Filipinas - Opinions and Advice

I've been watching the latest thread with some curiosity. I've been with the same filipina for better than 10 years. I've been caught more than once with the so called hand in the cookie jar but I'm happy to report we are still together, seemingly as happy as ever with all assets intact.

What I can offer is based on my experience.
1. If you choose a filipina, it's much better if you decide to reside in the Philippines as opposed to taking them to your country. That way, you remain the trophy, as opposed to the other way around. Think about it!

2. As much as possible, keep the family out. If it means building them a house in the province for about 50,000 pesos (less than 1000 USD), by all means do it. Get it sorted early on in the relationship that you are not a sponsor to her family. Much easier if she has experience already working overseas and has seen how much of a leech the family can and will be once someone is willing to travel, work and send money home. If she has never left the philippines before, she won't realize how much the family can literally suck the lifeblood from a relationship.

3. Filipinas are great provided you sort out the first two items. They are very much family oriented and until they actually experience first hand the leaching phenomena (sp??) they won't understand that although you earn a good salary, it's not meant to support her whole entire fucking family. This is a tough one.

All said if you do find a good one, they are awesome. Do anything for you, care for you more than you could ever imagine, and generally shag you better than any P4P you could imagine. My missus, will still feed me in bed, do the wake up BJ thing, give me a great rub down when we shower together, etc, etc. This is after 10 years together.

On the other hand, I still mess around on the side, cause as a guy, I have to be a guy, but still have difficulty finding a gal 20 years her junior who can match her in the sack.

My only real advice is if you want a Filipina, be prepared to spend some time here. It's a great place to retire, if your in that position, but I don't recommend it for someone who is still trying to do the business thing. It's a ***** to try and do business here if you are not completely in the know. I've done it and luckily succeeded, but if I had to do it over again, there is no way in hell I would attempt it again.

It's a tough call, but the potential for striking gold is good, but only if you put the time in. I've yet to see the internet romance work for both parties, but who knows, it may happen. Myself, I would rather put the time in on the ground in the Philippines first.

Thanks DS. I do have back up plans in hand. We will only be going to Baguio for a few days so if things smell bad, I will simply switch hotelsand disappear. (not for the first time).

Others: on the broader issue of marrying these ladies, let's all agree there are considerable general risks involved. Who could blame any of them for wanting out and, let's face it, there is something mercenary in "rich" Wesrerners maerrying poor Asians where one side holds al the economic cards and is not prepared to accept in the right spirit what little the Asian may have to offer.

I am now in Pattaya, Thailand and, as always, I am half bowled over at how nice the personalities of the "ordinary" women I meet here are. I went to my favorite souvenir stall, bought nothing but tipped (she works 11-11 and is an angel). I got an in house massage (no sex and tipped (she works 11 am- 1pm). I admire people like that who can stil lsmile. But I wil not marry them as too many complications.

Also Dragon: I find it interesting she wants me to sponsor her friends, not her relatives. Thati s problably how she gets brownie points and, as hteir life is shit enoughm, it is cool and welcome to me, up to a point.

[blue]Juniour[/blue] notes =

[quote][i] " So once again I would suggest that you don’t label the Filipinos as all hookers because you clearly do not know what you are talking about. " [/quote][/i]

Far be it from me to suggest that ALL Filipino women are Hookers

I'm just saying that P4P Pros are the type of women most American Men [ especially American 'Sex Tourists' ] are most likely to meet / meat

... and they should be Extremely Skeptical if that gorgeous young Hottie wants to Marry them , because the ultimate consequences for the guy could be Quite Costly . That's all

I know I wrote to 200+ girls over the years; they came and went. The first contact I made was with a young lady from Davao, over IRC back in "95 or "96. She worked at the now out of business Weblinq, so she was able to chat regularly. Told me from the start that we would be friends, she wasn't going to be marrying a "foreignor". Every once in a while I would send her souveniers from my son and my trips over here, just simple things like postcards and T Shirts. It bothered her that she couldn't respond in kind and she asked me to stop, which I did. Lost track of her in 99, turns out she got married to a Filipino. We reconnected in 2001 and I visited Davao for the first time (thank you God for Davao, LOL, and my friend, otherwise I'd have deemed it too "dangerous" and never visited).

OK, long winded, but the above example shows some traits that I learned to look for in a potential friend.

Another of my first penpals was from Cavite, but after a few months of writing got impatient. Actually several did. Only 1 ever tried to scam me. I later met her in Davao (she came down from CDO with a chaperone) and she was "sweet". I think some of her friends pressured her to call me to ask for $$ for a doctor. Actually it was quite funny. A reverse charge call at 2 AM (she never could figure the time difference out, LOL), probably $35 at the time. I asked her what was wrong, "she had an accident" and needed $$ to see a doctor. I asked "what type of accident" and there was whaispering in the background, then "I'm sick". Hmmmm. "How sick?", whispering, then "I have a cold and need P5,000 for the doctor". "Sorry, no way, bye. A couple of days later I called her and she claimed it wasn't her, LOL.

I had a beautiful young lady that I "was in love with" in Cebu, spent the better part of 40 days with her. Another guy that I'm great friends with was dating her sister and vouched for her and the family (great family, especially "Momma"). First night I'm there, I say that I need to get some cargo pants, so we go to "Pants Off" at Ayala. After we're done, we're looking down from 2nd Flr to cellphone kiosk on 1st Flr, I tell her I need to get her some "phone cards"; I have no idea what they are, but she's been using her sister's to talk to me. Then I say "Wouldn't you like a cellphone?" and she says "Of course, but they cost so much". Being in from BKK and ahead of budget, I figure why not. As she's looking at cells, this old German dude it trying to tell me about a cellphone sale on 3rd Flr, all of a sudden he says "Mein Gott, are you going to let her buy that?". Turns out that my honey's eyes had drifted from the P4K phones to the P14K phones, which we bought (strike 2). I went to HK the next day for a weekend visit to my Ilocana and when I came back found out that she had been robbed of the phone and her sister's gold necklace on a jeepney in Colon. Over the next 8 weeks, I really enjoyed her company, but she wasn't anything like the one I eventually married. Said she loved me, but when my (now) wife said it, I "know" she meant it. My friend who was dating the sister told me later that he figured early on that I was falling for the Ilocana (he's rich and figured the 2 of us could "save the family". He also married another). The gal in Cebu eventually "fired" me so I was free to propose to the other. There were enough "gut" feelings to tell me who was the right one. So far (3+ years) it has been working and like another on here said, other great benefits too. No one else compares and I've tried many in the past.

I will also say that with the exception of the the con-girl from CDO, all of the gals I met were great. I believe that most were honest (was friends with a really cute 18 YO in Davao though who was engaged to 2 guys at once, courtesy of her father, a "pimp" in a Filipino friend's words, who tried to auction her off to the richest guy). You just gotta use your brain; if it doesn't feel right, run, don't walk, away.

A little trivia for those who don't already know.

During the American Civil War a certain yankee called General Hooker provided ladies for his troops. His brothels were in Washington D.C and the girls were called Hooker's girls. Hence the name.

I think this topic is already done to death. Let's leave the poor naifs who get fleeced by these avaricious,scheming con artistes to their awful fate!

GE

Im married to a good filipina now, but I had to learn to use my radar properly after a few dicey relationships I managed to escape in Manila and Cebu. The first one was insanely jealous, screwed up home, cut her wrists etc. She had a good heart and did love me, but it was just too intense with her baggage and jealousy so I bolted. I've met and know many angels in the Phils.. You just have to have your radar in order. I'm still a Dirty Dog though!

Well, based on your last post, there’s no questioning of your intellect here.

[color=blue]Juniour[/color]

I think Unifun had it right. Most westerners think that when you're married to someone, you and she are #1 to each other. To a Filli, you're like a junior member of the family. Parents first, children next, siblings after that, and spouse fits in wherever ... Short of shopping in the orphanages for a bride, it's a chump's game.

Are there good Fili wives? Sure! I know one. I also know several bad ones (still married) and quite a few now divorced from their UK or US husbands. And don't go on about all the good Fili wives you met last week at the US-Fili club you belong to, you know perfectly well you'd be too ashamed to show your face if your Fili wife walked out on you.

A friend of mine met a Fili in Manila, dated for a year, got engaged, etc. -- she was back home after separating from a US husband. When the divorce came through my friend did the dumbest thing possible -- married her, adopted her two kids from the previous marriage, and (here's the killer) moved back to the US. In a year they were separated, in two divorced.
He's still got the two girls. Mommy comes to visit twice a month and takes them shopping for an afternoon, that's it.

Cross cultural marriages are almost always a problem -- fitting your oversized American body into a Fili family is a tough fit.

[QUOTE=Uninfun]

Most of the filipinas I've met will bang like a rabbit. That being said, I've known more than a few to cheat, or just dump H#1 after a couple of years. I'm sure there are guys with a conservative woman who will remain loyal.

As to loyalty, they are loyal to their family first and you second (not that that is a bad thing, but a truth).

I have met 3 Filipinas since I have arrived here for my college friend's wedding. They have a couple of boyfriends abroad that they constantly e-mail. These guys are Americans that pay for their rent, clothes, etc... I was surprised that they were so frank about these things with me. In the meantime, the guys do not know that these women are plying their tricks behind their backs.

For those of you who decide to support these women, watch out. Anyway, these girls, even though I treated them with respect, have given me a low opinion of Filipinas, at least those who ply their trade around the Makati area, where there is a plethora of foreign businessmen. At least with Mexican women, through my limited experience, I find that they tend to be more truthful about matters with regards to the heart.

Planning on marrying my filipina but having thoughts of possible problems. Family is poor but own land and farms and not asked her for one dime in about 18 months. I have been generous with her and had her quit her lousy 7000 peso job and bought her land, initially I did it as an escape so when I left she would have something from me tangible. Never asked me for jewelry or watches or clothes. Of course I bought her but never too expensive since I did not want someone ripping her off. She is not faking since we spend virtually every minute together. Here is my question ,she has 9 brothers and 2 sisters and the thought of me supporting or bringing in the whole family makes me il. She of course says that no way but I know the filipina values family over husband, plus one child, which she says will stay with her mother in the province. What do you experienced Filipino watchers say are the chances of her being honest to me.(she has been truthful to me and we talk constantly)

Sounds OK to me. I would take her at her word and you also have some actions to already judge her on.

My wife used to get upset if I "splurged" on her family (bought a cheap fridge for their farm P9,000) and discouraged me from sending her gifts. I did insist on giving her money after her return home from HK to pursue the K-1 paperwork, but she only accepted enough for her trip to Manila and St Luke's expenses.

We did send her family $100 for Christmas in the past, but this last year money was tght and we sent P3,000 from our last trip.

I made a $1,000 "loan" to help her brother set up a roofing business 2 years ago (but her kuya also forked over P50K, we split the cost); I will probably never see payback on this and did not expect it. Made another loan in April 2004 and this I expect to see soon, if not all in 1 payment, then perhaps spread over 4 payments.

Discuss with your fiance your expectations on family support if she works. This is an issue with some couples I know here. Be as clear as you can, but sometimes when we think things are clear, they aren't.

In any event, if there is a serious emergency (and I'm sure there will be), be ready to assist. Sometimes it's not the whole enchilada, just P1,000 to show that you care or are willing to help. Your future wife can help you figure this out.

Marc25,

If the thought of you supporting the whole family makes you ill, then do not marry her. Because the likelihood of you supporting them is high. They are poor but have land. Are they farmers who can till the land but need some money to start off for farming equipment? If your girl is quitting her job (cuz you want it that way), what is going to do for monthly expenses? Unless they have a way to become financially independent, you will be the primary source of help. Of course your girl says : No Way. She feels that way. But what happens when they are in need of money, say, for food. Can your girl be the only that eats while the rest of her family starves in front of her? How would you behave in her place?

Sound as if you have one great girl there. That of course should be your first and greatest concern and it seems that you understand that very well as you have maintained your relationship with her.

If she has a child that will stay back at home, something girls are all to willing to do in the PI that I do not understand. As you have stated and seem to already know you will most likely be expected to support the child and at least one if not more of the people taking care of this child. I'm sure the Mother would at least feel this much responsibility.

I am currently helping a girl and her child so that they can make a go of it for the future. I will not support her forever and she knows this. I insist that she take English classes now, so that she can go on to school when the child is three years old and can stay with a sitter or nanny. I do this because I knew her in the past and some guy knocked her up and doesn't care to be involved or be responsible. So I am helping out. I can tell you that her family owns land and in the past she had sent money home to help. She was not a gogo bar girl, but worked in Hong Kong for many years.

However, this girl hasn't sent any money home in over two years and told her family she would send no more money before she quit. They haven't asked that I know of. She has purchased them presents at times on the standard holidays, but never anything to expensive.

The point is that some girls will not support their family. Not sure how they escape this social weight and why they do not feel obligated like others do, but they do.

I have read other stories and know guys married to Filipina's who have the same stories.

It does happen, but you still have to take a little leap of faith in these situations. As I'm sure you know, nothing is for sure.

Good Luck,

FF

Let's see, when I last lived in the US, which was a long time ago, the divorce rate was about 50% and edging higher. When I lived in France, which was more recent, the divorce rate was about the same and fewer and fewer couples were choosing to get married. I sense a trend here. Why pick out the poor Filipinas for scorn and abuse? The fact is, if a Westerner marries a Filipina the risk of divorce is high, but probably no higher than if he had married another Westerner.

Yes, cross-cultural marriages are hard. The frames of reference, the socializations, the values and expectations are different; often radically different. [color=red]I've made this point before and I will try to make it one more time: the odds on establishing a lasting relationship increase dramatically if you can find a "non poor" middle class, reasonably well-educated lady.[/color] This should hardly be a surprising revelation. Most people in the West marry within their own socio-economic class. In fact, if most of you heard of a well-educated, financially secure guy marrying the daughter of a subsistence farmer from some small, rural town, you would probably be fairly disdainful of the relationship. It should then not be shocking that many, if not most such relationships to not work here either.

One other point about "land owning" families. Most families do not actually own the land, or anything else. Rather, it's historically deeded to the family, or rented to the family by the local Datu or landlord. Land titling here is completely screwed up, and few clear titles to rural land exist. The odds are good that, though a girl's family may have been farming the land for generations, it does not own it. The chances are even better that the family borrows heavily, from the landlord, prior to each planting season for seeds and fertilizers and then repays the loans with most of the crops grown, only to borrow again prior to the next planting cycle. That's pretty much the way that the rural system of perpetual serfdom works here.

GE