Adventures In Medellin - 6/13 to 6/15
I am writing this report more than 2 weeks after the fact, but better late than never, I suppose.
My return flight from Lima on Thursday, June 13th had a long layover in Medellin, one that became much longer thanks to the flooding in Ft. Lauderdale which caused the Florida Governor to declare a state of emergency. The next available flight was in the wee hours of the morning on Saturday, June 15th. I was actually a bit amused by the situation, as there are many worse places to be stranded than Medellin on a Thursday & Friday night. But there are also better places as well.
The immigration line was chock full of foreigners. Any foreigner who visits Medellin finds out very soon after arrival that this city is not happy to see you. They have no problem making you stand for up to 2 hours in line just to get your passport stamped. With little to no air conditioning, no food, no water, and no bathroom (unless you want to lose your place in line). There are six customs agents who perform the task of manually processing a line of hundreds of foreigners. It almost seems at times like they want to make the experience as slow and painful as possible to deter people from coming to the city. I honestly believe that it would be faster and more comfortable in many cases to fly directly to Bogota or Cartagena from a foreign location just to go through immigration (which takes just a few minutes) and then hop on a domestic flight to Medellin. I would be willing to bet someone who did that could make it to MDE ground transportation sooner than a person who flew directly to Medellin and landed at around 1:00 pm.
How is it that cities like Bogota and Lima with many times more population and visitors can process foreigners in just a matter of minutes? I spent over an hour and a half in the immigration line in Medellin and there were many people behind me who had to wait longer than that. The message is pretty clear. Medellin is, at best, ambivalent about whether you spend your tourist dollars in their city. At worst, they would prefer that you turn around and go back home. I was really amazed at the number of foreigners who stood in line and waited for what seemed like an eternity with smiles on their faces, like they were about to enter Disney World. If the immigration officials told them to drop their pants and spin around in a circle ten times while jumping, they probably would have gladly done it. Wise up, folks. There are many better places in world to visit than a city that openly has contempt for tourists.
But being stuck as I was, I really had no choice. I sucked it up and made it through the line.
As far as getting to the city, I have become quite fond of riding the bus to the San Diego Centro Comericial for 15 k pesos. It is as fast as the taxi, nearly as comfortable, and no need to make small talk. It is about a 200 meter walk from the bus stop to the Centro Comercial, but once you get there you have plenty of options to grab a bite to eat, buy water, snacks and other essentials from the Exito, and exchange currency. The best rate I found was at Euro Servicios at the north end. They offered 3. 82 mil per dollar at a time when the "official" rate shown on Google was 4. 145 mil per dollar. Wasn't thrilled about it, but it was better than the rate I get at my bank at home and way better than the rate offered at the airport.
The taxi or Uber to your hotel should not cost more than 20 k pesos, so in all it saves a good 70-80 k pesos to hop on the bus, which basically pays for dinner and the Exito trip itself. And of course the bus stores your luggage for the trip, so you are riding in relative comfort and safety. It makes a lot of sense. The only downside is there is no air-conditioning on the bus, so make sure to sit by a cracked window. (Also no air conditioning in most Medellin Ubers, and it is rarely sweltering hot, so not a huge drawback).
Gusto's: I figured I would check out the scene at Gusto's Bar in Lleras Park for Thursday night. I was kept away by rain during my first pass through Medellin earlier in the month. It was raining again on the 13th, but I borrowed an umbrella from the hotel. I arrived a little before 11 pm and I don't recall being charged a cover at the door. It is usually 20 k pesos.
Many chicas inside (probably 25-30) and a very favorable chica to guy ratio with the guys being in the single digits. I sat beside another American guy at the bar and we both bought a bottle of water for around 18 k pesos. I scanned the room but did not see any chicas that looked like amateurs or semi-pros. They all looked like hardcore pros, staring at me with dollar signs in their eyes. One chica who was built like Kim Khardashian and dressed in a cute little jumpsuit outfit caught my eye and seemed at least mildly friendly so I invited her over to sit by me. We chatted for a little while and she asked me to buy her a drink. I usually don't do that, but she seemed nice enough so I figured what the heck. Cost was 42 k. One nice thing about Gusto's is they have a professional DJ so the music and vibe is top notch (but deafening). My chica began dancing and grinding against me, which I very much enjoyed and made the drink I bought her seem worth it. Soon she proposed going to my hotel for three hours for 1. 2 million pesos. I said how about one hour for 400 k. She countered with 500 k and I kind of shrugged. I said I probably wanted to go to some other clubs first. She said let's go, and I followed her out of the club and downstairs. When we got downstairs, I suggested we go to one of the clubs across the street. She was much more interested in going back to my hotel. At that point, I was very sure that I did not want to take this girl back to my hotel. She was a very pretty high end WG, maybe early 30's, at least an 8 on most scales. But her body was way to curvy for my tastes. A nice tight stomach and cute face but with Beyonce or Kim Khardashian type proportions. And I could tell by her personality that she was way too experienced and was likely to be either trouble or poor service. So there was zero chance she was coming back with me.
I told her that it was late and I was probably going to just go back to my hotel and rest. The chica felt like I was scared she was going to drug me, so she started telling me how she was very safe and she knew the owner of Gusto's, who she said was a foreigner himself, and that all the girls there are safe. She also said she couldn't return to the club after walking out. I apologized but told her that was really not my problem. She immediately reduced the price to 400 k. I told her it still was a "no" for me. Around that time, she gestured for one of the door guys at Gusto's to come over and join the conversation. I explained to him that I was tired and planned to go back to the hotel alone. He said ok, but you should at least tip the girl for her time. I told him I already bought her a drink at the bar so that was my tip. He suggested I tip her 100 k pesos. For what? That pissed me off. I said how about 20 k pesos. He laughed and said 20 k is nothing, like $5 man. I said ok, how about 10 k pesos. Same reaction. So I pulled a crisp 5 k peso note out of my wallet and offered it to her. She backed away from it like it was a pair of dirty underwear. I put the note back in wallet. She then turned to the guy and asked if she should call the police. I tried hard not to smirk as the guy gave her an incredulous look and told her that no one should call the police. Did she really think the police were going to come and scold or arrest me for NOT engaging in temporarily banned prostitution? That comment just confirmed that I 100% made the right decision by not going any further with that chica. I told both of them feliz noche, and turned and walked out of the park.
Needless to say, I don't advise doing what I did, especially if you plan to returning to the area soon. There is no way of knowing what kind of connections a chica has and it's never a good idea to piss people off when in a foreign country. I don't plan on going back to Gusto's again any time in the near future. But it did feel quite satisfying to give the proverbial middle finger to two entitled Colombians who saw me as just another dumb tourist to be shaken down.
Fase II: After leaving Parque Lleras, I grabbed a bite to eat and then headed to Fase II for the second time in as many weeks. I arrived at around 1:00 am And the talent level was much higher than I had ever seen it. After paying a 40 k cover, I bought my standard 10 k bottle and sat down on a bar stool right between two chicas who, in all honesty probably could both push for being 9's on some scale. One was an absolute stunner, tall and fit with what looked to be Asian features and piercing eyes. She could easily have been a professional model. I chatted with her for a while, and she tried to fake some enthusiasm, but it soon became clear to me that she had zero interest in anything but my money. She claimed to be burned and raised in Medellin and said she was 100% paisa. Doubtful. I sensed she was just going through the motions and completely lost interest.
So I swiveled in my chair and began talking to the other 9 sitting on my left, who seemed quite a bit more eager for my attention. She was slim and was wearing a classy but revealing evening dress with short hair that ended just below her jaw. Imagine a very young version of Morena Baccarin. Very light skin; she almost looked more European than Latina. She told me she was a 24-year-old college student majoring in fashion design. That made a lot of sense given her dress and hair style. She had a very classy and sophisticated air. Claimed to have been born raised in Medellin. (Doubtful.) We started talking about the places we had visited and she told me how she had been to Italy and showed me several pictures. Talked about how the fashion designs she saw in Italy inspired her. All of this was in Spanish, of course. Neither of these chicas spoke one word of English. But having been in Latin America for about two weeks at this point, my Spanish ability was really starting to peak and I was actually enjoying having some pretty engaging conversations. Neither of the girls asked me to buy them a drink, which I appreciated. Of course, the entire time we talked, I was having to tip the dancers who made their rounds after coming off stage, 2 k to 4 k pesos each. I would estimate I shelled out 18 k pesos in tips.
Well, we talked for probably 45 minutes, and what happened next was against my better judgment but completely inevitable. I ended up taking her to the back room for the standard 400 k pesos. There just was simply no way I could pass up a young, pretty and intelligent college girl who had traveled the world. She was a very different type of girl than I was used to meeting in Medellin, and a very different look than I was used to seeing in Latin America. So I had to sample.
The process at Fase II is to pay 400 k at the end of the bar, then go through a backdoor into a open hallway type area with what appear to be hotel rooms and a front desk. The girl gets a key from the front desk, and a condom I think, and then you both proceed to the assigned room. In the room, I went down on her with the dental dam for what seemed like an eternity, with little noticeable effect on her. She then gave a very spirited covered blowjob, keeping eye contact with me almost the entire time. We fucked in missionary and doggie, but when any illusion that she was enjoying sex vanished when I pulled out and changed condoms. She started to get in the shower, and I was confused. Are we done? She said that her job was "over" after one condom. I told her that I usually go through multiple condoms. By this point, her demeanor had entirely changed from warm (at the bar), to luke warm (on the way to the room), to frosty. She lectured me on how that's not allowed at Fase II. After some back and forth, she did seem to feel bad for me and offered to continue with the second condom but emphasized that I needed to finish very soon. So I give her credit for that. She started blowing me again, but my mood was already shot. No way I was going to be able to meet her strict time demands, so why even start. I told her it was fine and let's just end it. I walked out of the room feeling unsatisfied, disappointed, and sad. Sad that I had once again been duped into shelling out money for a meaningless and unsatisfying experience. I didn't even ask her for her WhatsApp, which is a very low bar for me. I just did not want to see that girl again. She blew me a kiss as she walked back into the bar, and I reluctantly returned the gesture. I got an Uber and returned to the hotel, feeling down and defeated.
Bottom line, Fase II and Gusto's are just not the places for me. They are kind of the epitome of everything that is wrong with the oversaturated Medellin mongering scene. Fase II would have been a fine option if I had just gone there just to talk to girls. The conversation with the second girl was great and I was enjoying my time. However, taking her to the back room was a mistake. A complete waste of money that dented my confidence and morale. Pretty sad when the only thing that ruins your night is getting laid. It is another lesson learned though, and seeing the difference between the girl at Fase II and the girls in Lima taught me quite a bit about the type of girls I enjoy having sex with and the type of girls I would be better off to avoid. The difference between me stumbling out of Room 32 at Lima's Las Sirenitas chongo, punch drunk with satisfaction and oozing swagger and confidence, and coming out of the room at Fase II, sad and disillusioned, is just so stark. But hey, mongering can't be all rainbows and butterflies. Hard lessons must be learned.
Total damage for the night at both clubs, including drinks and Uber fare: 580 k pesos. Total number of nuts: zero. Talent level: high and plentiful. Satisfaction: low.
El Centro: On Friday, I decided to make my first mongering excursion to El Centro in the heart of Medellin. I had been to Plaza Botero before, but only to sight-see with my girlfriend.
I arrived at around 5:45 at Plaza Botero. On the way there, my Uber driver drove through the barrio just north of the Plaza, called Estacion Villa. It was probably the roughest looking place I've ever been through. Garbage piled up on the street, homeless and deranged looking people wandering everywhere. It made the homeless area in Santa Fe, Bogota look very tame in comparison. As we got closer to Botero, the environment cleared up a bit. Once I got out of the Uber, I walked along the north side of Botero and saw only two chicas who *might* have been WGs. Both looked like they were in their 40's, probably homeless, and one was squatting down with her dress pulled up to her knees and was taking a piss in a sewer drain not far from one of the statues. That told me all I needed to know about the streetwalker scene in that area.
I proceeded on to a bar that has been described in this thread as Conejitas. The bar has apparently been renamed "Hilton Grill". I went inside and found a stage with a pole and two chicas sitting at the tables. The prices at the bar were shockingly cheap. A bottle of water cost 5 k pesos. I think a beer cost 6 k or 7 k. If you really wanted to splurge and buy a "lady drink" - una bebida dama. That would set you back a whopping 8 k. I talked briefly to one of the chicas. She said that 100 k pesos buys 30 minutes of sex in the back room. I probably could have gotten the price lower but she had a cold personality and I wasn't interested. I confirmed that more chicas would show up later in the evening and promised to return.
I then took an Uber to visit the fabled "New Life Casa" - a brothel so famous among Medellin mongers that it has its own thread in this forum. For you fine gentlemen who have visited this establishment, I have just one question for you. Where the hell is it? I vaguely remember reading a post on this forum many moons ago that it was difficult to find and not to trust Google. Well, I trusted Google. I went to exactly where "New Life" appears on Google Maps. CL. 66 C #41 A 26. I ended up at what appeared to be someone's house, right at the moment the resident was arriving home with his girlfriend. He asked if he could help me. (Very nice guy, I shudder to imagine how someone in the US would react if a stranger showed up on their doorstep in pitch darkness). He directed me down the street and up a steep hill. I went down a dark alley and ran into three guys. They directed me back to where I was before. I walked in circles for several minutes. Many people in the area, many taxis, but zero places that looked like they could be brothels. Was this place even open at 6:45 pm? I didn't know. I eventually gave up and took a taxi back to Botero.
I returned to Hilton Grill a little after 7 pm and two chicas had become nine chicas. There were about the same number of guys, most of them looked like working class local Colombians. One of the chicas was Asian with glasses, probably mid to late 30's, and she seemed desperate for my attention. I was not interested. The other eight showed no interest in me at all. Not even a flirtatious glance. One was pretty good looking, maybe a 6, but I couldn't get her attention.
One of the girls took the stage and performed a pretty good nude pole dance to music. I ordered a beer and took in the laid back atmosphere. It was probably the grittiest bar I've been to in Latin America. The place did not even have a bathroom. Just two urinals against the wall with a three-foot high wall surrounding it, so that you were completely visible to everyone in the room from the waist up. It was the first time I've ever taken a piss in plain view of a room full of people. I can only imagine what the back room was like, but I didn't stick around long enough to find out. I called an Uber and headed to Laureles.
Having not blown my load in 48 hours, and with my time and options dwindling, I went to my old trusty watering hole, Luna Lunera Club. You will read many glowing reports about Luna Lunera in this thread, and rest assured that those men know what they are talking about. After you have wandered around wasting time and money and being disappointed by every other dead end or mongering tourist trap in the city, Luna Lunera is like an Oasis in the desert. I forget what the cover charge is. Maybe 25 k pesos. But whatever it is, it is a bargain if you come at the right time. The place is open 24 hours so you are never out of luck. I think during low times there is no cover.
As far as I know, the only club in Medellin that actually likes to see foreigners and cares about giving them a good experience is Luna Lunera. The man at the door, who I suppose is the owner, greets you warmly like you are extended family. The staff is courteous. The atmosphere is clean and relaxing (but no entertainment and not much music). And the chicas. Well, the chicas range from very doable to smoking hot, as ol' Tom Jackin might say.
The prices are not cheap, but still reasonable. It used to be a standard 300 k for one hour with a chica in one of the rooms upstairs. But like all things in Medellin, the price has recently increased with inflation. It now costs 310 k pesos for one hour.
Let me give you fellas a free piece of advice. The place you want to be in Medellin on Friday night, at exactly 8 pm, is at Luna Lunera Club. I didn't know this until my recently visit, but apparently 8 pm is the start of the night shift. And they don't just trot them out one at time. Oh no. They open the flood gates.
So when I showed up just before 8, there were a couple chicas who came in at the same time as me. One was smoking hot and smiled flirtatiously at me as she walked in. I definitely had my sights set on her from the ggages. I went into the bar area, bought a Smirnoff and sat down and talked to the only chica in the room at the time. She was pretty good looking and I bought her a drink. We chatted for a bit. Turns out her shift was just ending and she left. A minute later, right at 8:00, about a dozen gorgeous chicas in bikinis walked into the room. I was the only guy there and I felt like damn Hugh Hefner. I picked one out to talk to. She was cute, nice enough, and very doable. But just as we were getting to know each other, the girl who caught my eye at the door walked in the room with her friend. I am generally pretty polite, but I was going to get what I wanted that night. I called her over to sit with me and the girl I was talking with. The girl I was talking with suggested we do a 3-some, but I wasn't falling for that one. I told them I only had enough energy for one, and that since I saw the girl at the door first, it was only fair to choose her. The other girl acted very polite and told me it was fine, but I sensed she was pissed off and jealous. I really didn't care. She'll get over it.
So I took my favorite girl upstairs. I love the rooms at Luna Lunera. They are spacious with big beds, a mirror, and a TV. They have adequate bathrooms and showers and some faint neon lights that give the room a very sexy feel and sets the mood. I always feel like I am in an amateur porn film when I am in there.
The girl I chose was an absolute gem. She does not blow you away when she is fully clothed, but her body is so on point. Full be+ Cup natural tits and a soft perfectly shaped ass. A cute angelic face straight out of an erotic modeling set. She has a light skin tone but black features, sort of like Zendaya. Can't be a day over 22. Probably one of the top 5 hottest girls I've ever banged. I'll give why'all her name if you happen to stop by there: Angelica.
Any way, we had a very nice session. She clearly was not that into sex with me, or maybe she was just inexperienced or shy. I was fine with that. Blowjob was covered. Some girls there will blow you uncovered of you ask for that before you go to the room. Sex was covered too, of course. I didn't bother going down on her with the dental dam, so I didn't warm her up properly. But after all the crap I had been through the night before, I was focused on getting my pleasure from this girl without any BS. So I just dove right in without warming her up. She took it like a champ and was very eager to please. I can tell you that when I was balls deep inside of her, with that cute basket-ball sized bubble butt slapping against me, I was on Cloud 9. I also fucked her laying on the side while holding her tits. Just the feel of her perfectly soft tits and ass was worth the price of admission. The tight pussy was just a bonus. And about 30 minutes in, I reached a glorious climax in doggy style.
My understanding is that, most of the time at Luna Lunera, the girl will let you have as many shots as you want in the allotted hour. I don't know if Anjelica would have allowed that, because I was totally spent. I got her WhatsApp and may hit her up the next time I am in town. I generally prefer nympho type girls and don't go back to the ones who don't seem to enjoy sex or be particularly attracted to me. But I'd be willing to make an exception for this girl. That's if she's still on the market when I return, which I kind of doubt.
So needless to say, I flew back home later that night feeling very satisfied in spite of striking out at my first four stops in the city. When all else fails in Medellin, when your wallet is light as a feather and your balls are turning a light shade of blue, head to Luna Lunera!
And if any of you guys know a place similar to Luna Lunera in one of the less touristy barrios of Medellin (or another Colombian city) for about half the price, please advise! Along with directions to New Life casa.
Thank you for the illuminating report.
[QUOTE=KapnAmerica;2926426] "New Life" appears on Google Maps. CL. 66 C #41 A 26. [/QUOTE]It's 56. Not 66. It's a day time place. You probably missed 90% of SG scene based on your description. You messed up on Conejitas. Those are two different bars. There is another popular one Grill Nueva Avenida a few doors down Conejitas on the same block
