Filipinas - Opinions and Advice

[QUOTE=MrEnternational;2006540]So we have more money and more problems. They have less money and less problems. Are we in a sense giving them more problems when we give them money? Or is there a sweet spot when money and problems are at a balance? The more you have, the more you have to lose.[/QUOTE]Our problems of more money and more problems are all in the mind. Their problems of less money is all about survival problems. Trade places for a month. The more you have the more you have to spend or give.

[QUOTE=MrEnternational;2006540]Are we in a sense giving them more problems when we give them money? Or is there a sweet spot when money and problems are at a balance? The more you have, the more you have to lose.[/QUOTE]Its an interesting take. A few months ago I saw a post in FB from a Filipino (the brother of one of my regulars). He re-posted a thing that said something *like* this: "No money is worth stress in your life. If your job or boss or teachers are causing you stress then you should leave. Quality family time is more important than your job or college. Living with stress is not the pinoy way". I wish I had screen captured it and posted it here. The message is in direct contradiction of the western way of life: Production (better work product, better grades, competition, efficiency) means everything (and time = money). I wanted to send a PM to the poster, but as he does not know me in FB and he might figure out that his sister has been happily banging me for 4 years, I walked away. I'm not saying the western or pinoy view is 'right'. I am saying that many foreigners don't see the cultural difference.

More than one mature pinay has pointed out this contradiction to me. "You foreigner treat your time like it is measured in gold. Its bad". And: "When you are working (often I'm working online while on vacation) around me you are a different person. Crazy serious. When you are not working you are yourself. Did you know that you are two different persons at different times? Its not healthy". A provincial pinay (age 21) said something similar to me: "Why don't you be yourself when you trabajo? You are other guy then". I tried to point out that the world of my work is filled with productions and time constraints, but she's never had work, so it didn't set in with her. Her friends who do have jobs do simple tasks, and are not usually graded on the job by sales amounts or production quotas. When the whistle blows to end the shift, they drop the world of their work and go home to the world of family and friends. For those of us in salaried positions, that may not be possible, the work follows us home, and in our mind all the time (personnel problems, finished products, efficiency problems, etc). A larger paycheck begets a larger responsibility to the company.

In talking to a provincial regular last year, I asked if she was able to find work. She's been trying. She said there was work in a shopping area, full-time, and she applied, waiting to hear. She complained that the pay is p180/ day for 8 hours (the going rate). She is unsure if she should take the job if it becomes available, too many hours for too little pay. I asked if she would take it if the pay was p250/ day. "Yes!" A step further: Would you take it for p250/ day, but at 60 hours per week. She thought for a minute. "Then work every day? No day off?" Well, 8 hours for 6 days (48 hours), and 12 hours for the 7th day. "No!" Why not? Its great money for you and your family. "No time to family. Never do that. Mother need me little sister need me. No. Work 12 hours in Sunday then no church even". There you have it. Where I would consider 60 hours in a week to be paltry (I rarely work a week with so few hours), pinoy might consider it to be prohibitive. Even if she were to take the better pay for longer hours (60) and make a lot more money each week, she might find that the money disappears as quickly as if she took the 40-hour job.

[QUOTE=WestCoast1;2006655] If your job or boss or teachers are causing you stress then you should leave. Quality family time is more important than your job or college. Living with stress is not the pinoy way"..[/QUOTE]Hi WC and Mr. E. No wonder the PI and other third worlds never prosper. I've been seeing this cute 21 year old Cebuana two or three times a year since she was 18 who despite my urging does not hold a job for more than a month. She's the eldest of five sisters with the next eldest a 20 year old already with two babies. Poppa died last year. Momma doesn't work either. She's in a tough predicament but refuses to stay employed. Maybe she's got 10 or 20 other Western Union sugar daddies like me I dunno. I told her I worked while going to school starting at age 14 but that doesn't seem register. I'm all for family and family time but how can they have any quality time being broke all the time? Some work is better than no work in my Western mind.

Yes, BD, it is one their endearing qualities that keep them (and their Western boyfriends) young regardless of age. They are lots of fun even outside the bed.

[QUOTE=BrainDrain;2006461] it's easy to forget that for the 21 year old filipina, no kids, she just wants to have fun. This will include lots of baiting me to break my serious thoughts, lots of practical jokes etc. Possibly childish, possibly it just comes from not having so many problems. Happy days.

BD.[/QUOTE].

A girl (call her Miss T) I have known for 3 years who previously was a sponsorship arrangement but in recent years was just a pay per meet arrangement. Last month she says "congratulations I am pregnant and you are the father". So she brings along her ultrasound which has an estimated conception date based upon foetus size which is 3 weeks after we last met (2 weeks if you assume sperm can survive 1 week before conception). I prove based upon my hotel bookings I was not in the Philippines when she conceived. She denies of course and plays the I am irresponsible and I need to support her and her baby for the rest of her life. The result was a stalemate but I agreed to pay her medical costs until birth and then we would take a DNA test. Just this month I meet a new chatmate. She is telling me about her Czech boyfriend that got her pregnant and discontinued communication after he found out. We are both agreeing this is irresponsible and she is asking me can she pursue him for an allowance which I responded it would be difficult. I was not interested in this girl and was about to wrap up our coffee meeting when she tells me what suburb she is from (which is the same suburb as Miss T). As it turns out she is a friend of Miss T and tells me Miss T is pregnant to her Filipino BF and they live in an apartment paid for by her German BF and she has two other foreigners she meets (presumambly I am one of those two). On parting I gave her a large donation for meeting upon which she responded that is too much. I assured her I was happy meeting her (not telling her she had saved me thousands of pesos).

Ahh the complicated situations we can get ourselves into.

Better hope your special friend doesn't get reamed by VAWA (Violence Against Women Act) - I understand that the Captain Save-A-Hos get to sign a financial responsibility pledge when the import them to the USA and are also vulnerable to false abuse charges which under VAWA earns their wife immediate citizenship papers. Giving chicas presents and gifts like cell phones or candy is one thing; risking jail and divorce in the USA by marrying them and bringing them to the Feminist States of America are a whole different kettle of fish.

[QUOTE=Goferring;2000410]My favorite is the guys that get wind of their girl friend's playing around when they're away and rather than get rid of the girl they marry and import them to suburbia.

I've lost count of the number of times I've returned from a holiday with a special friend and after a couple of weeks she is preparing passports and wedding plans to someone who believes he can "save" her.[/QUOTE]

[QUOTE=MsAccount;2011945]A girl (call her Miss T) I have known for 3 years who previously was a sponsorship arrangement but in recent years was just a pay per meet arrangement. Last month she says "congratulations I am pregnant and you are the father". So she brings along her ultrasound which has an estimated conception date based upon foetus size which is 3 weeks after we last met (2 weeks if you assume sperm can survive 1 week before conception). I prove based upon my hotel bookings I was not in the Philippines when she conceived. She denies of course and plays the I am irresponsible and I need to support her and her baby for the rest of her life. The result was a stalemate but I agreed to pay her medical costs until birth and then we would take a DNA test.

Ahh the complicated situations we can get ourselves into.[/QUOTE]MA,

Welcome to the club!

Previously have been apprised of paternity several times, but each time, the subsequent DNA test indicated a statistical impossibility (99+% unlikely, as I recall). In each case, was persuaded to pay for support until after birth and until DNA test proved otherwise.

All good, and all part of the learning experience. Actually, truth be told, was disappointed, because wanted to be the natural father. Guess it's a little late now.

LOL,

OM.

P.S. Understand that there is a pre-birth DNA test, but don't know if available in Phils and at what cost?

[QUOTE=MsAccount;2011945]So she brings along her ultrasound which has an estimated conception date based upon foetus size which is 3 weeks after we last met (2 weeks if you assume sperm can survive 1 week before conception). I prove based upon my hotel bookings I was not in the Philippines when she conceived. She denies of course and plays the I am irresponsible and I need to support her and her baby for the rest of her life. The result was a stalemate but I agreed to pay her medical costs until birth and then we would take a DNA test. J

She is telling me about her Czech boyfriend that got her pregnant and discontinued communication after he found out. We are both agreeing this is irresponsible and she is asking me can she pursue him for an allowance which I responded it would be difficult. IAhh the complicated situations we can get ourselves into.[/QUOTE]Happened to me many years ago and the lady in question produced a hand written note to show she was pregnant with dates that were nowhere near my arrival / departure plus followed up with a message from the 'nurse' (who was in fact her sister but who also was a nurse in reality). The 'document' was so unconvincing that it would be funny if not sad. She was in fact just needing cash and was not pregnant at all. Once I pointed out basic facts then the charade stopped and I never heard from her again (well blocked her etc).

As for the Czech guy perhaps there is a way as I know of another cutie last year pregnant by an Italian / Aussie mix lad who did same. She went to the Embassy and has his name placed on the birth certificate and asked the Embassy to find him etc. DNA tests etc would then be done.

I also know of a guy in Cebu who can do DNA tests for a fee and this is easy done plus the samples are sent and tested at a reputable institute. PM if you need the details. As he has helped a few friends from the board with this in the past.

[QUOTE=MsAccount;2011945]A girl (call her Miss T) I have known for 3 years who previously was a sponsorship arrangement but in recent years was just a pay per meet arrangement. Last month she says "congratulations I am pregnant and you are the father". So she brings along her ultrasound which has an estimated conception date based upon foetus size which is 3 weeks after we last met (2 weeks if you assume sperm can survive 1 week before conception). I prove based upon my hotel bookings I was not in the Philippines when she conceived. She denies of course and plays the I am irresponsible and I need to support her and her baby for the rest of her life. The result was a stalemate but I agreed to pay her medical costs until birth and then we would take a DNA test. Just this month I meet a new chatmate. She is telling me about her Czech boyfriend that got her pregnant and discontinued communication after he found out. We are both agreeing this is irresponsible and she is asking me can she pursue him for an allowance which I responded it would be difficult. I was not interested in this girl and was about to wrap up our coffee meeting when she tells me what suburb she is from (which is the same suburb as Miss T). As it turns out she is a friend of Miss T and tells me Miss T is pregnant to her Filipino BF and they live in an apartment paid for by her German BF and she has two other foreigners she meets (presumambly I am one of those two). On parting I gave her a large donation for meeting upon which she responded that is too much. I assured her I was happy meeting her (not telling her she had saved me thousands of pesos).

Ahh the complicated situations we can get ourselves into.[/QUOTE]This is not located to "your" suburb as the "I am preggy and you are the father" happens all over the phils all the time. These girls are just doing their job and try to hook anyone to sponsor up their pregnancy/baby/extended "pamily"/pinoy boyfriend(mostly the real father)or just fill in any blanks i forgot. If she was filled up by, lets say 10 (to be modest) punters in a month time, all 10 will get the same "I am pregnant, you are the father" routine. This frase has spread throughout phils. Quite a few suckers out there paying for someone elses baby. So don't become the sucker(many i would guess think you are allready paying her medical as she partly allready succeeded in her tactics or did you stop due to being warned ms T playing the regular tactics which phil and its girls are so known from?)..

I stopped counting the times I got the frase myself. I am snipped so I am known to shoot dead spermias inside my girls lovecanal. For fun I do not tell upfront (in most cases). When I answer the mentioned standardfrase with "I am snipped" info they mostly go all "oh" on me.

But make no mistake, if I got a girl pregnant I would step up as I would never leave a child in a third world shithole no matter what. DNA DNA DNA. You can take DNA test after 12 weeks of pregnancy. That ends every speculations.

[QUOTE=Vitaplex;2012115]But make no mistake, if I got a girl pregnant I would step up as I would never leave a child in a third world shithole no matter what. DNA DNA DNA. You can take DNA test after 12 weeks of pregnancy. That ends every speculations.[/QUOTE]I had this situation several times too and I asked at one of those diagnostic centers near friendship, how much a paternity test costs. They quoted 14 K. I told the girl that I'm ready to make a test and I will pay it if I'm the father, but if I'm not, I won't pay it and she needs to bring 14 k. None of them came.

DNA testing is really expensive in Philippines at 14 k plus. I have no idea why, other than express mailing of test swabs to USA and possibly other taxes involved. VAT tax of 12% would not jack the price up to 14 k. Most if not all tests are done out of the country like sent to USA. Last year I did pay 14 k plus an additional 2 k for my test swabs done in America. The girl and baby did their swab test in AC and the swabs were sent to US lab. They mailed the test kit to me from US and I mailed it back to DNA testing center in US. Really don't know why the extra cost of 2 k but it got me wondering.

I searched online and found the same company and LAB doing the DNA test for $119 or say 6000 pesos! They send you the test kit with instructions on obtain swabs along with a return envelope. Test results are emailed to you within 7-10 days upon receipt of swabs. On my last recent trip to Philippines a friend of mine asked me to get swab tests from a girl and baby of whom claimed he was the father. I did get the swabs and sent it to him upon my return to US. He sent them in with his swab test and the lab confirmed he was the father.

If I might suggest that you get your test kit in America and either bring it back with you or have someone send it to you or her in Philippines. By the way I had used FedEx to overnight some business papers from Phil to US and the costs was around $30! Apparently the cargo planes go back half empty is why it is much cheaper as it was explained to me.

I believe you can use the same DNA company in other countries like Australia according to their web site.

If you are the father, an American on social security then the monthly baby support will costs you nothing out of your pocket. As I understand it, a part of your SS benefits are monthly payments for your minor children until he or she reaches the age of 18. You will need to register your child born abroad at the Manila US Embassy, do DNA testing, obtain passport and SS number for child and notify SS.

If the deceased DS had done this before his kids would not be starving now.

[QUOTE=MsAccount;2011945]A girl (call her Miss T) The result was a stalemate but I agreed to pay her medical costs until birth and then we would take a DNA test.[/QUOTE]I wouldn't pay a peso until you have some proof.

I remember the time when the PI did not have its own DNA lab and I had to send the swabs to a lab in Texas. Now there are several which you can find easily online. Some tests can be done in utero. I would rescind my offer to pay until the DNA test and if you are interested, link payment to expanded paternal rights. As an example, will she let the child be raised by your childless younger sister back home?

[QUOTE=Vitaplex;2012115]...... Quite a few suckers out there paying for someone elses baby. So don't become the sucker(many i would guess think you are allready paying her medical as she partly allready succeeded in her tactics or did you stop due to being warned ms T playing the regular tactics which phil and its girls are so known from?)........ DNA DNA DNA. You can take DNA test after 12 weeks of pregnancy. That ends every speculations.[/QUOTE]Thanks guys for all the feedback including the info on DNA testing. I didn't know you could test pre-birth. So far my commitment to pay medical costs has only cost me 5000 pesos and as mentioned in my heading of "I should buy a lotto ticket" my great luck was to meet Miss T's friend. So fortunately now my problem is solved and I don't need to tackle the DNA testing options. To be honest last month I was totally de motivated about continuing in the Philippines. I feel more motivated now. But the lies and deceit I have encountered over the last few years has made me slightly jaded. But likewise it works both ways. I hear multiple times of guys promising marriage then taking a girls virginity then disappearing. Or running when they have impregnated a girl. So both sides are as guilty.

[QUOTE=MsAccount;2012340]Thanks guys for all the feedback including the info on DNA testing. I didn't know you could test pre-birth. So far my commitment to pay medical costs has only cost me 5000 pesos and as mentioned in my heading of "I should buy a lotto ticket" my great luck was to meet Miss T's friend. So fortunately now my problem is solved and I don't need to tackle the DNA testing options. To be honest last month I was totally de motivated about continuing in the Philippines. I feel more motivated now. But the lies and deceit I have encountered over the last few years has made me slightly jaded. Maybe I will recount some of the stories for another post.*[/QUOTE]I wouldn't let a few lies ruin my Phil adventures. Out of probably 40+ girls that had my number or way to contact me over the years I have had maybe 4-5 girls try to scam me.

A few did for small amounts and I got better at detecting them. 5-6 did have real family emergencies like hospitals or funerals. For hospital emergencies I ask where is the hospital and family members name. Then I search online for the hospital and call to verify the patient. Also I have them send copies of hospital receipts. Some are good at making up receipts at the Internet cafes. I caught one fake hospital bill because the hospital did not exist on an internet search and they used the AC zip code for a Rona's City location. LOL.

Usually the legit request will provide you with all the info you request. The scam will accuse you of calling them a liar and rush you.

Sometimes the scams are quite entertaining.