Stupid Shit in Tijuana

Thanks for bringing different perspectives. I shouldn't worry as she treats me great. Time will only tell. Her mom and little brother are coming to visit from Sinaloa next week. It should be interesting since her mother was actually crying when we video called. Not sure what she has been telling the family. She explained that her family always wanted her to have a stable relationship and not sure since it has only been a couple of weeks. One of her cousins actually put a profile photo with me in the family photo. So odd how quickly they accept you into the family down here. Heading to Ensenada today.

[QUOTE=KoolBeans;2624187]So I've been living with this bar girl for the past 2 weeks and she cooks me every meal. I recently stumbled upon a video of her and some random dude that were holding hands about 2 months ago. I narrowed down on Instagram that seems to be gaining interest with heart emoji responses to her posts. I questioned her about it and she said the video was a download from last year and she downloaded it from iCloud since she replaced her phone. I told her that isn't how videos and photos work as they retain metadata from when it was taken. I told her I wouldn't be providing "support" money anymore and said if this is going to be a "normal" relationship, then I shouldn't have to provide anything more than food and shelter. She agreed and I won't have to pay her a monthly stipend.[/QUOTE]KB,

You need to get out of the ho-john mindset if this is going to work and quit worrying about getting ripped off. Cutting off money like that is a john move and shows that she cannot trust you. I know why you are doing it, you do not want to feel ripped off, but she needs to be able to know she can rely on you. You just made her feel like a ho. I am a little surprised she did not leave you.

Time and again, my gal has shown me I can trust her, and she still has not asked for one dime. After our second trip together, I did not care about the money, my gal is priceless, and she would do and has done anything for me. The trick I have for being faithful to her is that I tell myself if I fucked any other woman, it would be not be as good, and I know it would not be. I think that is true for you as well.

You got a gal who is smoking hot, great in bed, cooking for you, loves you, fucks you 5 or 6 times a day, and you are worried about the past? Let that shit go. She is not a ho anymore and has the chance to be priceless to you if you do not fuck it up.

Is your girl so fucking hot that another guy would pay to have what you have? If so, then she is actually letting you pay for her.

One of the problems with the john-ho mindset that I have found is very few guys can transition from the monger world to the real world. If she is a ho, then you want to negotiate down as hard as you can. If she is your woman, then you want to make her feel safe and financially secure.

It is so hard to find a hot woman, who is a tiger in bed, and is trustworthy. Those women get so many offers that it is so easy for them to just go to the next guy. I had a woman like that, blew it with her, and even though I am glad it ended in hindsight, it hurt and it took me years of searching to find someone as good. I did, hell I found better, but it sure as hell was not easy.

[QUOTE=Fmojo;2624540]Wait a minute. Phordphan and Explorer actually agreed on something? Damn! I knew I should've bought a lottery ticket yesterday.[/QUOTE]Lighten up, Francis!

[QUOTE=KoolBeans;2624548]Thanks for bringing different perspectives. I shouldn't worry as she treats me great. Time will only tell. Her mom and little brother are coming to visit from Sinaloa next week. It should be interesting since her mother was actually crying when we video called. Not sure what she has been telling the family. She explained that her family always wanted her to have a stable relationship and not sure since it has only been a couple of weeks. One of her cousins actually put a profile photo with me in the family photo. So odd how quickly they accept you into the family down here. Heading to Ensenada today.[/QUOTE]In all sincerity I suggest you get some good counseling before you fuck this up.

[QUOTE=KoolBeans;2624548]Thanks for bringing different perspectives. I shouldn't worry as she treats me great. Time will only tell. Her mom and little brother are coming to visit from Sinaloa next week. It should be interesting since her mother was actually crying when we video called. Not sure what she has been telling the family. She explained that her family always wanted her to have a stable relationship and not sure since it has only been a couple of weeks. One of her cousins actually put a profile photo with me in the family photo. So odd how quickly they accept you into the family down here. Heading to Ensenada today.[/QUOTE]Exactly, time will tell. Trust but don't be blind. Only the best actors can pull off months and months of good behavior with out screwing something up. 2 weeks is honeymoon phase. 6 months. Now then you have some history and data to make better judgements on but just a few weeks. Way to soon to come to any conclusions. I say give a girl friend a long leash to see if she behaves and if she doesn't then you can get out and find someone better.

G.

[QUOTE=Elvis2008;2624569]KB,

You need to get out of the ho-john mindset if this is going to work and quit worrying about getting ripped off. Cutting off money like that is a john move and shows that she cannot trust you. I know why you are doing it, you do not want to feel ripped off, but she needs to be able to know she can rely on you. You just made her feel like a ho. I am a little surprised she did not leave you.

Time and again, my gal has shown me I can trust her, and she still has not asked for one dime. After our second trip together, I did not care about the money, my gal is priceless, and she would do and has done anything for me. The trick I have for being faithful to her is that I tell myself if I fucked any other woman, it would be not be as good, and I know it would not be. I think that is true for you as well.

You got a gal who is smoking hot, great in bed, cooking for you, loves you, fucks you 5 or 6 times a day, and you are worried about the past? Let that shit go. She is not a ho anymore and has the chance to be priceless to you if you do not fuck it up.

Is your girl so fucking hot that another guy would pay to have what you have? If so, then she is actually letting you pay for her..[/QUOTE]I agree, your in your 40's bro. I know how it is I was divorced in my 40's too. I think you need time to heal, please don't hurt this lady. She seems like a real nice one and that is fucking hard to find in life and even more in the zona. Please don't refer to this girl as your "regular" or "bargirl" she is your girlfriend. If what you are writing isn't complete fiction then I would say she loves you bro. Also why write about all this to a bunch mongers. Look I am a vet abd I get it bro. Your relationship is up to you. Please look into coach Corey Wayne and being a 3% man. Golden advice in that book. Good luck my brother!

[QUOTE=SeaBeeJoe;2624706]I agree, your in your 40's bro. I know how it is I was divorced in my 40's too. I think you need time to heal, please don't hurt this lady. She seems like a real nice one and that is fucking hard to find in life and even more in the zona. Please don't refer to this girl as your "regular" or "bargirl" she is your girlfriend. If what you are writing isn't complete fiction then I would say she loves you bro. Also why write about all this to a bunch mongers. Look I am a vet abd I get it bro. Your relationship is up to you. Please look into coach Corey Wayne and being a 3% man. Golden advice in that book. Good luck my brother![/QUOTE]Yeah thanks for everyone's input. I have to sneak around to post as she almost caught me one day and was wondering why I was shutting down the browser. I just want to get insight of more experienced bros down this path. I've only been in "normal" relationships. She has been great to me and never experienced such love from someone regardless of age. I imagine it would be hard to find someone college age that still has wife material skills like cooking, cleaning, and looking out for your money.

The funny thing is when we were seeing each other for short trips she wanted only the best and I thought it was just about the money. I tend to test people and like another person mentioned probably need to get counseling for it. The VA actually tried to give me counseling for the PTSD and I just try and focus on what matters now and future or it could consume you. I think that is the reason I always stay busy so I don't have time to actually self reflect. Even she mentioned I'm always moving and thinks I have issues, but haven't shared that part of me yet.

I shouldn't treat it like work or business where you're trying to negotiate the best deal with clauses. I guess that is why gambling is such an addiction as you always chase the potential thrill of winning. I am more about taking people on their word until they violate my trust, because isn't that all we have in this world? I was just trying to confirm my suspicions as a principle of the matter that she is telling me the truth. I've been an open book to her and shared my story and most of my vulnerabilities and wouldn't recommend doing this with anyone especially a narcissist as they could use it against you. She actually asked me before sharing my story with the religious aunt. It could have been the thing that brought a more personal touch to the relationship and maybe they can relate.

She pointed out all of the ways she includes me in her life like meeting her close friends, family, and living together. I haven't met HK amigas and not sure if they know who I am, but told her I don't get jealous when she is with close friends. I did get tingling sensations, when she told me she went with her HK amigas for their birthday to Rosarito. I know in order for this to work that I need to let go of past and not try to control people or things.

She is actually motivated to learn more English to make it easier to communicate. I don't have time to learn another language and still have to juggle work and business that is why I take short trips to different places and wish I could get more time off to actually relax. Being with her feels like home and like some others have mentioned, 20 years of mongering and having sex with no emotional attachment left me feeling empty after the deed. I guess that is why I must violate the 3 day rule often when I take longer trips overseas. Also like you've mentioned, I probably fucked it up for the other ones I've met as these Mexican chicas really know how to give their love, home, and time to someone that they are interested in. Probably hardens their perception of men and for that it tears me up inside if I'm one of those responsible for hurting them emotionally.

[QUOTE=KoolBeans;2625008]She is actually motivated to learn more English to make it easier to communicate. I don't have time to learn another language and still have to juggle work and business that is why I take short trips to different places and wish I could get more time off to actually relax. [/QUOTE]First, you had better make time. No relationship will survive if the couple can't communicate. You can't let your money talk and rely on body language any more. She may want to learn English, and she may be motivated, but you absolutely, positively, need to learn to communicate effectively in Spanish. This would hold true if she was a native Spanish speaker, or a Thai speaker, or German. Doesn't matter. Download Duolingo and stick with it. You won't learn overnight but you'll be surprised how much you can pick up in six months if you practice daily.

Second, and I recall this from a previous post in a different thread, never deliver an ultimatum, and never make the girl choose between you and something very important, like career or education. She was bending over backwards offering to relocate her school credits (or whatever they're called) to Tijuana in order to be closer to you. You responded that if she couldn't, then the relationship was over because you can't do distance. I have to take this at face value because I wasn't there. But it sounds incredibly self-centered. Essentially choose me or choose your education because I can't keep it in my pants longer than a couple of days. You really don't want to be the reason she gave up education and career. I know I could never live with myself. From her standpoint, if you care for her as much as it seems, if you have as much free time as you seem to (you visit Tijuana frequently), and if you have as much disposable income as you say, then it should be very easy to buy a are / T ticket from TIJ to GDL say twice a month. Leave on a Friday, return on a Sunday.

She seems genuine, from what you've posted. I hope things work out. I really do. But if you don't learn to be flexible (and dealing with Mexicans that's a necessity) then you'll wind up sabotaging the whole thing.

Relationships are suppose to be fun and mutually beneficial. From your posts it sounds like you're more worried than happy though. Its safe to say most if not all the posters here are addicts or have some weird mental thing going on. Its a good and bad thing about us but what you said about feeling empty after mongering is extremely relatable. After my trips I'm happy but I'm starting to feel guilt and remorse. Its the same point I got to with drugs or gambling. Yes in the moment the experience is enjoyable but did I really have to do it for the 1,000th or so time? I crave a more normal stable relationship but I know I'm not ready for one, you might not be either. Even though you want it. I have dealt with my own PTSD, nothing comparable to going to war but I know I became more mentally healthy after sorting out my past traumas we can say. Here's the thing about being human. We have the capacity to think rationally but mostly we think emotionally. Its why we monger or why people eat junk food or procrastinate their entire lives away. In our heads we know its wrong but we do it anyway because its our default setting to act out our impulses. I know you don't like to but you should think long and hard if this is what you truly want. For your sake and hers. Sex workers lives are hard enough. Being fluent in Spanish and a naturally observant person has given me insight into the dark side of Tijuana bar girls lives. I've seen and heard some heartbreaking stuff. Girls with cuts on their arms, the obvious drug abuse, girls being raped or murdered. We all know and hear about these things. From my conversations with hundreds of bar girls I can tell they don't like their jobs but they rationalize it in their heads and I believe it damages them in some way. I even hear this from men who do "pick up" in America and sleep with hundreds of girls or male pornstars. After so much emotionless sex it starts to mess with their heads. Your girl seems to be one of the better ones out there but after all these posts I would say break up with her. It all depends on what you want though, if she makes you happy then maybe that's all that matters. I'm just saying from a purely objective point of view, if you want a girl that's loyal and not interested in money then a bar girl or ex- bar girl isn't the best type of girl. Its a tough situation, we want a girl that looks like an instagram model but has perfect morals. Sounds too good to be true! But I'm sure girls like that are out there.

[QUOTE=Elvis2008;2624569]KB,

You need to get out of the ho-john mindset if this is going to work and quit worrying about getting ripped off. Cutting off money like that is a john move and shows that she cannot trust you. I know why you are doing it, you do not want to feel ripped off, but she needs to be able to know she can rely on you. You just made her feel like a ho. I am a little surprised she did not leave you.

Time and again, my gal has shown me I can trust her, and she still has not asked for one dime. After our second trip together, I did not care about the money, my gal is priceless, and she would do and has done anything for me. The trick I have for being faithful to her is that I tell myself if I fucked any other woman, it would be not be as good, and I know it would not be. I think that is true for you as well.

You got a gal who is smoking hot, great in bed, cooking for you, loves you, fucks you 5 or 6 times a day, and you are worried about the past? Let that shit go. She is not a ho anymore and has the chance to be priceless to you if you do not fuck it up.

Is your girl so fucking hot that another guy would pay to have what you have? If so, then she is actually letting you pay for her.

One of the problems with the john-ho mindset that I have found is very few guys can transition from the monger world to the real world. If she is a ho, then you want to negotiate down as hard as you can. If she is your woman, then you want to make her feel safe and financially secure.

It is so hard to find a hot woman, who is a tiger in bed, and is trustworthy. Those women get so many offers that it is so easy for them to just go to the next guy. I had a woman like that, blew it with her, and even though I am glad it ended in hindsight, it hurt and it took me years of searching to find someone as good. I did, hell I found better, but it sure as hell was not easy.[/QUOTE]Thanks for your input. I am going about it all wrong. She has been honest with me and takes care of me. Her aunts even ask her how I'm doing which are her fathers sisters. Not sure how they accepted me so quickly into the family. Also she was loyal even when we were friends and all of the dudes in Cancun seemed to be trying to hit on her. I told her I'm not jealous or intense when we are friends, but being in relationships seem to warp my mind for some strange reason. The scary part is she is introducing me to her mother and little brother next week and met more extended family in Tijuana / Rosarito.

[QUOTE=Gregyyr;2624694]Exactly, time will tell. Trust but don't be blind. Only the best actors can pull off months and months of good behavior with out screwing something up. 2 weeks is honeymoon phase. 6 months. Now then you have some history and data to make better judgements on but just a few weeks. Way to soon to come to any conclusions. I say give a girl friend a long leash to see if she behaves and if she doesn't then you can get out and find someone better.

G.[/QUOTE]It is a chica I met in July that was brutally honest when we first met. We've seen each other off and on since that time. I'm still wondering when the honeymoon phase ends and she starts to cuss me out when we are passing in the hallway. We've only lived together full time for past 2 weeks and it seems like it is making the relationship stronger as she appreciates my efforts and I appreciate what she does for me.

[QUOTE=Phordphan;2625112]First, you had better make time. No relationship will survive if the couple can't communicate. You can't let your money talk and rely on body language any more. She may want to learn English, and she may be motivated, but you absolutely, positively, need to learn to communicate effectively in Spanish. This would hold true if she was a native Spanish speaker, or a Thai speaker, or German. Doesn't matter. Download Duolingo and stick with it. You won't learn overnight but you'll be surprised how much you can pick up in six months if you practice daily.

Second, and I recall this from a previous post in a different thread, never deliver an ultimatum, and never make the girl choose between you and something very important, like career or education. She was bending over backwards offering to relocate her school credits (or whatever they're called) to Tijuana in order to be closer to you. You responded that if she couldn't, then the relationship was over because you can't do distance. I have to take this at face value because I wasn't there. But it sounds incredibly self-centered. Essentially choose me or choose your education because I can't keep it in my pants longer than a couple of days. You really don't want to be the reason she gave up education and career. I know I could never live with myself. From her standpoint, if you care for her as much as it seems, if you have as much free time as you seem to (you visit Tijuana frequently), and if you have as much disposable income as you say, then it should be very easy to buy a are / T ticket from TIJ to GDL say twice a month. Leave on a Friday, return on a Sunday.

She seems genuine, from what you've posted. I hope things work out. I really do. But if you don't learn to be flexible (and dealing with Mexicans that's a necessity) then you'll wind up sabotaging the whole thing.[/QUOTE]When I get free time, I'll try to learn the language. I was married to a Mexican for over 20 years and didn't learn much as too busy with trying to keep head above water with business and work. I still have to work with my CPA and file 2020 taxes, might hire a bookkeeper for $500 a month. I know myself and told her I could "help" her more if she was in Tijuana and understand I need to be more accommodating, but I think I'm offering her a lot as well. I told her to pursue what is best for her career and education. She said it should be easy to transfer, but she wouldn't know the professors or classmates as she does in her current university. I never told her to not complete the last year of school. The main reason I think she attracts me is that she has the "potential" to do something with her life.

Also we did get in a fight over the word "pay" and "help". She said I'm not paying her for her time, I'm "helping" her with expenses. What an ordeal having to deal with the miscommunication, but now I know she was livid when I said I pay her. I think you were the one that mentioned this is common in Mexico.

[QUOTE=BigMagick;2625169]Relationships are suppose to be fun and mutually beneficial. From your posts it sounds like you're more worried than happy though. Its safe to say most if not all the posters here are addicts or have some weird mental thing going on. Its a good and bad thing about us but what you said about feeling empty after mongering is extremely relatable. After my trips I'm happy but I'm starting to feel guilt and remorse. Its the same point I got to with drugs or gambling. Yes in the moment the experience is enjoyable but did I really have to do it for the 1,000th or so time? I crave a more normal stable relationship but I know I'm not ready for one, you might not be either. Even though you want it. I have dealt with my own PTSD, nothing comparable to going to war but I know I became more mentally healthy after sorting out my past traumas we can say. Here's the thing about being human. We have the capacity to think rationally but mostly we think emotionally. Its why we monger or why people eat junk food or procrastinate their entire lives away. In our heads we know its wrong but we do it anyway because its our default setting to act out our impulses. I know you don't like to but you should think long and hard if this is what you truly want. For your sake and hers. Sex workers lives are hard enough. Being fluent in Spanish and a naturally observant person has given me insight into the dark side of Tijuana bar girls lives. I've seen and heard some heartbreaking stuff. Girls with cuts on their arms, the obvious drug abuse, girls being raped or murdered. We all know and hear about these things. From my conversations with hundreds of bar girls I can tell they don't like their jobs but they rationalize it in their heads and I believe it damages them in some way. I even hear this from men who do "pick up" in America and sleep with hundreds of girls or male pornstars. After so much emotionless sex it starts to mess with their heads. Your girl seems to be one of the better ones out there but after all these posts I would say break up with her. It all depends on what you want though, if she makes you happy then maybe that's all that matters. I'm just saying from a purely objective point of view, if you want a girl that's loyal and not interested in money then a bar girl or ex- bar girl isn't the best type of girl. Its a tough situation, we want a girl that looks like an instagram model but has perfect morals. Sounds too good to be true! But I'm sure girls like that are out there.[/QUOTE]It seems you know exactly how I feel at this moment. I was thinking if I only met her before the club, but then again maybe she wouldn't know how to appreciate what I do for her as much. Also it is funny that she is a knockout with make up, but takes her over an hour to complete. I told her I like her for her personality and mind, but she also has many insecurities. Not sure if anyone has perfect morals on their journey through life. We want a quality lady, but also a freak in the sheets.

[QUOTE=KoolBeans;2625506]Her aunts even ask her how I'm doing which are her fathers sisters. Not sure how they accepted me so quickly into the family.[/QUOTE]Your gal is bragging about you. She has told them you are the one. Your gal loves you and most of the time, you make her happy, and her family sees that. That is all any family wants, for a loved one to be happy.

[QUOTE=KoolBeans;2625506]The scary part is she is introducing me to her mother and little brother next week and met more extended family in Tijuana / Rosarito.[/QUOTE]They just want to confirm what your gal is seeing about you is accurate. Love blinds us all. I knew that, so I wanted my female friend AKA the blood hound to check out my gal. Within two days, she had sniffed out as much info as I had in months. It was amazing how accurate she was about us.

[QUOTE=KoolBeans;2625506]Also she was loyal even when we were friends and all of the dudes in Cancun seemed to be trying to hit on her.[/QUOTE]Of course, she is head over heels in love with you.

Relationships are scary because most relationships do end painfully. You know that Shakespeare line, "'Tis better to have loved and lost. Than never to have loved at all. " it is true. If I had not gone through a painful breakup, I would not have met my dream girl. So if she is not the one just have faith that you have learned about what you really want and need, and the next one likely will be better still. Sometimes God puts us through pain to teach us.

The reason most guys monger is they want sex and not the side of pain that goes with relationships, but sex is a temporary boost of pleasure not real happiness. Happiness comes from being around people who really want to be with you not those paid to do so. Yeah, the odds of being in a happy relationship are long but when you have a chance at it, you have to go for it.

BTW, if anyone in the family hits you up for money, tell your gal and let her deal with it. That is not a good sign for you if members of her family do that.

[QUOTE=KoolBeans;2625510]When I get free time, I'll try to learn the language. I was married to a Mexican for over 20 years and didn't learn much [/QUOTE]This woman is way too good for a pinche gabacho like you.