Safe Sex

Trashman,

Anything you ever wanted to know about HPV... [url]http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/Villa/3766/links.html[/url]

You will never really know who gave it to who...she may have had it since before you were married, or you may have, or you may have caught it recently from one of the other women you've slept with. HPV is extremely common in our community...many, many people are positive, but don't know. It's also very easily transmitted, because it's one of those infections that condoms don't necessarily protect you from (although condom use would certainly decrease the risk).

There are over 60 types of HPV...some cause visible warts and some don't. I am presuming she doesn't have visible warts, or you probably would have mentioned her undergoing treatment by burning or freezing them off. A few types don't cause visible warts, but are strongly linked to cervical cancer. Your wife will need to have Pap smears much more regularly than she used to, as her chances of dysplasia will be greatly increased. If she smokes as well, her chances of developing cancer are even higher.

I agree with everything ChrisC30 has said. I have to admit, it amazes me that a married man can sleep with countless women as well as his wife...and perform unprotected acts with all of them... and not even think to have an STI test in 5 whole years. I just hope other men learn from your experience and take heed of your warning.

(And yes, I am a fully trained, bona fide sexual health educator...not just the board's resident hooker. :))

PS...HPV is not necessarily a life-long infection. It CAN cure itself after a period of time, but that depends on how fit and healthy you are, how old you are, whether or not you smoke, etc. It's possible for a healthy immune system to eventually fight it off (although, that's not always the case).

Chris and RN,
Thank you both for taking the time to answer and for caring, I appreciate it.
To set the record straight, I have never had intercourse with any woman without wearing a condom except for my wife.

I have had oral performed on me both with and without condoms and I have performed oral sex on other women with no protection at all.

Additionally, I have touched and penetrated women with my fingers both vaginally and anally without any protection.

I specifically brought this up and was pretty open about it all in this forum as a warning to other men.

I only hope that I didn't make my wife ill although in my heart of hearts I feel that I probably did and feel very badly about that.

I will tell her of the test results either way. It was good to hear that perhaps her system can fight it off with time.

Thanks again

Well I went to the doctor today as I said I would and was tested right then and there for HPV, clap, and chlamydia and the results were negative. He said that he saw absolutely no sign of any kind either gross or microscopic of any infection of any kind. However, they are doing cultures just to be sure and drew blood to run a full battery of STD tests including HIV, Aids, Syphillis etc, the results of which will be available Friday. I will let you guys know.
Jst though you would appreciate the feedback

Trashman,

I really respect your decision to share what you're going through with the board. I know there are probably many men here who have been infected/exposed to STIs in some way, but feel too uncomfortable to talk about it. I think that probably gives some people a false sense of security... they read all these stories about men having sex with countless hookers, yet none of them ever seem to catch anything. People rarely seem to give too much thought to their wives' health, either.

Even if your test results all turn out negative (which I sincerely hope they do), your honesty here may just save someone else having to go through what you are experiencing. I hope this honesty extends to your marriage, and that you and your wife can get through this thing together. Best of luck, babe. :)

Trashman-
maybe a mutual confessional might be in order.
I guess you know she won't have got it from a toilet seat!

Seriously, how do you handle the situation now?
You did not infect her, she has not infected you, so it's a recent thing on her part.
This seems to be something of a 'nightmare scenario'.

I hope that you guys can sort it out.

Not necessarily. Either of them could have been infected years ago (Trashman mentioned he had gonorrhoea when he was younger...he could have picked up HPV at the same time), and Trashman's immune system may have been able to fight it off since then...her's may not have. Or it may have been dormant until now. Plus, he said in his first post that his wife "looked him in the eye and asked how she got it". Could have been a cover I guess, but I'm not sure that I would have confronted my husband with a question like that if I thought for a minute that it could have been MY fault.

It's impossible to ever really know who infected who. We already know that Trashman was sleeping around...and for all we know, his wife may have been as well. Or it may have happened long before they were married. But what's done is done. Blaming each other won't do any good...she's still gonna have HPV. All we can do now is wish them luck.

HPV (Human Papilloma Virus)

As far as I know, the jury is still out as to how HPV is transmitted and what it does to people.

HPV may not be a STD, and may even not be disease-causing ("passenger virus" etc.).

All,

Clearly this subject has struck a chord within many people and I appreciate all the comments.

As I said earlier, I decided to discuss this matter here for the very reason some have mentioned ...to save others from this ordeal possibly and to enlighten the monger comunity of married men especially of the possible consequences.

Personally, I could give a shit if I get sick and die especially now that I am living on borrowed time anyway but the last thing I would want to do is cause anyone else and especially my wife despite any differences we may have any pain and sufferring.

My doctor told me that HPV ( of which there are some 60 varieties ) is extremely common with 20 - 25 million people in the US alone infected. It often is not necessarily transmitted sexually!

Furthermore, there are many studies which indicate that people like me who have recently had their blood exposed multiple times to a wide variety of people can and do become infected non sexually. Additionally, with my severely weakened constitution and taking a lot of medications does dramatically increase chances of either infection or a virus formerly in remmission for years to flare up. And, as was pointed out here by others here, there is even the possibility that my wife may have been harboring the virus herself for years and it flared up in time of physical or mental stress.

I have no issues whatsover in regards to whether she was "fooling around" and caught it outside the marriage sexually either recently or long ago. To me, that's simply not the point. After 25 years of marriage, I am long past getting freaked out by that possibility and if I were to be, it would make me a huge hypocrite since for several years now I have been "fooling around" myself. As I see it, I have no right to be upset if she did fool around. I wouldn't like it and I wouldn't condone it butI sure as hell wouldn't be pissed off about it.

Let me be clear here. Despite everything I have said and done, I love my wife very much and deeply regret having embarked on the journeys I have been on, but as I have read other places, once you go down that path it's kind of a one way street with very little turning back. I have found myself getting deeper and deeper into darker and darker sides of I will reer to as pornographic based sex.

What am I going to do? Nothing. There is no point in hurting my wife and I don't want to be apart from her for any reason, at least not permanently. Therefore, I see no reason for unilateral or mutual confessions. We will move forward together, period.

i thought i would pass on my recent experience. about 1 month ago, i began to get a burning feeling during urination, that got progressively worse over a few days. fearing the worst, and looking on the internet, i thought for sure that i had picked up either gonorrhea, or chlymidia[sp?]. i also had a discharge following urination.
i went to a public health clinic, where you can get tested and treated free of charge, and more importantly, confidentially. the culture, [url=http://isgprohibitedwords.info?CodeWord=CodeWord109][CodeWord109][/url] sample, and blood work all came back negatively!
i should add that i was put on a 2x per day dose of doxycyclene pending the test results, for 14 days. my condition improved during the regimen of treatment, but was still present, though at a much reduced level, so i was still concerned.
i then went to a "regular md". what i had was prostatis, whose symptoms mimic std's. it clears up with an anti-bacterial antibiotic.
moral of the story-i was lucky! however, where there is smoke, does not always indicate fire![pun intended].

That you got it at the same time you got the other STD years ago is not only a plausible cover story, it may well be what actually happened.

Thor: headgames seems to be right. I got a dose of clap some time ago, the doctor told me i was cured, I went home to find the same symptoms again, almost the same day: Prostatis: the result of a bad does of the clap. These things work their way up your dick and bite when you least expect it; soemtimes, they have delayed action fuses. Apparently, if you are not careful, they get much worse with age. Moral: get thoroughly checked as there are lots of very nasty bugs to be picked up. No joke I am sure you agree.

Trashman: very interesting and welcome posts. However, a lot can be done with willpower. And sometimes we have to draw a line under things. Sometomes, of course, we have to leave them run their course. Depending on our personal make ups, there is a very dark side to this hobby of ours.

Skinless, you might be right, but the only other time I had anything[that I know of] was some 30 years ago when I got the clap[gonorrhea], in college. Of course that was during the time of "free love". I guess I really must have paid a price, with the delayed fuse. lol
I'm glad you're back to posting on the LOS boards. I want to try to get off the beaten track as well in SE Asia. Have you ever explored rural China away from the coast? thor

[QUOTE]Originally posted by thor
[i]Skinless, you might be right, but the only other time I had anything[that I know of] was some 30 years ago when I got the clap[gonorrhea], in college. [/i][/QUOTE]

Right, but you are talking about HPV, a low-level virus that may not show up for years, unlike, say, an infection, which is what gonorrhea is. You could have picked up herpes at the same time and still not know it, unless you actually see a blister and go to the doc and have it checked out.

Or so I have read.

Well, I promised those still tuned in an update when I got test results back from the doctor visit last week specifically to test for any STD's. Guess what? Despite being pretty well convinced that I would have a smorgasbord assortment of nasties, my tests all came back 100% negative. The tested both blood and tissue samples for HPV, HIV, Aids, Syphillis, Gonorhea, Chlamydia, and a few others that I don't remember and they ALL came back negative. I spoke to the doctor myself and asked if he was sure. He told me that as a matter of course when he gets a request like mine to test, he doubles up on the tests and orders them from two different labs to be very sure of the results. This guy is thorough!
So, to all of you who cared to wish me well on this, I thank you. To those of you who expressed some interesting thoughts regarding my wife which included, so what do I do if I test negative? And, one who wondered if she was trying to bluff me into admitting forays beyond the home fires.

Like I said earlier, positive or negative results don't matter in terms of me wanting to stay with her for the long run. We've been through 25 years so far.

If she was bluffing me it didn't work, but she's a pretty tough broad and I doubt she fears anything enough to warrant bluffing me, but I'll admit when I tested negative, I did have a moment to wonder. Then again, if I'm out there hobbying, I have no right to ***** if she has been as well. What's good for the goose is good for the gander as they say.

Thanks again for alll the interesting input from you folks on this.

Guys, please mention or list down the pros and cons of a condom. Also please mention what the condom can protect you from and what it cannot protect you from.

Thanks guys.