. Not as bad as said elsewhere on this this thread (but cannot be compared to BKK and CM).

Nighttime: 1000 ST, 1000-1500 LT (+2-300 BF). From 1-2 AM: 500 on the junction area Bangla, Rath-U-Thit and San Sabai.

Still many girls ready for the GFE.

SARS: Only a few masks on airport. Didn't see one in Patong.

Hotel: Plenty of good rooms from 600. Try Sand Inn at 800. Beats PS 1050 and Expat 1090.

GoGo: If you have been to Nana and Cowboy you will find gogo's in Patong - including Rock Hard - quite boring.

Drinks: 60-110. Food: Expensive. Let your teerak take you to thai restaurants in the outskirts.

Tuk-tuk: 100 anywhere in Patong. MC-taxi: 20-40.

That's all... (time to sleep alone for some weeks :()

.....and if you leave Patong you HAVE to bring a girl with you - most of the girls in Karon/Kata looks "I'll rather sleep alone :D"

ManOnTheStreet -- [i]great[/i] stuff! More, please -- you're my new favorite poster!

Philo -- welcome home and I hope we'll see more from you about your trip. I take it by this post you're not in quarantine? :D

ManOnTheStreet,

Near my home is a bridge that banks the wrong way. And every year at first frost the municiple-slow-workers show up (after the first accidents) to put up a sign: Slippery when frosty.
Resurfacing is, of course, out of the question. Imagine them spending property tax on something useful...

You seem to take the same route from Phuket Town to Patong that I always take. My trouble is: I a-l-w-a-y-s get lost on the way back in to PhuketTown. After 15 or so visits I still haven't figured the town's one-way road plan, or 'plan' rather, out.

'But love me two times, YEAH, Lasssssts me all through the week'
That reminds me of my first Phuket visit. I had that sweet taste of pussy on my lips for days. Man, she was g:D:D:D:Dd! That first night the Maitre'd ( or is a female maitre'd a maitresse'd???) of the top floor restaurant at the Sinthavee made a pass at me in the elevator: 'Goos time, fai tousan Baht', she said. I pretended not to understand her Thenglish, knowing that the girl with the best tasting pussy ever would be waiting down the hall on the third floor. B500, all night!

Philo,

OK... But did you get any, dammit:(!

The man who have jai dee maak maak (good heart too mut)
Or
The tales of a kwai (waterbuffalo).

Part I.

Soi Bangla 8 pm. Soi Bangla heat and neon very good. First night falang in Patong. Love Thailand to mut. Falang sentimental. Beer Sing kwat lek nung kwat. After see setting sun and beutiful sea farang want two lovely legs he see on sun bed on beach. (It sleeping ladyboy: falang must pay 200 not be killed). Beach trouble maak maak. Falang go back Bangla. Falang go bar.

Falang see lovely girl. Falang think she be first boom boom. Falang make big mistake, but he not know. Lady no good, or good to mut. Lady say she want go holiday with falang. Falang say he butterfly. Not want holiday. Lady say she butterfly to mut too before, but not after she meet falang me.

Falang very very happy to mut. Girl have smile so beautiful. Girl only work for one month. She not like other falang. Only like me-falang. Falang not drink more beer, falang drink gin tonic. Bar play "Wild is the wind". Falang happy to mut. He like girl to mut. Puying suay maak maak. Falang love Thailand. He forget have jai yen. Falang listen to heart soft to mut - he not remember what joe_zop and Freeler say. He waterbuffalo. He take girl to room....

(to be continued)

"If you are older than 16 you will hate the degenerated (techno?) music. "

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, HAHAHAHAH!!!!!!

While I can enjoy a little nit at a time i don't realise how much it actually affects me until after I leave.

It's thursday night, I'm staying in, gearing up for a big weekend. My boss informed me that i will have May 1st off, making for a three sanuk week next week.

It has been raining quite a bit the last couple of days. Early rain season so I'm told.

Joe_zop,

We've been wasting our time yet again:

'he not remember what joe_zop and Freeler say. He waterbuffalo.'

:(

See the buffalo, be the buffalo... I withhold judgement until I hear the rest of the story!

During Mar 17-24 I spent great time in Patong Beach. Amongst other things I took a look on the after 2am action in Soi Sansabai. One night I was approached by a good-looking, maybe in the mid-twenties, well-breasted girl. Sorry, but forgot her name. She told me that she would regularly work at Christins and offered me a private body massage with BJ and Fuck in her appartment for 2000 Baht. Unfortunately she did no bargain. From what I know her offer was quite pricey. Furthermore, I was in doubt about my safety if I would follow an unknown girl to an unknown spot. So, in the end I refused her offer.

My question now is whether her offer was a fake or not ? Had anybody of you got such a private body massage ?

Sorry guys, I cannot deliver...... (and if I did, Freeler would kill me :D) I've had the days of my (late) life, but I have broken all the rules of the FFF (or alternatively FF as I recently read: Fuck and Flee).

This includes:
- hook up with the LBFM

- dropping ST and MP after 3 days

- starting to take care of her (what do I pay HER for?; joe_zop - who has a heart - will understand me)

- accepting no boom boom (at all: no ST or MP) when tiirak had period

- let the plane to Hat Yai leave without me because of missing tiirac

- buying gold

- repurchasing the same gold from a pondshop

- letting her (20 yo, no drivers licence: only drive waterbuffalo in Chon Buri) rent a car with my passport: girl crash, falang drunk, Thai police, 4 hours Thai discussions: falang ajarn (respect to mut showing university card) able not pay more than 18000 (started 60'), other driver go buy Mekong, everybody happy (sic)

- thrusting her (not really, but wanting to) even if I got several proofs that she is lying

- looking into TG melting eyes and feel her shivering body (TG flat on top boom-boom-ing me (how do you know what is what is not?)) thinking of love 25 years ago

- calling my job from Karon Beach saying I am sick and have to cancel lectures (in order to stay longer).

I have now called my pension fund: if I stop working now I will get a pension of B 60.000 a month. After two divorces I still have the equvivalence of 4 mill. Baht in the bank. I will stash 3 of them with my brother (who will not give me a Baht but only send my ticket home to the embassy).

I have booked my next ticket primo may (just after exam time) with the intention to go down the drain the GFE way. The firmness, the color, the smile, the feeling of the skin and the 'Khaa' have left me with no other alternatives.

When I am broke and unhappy and should be joining 'Loosers beyond AA' I will go Cambodia .....

Yours humbly (I should be expelled from the board...)

ph