La Ponye Hotel & Apartments.
Typing error. Price 1000 usd monthly or 100 usd per night. No way to edit a report after posting.
12 days in bubble-butt country
I finally kept the promise I had made to myself and to fellow monger Neddy to add Uganda to my monger's track record.
The electronic visa should cost no more than 50 dollars. Beware of the many ".org" websites selling Ugandan visas for more than double that amount.
There's an MTN shop next to the luggage carousel at Entebbe. If you're lucky to get there before other customers you have time to get a 4 G package while waiting for your luggage. There are forex bureaus giving the usual lousy airport rate (1 euro = 4000 ugx instead of at least 1 euro = 4150 ugx in town). Taxi to Speke Hotel asked for 100 k ugx, settled for 90 k.
Speke Hotel is ok by African standards. You get 2 free bottles of water per day, breakfast is okayish and served on a nice terrace shielded from the bustle of the city by some greenery. Room had a good safe. They have some run-down rooms where the in-room safe is not functional and with 2 small beds instead of a big one, so don't hesitate to complain at once if they put you in a room that doesn't match the one you booked. Strict girls' ID control at front desk. Hotel has a nostalgic 19th century flair about it. Standard Chartered guarded ATMs are a five minutes' walk away. For the maximum amount of 2 million ugx you get hit with a 20 k ugx "access fee" (1%).
[U]Tinder[/U]
Being a Tinder Gold member I could swipe for Kampala ahead of my trip. Plenty of interesting hits. Girls' pics make you want to travel to Uganda for sure. Many were in no hurry to contact me on Whatsapp though, and when they did they didn't have much to say. As soon as I mentioned "play for play"one Tinder girl with a smoking hot body went "I'm not a prostitute who do you think you are go elsewhere if you want a prostitute la-di-da". Blocked.
I ended up traveling with only 3 Tinder finalists on my whatsapp, assuming - wrongly as it would turned out - that I would get tons of super hook-ups as soon as I set foot on Ugandan soil (I didn't bring along smartphone with the Tinder app).
When messaged to come over to my hotel, Tinder finalists number 3 insisted on my sending her half the money upfront through MNT money. I replied I was no fool and blocked her. Tinder finalist number 2 told me she was broke with no money for transport and needed me to come and fetch her. "Where are you?" "I'm in Jinja", she said. Jinja lies up to 3 hours' drive away from Kampala depending on traffic. Blocked.
Tinder finalist number 1 was a 178 cm skinny Muslim girl who wished happy Ramadan to her muslim brothers and sisters in her Whatsapp status. She had been in Dubai twice, not, as she insisted, to "work", just to "travel with a boyfriend". Yeah, yeah. She moved to some tune on her smartphone. Wow. That girl would get a million likes on Youtube hours after uploading her buttshaking if she wanted to upload it. She priced herself at 100 dollars. That was a Dubaish price but I was not going to pass up on such a booty now I had her in my room. Alas she sorely disappointed in bed. She interrupted my DATY on some pretense and refused a rim-job a wanted to give her on another pretense.
[U]The street[/U]
There were a handful of SWs outside Speke Hotel / Rock Garden, all of them big women with too much uncontrolled fat. Some of them might be ok if I wanted a really big ass to sit on my face. However, their overall looks ratings were poor. A few SWs were also to be found in Kabalagala near the clubs. A fair rule of thumb is that if girls wait in the street outside clubs they will have looks below the girls you find in said clubs.
The streets are probably more interesting for finding girls who are just normal girls with nothing other to do than hang around at night in the hope of a hook-up. I met such a girl after dark downtown from Speke Hotel. She literally latched on to me until I gave her my Whatsapp. On the next day she invited me to a volley-ball event (Uganda against Kenya). I passed but we eventually met at Speke restaurant and I think she genuinely played in the country's national team. During the meal she asked me if I knew the meaning of "Sugar-baby". I then taught her about "P4 P" and assumed everything was going according to plan, but at front desk on the way up to the room she said she carried no ID. Too bad I said, maybe next time. So she went. I'm now sure she was just pretending to have no ID because she messaged me shortly after asking "what is it exactly you want from me". "Just some fun" I replied. She countered with "define fun". Perhaps before blocking her I should have messaged "plenty of fish in the sea" or "time-wasters be blocked".
[U]Clubs & Discos[/U]
With the exception of Capital Pub I saw no fish-tank places with 20-25 working girls and hardly any normal customers except male punters like there used to be in the heydays in some African countries. However my impression was that in any place "working" girls were easy to spot at night. They showed more flesh and tended to sit or stand away from male customers. As a rule if a girl didn't look like she was available for P4 P it meant she wasn't. Here are my jotting regarding some well-known night-spots during my stay:
Rock Garden on Friday 11 pm: dead.
Rock Garden on Sunday shortly after midnight: dead.
Rock Garden on Tuesday: "comedy show" attracting local crowds. Hardly any girls.
Bubbles on Tuesday 1 am: totally deserted, a single car parked in front of the club, doorman suggesting I try Skyline instead.
Capital Pub, same Tuesday as above around midnight: fairly busy, 15 or so girls, over 25 girls at 1:30 am. Dimly-lit place, girls markedly below Bubbles' in terms of looks and height. Girls not up to my requirements. I'd compare the quality here to the black girls who worked in Bangkok or Pattaya before the Thai crack-down on blacks.
Bubbles on Saturday at midnight: place swinging, plenty of stunners.
Rock Garden on Thursday at midnight: about 8 girls, no stunner, band had been playing African music for 2 hours, band was now packing up and people were leaving (I love African music, why didn't they properly advertise such music events?)
Cayenne on Friday at midnight: dead. Cayenne was supposed to be a favourite with college students. Do students have classes on Saturday? A special event was advertised for Sunday. Do students not have class on Monday? Not much of a student hang-out if you ask me.
Wave on Friday at quarter past midnight, many people but all locals, M / F ratio = 4. No visible working girls.
Bubbles on Friday 1 am: quite a few girls, some stunners (not as many as Saturday night though).
Rock Garden on Saturday at midnight: 11 girls, no stunners, no punters, very few customers. One hour later (1 am), only 6 or 7 girls left, no new girl. Dead on a Saturday night, how deader can you get?
Lessons to be drawn: 1) Don't book Speke Hotel just because Rock Garden is next door. 2) Capital Pub is the place to go by default if the girls there meet your requirements 3) The only place that delivered for my specifications was Bubbles 4) Do not throw away most Tinder contacts as I did, you may need them.
[U]Living here[/U]
After this sobering picture of the available pussy on sale at upmarket clubs in Kampala, it may come across as schizophrenic that I should have take steps to live here as from next year. However I am confident night life here is only the tip of the iceberg.
The way some girls in the street in broad daylight gaze back at you! Good-looking young women actually responding when you look at them! Girls' gazes saying yes, yes, yes and meaning yes I'm available it's up to you. Wow. Makes you feel like a man again.
