Ahorita es no solo una palabra es un estado de mente
Ahorita es no solo una palabra es un estado de mente.
I realize this is old news to many but regardless I'd like to share my experience as an anecdote. Since living in the Dominican Republic I have learned that some Dominicans and I repeat some Dominicans do not have the same accountability for time as I do. I served in the United States military and was a law enforcement professional my entire adult life therefore I always had to be accountable for my time. Where I came from if you are not on time you were AWOL (Absent without leave) and there were consequences.
Fast forward I have retired and now live in a country where many people DGAF about time. I have given special note to a pattern. Many of the women that I have met between 18 and 25 have not completed basic education (high school or here it is called Bachiller) this means they are under-educated and cannot find decent work which would incline them to be accountable with their time.
Since living in Puerto Plata many of the chics that I deal with can be considered semi or non pros which means since some I repeat some are under educated and lack professional work experience therefore they are often late and regretfully I have been stood up more times than I can count. If a chic is a pro she still might be late but has more of a sense of getting her money, which requires more time accountability; but if a chic is semi or non pro she may want a "regalo" or "ayuda" but she is less likely to be accountable for her time.
There are 3 words I have had to learn:
1. Ahora which means now.
2. Ahora mismo which means right now or immediately.
3. Ahorita which means soon however there is no specific time attached to the meaning of the word. Another idea that captures the meaning is cuando quiera or "whenever. ".
My point is the attitude of many of the chics I have encountered is "ahorita. " It used to offend me but now I understand that when chics are being late they are not deliberately being disrespectful they are doing what comes natural and acting out of there cultural value of time "ahorita. " I took being late personally but I now understand it was not personal they were simply being Dominican.
Going forward I will assess the person and the situation and decide on a case by case basis how to deal with chics who are late. Some are really nice people and seem to have a teachable spirit and really want to learn others really DGAF and seem to have rocks in their heads.
Living here I feel like I am in school and I have much more to learn.
How I deal with the locals.
[QUOTE=Camaro1257;2042587]Ahorita es no solo una palabra es un estado de mente.
I realize this is old news to many but regardless I'd like to share my experience as an anecdote. Since living in the Dominican Republic I have learned that some Dominicans and I repeat some Dominicans do not have the same accountability for time as I do. I served in the United States military and was a law enforcement professional my entire adult life therefore I always had to be accountable for my time. Where I came from if you are not on time you were AWOL (Absent without leave) and there were consequences.
Fast forward I have retired and now live in a country where many people DGAF about time. I have given special note to a pattern. Many of the women that I have met between 18 and 25 have not completed basic education (high school or here it is called Bachiller) this means they are under-educated and cannot find decent work which would incline them to be accountable with their time.
Since living in Puerto Plata many of the chics that I deal with can be considered semi or non pros which means since some I repeat some are under educated and lack professional work experience therefore they are often late and regretfully I have been stood up more times than I can count. If a chic is a pro she still might be late but has more of a sense of getting her money, which requires more time accountability; but if a chic is semi or non pro she may want a "regalo" or "ayuda" but she is less likely to be accountable for her time.
There are 3 words I have had to learn:
1. Ahora which means now.
2. Ahora mismo which means right now or immediately.
3. Ahorita which means soon however there is no specific time attached to the meaning of the word. Another idea that captures the meaning is cuando quiera or "whenever. ".
My point is the attitude of many of the chics I have encountered is "ahorita. " It used to offend me but now I understand that when chics are being late they are not deliberately being disrespectful they are doing what comes natural and acting out of there cultural value of time "ahorita. " I took being late personally but I now understand it was not personal they were simply being Dominican.
Going forward I will assess the person and the situation and decide on a case by case basis how to deal with chics who are late. Some are really nice people and seem to have a teachable spirit and really want to learn others really DGAF and seem to have rocks in their heads.
Living here I feel like I am in school and I have much more to learn.[/QUOTE]1000 page book coming right up. Like you, I spent years being responsible for my time management with work and in my personal dealings with people. I had a head start knowing how Dominicans are notoriously late. I dated a Dominican from the states, and whenever we traveled to her home town in the DR, I had a front row seat exposed to how locals operate. Fast forward to when I started mongering here in Sosua, means having to deal with their sense of time up close and personal.
Many folks including some who posted here, seemed to have the attitude that that is just the way it is. That you are visiting or living in their country, so deal with it. Well, to some extent, I accept that reality. But on the other hand, I don't accept it fully. My living here has got me to the point that I needed to devise a way of dealing with their idea of acceptable lateness and my reaction to it. I realized that my goal isn't to try to put much effort into changing people, but to change how I deal with them. What I accomplish is not getting frustrated, not wasting time, and sometimes it results in certain offenders changing their behavior. I've also kicked enough to the curb for chronic lateness.
Like you I've setup dates / appointments with chicas. Lateness was a constant. I've had a few no shows with chicas I've never been with, as well as regulars that initiated us getting together, but were a no show. No call, no text, nothing. Then the next time you see them, they act like nothing happened. One thing I changed dramatically in dealing with locals (men or women), is I avoid confrontations or arguments with them. No complaining, no whining, no talking it over. The best strategy for me, is to just take matters in my own hands. I make the adjustments on how I relate to them from that point forward. Arguing and telling them what they did was wrong is a waste of time.
Typical folks here do not take responsibility for their behavior anyway. Many will justify any and everything they do, and your concerns or feelings aint got anything to do with it. You try to mush logic in a locals face, and they will dodge that shit like a Matrix bullet. Your wasting your time. And that goes for almost any issue, not just lateness. You are not going to convince a local that he or she is wrong.
So to minimize my frustration in dealing with this issue, I do not make plans or dates and ASSUME were on the same page. What I do is place more responsibility on them. So, if I made arrangements for a chica to come over my place, or to meet me somewhere, I tell her to text me or call me to advise me when she is on her way, and where she is right now. If I do not get that text or call, I immediately go to plan "B". If a chica is coming from a long distance, I get her to tell me when she is leaving from where she is, and to text me again when she gets to certain areas along the way. Example, that she is in Santiago now, that she is PP now, that she just past the POP airport etc.
No follow up, like I told them to do, then I'm aborting. That means no frustrations, no waiting around like a silly rabbit. I'm free to do my own thing, not handcuffed to the unknown of whether she's coming or not, or how long I have to wait. I make sure I tell them at the outset. If you do not advise me that you are on your way, with follow ups of your progress / location I am assuming that you are not coming. At that point the onus is on them on what they choose to do. Even if they don't give a shit. The point is, I am free emotionally and physically to do whatever the fuck I want to do. Instead of sitting around waiting on the unknown.
I make it clear what time I expect them to be where they are supposed to be. When that time comes, and they are not there, assuming they are late, then they should have contacted me. No contact, I'm changing plans. If I lose out on having a fine ass chica, then so be it. I don't have to accept that BS. Especially since most of these chicas have high end phones, and can buy data for the day for a few measily pesos. There arent many excuses for not contacting someone. But then when they finally get where they are supposed to be, all of a sudden they can use their phones? Fuck that. No need for anybody to continue to accept that BullShit.
Of course this also requires having a DGAF attitude about losing the chica even if she is a regular. For local chicas, I do something similar. We agree on a time, but I still tell them to text me when they are on their way. With the understanding that if I do not hear from you, I am assuming you are not coming. Even if I have no other plan, I'm emotionally freed from concern over whether or not they are coming or the time. Because I'm not wasting any time.
What I have also done on numerous occasions, is if they do not text me to tell me they are running late, and I do not have a plan "B", I tell the security guard to tell them that I left. I don't answer the phone or texts. Next time I talk to them, I don't say shit about it. After all, I'm not pissed about what happened because I waited around like an idiot. I took matters in my own hands, and out of theirs. Usually they will be the ones ready to complain that they came over, or they were at so and so, and I wasnt there. I just tell them, I was there at the time I told you. You were not. You didn't call or text so I left. Guess what happens? You think they learned from that not to be late again? Wrong!
They'll do the same shit again and again. But for some after the shit happens to them enough you might see some change. I did that to one of my local Haitian regulars until she finally started coming on time. Oh and another thing. I take my time coming to let them in. They hate waiting outside, they want me to be outside when they get dropped off. But again, I put the onus back on them. I told you to tell me when you were you were leaving, I won't wait outside, getting bit by bugs and bored when I could be doing something constructive with my time.
I typically will give a person 5 to 15 minutes. After that, and them not advising me of their status, I'm ghost. IMO, a person who knows they are late, should have the common sense to call or text. If you let that shit go, it's like telling them that you accept that shit. But if you communicate with your feet, you find out quick if they can deal with a person who won't put up with it. After they end up wasting their time, and expense because of their lateness, that is something they have to deal with. It's not even about me. I took myself out of the equation. They have to deal with the consequences for their own behavior.
On a side note, I apply a similar outlook when dealing with service in a restaurant. Like many, I have had to deal with wait staff that can't remember shit. Or get your order wrong, and still bring the wrong order back to your table. So to somewhat overcome or minimize this from happening. I try to get the wait staff to repeat everything I asked for and any particulars, like how I want something prepared. Most folks don't do that. They simply ask the waiter did you get that? And the person responds, yes. But the point is, what did they get? More often than not, they didn't get it. And due to a language barrier and their pride, low brain power, bad diet who knows?, or perhaps ashamed to admit they really did not understand everything that you said.
So what ends up happening when they bring stuff to the table its not exactly what you wanted. They will plop down anything they get from the kitchen and probably hope or expect you to deal with it, and not complain. Getting them to repeat everything MAY help both of you to circumvent a potential misunderstanding. Plus it can help us to see if the server is compensating for what they think they understood, instead of trying to really understand what you want. My overall point in this, is put the onus back on the locals, instead of just accepting things the way they are. Allow them to get frustrated due to them not exercising good judgement in communicating, and failing to be responsible own their end.
In summary, I don't need to get mad, angry, upset or frustrated when a person is late. I avoid being stood up, by making sure they do what is necessary to let me know they are coming. And if they arent where they are supposed to be at a certain time, I do not look at it as owing them my time or patience. I freely change my plans. If they don't show up, fine. If they do, and I'm gone, that's their problem. Thats what happens when you do not take responsibility for your behavior.
One more anecdote. One day I was on the Caribe Tours bus in Charimicos. It had just pulled away from the station. It was sitting at the light. Someone bolted out of the Caribe Tours station, hustled up to the door, trying to get the bus driver to open the door. The driver waved his finger back and forth, as if to say. No, no. No. No. You should have come before I closed the doors and pulled off. See? That individual that couldn't get on the bus had to deal with the consequences for not being ontime for THAT bus. Whether they learn the lesson, that's on them. But the way the bus driver handled it, he didn't let that individual off the hook for their own behavior. He took matters in his own hands. No argument, no whining, no explanations. Just do what needs to be done, and let the other person deal with it.
Oh yeah and it happened in the DR where you constantly hear that is the culture , and you just have to accept it. Well guess what?, the bus driver apparently didnt get the memo on common lateness within DR culture.
Time: It's the most valuable thing I have
[QUOTE=Camaro1257;2042587]Since living in Puerto Plata many of the chics that I deal with can be considered semi or non pros which means since some I repeat some are under educated and lack professional work experience therefore they are often late and regretfully I have been stood up more times than I can count. If a chic is a pro she still might be late but has more of a sense of getting her money, which requires more time accountability; but if a chic is semi or non pro she may want a "regalo" or "ayuda" but she is less likely to be accountable for her time.[/QUOTE]Since living in Santo Domingo este I only been stood up by a chica one time (and that was for a non sexual business meeting).
Being late is another matter. It happens all the time regardless of her age, education or the favorite social description you might wish to ascribe to her. But if you have ever been in the streets of Santo Domingo (este or proper), dealt with the unreliable transportation system (timewise), been a of victim of the weather or poor infrastructure then you should understand that being on time here is not as easy as being on time in a developed country.
Not taking away from the experiences of anyone else and taking into account important cultural characteristics that have been discussed, when I'm dealing with the lateness of a chica it's based on knowing the individual involved. And then handling the situation in a way that works best for my situation.