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I am planning to marry a Filipina with one child and want to protect my assets . I live in a state where your assets are yours and not automatic a joint asset. Does anyone have an opinion whether a prenuptial is necessary and what the costs are . I am very interested in keeping my legal fees low as I have heard horror stories of attorneys finding problem after problem and the initial quote becoming a memory. Any insights would be greatly appreciated or any relevant web sites.
Thanks
I am here in the city of Dagupan and have found a different woman who is interested in marriage almost every day of the week.
The girl that I am with now (who has consented to sex) is overcoming her initial shyness and really getting into it more and more.
The question is this: It seems like the easiest way to get a girlfriend is to have one. [color=blue]There are other girls that are coming onto me and I don't know if I should stay here a little longer and see what they have to offer or if I should just be satisfied with what I've got. How often do you have the experience where you have someone and you keep second guessing yourself on what you could have gotten? How do you overcome it?[/color] This girl has introduced me to her family and is even in the process of getting her passport. What I've concluded is that she is serious about the relationship and very clingy (which is annoying but likely means stability). We have agreed to discuss children no earlier than three years later-- though she acts like she can't even wait that long.
You might have to take that promise with a grain of salt. It will depend greatly on her attitude. A coworker of mine married a pretty, young, medical-degreed woman from PI. She said no kids, don't worry. He being in his mid forties thought that was for the best, he didn't want to start a family that would keep him working into his sixties.
Three or four months after they had been married, big news, lucky guy was going to be a father. Ah, gee, she must have messed up. Too bad.
Not saying that will happen to you, Clandestine, but women get the urge reproduce and we guys get the urge to get laid. It's a stacked deck.
Good luck.
Tatoosh
I've been doing the chat room on yahoo in various differen languages. Anyone who is not fluent or damn close to it, in any non enlis chat room who tells you they getting girls to do this and that is pretty much full of shit. Its like a spanish speaking person with very limited to non existtance english going into an english speaking only room an expecting action from the ladies. I've been in these chat rooms and I can tell you that its not happening, anyone who says otherwise is full of shit. However its true you can meet some sub par by my standard looking filipina on the chat room though. However don't expect them to lift up their shirts after chats. You might as well get that out of your mind. There plenty of guys for them to chat with ratio of guys to girls usually favor the girls.
Now that young guy in his late 20's who is thinking of hooking up with the non virgin who won't give him any till after marriage. Furthermore this chick is going to be kicking back all th money to her folks. All I have to say to this guy is you got to stop doing the crack man. There are pleny of filipina over there that are way better catch than she is. You should remember that marriage is not a business deal, She in it for the money and it sounds like your in it for the pu tang. Its going to cost you an arm and a leg i you hook up with that one. You can find real live virgin over there that will actually fall in love with you, and not expect you to pay off her family debts. However the right hin to do is to help her family out somewhat becaus most of the people over there are dirt poor.
To the guy who thinking of hooking up with the girl that has a kid. I have never been able to figure this out given the number of single attractive girls over there. Why settle for sloppy seconds, furthermore do you actually want to spend tons of money on a kid thats not even yours, what if he a dickhead of a kid. As for prenub your pretty much sol because she will get a good lawyer and take half of everything and child support as well. The only thing you can keep are the things you had prior to marriage, and if you spend any money or co mingle her money into your bank account its will most likely be considered shared property. Furthermore if you spend any money on mongering etc..and she finds out your pretty much toast.
The law will protect you if you manage to keep everything in your name keep separate accounts use ONLY YOUR MONEY to keep up the house or any property that is yours going into the marriage. The moment where she puts any money into it or helps in your business etc.. she is entitled to a portion; it is up to the courts to determine how much. Most guys get scewed in the ass because they can't keep good books.
the last few postings are absolutely correct - all take note!
because of the pressure for money to survive, one must always be extremely cautious and sceptical about marriage. even if the girls are sincere, they are usually under very great direct and indirect pressure from their extended family. even girls who work abroad go spare from the financial demands of the family (filipina suicides abroad are common from such pressure): medical needs, education, starvation, climate damages and so on. the families are extended, often with 5-10 brothers and sisters, so you can see how the extrapolation numbers work!
bottom line, if a girl and her family really loves you, the family should not ask for money and sex should be natural. can't believe anyone would fall for a girl who says 'no sex before marriage'. besides the money side of the story, any girl who says that could be useless at sex ([url=http://isgprohibitedwords.info?CodeWord=CodeWord123][CodeWord123][/url] is common there so she may have a mental hang-up on sex). tread carefully, use the brain, apply simple common sense and all will be well. enjoy!
She has dropped her demand of no sex until marriage. We have fucked each other to the point of whiplash.
We have also decided that the very most that I will be willing to send her family is $100 per month. And that is under the most harsh circumstances. Her family did not open the discussion, but on the advice of a Philippino (American) friend, I decided to stop that discussion before it even started.
Someone mentioned earlier that there would be no incentive for a girl to leave her family and stay with a man who wanted to pump her all the time if there was no money involved. And that may be correct. Think of the amount of money that one has to spend in a Western country creating the *appearance* of having wealth to attract women. So, being realistic, it is not unreasonable for her to expect some help with her family-- all the while understanding that she has to pay her share of the rent/ etc, and that I am NOT to be pimped.
I do have sense enough to get a pre-nup.
You are clearly a thoughtful careful guy. I wish you the best of luck in your endeavor.
No doubt about it, Filipinas can be truly wonderful. I have noticed that they usually respect a guy if he establishes the ground rules firmly up front.
I swear reading your post makes me worried about you. You must be smoking some bad pot! You need to drop the 99 cent store crap and upgrade to the good stuff. Here a couple of things you may want to think about. If she fucking you like there no tomorrow now, you may want to keep in mind if this girl only had one sex partner before and if her skills are far above that, she probably not telling you the truth right there. Its always bad to start off a relationship with a lie. Secondly, this girl is pretty slick if you ask me, I've known some none virgins to play her game. They tell you no sex before marriage and give in later on and fuck you like a street tramp.
Why would they do that you ask? Quite simple to try to prove they are not a tramp, you that they are actually classy, because if a girl gives it to you too soon, you think she a tramp. However the name of the game is to give you some sooner or later versus letting you get away. Because chances are she knows that if she doesn't put out there are other girls over there that are more attractive than she is who will put out to get the fuck out of the PI. So she uses her draw card i.e. sex at the right time.
Secondly if you don't think her family is planning and plotting this whole thing behind your back your stupid. All of them do, because they all have something to gain from it. Even if you don't send them any money its one less mouth for them to feed if she gone. If your looking to marry a girl over there and she even mentions money, just walk away dude. I've met some real nice girls that are highly educated, lawyers etc... but still lived substandard by western standards that never talked about money. You should ask yourself is she fucking you because she loves you or because of your wallet.
As far as her being clingy and all think of yourself as the winning lottery ticket, her clinging to your side doesn't mean she stable or not. It just mean she knows your her way out of hell hole PI. I don't think you can blame her for that, but don't look at it in any other way.
Getting a passport and what not? Dude, if you were in prison and your cell mate was a homo named bam bam, and someone was going to break you out. You would haul ass to do what you could to help the process along now wouldn't you!
You should ask yourself if the girl really takes care of you, thats the key with the PI girls that are from good families tha really love you. They take care of all your needs, without you having to ask. Do yoru laundry etc, not that your looking for a maid but its all the little things. If you guys just hang out go out to nice places, and fuck a lot. Hell you might as well hook up with a hot bar girl for awhile. Same shit.
I had to break it off with that girl. The same afternoon, another girl took me to meet her parents, and I have a second appointment with them tonight.
Do you guys think I saved myself from some future headache? I thought the girl was unreliable when she:
1. Brought twice the number of people that she said she would bring for the dinner at which I was to get to know her family and insisted on bringing large numbers of guests every time we ate (which only happened once, since I refused to pay for her to bring a gaggle of friends after the incident with her family).
2. Quoted a figure twice as high as what I later read on the internet as the cost of getting her passport and then refused to give me any receipts when I asked for them.
3. Cancelled one date after another when I wanted her over for conversation and sex on three separate occasions. She was very easy to find, however, when I wanted to take her to lunch or buy her a gift.
4. Quoted me a price for payment of the rent on her apartment that was 25% higher than her normal salary.
TrimKeeper told me that I should fuck as many Philippinas as I could because they sure as fuck would fuck me-- and not in a good way.
After it's all said and done, I am only out of about $200 on a two week courtship with a good amount of sex during that time. (She was pretty decent on that front, at least.) And it may be only $140 if she gives me back the ring that I bought her as an engagement present. If not, I won't worry too much about it since I've found a replacement so quickly-- and with a beautiful/ tiny/ slim/ tight body.
The latest girl gives me much better signals because she insisted on paying for the transit costs to and from her house to meet her parents. No matter how much I was willing to part with the 20pesos, she wouldn't hear of it. She's completed her degree. Her family is *way* Catholic, though.
Your advice is appreciated, even if it is sometimes expressed rather harshly.
I was talking to a new girl after I dropped the one that had all the suspicious behavior, but it seems that I went from the frying pan into the fire.
I met her father that night, and her parents decided that they were going to dictate the terms of both the courtship and the marriage. They even brought the mother's brother in to help them sort it out. And it's strange, because the girl was 26 years old and hasn't had a boyfriend in 10 years.
My plan was as follows: I have a job coming up in Taiwan, and know that if I process the marriage paperwork anywhere outside of the Philippines it will take less time. (This is keeping in mind that not having a wife for a period of two years far exceeds the trouble of filling out the paperwork of bringing her back into the US.) So, I was thinking about processing it in either Hong Kong or Taiwan.
Her parents came back with: 1. "We want you to have a marriage in the Catholic Church" (which takes a lot of paperwork and a lot more time than a civil marriage). 2. "We won't allow a civil marriage, because we are devout Catholics, and you must be married in the church." (I don't believe in God anymore than I do the Tooth Fairy). 3. "If you like this girl, why not come back 6 months later?" (I won't be any different 6 months from now.) 4. "If you think that getting a job is more important than staying here unemployed and past your visa date to court our daughter, then you have the wrong girl." (People in this poor, backward country don't understand that time is money. Chinese people do understand that, and that's why they control most of the wealth in this country and the local people stay poor-- but do manage to make it to church.) 5. "We have to have a party and invite all of our relatives." (OK. I've seen this before. You say that 50 people will show up to eat at my treat and it will be more like 200.) 6. It will take 3 months to plan the wedding. (What do you think you're hanging onto here? Someone that doesn't posess the same orifices as at least 10 million eligible girls?)
It's a shame, because she already had a passport and I already had a plan to take care of her immigration paperwork.
Pimpster: I am going to take your advice. Maybe there are enough girls here for me to find someone-- but I just have to get out of this town.
The most important issue here is *time.* There are some companies that want me in Taiwan and the agent to whom I'm speaking says that they want someone *now.*
Clandestine,
There are indeed some fabulous LT women in PI, but it takes a huge amount of time and effort to find the rare diamonds in the rough. If you are going to Taiwan to work, it will take you much less time to find a Taiwanese girl that is beautiful (lovely white smooth skin), very business capable (Chinese) and sexy (tall & slim). I don't think you will look back! Taiwanese have had more western exposure than mainland PRC women.
Clandestine,
DO NOT marry these filipinas who have been dictating to you. In fact, get the hell out of town and grab that job in Taiwan IMMEDIATELY. You write as if you are a US Citizen. Stay single, unless you want to be enslaved emotionally & financially forever. Dont even tell them you accepted the Taiwan job. Just say nothing, and leave w/o any contact info. You will be able to make a rational decision later on, and be thankful you got out.
I think that you are going way too fast in your courtship(S). You're not buying a new pair of sneakers here. Get out of RP and if you meet a Taiwanese, fine. I was married to an ABC and now a Filipina (from RP, but had "nannied" in Sing and HK). I wrote to her for 2 years (and others) and finally met her in HK; came back to HK every other weekend for 10 weeks. Then when she took leave to RP, I spent 8 days with her and also time with her family. Never took anything from me, got pissed cause I sent her too many "gifts", usually T Shirts or other goodies from my trips in US. Had a couple of people I know "over there" (both Filipinas) meet and hang out with her, gave their approval that what I was seeing was legit. Finally proposed in April 2001 and still wasn't sure I was doing the right thing cause it was happening so fast.
Take your time. Don't tell them that you are "looking for a wife". After you get to a certain point in a relationship, then discuss marriage.
Clandestine,
I have hesitated chiming in here because you seem like a lost cause. IMHO you're a shipwreck waiting to happen, steaming along in uncharted waters unaware of the reefs in your path.
You have asked for advice on this board, and, to extend the metaphore, many navigators have stepped forward. If their advice seems harsh, please understand that it is driven by concern for you. I am (as others seem to be) aghast that you would consider marrying any of these girls who are playing you.
Your latest post indicate that you may be learning this for yourself. Keep it up, keep your eyes open and your skepticism piqued. Take your time.
I would go ahead with the party plans. The bigger the better. Then slip quietly out of town just in time to catch my flight out of country, leaving them holding the bag.
Sorry if this seems harsh to you.
FD