decided to share feedback on getting some tests done, post indonesia.
maybe some will object to it being posted here as it may put a downer on the fun atmosphere.
background wise, i barebacked probably about 7 times in various parts of indonesia.
now, there is no denying that every last second of doing so and getting that physical and psychological high of emptying my balls freely into tight young indonesian snatches unhindered, was utter bliss at the time especially when doubled up with porn like visual moments of pulling out and seeing my load oozing out from some picture perfect clam lips. none of this helped keep 'health and safety' in mind, and it became a sort of addiction where if the atmosphere seemed ambigous about condoms then bareback would be my default setting unless the girl said otherwise, to enjoy those highs. in other cases where the girl did things / arranged things in such a way that it was clearly sensed there was no possibility of bareback, or they make it verbally clear (often the case in thailand) , there was no pursuing the issue.
the point here is, the generally laid back approach to this matter of condoms in indonesia was heaven but made me throw common sense out the window considering my chosen partners. unloading my seed into strangers (though hired for sex) was also a unique activity in itself and only helped amplify the power of this addiction.
in relation to the amount of boom boom enjoyed there and in thailand on the same trip, the bareback ones were still a minority of encounters but nevertheless were taking gambles in risky settings. why those were taken at the time, well there is no easy answer. over there i find that the usual cautions get thrown away and the pleasure of it overuled other concerns and warnings others give out. cutting a long story short, it was the appearance of about seven small genital warts at the mon pubis end of my joy pole a few weeks after returning, that made visit a gum clinic back home in my country as these were not going to clear up all on their own and it was a constant visual reminder of infection. now, no 100% guarantee that the virus was caught during outings this year. apparently you can have that virus for years with no symptoms and only much later have visual manifestations of those but my guess is that they were due to my most recent outings and the wide playing field.
it was a blessing in disguise to have unavoidable visual reminders of my antics though, as even now it is likely that it would have been a continuation of."ignorance is bliss" as usual, considering that i felt really fit and healthy otherwise. it moved me to have the range of tests both by choice and face up at last to a potential backlash in the form of the results, for my gambles. furthermore, my consultants at this clinic considered my case to be at major risk levels after giving my history details.
barebacking with some girls in solo, sanur and kuta and going down on working girls nearly everywhere in both countries lead to tests in the form of blood extraction for hiv, [url=http://isgprohibitedwords.info?CodeWord=CodeWord109][CodeWord109][/url] screening for chlamydia, throat swab test for gonnoreah, etc. i felt like a walking 'contamination' sitting there as a grumpy south asian nurse took two vials of blood and managed to create a large injection site bruise that lasted for weeks. ordinarily in my country, if your results are clear you just get a text saying all clear.
in my case, two weeks later my phone had been ringing while in another room at work and i returned to see a text asking me to call them. let me tell you, time slowed down when that was seen and i remember sounds going on around me (workmates talking etc) for the next 30 minutes, but not quite hearing them. it was near the end of my work shift, and later walking to my car in the carpark was surreal as everything was very lucid, the leaves billowing in the trees, a cool breeze felt on my face etc. i got into my driving seat to call, about to potentially hears news that could alter the rest of my life as immediate suspicions were for the worst on the hiv tests.
only in this situation are you 'relieved' to hear that you have tested positive for chlamydia, and would have to revisit again to take the treatment (two mega horse pills you down with water on the spot in front of the consultant, and game over for chlamydia). infections like that at the time seem like nothing compared to the major one you worry about, which is hiv. however, the hiv waiting game was not over yet unfortunately. initial results showed negative, but there had been some uncertainty upon my first visit about dates of my last bareback exposure, so a second test was advised at a later date and had to be taken up in order to be fully content on this.
on my second visit for the chlamydia treatment, a different consultant advised to do throat swabs for gonnoreah. from this point on it was more waiting, changing shifts to make available appointment times, long car journeys and plenty of petrol money again. instead of an 'all clear' text, once again there was notification to call them, putting me on edge (but less than the first time). it was to notify me that gonnoreah had come back as positive, but with them not being 100% sure and seeking me to come again for a retest as there are factors which can throw up incorrect results. at the time though they also informed me that if it did come up positive, the treatment is an injection in a bum cheek. more shift changing, losing out on wage for some hours, more long car journeys, traffic jams and petrol costs.
on my third and final visit, i had more blood taken for my second hiv test (luckily no bruising unlike last time) a repeat throat swab for gonnoreah and another throat swab for chlamydia was advised even after the pills because apparently this can hide in the throat and escape detection. it all ended with an 'all clear' on both the hiv, gonnoreah and chlamydia. i consider myself very lucky, and unlike some others who take hiv negative results as "see, the risks are not as high as generally believed" and carry on as usual, this little episode changed me. during the waiting game on the hiv, yes there was concern about myself but for once it really hit me far harder that if the results were positive then the worst thing to live with would be the possibility that i may have sentenced some other girls not to a large but manageable "life alteration" as it would be in my part of the world, but to a death sentence in those parts of the world where the cocktail of medicines used may not be so available.
furthermore, the chance of having perhaps impregnated one of these single mothers working the joints who can barely afford to look after 'one', and a mini me growing up in some obscure rural location with few life choices and plenty of questions about his / her mixed race. i also learned that abortion is very difficult to obtain in indonesia, and this one will always remain a question mark of course unless the working girls are on contraceptive pills. in other words, this forced me to grow up even though i should have known better anyway. it puzzles me that infact i was far more sensible, cautious and aware of std and risk of unwanted pregnancy when in my early 20s than now. back then, the thought of barebacking with working girls seemed like utter insanity so what happened? it's one of those things i have to work out.
my final comments are a question "is it really all worth the risk?" during those minority of bareback encounters which bareback veterans may consider to be a laughable mere dip in with a little toe compared to what they've gambled in their time on the circuit, the problem was that it seems i was prepared (but probably not in reality) to risk myself and considered it worth it, but was not considering risks to the girls enough. for me now, that is the most important thing that has changed me on this one. opportunities to bareback will always remain a dangerous addictive struggle for me to resist i reckon, but at least now this will be dampened by some realities.
during my time at the clinic i became so much more conscious once again like a 'referesher course', years after tween-age sex education, of how porous human bodies are, how microbes and viruses work their insidious menace beyond obvious sight and this adds an organic creepiness about going bareback. even giving oral sex to the girl (one of my favourite hobbies) is something i'm hesitant about now due to this and considering the far bigger picture we don't usually want to think about. namely that only 20 minutes ago some random fella was working his goods in that same snatch, carrying all sorts of nasties around for years. all of this will help me think not only twice, but thrice in future, not only because of that other fella but because i also am that other fella who it turns out had chlamydia and hpv, that other fellas would rather not think about.
