You must be married to a Filipina if...
You must be married to a Filipina if...
(Written by an American guy who loves his Filipina wife despite "irregularities")
Your refrigerator is always full but you cannot find any food that you recognize.
Most of the decorations in your house are made of wicker.
You are expected to be able to read her mind just by watching her eyebrows move up and down and which way her lips are pointed.
The instant you are married you have 3000 new close relatives that you can't tell apart.
All the desserts are sticky and all the snacks are salty.
Even the ketchup [catsup (Jufran) ] tastes weird.
You throw a party and everyone is fighting to chop the leathery skin off a dead pig.
Your in-laws take 10 years to acknowledge your existence and to call you by something other than "that white guy."
Your first Christmas present is some funny-looking, baggy see-through shirt made out of leftover lace doilies.
Your phone bills are all international and average 3 hours per call.
The rice cooker is on 24/7 and uses up 50% of your electric and food budget.
On your first trip to the Philippines, you have 18 giant boxes that weigh 1000 pounds each and your "carry-on" luggage requires a small forklift truck.
All your postage bills instantly double.
Her favorite sauce is called patis. Americans call it turpentine.
You were married five years before she explained to you that "Aray" doesn't mean "Ooh, baby!"
Her homeland has more megamalls than islands.
Your kitchen table has a merry-go-round in the middle.
Her friends are named Chinky, Baby, Boy, and Bimbo and you're not allowed to smirk.
All your place settings are backwards and there are no spoons.
She's done her best job planning a surprise party for you if she manages not to tell you about it until a week or two before.
AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST: You are pretty proud of yourself because you think you snagged up for yourself some unique, rare, tropical goddess until you go to the Philippines and can't tell her apart from anyone else in the whole country (unless she's taller than 5'1". Then it's a bit easier).
Barongs and other oddities
I was told by a Pinoy friend that it was the Spanish who mandated that the barongs be see through so that rebellious Filipinos could not canceal weapons underneath the shirts. I used to feel silly wearing these, but now have a small wardrobe of them, ever since I realized that they beat the alternative of wearing a tie and jacket to formal and semi-formal affairs when you have to go. I would rather look (and feel) slightly foolish than sweat my balls off in a suit.
Speaking of cultural or perhaps genetic oddities, has anyone else ever noticed how much a 40 kg. filipina can eat? It is amazing to me. I took three small women from my office out for lunch last week, and the sheer quantity of food consumed was astounding. I'm twice their size and I could not begin to eat the amount to which these ladies laid waste. And what's even more amazing is that two hours latter these ladies were all having their afternoon merienda! Maybe it has something to do with metabolism or maybe they're screwing their brains out all night and burning up the calories.
GE
Wish you good health friend.
You might want to get a doctor to look at that.
[QUOTE=Gamahucher]
....my twitching bottom lip. About lips, ...
snip///
GH[/QUOTE]
September Road Trip, Part 11 - Two more in Angeles
thursday night i went back on the prowl. after some wandering around, i went back to la pasha and connected with mama annie, my friend’s friend. we chatted and i bought her a drink. it was around 9 p. m. and neither of the girls i’d been eyeing the night before were there. annie said the best time is about 7:30, when the full shift is present but few if any have been barfined yet.
i left and wandered into several places – king of diamonds, next to mo’s, the dollhouse, and others i can’t remember. one was a smaller bar on a side street in the central area, adjacent to checkers. there was one doable girl, drinks were 65 pesos and the barfine was only 1250 compared to the 1350 quoted elsewhere, but i wasn’t quite ready to make a choice. i trolled back down fields, turned down santos, and then onto the short street (real? ) that parallels fields back toward raymond. i went into a smaller bar whose name i forget.
more fun was being had in that bar than any i visited during the trip. rock and roll was playing, customers were singing, the bell had been rung, dancers were laughing, good times were rolling. i joined one guy singing into a microphone to the rolling stones ‘you can’t always get what you want, " belting out high harmony on the choruses.
two of the dancers were especially cute, but i wound up talking to mari lyn, a 32-year-old gro. she admitted to the age easily, and i told her she was still half mine. i bought her a drink to be polite and, after a while, i didn’t feel comfortable calling down one of the girls and bumping her. i paid her barfine (1300 p) and we strolled the short distance to pacific breeze.
lyn was the first girl who pretty much insisted on hitting the minibar, which i usually leave alone. i get hung up on small things sometimes, but i had to laugh when i checked prices and realized that, at 50 pesos, the beers in the room were cheaper than most happy hour prices. we drank a beer each and split a third while chatting and exchanging friendly kisses. then we took a shower together and rolled into bed.
lyn was an easy and generous lover. she had an unusual manner of giving head, coming down from the top instead of crawling between my legs. from that angle, she took me deeper than anyone in recent memory. after i returned the favor, we rolled together and did the deed. we had a sleepy, sweet return match in the morning, then showered and had breakfast together.
we had planned to spend more time together, but i had developed a minor sore throat. lyn walked me to a pharmacy and ordered pills and throat lozenges for me. then i put her in a trike and said goodbye. i went back to the hotel and slept for several hours, skipping lunch. i used pb’s excellent internet connection to read mail and get some business done. i had dinner – a not-bad spaghetti carbonara – in the hotel restaurant and headed out to make la pasha at 7:30, hoping to find the girl i had wanted to take two days before.
i didn’t find her, so maybe she was on a long term barfine. i couldn’t remember her exactly, but recognized another girl from the previous night. she was hard to miss. she had been the liveliest girl in the place and was again. she was full of smiles, dancing, laughing, joking with the other girls, having a good time. on wednesday, she had been doubly obvious because she was one of the few girls i have seen wearing black-frame glasses on stage. this night she had left the glasses off but there was no mistaking her personality. she was very pretty, just short of beautiful. she flirted with me each time she came around. i was tempted for a while by another girl who was frowning until i smiled at her, then lit up in a very enticing way. but i called down glasses-girl, and it was one of the best picks i’ve ever made.
her name was loures (pronounced la-rees), a 19-year-old from samar who had just come back from manila where she had been tending an aging grandmother. at first, i thought i might have made a mistake, as she was quieter sitting next to me than she had been on stage and spent more time watching the big screen that was showing porn cartoons. on the other hand, she nudged me several times to watch what was going on, giving me an impish grin. gradually, she warmed up. feeling a bit uncertain, i asked her if she really wanted to come with me. she said yes.
loures went to change while i paid the bill and barfine (1350 pesos). she emerged wearing a sleeveless orange minidress. unlike many girls, she looked better in street clothes than she had on stage. leaving la pasha, we walked across the street to a bar to have a drink. after watching a while, i joked to loures about the lackluster dancers and said she should show them how it was done. i was mostly teasing while complimenting her dancing. she said she didn’t like the music they were playing.
but about halfway through our drinks, a song started that she loures obviously knew from the opening bars. to my surprise, she hopped onto the stage and began dancing provocatively to "shake your ass. " and, boy, did she! her dress snugged her bottom, and her butt-wagging and grinding was hot as hell. she wasn’t just twice as good as the other dancers, she was in a different league. she shook her tight little tush better than she had at la pasha, where she was already the best of the crop. she gave me a major boner.
we finished our drinks when she climbed down and headed for the hotel. loures had a jekyll-and-hyde manner that kept throwing me off balance. she’d be close and then a little distant. i read it as her not being that enthusiastic about me. at first, i couldn’t get a kiss out of her except for a baby pucker. but then she kissed me full on and freely. usually, i like to romp on the bed for a while before getting down to business, but loures had other plans. "shower, " she said. after that, we climbed onto the bed, and loures still wasn’t interested in preliminaries. "i’m horney, " she announced after a short bit of mutual groping. she rolled me onto my back, propped two pillows under my head, peeled and applied a condom and climbed aboard.
and that began one of the most enjoyable bouts of my life. loures came the first time after less than five minutes of pole dancing. after a couple of minutes, she came again. and then she came again. and again. i lost count after 10. i think it was 12-15 times during nearly an hour and a half of straight out bonk, all but a couple of them in cowgirl position – grind, pump, grind, whee! she was so fucking hot it was unbelievable. for me, i was glad for once that i couldn’t come, otherwise i might have popped and stopped. by the time we collapsed in exhaustion, we were both drenched in sweat despite the air conditioning and limp enough to melt.
i had to get up early for my flight to bangkok and udon thani, but we managed to wake in time for one more abbreviated round. our hearts were not in it. loures declined any manual, lingual or vibratory assistance. she rolled on a condom and got herself off, but only once this time. still an all-time record and personal best. she left, i finished packing and headed for manila at 6 a. m. for a 10: 30 pal flight to bangkok.
angeles city and pacific breeze
four days just isn’t enough for angeles city, but more than a week might get old. there isn’t much to do except drink and dip, which is its biggest problem. there aren’t many good restaurants, but there’s enough variety for a short vacation. i haven’t seen a bookstore, although i pack enough of my own reading material.
as for breeding material, angeles falls short of the incredible scope of pattaya, but there’s plenty to go around, at least in mid-september. every bar i visited had at least one quality candidate, and the bigger bars offered multiple choices. i wonder if a good procedure might be to arrive early in the evening, make a pick and barfine her, but arrange to collect her around 10 or 11 p. m. having a drinking buddy would be nice, whether you roam with or without company of the female type.
to belabor the obvious, a lot of the fun lies in availability. even a creaky old hulk like me collects plenty of smiles. catch an eye, exchange glances, get a grin, and wave one down for a drink. some won’t be interested but plenty will be. and don’t forget the waitresses. they’re usually available, too, and it’s easy to strike up a conversation without commitment. watch out for girls with a red v on their badge, indicating a cherry girl. not that i saw any.
when you call a girl down from the stage, she may have limited english and not much to talk about. many are young and inexperienced, both in the world and in bed. the waitresses are often slightly older and have spent more time talking to tourists. a baby or two may be expected, but attitude and gratitude are not be scorned.
the pacific breeze is a good hotel. my only complaints are minor – no shampoo, for example – but the attitude and environment are great. the only time i didn’t walk a girl to the door, the desk called to check. the staff is also generally pretty, even very pretty. one of the waitresses in the restaurant was one of the prettiest girls i saw in angeles, and two of the desk clerks were nearly stunning. the pool was inviting although i never accepted the invitation. in previous visits, i stayed most often at the orchid inn, and the pb compares favorably.
note: since the action moves to thailand now, i'll be continuing this trip report in that section of the board.
note 2: admin keeps suggesting this become a report of distinction, which is flattering, but not something i'm likely to award myself. perhaps at the end it might be possible to link them all together by reference. is that possible?
[size=-2][b][u]editor's note[/u]:[/b] [blue]i would suggest that the author or another forum member consider posting a link to this report in the reports of distinction thread. please [url=http://www.internationalsexguide.info/forum/announcement-reportsofdistinction.php?]click here[/url] for more information.[/blue][/size]
Are there good gyms in AC?
Hello guys,
I'm new to the board but have traveled to many parts of the world. For leisure I like to chase women and I hit the local healthclubs. I've never been to the Philippines but am planning to go for the first time next February.
Anyway - I was wondering if AC has any good places to workout like Gold's, CaliforniaWOW X, Cali. Fitness, or any place where I can pump up after playing with the chicas.
Thanks - DSK
