Filipinas - Opinions and Advice

I actually know a Venezuelan engineer living in Canada, in the oil fields, but for her is limited choice professionally speaking. She rather takes the polar bears than the saudis I guess.

[QUOTE=MrEnternational;2346728]Funny. My ex from Rio has been living in Winnipeg Canada for the last few years. I broke up with her years ago when she moved from Rio to Dublin. I could not take just visiting, but for some reason she doesn't mind the cold places.

And the chicks I talk to from Thailand always say they like Norway and Sweeden, so.[/QUOTE]

[QUOTE=MrEnternational;2346728]Funny. My ex from Rio has been living in Winnipeg Canada .....[/QUOTE]Winterpeg also has the highest percentage of Philippine born people than anywhere in Canada. Although an officially bilingual French English province you are twice as likely to meet a native Tagalog (5% of the population) speaker as a native French speaker (2. 5%).

The malls in the Maples area (always popular with recent immigrants) can make you think you are at a SM Mall in Manila sometimes.

I meet this wonderful 19 year old non-bargirl. Madly in love with her. Was going to marry her until I found out she is #6 of 13 children and both parents are alive!

$200 x 13 = $2600 monthly. LOL.

Currently looking for a girl friend who grew up in an orphanage.

[QUOTE=Dg8787;2353869]I meet this wonderful 19 year old non-bargirl. Madly in love with her. Was going to marry her until I found out she is #6 of 13 children and both parents are alive!

$200 x 13 = $2600 monthly. LOL.

Currently looking for a girl friend who grew up in an orphanage.[/QUOTE]I would advise you not to make the automatic assumption that she would expect you to provide support for her entire family. It surely hasn't been true in my case, nor has that been true in the case of many of my expat friends here.

GE.

[QUOTE=GoodEnough;2353889]I would advise you not to make the automatic assumption that she would expect you to provide support for her entire family. It surely hasn't been true in my case, nor has that been true in the case of many of my expat friends here.

GE.[/QUOTE]Thanks GE. I was half joking. I did meet a wonderful 19 yo. I wasn't going to get married. But she did express that her family was very important to her. Her family is back in the province and her father fishes for a living. When I gave her an allowance (2 k) she didn't buy anything for herself. I asked what she did with the money and she said she sent it to her family. Later on she said her family was very important to her.

I know of other pinays who send half of their monthly salaries home, leaving them 4-6 k a month to live on. They all say the same thing "I love my family". This the culture for some. I am saying to be aware of it and to deal with it. I am not against it myself but it would have to a manageable amount.

Of course as GE has stated not all are like this.

[QUOTE=Dg8787;2353895]Thanks GE. I was half joking. I did meet a wonderful 19 yo. I wasn't going to get married. But she did express that her family was very important to her. Her family is back in the province and her father fishes for a living. When I gave her an allowance (2 k) she didn't buy anything for herself. I asked what she did with the money and she said she sent it to her family. Later on she said her family was very important to her.

I know of other pinays who send half of their monthly salaries home, leaving them 4-6 k a month to live on. They all say the same thing "I love my family". This the culture for some. I am saying to be aware of it and to deal with it. I am not against it myself but it would have to a manageable amount.

Of course as GE has stated not all are like this.[/QUOTE]As we both know it does and does not happen. I know instances of both and when the family become important that means trouble at times as the western expat cannot / will not / does not understand this.

I know a pinay in the UAE who earn PHP35 k yet are always in debt as the family are so greedy and no other member of the family works. Another in Cebu where her family spend PHP40 k a month on average and she was doing tricks to get money for her food because 'the family is first and I must support them'.

For many it is the DNA or been brainwashed into them from birth.

Other as GE said are more capable of understanding everything and if they do support the family the expat has no clue (and some don't care or insist when marry they won't ever help).

We are all different flavours etc so depends on who the girl is etc.

[QUOTE=Dg8787;2353869]I meet this wonderful 19 year old non-bargirl. Madly in love with her. Was going to marry her until I found out she is #6 of 13 children and both parents are alive!

$200 x 13 = $2600 monthly. LOL.

Currently looking for a girl friend who grew up in an orphanage.[/QUOTE]With no social safety net to speak of Philippine people have plenty of children as a old age insurance hoping they all work and contribute to family finances. What happens is out of 13 or so only few of them get employment while some become lazy and stay with the family with no appreciable contribution monetarily. Not unusual to have a family of 20 living together. So pressure is on with those who found gainful employment. Family bonds are so strong that even if family do not pressure for support all child with jobs send what they can to their family. Some families put guilt trip on the children.

All the girls I met except a small percentage send money home. That small percentage are the ones whose family has enough money, Farm, property etc for support and spent money on her education.

Sometimes extended family of aunts and uncles take children under their wings.

I have no first hand experience regarding what happens after marriage because I never married from there. But talking to some of my girls who I dated and who got married westerners say they do send money to support their family. Ofcourse there are frictions with their spouses who fail to understand this because they grew up in a culture where once the child grows up they are on their own and the family does not expect anything except Christmas gifts. How the husband handles it is anyone's guess.

[QUOTE=Sammon;2354034]How the husband handles it is anyone's guess.[/QUOTE]There are two common paths:

Firstly, hubby monitors and questions every cent spent from joint accounts, often getting frustrated by money being sent back home.

Alternately, wifey receives a household budget to spend as she sees fit including spending money. If the utilities are disconnected or there is no food in the house then the SHTF. Otherwise, who cares if she spent any money left over on new shoes, a manicure or a new motorbike for her brother? Regardless of where the money went or when it ran out, there is no top up. This is the low stress option for hubby as its amazing how few dying uncles and marvelous business opportunities there are when its her cash being spent.

Cheers. G.

[QUOTE=Sammon;2354034]Ofcourse there are frictions with their spouses who fail to understand this because they grew up in a culture where once the child grows up they are on their own and the family does not expect anything except Christmas gifts.[/QUOTE]About 13 years back I dated a Samoan (not fat!) chick that was a virgin when I met her (but not after!) She was 25 at the time. She had finished nursing school (LPN) but had not taken the test for the state certification. She kept sending money to her family. I did not understand this and kept biatching to her about it. She did not have money for the test, yet keeps sending money to her family. I was like you have to get your own shit together before you can help other people. Skip sending money for once and go pay for the damn test.

I think she was as frustrated about me talking about it as I was about her doing it. But IMO this was a prime example of what holds a lot of people (and even the culture as a whole) in those type cultures (group) back. They can't get out and spread their wings and see what all is out there available to them because they have an anchor known as family attached to them.

In my culture (individualistic) our parents raise us to grow up and go out and take care of ourselves. Our possibilites are endless because we have time to explore and figure out what we want to do with ourselves and only have to worry about feeding the one person.

In the group cultures they are raised to grow up so that they are able to work and take care of the parents and other family members. They can't dick around and experiment like us because they are expected to have food on their families' table by 5 pm.

[QUOTE=Goferring;2354039]There are two common paths:

Firstly, hubby monitors and questions every cent spent from joint accounts, often getting frustrated by money being sent back home.

Alternately, wifey receives a household budget to spend as she sees fit including spending money. If the utilities are disconnected or there is no food in the house then the SHTF. Otherwise, who cares if she spent any money left over on new shoes, a manicure or a new motorbike for her brother? Regardless of where the money went or when it ran out, there is no top up. This is the low stress option for hubby as its amazing how few dying uncles and marvelous business opportunities there are when its her cash being spent.[/QUOTE]There are some good hearted guys out there. If I had a wifey, first of all she is going to work to pay some of these bills. Then whatever is left over from that, she is welcomed to do with as she pleases. Receives a household budget my ass! I take on assets, not liabilities. Biatch is not about to sit around and be comfortable off of me busting my ass and breaking my back.

That is why it would never work me trying to send a chick money. I get paid by the hour. So for me to send you money means I have to take my ass up here on my free time and work a few extra hours. Shit just is never going to happen. My brain will not allow me to go work in order to freely give out money to someone else like that.

Nurse that I mess with in Colombia had surgery on her hand the other day. She said she went to the pharmacy and only had enough money for one of the medicines and asked me if I could send her money. Uhh no. If I was planning some type of surgery I would have made sure to have enough money for the surgery AND the medicine first. That is like going to buy a new car then realizing you don't have money to put gas in the mf. Some shit you have to hold off on until you are financially ready.

Tangent: Women spend their money on the things they want, then come ask you for money for the things they need. Same chick lives in Bogota and went on a trip for the weekend with her family to Medellin. When she got back she asked me for money for a bill that had to be paid. I said no. You just got back from Medellin. You should have been working those days instead of going off having a good time. She said her dad paid for everything. I said well you should have told him that you could not go and asked to use your share of the expense to cover that bill you need to pay.

Wingman was buying his condo in Thailand. He ran into his real estate agent out and about who bragged about the wonderful vacation she just came back from in Bali. The next week she hit him up asking to borrow money for some bills she needed to pay. Women are fucking idiots, but why not if many guys are going to fall for it.

Most Pinays folk here come in contact with are the bottom end. Some of the ones I have bonked live in horrible conditions: charcoal cooking and so. They barely get by and their extended families take care of their brats as they spread their legs for trike drivers and foreigners they despise. One only has to see the amount of transfer money places in Pampanga to see why there are there. Having no worthwhile education and living in a country where work is scarce and badly paid, they try to get by in a way they don't really like. The main thing these women want to do is sleep and eat. I have had women who have slept like Rip van Winkle. If you look at some of the clothes women on the pics page, they look exhausted and in need of a scrub down to get rid of their hooker beauty paint.

All of these women are damaged goods, every last one of them. Here is a story about one of their sisters in England one of our esteemed colleagues might have written a report on: [URL]https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7314711/Prostitute-23-murdered-two-toddler-daughters-sold-clothes.html[/URL] She murdered her two kids because she wanted more sausage meat in her. Don't build altars to these women.

[QUOTE=MrEnternational;2354137] She had finished nursing school (LPN) but had not taken the test for the state certification. She kept sending money to her family. I did not understand this and kept biatching to her about it. She did not have money for the test, yet keeps sending money to her family. I was like you have to get your own shit together before you can help other people. Skip sending money for once and go pay for the damn test.

I think she was as frustrated about me talking about it as I was about her doing it. [/QUOTE]Maybe sending money home was actually justifying a fear of taking the exam. Many people fail to complete licensing exams or degree programs because they fear failing the exam and the humiliation they will experience if they fail. Others fail to finish because they fear the responsibilities they will acquire when they assume the mantle of the new profession. Fears of various kinds cause people to do things that look entirely illogical to onlookers.

Maybe she was frustrated with you for disrupting her illogical rationalization--and digging at her underlying fear.

[QUOTE=SoapySmith;2354595]Maybe sending money home was actually justifying a fear of taking the exam. Many people fail to complete licensing exams or degree programs because they fear failing the exam and the humiliation they will experience if they fail. Others fail to finish because they fear the responsibilities they will acquire when they assume the mantle of the new profession. Fears of various kinds cause people to do things that look entirely illogical to onlookers.

Maybe she was frustrated with you for disrupting her illogical rationalization--and digging at her underlying fear.[/QUOTE]An excellent point. Remember too that professional exams here are often used as a means of limiting access to a profession, so it's not at all unusual to see more failing than passing. I was speaking with a good Filipino friend, who is a practicing surgeon, about this very subject a couple of days ago.

GE.

[QUOTE=MrEnternational;2354140]Nurse that I mess with in Colombia had surgery on her hand the other day. She said she went to the pharmacy and only had enough money for one of the medicines and asked me if I could send her money. Uhh no. If I was planning some type of surgery I would have made sure to have enough money for the surgery AND the medicine first. That is like going to buy a new car then realizing you don't have money to put gas in the mf. Some shit you have to hold off on until you are financially ready. [/QUOTE]Not all surgeries are elective. Carpal tunnel syndrome, for example, can be very painful and absolutely debilitating for people in many kinds of work. There are options to buying a car, like taking public transportation or ride-sharing. I don't think this analogy holds up very well.

In addition, your argument here seems almost opposite what you argue about the LPN in your previous post. In that example you wanted her to take the exam to get on with her life. In this story, depending on the severity of the circumstances that led her to the surgery, isn't it likely she was doing what she needed to do to get on with her life? Increasingly we hear stories in the states of people dying because they went without necessary medications in order to put food on the table. Stories like that would never make the news in Colombia or the Philippines because they're so commonplace. Makes for an interesting comparison to the practices of "world class" medicine in the United States.

[QUOTE=GoodEnough;2353889]I would advise you not to make the automatic assumption that she would expect you to provide support for her entire family. It surely hasn't been true in my case, nor has that been true in the case of many of my expat friends here. GE.[/QUOTE]It occurs to me that you run in the circles of expats who are in relationships with better-educated Filipinas. As I recall, your significant other has been professionally trained. Perhaps university study, especially when it is encouraged by the family, exposes the person to more cosmopolitan values and develops a sense of self-sufficiency that allows him or her to shed some of the yoke of traditional family obligations. I know you've also observed rural Philippine cultures in which subsistence is more hand-to-mouth, and people understand their survival as guided by fate rather than self-sufficiency. In those settings, the obligations of utang na loob persist. I suspect most of the short-visit warriors in this forum are exposed primarily to women from poorer backgrounds who are bound by more traditional values about family obligations.