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Hats off to you, DT, for a great, detailed report that contained lots of invaluable insights into cultural differences and perceptions.

I have frequently shown my appreciation, upon parting from a girl that I've taken away for a few days, in a similar manner.

Stopped at the super market and loaded up on stuff for her to take home.

I never thought that this might be misread as a serious commitment

On my part. Now, I'm feeling guilty that I may have, inadvertently,

Put the girl in an awkward position with her family's expectations of lots more to come.

Look forward to many more reports from you in the future.

Your report definitely belongs in The Reports of Distinction.

[QUOTE=DT Looker]Actually, from what I've seen. It not just that the GIRLS are lazy, they actually work pretty hard. Its the GUYS that are lazy. From what I've managed to see from their culture, the women's job it to make sure the house is nice and clean and keep the husband happy. SUPPOSEDLY the men are supposed to go out and get a job, but for some reason if he cannot make money. It then falls to the OLDEST DAUGHTER (that doesn't have a baby) to make money. The SONS are supposed to sit around, and try to find a wife to have sex and marry. Many times, its the Father, and Sons that are sitting around gambling and trying to make quick money.

)[/QUOTE]I would totally agree with you. Drive round any barangay and the guys are sitting from daybreak till dusk at the corner store etc dooing nothing.

Saddest stories I heard were from maids in HK who sent all their hard earned salaries (12-14 hours a day, 6 days a week) back to their sit-around husbands, and then they found out on annual trip home that the lazy bastards had spent it all on beer, girls, cock fights etc.

The Wives/Maids grew smart after year one, and then never sent money to their husbands, and were much less faithful thereafter with lucky fellows like me being the recipients LOL.

D T Looker,

You are so right -sending money does tend to backfire on you. Your attempts to help almost always create greater expectations and greater dependency. I found this out the hard way.

By the way, a serenade is a "harana." But you're right --leave the marriage expenses to the marrying saps out there.

Ms Babrbie Panoncia of Antipolo on DIA makes an interesting statement

"kyla

im looking to be my hasbond "

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm assuming she wants to marry herself?

[QUOTE=X Man]Interesting story DT. If you don't mind, how did you meet the girl and (roughly) which part of the Philippines does she reside in?

X[/QUOTE]

X - I am interested in the reasoning behind your question.

Do you think it matters where she (roughly) comes from?

My experience has been that no matter which particular group a girl comes from (Ilokana, Cebuana, Tagalog, Waray, Ilonggo..), they all show this remarkable ability to transfer any simple act of kindness, no matter how small or trivial, into a "Now I love you and I hope you love me too" sort of response.

Your question implies that you think there may be differences??

[QUOTE=Questor55]Hats off to you, DT, for a great, detailed report that contained lots of invaluable insights into cultural differences and perceptions.

I have frequently shown my appreciation, upon parting from a girl that I've taken away for a few days, in a similar manner.

Stopped at the super market and loaded up on stuff for her to take home.

I never thought that this might be misread as a serious commitment

On my part. Now, I'm feeling guilty that I may have, inadvertently,

Put the girl in an awkward position with her family's expectations of lots more to come.

Look forward to many more reports from you in the future.

Your report definitely belongs in The Reports of Distinction.[/QUOTE]


haha... yep, pasalubong, which means if you want to be accepted by the family you must show your face to them bearing gifts. It's actually said in the Phils that courting a filipina means courting the family as well :o Just be careful this doesnt lead to pamamanhikan which means marriage dates!!!!

Also, about harana, which is basically serenading, think singing to their bedroom window... this is only a rural provincial thing. I once asked a girl from Manila if she would like me to do this, and she said it was only done in the provinces, suffice to say I was relieved!!!! so guys there's no need for second thoughts when she asks you to take her to karaoke, you'll be fine :p haha

Dt Looker,

You need to educate not only her but also her family. This mix of medieval principles of courtship, gold digger expectations and pink Barbie romantics is easily avoided if you tell her "I ONLY want to be your very special friend. Yea sure I will help you out but only as a friend". You will get to fuck her anyway. I have been in similar situations many times. I have a ring on my finger so it is pretty obvious that I am "just a friend" but as long as the family see another easy peso around the corner they will not bother you. In fact they will be pretty flexible to any twist and turn in your relationship with this girl, since she is just one out of 200 cousins and any foreigner in the family is a good foreigner, no matter what.

There is this this exotication about the dangers of Philippino families, just like there are of most other parts of the world. These are often a result of

A) peoples eagerness to profile themselves by telling other about various dangers that they know about and can handle (compare to hunting stories dangerous fishes caught, or whatever men use as penis enlargement), and

B) a need to create some excitements by exaggerating the real world slightly.

Security is a trade commodity. If you have nothing to trade, you will be insecure. Your object of trade can be future happiness, future cash, their safety, etc. The more shit you throw on someone's pride, the more you should be prepared to pay. All humans have a price, and I am often surprised to read that a poor fisherman's family scare the shit out of a financially secure world traveller.

I used to have one gf with a high ranking politician as grandmother. Both her body guards had more than two confirmed kills and would charge 4500 peso to take someone out. And then one have to add the negotiation with the surviving family, which by far will be the expensive part. This lola did not approve of me at all, but I am still here. I know all cousins and uncles, and meet them regularly. Army men and other hard core guys, but never the less the general fear that I might know someone even heavier is always there for them. These guys are just as phlegmatic when it comes to killing someone or beating them up, as they are to work, so the fact that I actually like to get pissed with them every once in a while is maybe alone a reason to keep smiling at me. It is notable that I am always respectful, smiling and social to all people. I never fuck people over (in a symbolic sense at least) and I never hide my opinions or the truth about me or my intentions with the girl. Sure Philippines is unsafe and poor, but to say that a Catholic Christian family is more disposed to family shamed invoked violence here than in say Spain or Colombia is just like when young boys compares whos daddy is strongest. The violence is random/provoked in the moment or invoked by a criminal scheme to gain assets.

So my point is; do all the singing and stuff, but be clear about YOUR expectations on HER. SHE should impress you and deserve YOUR money. Do not let the woman run you. Do not let her family run you. Remember who is paying the party. They know that you can snap your fingers and have 100 other cute girls on your lap. No need to emulate how rich pinoys treat women, but there is something to learn from studying how men behave towards females outside pussy runed US or Europe. We need to grow our balls back perhaps?

Barba

[QUOTE=Barba]Dt Looker,

You need to educate not only her but also her family. This mix of medieval principles of courtship, gold digger expectations and pink Barbie romantics is easily avoided if you tell her "I ONLY want to be your very special friend. Yea sure I will help you out but only as a friend". You will get to fuck her anyway. I have been in similar situations many times. I have a ring on my finger so it is pretty obvious that I am "just a friend" but as long as the family see another easy peso around the corner they will not bother you. In fact they will be pretty flexible to any twist and turn in your relationship with this girl, since she is just one out of 200 cousins and any foreigner in the family is a good foreigner, no matter what.

There is this this exotication about the dangers of Philippino families, just like there are of most other parts of the world. These are often a result of

A) peoples eagerness to profile themselves by telling other about various dangers that they know about and can handle (compare to hunting stories dangerous fishes caught, or whatever men use as penis enlargement), and

B) a need to create some excitements by exaggerating the real world slightly.

Security is a trade commodity. If you have nothing to trade, you will be insecure. Your object of trade can be future happiness, future cash, their safety, etc. The more shit you throw on someone's pride, the more you should be prepared to pay. All humans have a price, and I am often surprised to read that a poor fisherman's family scare the shit out of a financially secure world traveller.

I used to have one gf with a high ranking politician as grandmother. Both her body guards had more than two confirmed kills and would charge 4500 peso to take someone out. And then one have to add the negotiation with the surviving family, which by far will be the expensive part. This lola did not approve of me at all, but I am still here. I know all cousins and uncles, and meet them regularly. Army men and other hard core guys, but never the less the general fear that I might know someone even heavier is always there for them. These guys are just as phlegmatic when it comes to killing someone or beating them up, as they are to work, so the fact that I actually like to get pissed with them every once in a while is maybe alone a reason to keep smiling at me. It is notable that I am always respectful, smiling and social to all people. I never fuck people over (in a symbolic sense at least) and I never hide my opinions or the truth about me or my intentions with the girl. Sure Philippines is unsafe and poor, but to say that a Catholic Christian family is more disposed to family shamed invoked violence here than in say Spain or Colombia is just like when young boys compares whos daddy is strongest. The violence is random/provoked in the moment or invoked by a criminal scheme to gain assets.

So my point is; do all the singing and stuff, but be clear about YOUR expectations on HER. SHE should impress you and deserve YOUR money. Do not let the woman run you. Do not let her family run you. Remember who is paying the party. They know that you can snap your fingers and have 100 other cute girls on your lap. No need to emulate how rich pinoys treat women, but there is something to learn from studying how men behave towards females outside pussy runed US or Europe. We need to grow our balls back perhaps?

Barba[/QUOTE]Barba,


Great insights and advice. I agree especially with your comment that "..you can snap your fingers and have 100 other cute girls in your lap." I think too many of us (myself included) sometimes use sex-starved us/eu thinking here, when we must realize we are playing in a much different arena here.

Boys, the fish are biting here big time. If you don't like what you caught, throw it back, and bait up your hook and cast again. There are lots of great fish out there (fishing metaphor for Mr. Barba's benefit).

[QUOTE=Barba]You need to educate not only her but also her family. This mix of medieval principles of courtship, gold digger expectations and pink Barbie romantics is easily avoided if you tell her "I ONLY want to be your very special friend. Yea sure I will help you out but only as a friend". You will get to fuck her anyway. I have been in similar situations many times. I have a ring on my finger so it is pretty obvious that I am "just a friend" but as long as the family see another easy peso around the corner they will not bother you. In fact they will be pretty flexible to any twist and turn in your relationship with this girl, since she is just one out of 200 cousins and any foreigner in the family is a good foreigner, no matter what.

Barba[/QUOTE]I agree with you entirely. I have one girl who stays with me on night one of all my Manila trips. Before I see her I have to call the Mom and ask if her precious daughter can stay with me overnight. The girl is a sweet young student but the mum always reminds me I should provide a pasulobong. I give the girl something, she gives it to the mum, I'm happy, Mum happy, and girl happy. No one has said anything about this being a payment but we all know the score.

Perfect arrangement.

Your assumptions are incorrect. It was a good story and I was curious about how and where it transpired. X

[QUOTE=Red Kilt]X - I am interested in the reasoning behind your question.

Do you think it matters where she (roughly) comes from?

My experience has been that no matter which particular group a girl comes from (Ilokana, Cebuana, Tagalog, Waray, Ilonggo..), they all show this remarkable ability to transfer any simple act of kindness, no matter how small or trivial, into a "Now I love you and I hope you love me too" sort of response.

Your question implies that you think there may be differences??[/QUOTE]

[QUOTE=FreebieFan]I agree with you entirely. I have one girl who stays with me on night one of all my Manila trips. Before I see her I have to call the Mom and ask if her precious daughter can stay with me overnight. The girl is a sweet young student but the mum always reminds me I should provide a pasulobong. I give the girl something, she gives it to the mum, I'm happy, Mum happy, and girl happy. No one has said anything about this being a payment but we all know the score.

Perfect arrangement.[/QUOTE]

I love this arrangement Freebie.

I am waiting for the day when you tell us that she said she needs to leave now because Dad is waiting outside to drive her home LOL

[QUOTE=Red Kilt]I love this arrangement Freebie.

I am waiting for the day when you tell us that she said she needs to leave now because Dad is waiting outside to drive her home LOL[/QUOTE]Dad ran away with a lady about 8 weeks ago. Hence the fact the family may be relying on gifts even more than ever.

But sure, Dad beeping his horn to pick up his well stuffed daughter would have been an interesting sight. LOL

[QUOTE=FreebieFan]I agree with you entirely. I have one girl who stays with me on night one of all my Manila trips. Before I see her I have to call the Mom and ask if her precious daughter can stay with me overnight. The girl is a sweet young student but the mum always reminds me I should provide a pasulobong. I give the girl something, she gives it to the mum, I'm happy, Mum happy, and girl happy. No one has said anything about this being a payment but we all know the score.

Perfect arrangement.[/QUOTE]Great story. I have an similar arrangement at the school where I work.

"Man who will love me for who and what I am"

Does anyone have an insight into this particular piece of romance pocketbook wisdom? I read it in every single dating profile.. is it a nice way of saying "I am not gonna change my bad habits like smoking and awful singing for your sake"?

[QUOTE=X Man]Your assumptions are incorrect. It was a good story and I was curious about how and where it transpired. X[/QUOTE]

That's cool.
My question to you was very innocuous and genuinely seeking your impressions about whether there is a discernible difference between the way different groups behave.

My feeling is that it makes NO DIFFERENCE. You cannot pick where a girl comes from because of her initial behavior.
Having lived continuously here for almost 14 years, I can say that in general terms Ilokanas as a group seem to be different in that they are more industrious and tend to value hard-earned cash more.
However, once horizontal they are pretty much the same as all the others LOL